BEING HER with Margarita Nazarenko - 55: Redefine Your Boundaries: Identifying 20 Signs of Low Self-Esteem & Gaining Confidence.

Episode Date: April 8, 2024

"Ever feel like you're the only one struggling with confidence?Spoiler alert: you're definitely not. My latest video, 'Redefine Your Boundaries: Identifying 20 Signs of Low Self-Esteem & Gain Confidence,’ is all about spotting signs of low self-esteem we all miss and what to do about them.I'm sharing the top 20 signs that might suggest your self-esteem needs a little (or big) boost, plus I'm throwing in some straightforward, no-nonsense ways to start valuing yourself more. We're talking about real steps you can take to feel more confident and set boundaries that respect your worth.If you've ever doubted your value, found it tough to say 'no,' or just want to feel a bit better about yourself, this video is for you. It's packed with insights, personal reflections, and practical tips to help you kick those self-doubt habits to the curb.Let's face it, recognizing those signs is the first step toward making a change. So, why not take a little time for yourself, watch the video, and see which tips you can start using today? Let's get on this journey together and turn those doubts into confidence.LINKS:Buy MY BOOK:https://snipfeed.co/margaritanazarenko20 feminine energy principles:https://www.margaritanazarenko.com/20femininesalesPolarity MasterClass (20 secrets to long lasting attraction & love) :https://www.margaritanazarenko.com/polarity-masterclassAmazon book list:https://www.amazon.com/shop/margaritanazarenkoBecome Magnetic (Free Ebook):https://www.margaritanazarenko.com/Email me: [e-mail]:Fatty15: Fatty15 is on a mission to replenish your C15 levels and restore your long-term health. You can get an additional 15% off their 90-day subscription Starter Kit by going to fatty15.com/BEINGHER and using code BEINGHER at checkout.Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.Produced by Dear Media.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

The following podcast is a Dear Media production. Hey girl, hey, welcome to Taste of Taylor, my weekly podcast. I'm your host, Taylor Strecker. You might know me from Sirius XM Radio. I mean, I was there for like 12 years after all. But then Howard Stern allegedly got jealous to me, so I had to leave. I was actually able to pull myself up by the bootstraps and start my own podcast, Taste of Taylor, which is now officially with Dear Media.

I'm so excited to say that. Ha! So I promise you in this podcast you're going to either. learn about something, you're going to be inspired by someone that's like always coming from a perspective of like humor, then this is the place for you. I hope you enjoy this little snack. We're being brave today. We're testing out a new microphone. Yes, a new microphone. I am actually building a podcast studio. We're going to talk about self-esteem today. We're going to talk about boundaries. So don't worry, this video is about that. But for those of you who listen and watch this podcast,

I want you to know I'm currently building a studio with Mike. and everything. So I know he came here for the content, but I also do want you to know that the audio and everything, it's just going to be crispy, special, amazing is going to come through. So don't you worry. And it's onwards and upwards from here. I'm very excited about it. I think this podcast is in order to celebrate my book that is coming out. I've put my heart, soul, effort, time, blood, sweat, and tears into this book. And I am so excited about it. I had about four or five re-edits of it. I had about four or five re-edits of it. it is finally finished. Your Home Girl has finished the book. It is my stories in there. By the way, you can pre-order it by a link in bio if you so choose to do, or you can buy it in May when it

comes out. But if you pre-order, then, you know, the publishers get very excited and then we're going to write another book. You know what I mean? You feel me, right? So the video that I want to talk about today is my whole concept about self-esteem, female self-esteem and confidence and what it means in this world to possess that and what the signs are that you perhaps need to work on it. I'm going to share my stories of things that I've had to work on and deal with. And then I hope we can connect from there. And the whole message of this is that we all go through it. It is not easy to have great self-esteem, but it is doable and it is the goal.

And if you want a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot of information on it, pre-order the book, because that is where you're going to find the gold. If you know, you know. The whole conversation about boundaries and how it is seen in today's society is basically either have boundaries in self-esteem or you don't. And if you don't, the advice that is given to you in media

and on TikTok and on all these amazing platforms that are now, you know, trying to help us so much, is basically set your boundaries, make them strong. And if that person doesn't adhere to your boundaries, then they can F off. You know what I mean? and it's all very confrontational because it's either you're a dormant that everyone wipes their bum on or you are somebody who's setting boundaries that are so harsh. And the way people

execute this boundary setting is just basically by going, it's my way or the highway, my friend. That is not how a lot of people want to operate and a lot of people don't want to lose people in their lives. And I think if you watch this or listen to this and you recognize yourself in some of these behaviors, I think it's going to be wise to work on it. I've got three videos on my YouTube channel and podcasts about confidence and self-esteem so you can listen to those after and I'll link them. But the point being is that the reason we are not, as women especially socialized, to have boundaries which are effective. And a good boundary is one that is like, listen, this is how I'm going to live my life. This is how I want it to be. And I want you to be in

my life and these are the ways that you need to treat me. You need to think of it like, you know, a cactus survives well in the desert and a flower survives well in a certain environment. You need to give people the manual of how to treat you. It can't just be my way or the highway because you will end up losing people. And the rhetoric nowadays is like, yeah, fine, let's just lose people who cares, who needs people anyway. I'll tell you who needs people, me. I need people because I can't do everything. I cannot do this podcast and raise my children and do this house and do everything. I'm just using myself as an example and do it all myself. I've had to delegate. People don't do things the way I would do them, but it's okay. We delegate. We move. Boundaries need to be strong but soft,

because then you can still have people in your life. You cannot just cut people off at the mercy of everything. It's not as, it's almost like a wounded feminine when people talk about boundaries in common media these days. They talk about it in a way like you either are a doormat, or you're so harsh with your understanding of everyone that you basically can't live with anyone. You have to have the balance of both and you can attract love and have softness to you. I think the idea of feminine boundaries and our confusion around it and our self-esteem, basically if you don't have self-esteem means you don't have boundaries, means you don't have a good relationship with yourself.

It comes from a time in their childhood where as a child, you can't have boundaries with your parents, right? before the age of seven because you completely depend on them. How can you set a boundary? Because a boundary essentially means that if you don't treat me the way I need to be treated, then I cannot be around you. How can you set that as a child, and especially as a female child? And I'll explain why the female bit comes into it. Is that you can't.

My son or daughter can't say to me, listen, mom, if you act ABC, D, F, I'm out of here. They can't do that. They rely on me. Then we start to expand and rely on our teachers, are the kids' opinions, everyone's opinions. and the reason that women aren't taught self-esteem and boundary setting is essentially societally women, we raise children. So if you have a woman who knows how to set boundaries and high self-esteem, she's not going to listen to the societal rhetoric. She's not going to fall for anything that

she's told. She's going to question things. And who inevitably raises children in the home, women or mothers. So if you've got a woman who has self-minded and in her feminine and therefore stubborn and is connected to the earth and is connected to her essence, she's connected to who she is. If she is connected to herself, she becomes an inconvenient woman. And I talk a lot about this in the book, being inconvenient and happy as opposed to convenient and good. So that inconvenient woman teaches her children and those could be also male children and therein lies the problem to be their own person by being their own person they set their own rules they live in their own way they create their own environment they create their own society and they question authority so

that is not always a good idea is it so we try and make girls into good girls and good women because those people are easier to you know have in society i've talked about it a lot on TikTok and on my channels whereby a good girl is better than a happy girl, because, but it's not good for you. It's really not good for you. And you need to try and aim for happy as opposed to good and for inconvenient as opposed to convenient because guess what, men don't like convenient women and convenient women don't make history. If you heard episode 51 of the Being Her podcast, you would have met the founder of Fatty 15. It is a brand. that is founded by Dr. Stephanie Van Watson.

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things. It's an essential nutrient for your cells to turn them around to keep them healthy. I'm all about the longevity at the moment and I highly, highly recommend it as a part of your morning routine, as part of your afternoon routine. C-15 is the only ingredient in fatty 15. It is 100% pure. Fati 15 is on a mission to replenish your C-15 levels and restore your long-term health. You can get an additional 15% off their 90-day subscription starter kit by going to fatty15.com slash being her and using code being her at checkout. Enjoy it, guys. Let me know how you go with it. I'm really interested in this kind of new science, cutting-edge science. So I hope you enjoy it too. And let's get back to the episode. Let's talk about the things that I knew about myself.

and started to notice how I didn't exemplify a good self-esteem. If you are afraid to change your life and compromise your life because you're afraid to not have money and you've got that kind of mindset of scarcity mindset because you work in a job you don't want to do because that's the only job I could have because that's all I want to do, that's all I can do as opposed to what I want to do,

that's a lack of self-esteem. in today's society for a woman. If you feel you've got to slog and make money and do jobs you don't want to do, in the book I talk about a girlfriend of mine who, whose partner was forcing her, not forcing her. Let's be realistic. Let's not be dramatic. Now he wasn't forcing her, but he was really encouraging her to take jobs that she didn't want to have because he wanted a certain lifestyle in a certain house. And I said to her, babe, you want to be a writer and an artist, then she was an amazing one and you provide for yourself at a certain standard and you don't need to meet his standard or societal standards. And if you cannot say, actually, no, I'm not going to adhere to a certain lifestyle just because

society wants it. That is a lack of self-esteem for sure. Another sign of female self-esteem that has suffered and that you need to work on it is being afraid to buy something for yourself that you don't budget as opposed to instead of it, you go, no, no, I don't deserve it, or that's not for me. That's more for other people. You look at expensive things and you think, no, no, no, I can never achieve it. And it's just something out of your league. You don't have to be the richest person in the world. But you can budget. You can decide that you're going to buy something. You can aim for something later. It doesn't even have to be

monetary things like a Birken bag. That's not what I'm talking about. Okay. I'm not talking about things like that, but I'm just even meaning like a home that you might want to have or a lifestyle you might want to have. A lot of us have indoctrinated ourselves to feel that things are below above our means and we're below them and that is just not a fact. You also will compromise at the price of not being happy in a relationship rather than be alone. Yes, I went through this one and I, it was very scary after I broke up in my past relationships with my first partner. It was because we just did not match intrinsically as people. Oh my God, we argued so much. And with my second one, it's because he was a bit cheaty, you know, he got a bit cheaty. And so after the breakup of every

single one, I had to really traverse over that whole feeling of I would rather be with someone than alone. And ironically, the more I build my self-esteem and the more I build up who I am, I've even gotten to a place where what is the point of checking a partner's phone or what is the point of checking if they are going to be faithful to you or all those things because true self-confidence and true self-esteem when you get there is about going, you know what, it's not about me knowing that they are going to do everything right. It's about me knowing that I can pick up the pieces if they don't. And that is the reality of true self-esteem that kind of really is grounded in your knowledge that you've got your back if things don't work out. So rather than being afraid to be alone,

and you should be afraid to be wasting your time with the wrong person. I even had this realization that the reason that men pay for dates, when I was writing this book, I was writing a lot about dating and things. And the realization about why men pay for dates, it's not only about the fact that they're trying to impress you, and they're like that male bird who's like trying to show you his feathers. And I mean, penguins even pick up colored pebbles in order to impress the female.

So come on, guys, you know, it's totally normal. But it's also the fact that he is paying for it because he is using your time. Your time is more precious. Why is it more precious? Not because you're a woman and you're a queen, but literally because of your female biology. You don't have the time to be dating Tom, Dick and Harry. You have a finite amount of time. It's not infinite. They can be having children until they're 77 like Charlie Chaplin. We can't do that. That is not something that we can do. So understanding that your time is precious and you would rather be alone than with any random person because that is true self-esteem. thing about self-esteem is that you might be indecisive. I struggled with this for a long time in my life. To be able to make a decision is a true sign of self-esteem. And what I recommend with this one is just to practice it and to train it like a muscle. It is literally like a muscle. You don't know how to make a decision, make one. You don't know what to order at a restaurant. Just make one. Force yourself. It's like a muscle. It's like working out your butt, your glutes, whatever it is,

your back. You're working out and you are practicing growing that muscle. It is exactly the same with your decision. You might make a wrong decision, but again, true confidence is knowing that you've got you. If you make that wrong decision, you got you, girl, like you can steer your way out of it. You will be fine. You've got your own back. So next time when it comes to you being indecisive, understand that that might be from your childhood and trying to be a good girl and trying to be the right thing and trying to, you know, placate. And yes, I don't want to say it wrong. I don't want to do it wrong. I still struggle with indecisiveness when it comes to doing the right thing for my kids because the pressure for me is so heavy. Like I need to listen to my intrinsic feminine intuition because only I know what is good for my children in the base of my core.

You know what I mean? And if you're a mother, you know that. But I go, oh my God, what if I make the wrong decision? Then it's going to be all on me. And that is self-esteem. That needs to be worked on. Next is when a man likes you, you compromise your behavior. You know, they always say on TikTok and in social media, like, you treat the guy that you like like the guy you don't like.

The moment that you have true, good self-esteem and you know you're in your feminine energy era is when you start treating guys you like the same way that you treat guys you don't like. It's the same. You're not compromising your behavior. you're not changing, you're in your strength and in your power and your knowledge and your feminine playfulness and lightness and all those things you want to do equally. I don't mean like you float with everybody or you don't feel differently inside. Of course, with a guy you like, you'll feel differently inside. I mean more so the fact that when you've got low self-esteem, you change your behavior

for a person you like, you try and start compromising. And where does they get you, my friend? That gets you into four-year relationships that you're not even happy in and you don't even like the person that much, but you've compromised yourself so much because at a certain point, four years ago, you thought he's cute. So we need to throw that right in the bin. The next one is, you can't say what you mean. That's a real denotion of bad self-esteem for a woman. I had another friend of mine who I mentioned in the book. She could not for the life of her say what she means. She was stuttering over her word. She took things back. She was like that with men all the time.

She was like that with me all the time. It's crazy making. Say what you mean. Mean what you say. say, if you say it wrong, you can always have the power to apologize. You cannot always be trepidacious in life. And if you don't know what you think yet, say, I need time to think about it. That's it. Another one is you can't admit a mistake. Girl, this one is like when we have to work on because a lot of feminine energy and rhetoric about feminine energy is like you're a queen, you're a goddess, go off you, you do your thing. But they don't talk about the fact that you also have to be a humble person. If you've made a mistake, you have to humbly say, I've made a mistake. I apologize. Or, you know, it happens, especially in work environments. You know, I'm not sure what to do.

One of my favorite confidence tips, one of my favorite self-esteem tips is knowing that you're not the best of everything and admitting mistakes. I often say to my friends, yeah, you know, I'm not sure if I'm the best mom. And then I'm like, oh my God, babe, no, oh my God, how could you say that about you? You feel so bad about yourself. No, I don't feel bad about myself. I'm just saying sometimes I'm not. Genuinely, I think I try my hardest. I try my damnedest. It's the biggest thing that I am giving myself most to, and people will say that I even do more than enough, but sometimes I'm not the best. Sometimes I don't have the patience. Sometimes I don't have what I wish to have, and that's okay. You need to be able to say, I'm not the best of this. I am terrible. So many things, and one big

confidence tip, I was just coming back to that, is admitting that you don't know. I love saying I don't know. I love saying. I don't know how to use this microphone. I don't know how to use this. I don't know how to do that. Can someone help me? Can someone advise me because that is how you grow? That is how you grow. The next one is you feel you owe people for a gift or a date. If a guy takes you out, why do you guys email me this all the time and DM me? Like he took me out on a date. What do I owe him? What is happening here? He invited you. He took you on a date and you now feel like. you owe him something. He has asked you for your time to get to know you. He has planned something nice for you because he thinks you're kind of cute. You're kind of high. You're kind of sexy. And you owe him something. I don't understand where in your life and some of you might understand, but you've got to go back to that moment and love yourself as a child enough to kind of get through it. Again, in my book, I give this amazing technique. It's a whole chapter of how to love your inner child and get through this block. If I made a video on it, it would be an hour. But

if you feel you owe people, what? Would you owe him a sexual favour? Because he bought you a bagel. Honestly, like really think about it. Pause, hammer time. Understand what do you owe him for the fact that he's taken you out for a meal? It's actually quite scary that you feel you owe people. You can buy that meal yourself. It's this rhetoric that we've been indoctrinated with from bros on TikTok like, yeah, she's just trying to go out with me to get a free meal. Who wants a free meal with you, man? Who wants a free meal at the expense of high. hanging out with you. I'd rather not eat than hang out with you. You know, maybe I'm a bit introverted and I'm not saying it badly about the guy who's saying this, but like people I don't know, dates are like nerve-wracking as it is. Like women don't want a free meal that bad. And understand that you're a gift and your prize in terms of your attention, you're a human being.

The fact that you're on this planet is a special event as it is. You don't owe anyone anything. Just a thank you for their efforts and generosity. Another big one. for self-esteem for women is you can't say no, man, I still struggle with this one. I say yes a lot. If I say no, like if my husband says to me, or could you just pick me up these cupcakes in this store, but I'm run off my feet and I'm doing a lot. I'm being vulnerable with you guys now. I'm telling you honest truth, yeah? And I have to say no to him for something small like that. It hurts my soul to have to say no. I'm like, there's something that goes off in me. He wouldn't even care. Let me tell you, this has got nothing to do with my relationship with him and everything

to do with my relationship with myself. Okay? He would not care. He wouldn't give a tiny rat's ass. He might be like, oh, no, I wanted those cupcakes or whatever. But to me, I'd be like, okay, so now I've let him down. I didn't bring him the cupcakes. I'm not lovable.

I'm not amazing. He's going to go and replace me with Kittanisha, who's going to get him cupcakes all the time. That's a cute name, isn't it? Kittsanisha. I'm going to use that one for my next child. I'm not having more children. Come on, let's be realistic. Anyway, you need to understand that saying no is okay.

saying no to projects, saying no to events, saying no to, like I said no to an event two years ago. I still remember it because I could not sleep for two nights because I said no to an event. Then I saw this event on social media. And I was like, oh my God, I should have gone. Who cares about this event on social media? Who cares? Nobody cares. But I was like so affected by the fact that I said no, because in me it triggers the fact that I will miss out.

I won't be the best. I won't be loved. I won't be lovable. That's something you need to work on as well. You think your ideas or your desires are silly. You live in this life where you feel inside yourself, inside your whole body that you have a desire. I don't know. Maybe you want a chicken coop. Maybe you want to write a book. I really wanted to create this platform for women. Do you know how silly I thought that sounded before I made it happen? This one I don't struggle with so much because I have no problem with being a dreamer and I've got no problem with dog. Be quiet. Actually, factually, we're talking about. about important things. I had no qualms with sounding silly. And I think a part of confidence is sound silly. It's the Marilyn Monroe thing. She wasn't afraid. Everyone, she died and everyone was like, oh my God, she was actually a secret genius. She was actually a genius. Okay, act dumb, but be smart. And that's okay. Sometimes if people laugh at your ideas, be like, yeah, I guess it's funny. Who cares? Honestly, if we acted like most people, we would be like most people. and most people have less than $1,000 in saving in their bank account and are obese.

Now, you think I'm being rude and obnoxious about most people. I am not. That is a statistic. Most people are obese in first of all countries and have less than $1,000 savings in their bank account. And this dog is testing me, testing me. But we will not finish this podcast here because we must go on to the next point about confidence and female self-esteem. A big one is when you rewrite your messages, you know, when someone messages you and you message them and you have to rewrite it because you rephrase things. I am a Virgo, so I do it not because of self-esteem, okay? I do it because, like, I need to phrase it right.

You wonder why this book had so many re-edits. Talk to my publisher, they will tell you the amount of rewordings I did because the word didn't sound right. It's that Virgo energy. Actually, I don't know if I'm a Virgo or a Leo in different signs. I'm different, but Virgo, Leo, whatever. So it's got to be right and it's got to be fabulous. But if you rewrite your messages, you've really got to sit down with yourself and be like, you know what? I need to just be okay with saying what it is I said. And then understanding if I made a mistake, I made a mistake, there is no message that you're going to write him. Let me break the news to you. Let me break this to you. There is no message you're going to write to him that's going to make him see you differently and be like, oh my God, she wrote that. She wrote that message to me. Wow, now I want to marry her. Now I want to marry her. It's like, like this big bubble of how you just intrinsically act. It's not about like this one message that you're going to send him that's going to change how you sound to him. Another one is when you don't like your photos. Like if your job is an actor, you know, model or someone who makes money because of how they look and I used to make money because of how I look. So I understand it. It's like very linked for me and I still get very irked by it. But if you don't like your photos and your job has got nothing to do with

how you look, that is a nod to the fact that your self-esteem is suffering. You should either be indifferent or you should be working on the things that you can't change now. This one I do suffer with, struggle with, because my looks were linked to my job for such a long time and I know I'm going to struggle with, look, I'm not going to condemn myself. And I was about to say I know I'm going to struggle with aging. I intend to age so far. fabulously that I can lead people into becoming the most incredible, sexy, fabulous woman as I age. That is my interest. You know, I'd like to look up to, I saw Liz Hurley's Instagram and she looks better than me at 58,

okay, 55. She looks better than me. Honestly, she looks better than me. Not that I'm a supermodel, but like, I'm in my 30s. She looks better than me. So we've got room to grow. I guess the reason I say I might be scared of aging is because I always like to grow and progress.

And I'm just changing my mindset. I'm like, listen, Liz Hurley's got 20 years on me and she is hotter than me. So we're aiming up. Okay. So the photos thing, I know it's a struggle. It happens, but go with me. There needs to be a level of self-acceptance. And if you're like, oh my God, I can't look at my photo. Oh my God, please don't show me, please don't show me. You know that we need to work on that self-esteem. When you block people all the time, I realize that we are taught that if you block people, you don't like a block, block, block, block, block everyone who says anything to you. Okay. There are two ways of, of this showing your bad self-esteem.

Either you fight with trolls constantly and you block nobody, which was more me because I'd like a troll fight sometimes. And now I don't do that anymore because it just makes me lose sleep, not because I'm worried about it, but because I'm planning what I'm going to say in the fight, and that's just stupid. And the other side is blocking people all the time. You should be indifferent to random people who don't know you.

Like literally, that is good self-esteem. That is good, healthy self-esteem for a woman, for a woman and her feminine, is stop blocking people because even the blocking is giving them energy. Forget it. Or fighting with trolls, that's even worse. That's what I used to do. And I don't block.

I don't fight with trolls. They don't exist to me. If anything, if you're a creator online, blocking them is like less people come and comment on your videos. Let them comment. Let the people see. Let the people see what they want to see. Next is obviously comparison.

Comparison to other people constantly. Now, I love a bit of comparison and a bit of. envy because if you reframe envy, which I do a lot in the book, you reframe selfishness, envy, things like that, if you reframe envy into, there's difference. Jealousy and envy is different. If you reframe envy into, wow, I really want what she has or what she's doing. That is your body and your soul telling you, wow, okay, let's stop and witness the fact that she has what I'm aiming for. It's actually a really good map to have. So next time you feel, oh, I want what she has. This is fantastic because let's see, is it a man? Great, we can get a man. Is it her body? Great. Let's work on our

body. Is it her career? Great. Let's get her career. I used to have feelings of comparing myself to people's careers. And I now have something comparative or I'm equally as proud of as they would have been at the time. And instead of getting angry about it, I got really inspired and became more friendly with those people because I was like, I want to emulate the. people that I want to be like. You shouldn't aim to be around people who make you feel better about yourself by the fact that they're worse, you know? You should be inspired by people. Another thing about me, my self-esteem is when it takes you ages to get ready. I used to have a friend who used to take hours to get ready and then she wasn't ready and then she had to change her outfit and then how does this

look and this is a black top suit, like, I don't care. Okay? I don't care of the black top suits the bag because I know I've been waiting for you for two hours and I cannot live like this. Okay? That's another thing about it. Just just go. Take yourself and go, go, go out there. Your personality matters more than if your black bag matches your black shoes. Because right now, I'm going to whack you with that bag across your head, okay? So I've never had this issue. I go out looking like a hot mess way too often. But when it takes you ages to get ready and you're doing people's head in with your questions, that's another one. When you refuse to improve and act like it makes you happy and you refuse self-improvement.

This one, this one's juicy. You know, I come in contact with these women. By the way, there are about seven ranks of women, womanhood, okay? If you want me to go in on that, really go in on that. Man, this is a good theme. Comment ranks of womanhood or ranks of feminine energy women in the comments below, and I'll make that video, I'll make that podcast. Or if you are listening on the podcast platform, comment it on my Instagram.

and I don't know how many people are interested, but there are ranks of it and of how you can present in the world. And when you refuse self-improvement, that is like the lowest rank of a type of woman you can be in terms of self-improvement and feminine energy. This woman has had so much negativity either occur or she's put it onto herself that she goes around saying, yeah, I don't need that. I don't need that. I'm good the way I am. You know that girl who's like, oh, wow, you wear so much makeup. I don't wear any makeup because I don't need it. Why are you saying that? Why are you saying that and putting people down?

Obviously, this girl you're talking to wear makeup. Obviously, she likes to wear makeup. Why are you trying to put her down? It's that woman who's like, yeah, but I don't need to. I don't need to go to the gym because I'm already like fat as it is. I'm fat as it is. Why are you saying that about yourself? That's not good.

And you act like it's a virtue. That's the point where it's, you're not sad about it. You're acting like it's a virtue that the fact that you've given up on yourself is a virtue. No, we're not doing that. Next is when you feel you haven't deserved something in a relationship. with a man. I hear women talk about that a lot like, well, we're not married yet, so I can't ask him to, you know, pay for the holiday, or I haven't had his children yet, so I can't ask him to pay the bills, or I'm over 40, so I can't, why can't, why can't you ask him? Why can't

you ask him? It makes absolutely no sense that you really put yourself down, and I'm not saying that different categories deserve different things, because yes, you have different lifestyles or people, but you feel like you've got to perform like a circus chihuahua in order for him, and to react to you in a certain way. Like after you've had six of his children, what he's going to be nice to you? You know what trap that gets you in? Women get trapped with men

who are complete narcissists or completely don't value them and they keep having their children and thinking by the time I have the seventh child and we get noted in the Guinness Book of Records for having them in such quick concession that he will like me. He will not like you.

If a man likes you, he likes you without parameters. If you're his dream girl, he likes you without parameters. and you can ask him to treat you well, or you can ask him to look after you, or you can ask him for things without having to jump through hoops. Next thing about self-esteem is when other people's opinion really triggers you. Oh, you know, you've got bad self-esteem, when other people's opinion triggers you, when you start mulling over it, thinking about that person, thinking about what they're going to do,

what they're going to say, and also just like proving yourself to them, having to prove yourself to them, that you're going to say the sequence of things, and they're going to be like, oh, yes, of course, Marguer. you were right. I used to want to do this a lot, but if you throw pearls or diamonds before swine, they will just trample on it and they won't even see the diamonds. Don't give your opinion to people who trigger you and upset you because you're hoping to change their mind to soothe your soul. They don't care. They don't care. Us two is when you feel you need to do things for people to please them. Like you don't intrinsically feel that the essence of your being is enough for people to like you. This is, I go into this a lot in the book, the essence of being as opposed to the essence

of doing which is masculine and the essence of being, which is the feminine. And you feel that you need to work two jobs to pay the bills. You need to do ABC, DFG to make him happy. And if you don't, he's going to leave you and all these things. The essence of you is not about what you do. And if it's always about what do you will burn yourself out and you will be thrown out like a piece of trash that you have become because you're sucked out of feminine energy and and vitality. And the last one is when you are scared of people's negative emotions that when you, you know, I am a little bit scared of people's negative emotions and I've got to be honest about that and I work on it. Like the whole idea of saying no about, you know, like if you, you, the viewer of listener asked me or could you just get me

these cupcakes? Cupcakes again. I don't even eat cupcakes or like them. And I was like, no, I'm scared of your negative response. I'm scared of negativity. I'm scared of that. But that's something I need to work on. I want you to either comment on my Instagram or comment in this video if you're watching it on a video. What are you scared of?

What in this list of self-esteem and boundaries? Dog, hush your fangs. Do you need to work on? I've given you tips on how to do it. If you want more, look up confidence and my name, it will come up on YouTube or an any podcast app, okay? And if you want even more, pre-order my book, thank you for watching. Thank you for listening. Thank you for lending me your ears or your eyes. I love you lots like jelly tots and I'll see you on the next one. I hope this microphone worked.

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