BEING HER with Margarita Nazarenko - 57: Become The Black Cat & have him chase you like a Golden Retriever.

Episode Date: April 22, 2024

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The following podcast is a dear media production. Hi, I'm Pia Barangini, the creative director of LPA, an entrepreneur, a wife, and a dog mom based in Los Angeles. This is my new podcast, Everything is the Best, where we basically ask interesting people, how did you go from zero to yacht? I'm always curious how to help people became successful, and I figured you would be too. Get on the internet with me. Let's laugh, let's cry, let's overshare, and let's get inspired to live our best lives. Check out new episodes every Wednesday. It's all for you, baby.

Thanks for listening. Love you, mean it. Welcome back to the Being Her podcast. Today we're talking about a very viral topic that I think you need to understand. And we need to talk about is black cat energy, golden retriever energy, what you need to be and how you need to use those, how to make him your golden retriever and make him chase you as he should. But before we get in, I want to thank the sponsors of this podcast.

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And that's how I like to explain theories I have to. And this golden retriever black cat energy theory has really picked up and started to gain wind behind it's sales when it comes to popularity. Essentially, they're talking about the fact that you should be the black cat in your relationship and not the golden retriever if you're the woman. Why? Because the black cat is the chasee and the golden retriever is the one who chases. Why do we want to be the black cat as the woman? Because if you are the black cat as the woman, it is the natural place of relaxation, happiness, abundance, fulfillment and all those good things as the woman. If you are a black cat energy man, you are not happy in your relationship either. Because people might say, but why can't the

girl be the one who chases? Why can't the girl be the happy golden retriever and the boyfriend be the mysterious black cat? Because both the masculine as a black cat and the feminine as the golden retriever are not happy in that role. The masculine is happy when it is the golden retriever. Why? Because the golden retriever has achieved the attention of someone slightly out of their league, aka the black cat, and the masculine really thrives in having achieved something that is slightly out of their league, something that they work on, something that they aim up towards, something that is just a little bit hard to attain. They feel wonderful when they've achieved something that other people couldn't get. No woman, almost no woman, let's not generalize, 99.9% of women on this earth

don't feel good if they had to say to their girlfriend, oh my God, babe, he didn't want me at all. and then due to my persistence and relentlessness, and because of how much I make it work, he finally decided to date me. Women don't want to say that. And men might not use those words, but they definitely like the chase. Everyone always talks about men as the hunter. Men likes the chase. Man likes the da-da-da-da-da-da.

The man wants to be the golden retriever, no matter how you swing that cat. They feel comfortable in that position. They feel excited in that position because they naturally feel like they're very, achieved something. If you are the golden retriever wife or girlfriend, you feel very out of your feminine energy because the energy of achieving and moving forward and equestering something and capturing something is golden retriever masculine energy. The man wants to be a golden retriever. And what we do is we always take that opportunity away from him by closing the gap, closing the gap between you and him and basically killing the chase. Like I always say, it's

Like, he's going hunting and you are the moose. But instead of being in the forest where you should be hiding or running and providing the chase, you're on his doorstep. Like, hello, moosey here. I'm already here. No need to chase. No need to hunt me down. I'm already here.

No point in that. Let's take the drama out of the situation. That is not what he wants. And because we are empathic as women, we think, oh, would make me feel really shitty to have to chase someone. I'm going to just, you know, close the gap and be here for him. we don't give him the proper black cat experience. The black cat experience is seeing something so magnetic, magnificent, majestic in its complete, perfect, feminine energy element, seeing it and being like, wow, I'm going to impress that

and get with it and have it be a part of my life. But we as women, don't let the man have that experience because we just close the gap. So I'm going to talk to you about how to be the proper black cat. first of all. If you are a black cat energy woman, that means you're in your feminine energy. Read texts. Listen to my podcast. There is 500,000 podcast episodes on how to be in your feminine energy, and it's also

on my YouTube channel. The black cat is a woman in her divine feminine. The cat is black, and the golden retriever is golden because that's the perfect symbolism to the masculine yang, which is sun, movement. you know, everything bright and raw, and the black cat is the perfect symbolism for yin, which is the feminine, which is nighttime, moon, mystery, feminine, you know, wisdom as opposed to intelligence. That's a good one that I always like to think about because there's a spectrum of two things for everything. Wisdom and intelligence are both smartness, but in different forms.

You need to embrace your feminine if you want to be the black cat. You need to to respect your bodily cycles, aka your period, or things you're going through, get enough sleep, eat the right foods. The black cat is not trying to run through life and achieve and hustle. The black cat is in tune with her natural cycles. The black cat is in tune with what she's got going on. The black cat is in tune with her feminine. And that means, you know, we don't have the same hormonal cycle as men. We don't live on a 24-hour cycle where, testosterone peaks somewhere in the day and that's it and it repeats 365 days of the year unless you're sick or something. We have different cycles, different moods and she honors that. She doesn't

push herself to hustle if she doesn't feel like it. And then when she feels like doing a lot, she does a lot. That's the black cat. Rule number two is a black cat doesn't let anyone push her out of her emotional equilibrium. And by that, I mean she's active, not reactive. If somebody says something, does something. A really bad way to be is like the golden retriever for a woman. Jump, how high. He's upset me. I'm upset. He's done something nice. Now I feel good. He's done something else. Now I feel bad. Always reacting to him. Always reacting to me. He didn't treat me right now. I'm upset. He treated me good. Now I'm so happy. Golden retriever energy. That's bad. As a black cat woman, you have your wits about you. You have your emotions with yourself.

you are comfortable in your emotions and you're comfortable in who you are and you don't let people take you out of your character. If he's upset you, if he's made a promise, and he didn't fulfill it. You write it down in your little black cat diary that he didn't fulfill his promise. He doesn't fulfill his promise three times. He's the type of guy who doesn't fulfill his promises. The black cat doesn't want to be with him, but she doesn't rip his head off. She doesn't go around screaming, why didn't you fulfill your promise? How dare you? Because unlike the golden retriever, his actions don't dictate her reactions. She is whole. And that is perhaps the last rule that I'm going to tell you the most important rule of black cat energy. I'll leave it for last, but it's,

it's the most important. Number two, black cats don't try and close the gap. What are we? What does this relationship mean? Where are we going? Are we your boyfriend and girlfriend? What are we doing? Are we going out on Saturday? You haven't confirmed the date. Black cats don't close. They're never the closer. They're the observer. They're the judge. They let you come to them. They come to you if they want to. If you don't want them to come to you, no big deal. They walk away. They understand that they don't have ownership over you. Black cats don't want to own anyone. Golden retrievers constantly want to be around somebody. Black cats don't. They're never trying to close because the error that you're going to make in trying to close the deal with the man

is that you are going to be forever chasing somebody, and that is going to make you feel very unfulfilled in a long-term relationship. Even if you marry him, which women can do. Sometimes the whole relationship is powered by women. She suggested the date. She suggested they get together. She suggested everything. She suggested that they get married.

She suggested they have kids. And then she wakes up at 36 years old, and she's like, oh, I don't feel that he wants me. I don't think he chases me. I don't think he arranges dates. I don't think he's passionate about me. Hello, Roberta. You're the one who's been suggesting it. and he's a type of guy who's just willing to go along with it.

And there's different types of men. The conventional way of calling them is like alpha, beta and all that stuff. And we can go on this in another podcast. But if you want to, let me know. And I will definitely talk to you about that. And each man deserves, not deserves. Each man requires a different style of treatment. But most men, 50% of them are type of man who will just go along with what the woman orchestrates

because they are too lazy to do much of anything else. They're good guys. They're not bad. It's not like he hates you. It's not like he wishes ill on you, but he is just going along with it. And you've orchestrated this whole scenario. And there you are. The black cat is not the closer because the black cat knows she wants to be with the person

who is going to chase her and choose her because she wants a quality of life that is fulfilling, juicy and amazing because she does not want to be the one who's chasing and creating a relationship. She wants you to close. and in doing the closing and the chasing, understand that you will always be doing it and you won't feel fulfilled unless that is a lifestyle you want. The third very important rule of black cat women

is that they don't date out of their league because I could tell you all this information until the cows come home, but the reality of it is the fact that you need to date someone who is slightly below you when it comes to leagues. And I don't mean he makes no money and he is some kind of a bum on the street. No, no, no, no, no.

He needs to be able to provide for you for you. He needs to be an amazing guy. He needs to be all of this stuff. But he needs to see you. And I suppose it's not about how you see him because you need to respect him because you want to be with a man you respect. That is quintessential. He needs to see you as the prize. He needs to see you as out of his league.

If he does not see you as out of his league, how is he going to chase you as a golden retriever? How is that going to happen? That can't happen. because he is chasing you. If he doesn't see you as slightly out of his league as the prize, how is he going to chase you? How is he going to be the one who moves towards you? He needs to see you as the prize. You need to beat that incredible woman.

But also, remember this. Sometimes you are naturally out of his league a little bit. Sometimes you are the prize. But because you've been acting like a golden retriever for so long, you've been acting so long like this chasing horrible energy that he's not able to see you for the magnificent black cat that you naturally are. And the whole thing that I want you to remember is you need to know that you're the black cat. You need to know that you're this magnificent, majestic lion cat of a woman. You understand what I mean? So that when you are with him, he is trying to attain you and trying

to be with you. Next, black cat women do not ask a man how he feels all the time. And there is several layers to this. They're not constantly asking, do you feel like eating? Are you hungry? Are you okay? What are you doing? Black cat women are not the mama. They are not always trying to cater to you. They're nurturing. They're sensual. They're feminine. They might bake you a pie. They might do all of that with a little twinkle in their eye or whatever. You might have it. But they're not always concerning themselves with mothering a man. And mothering and nurturing a very different. Nurturing is caring for someone. mothering is controlling them while caring, thinking you know what's best, thinking you know what to do, telling someone exactly how to live and what to do and what to be and where to go is very different to a natural nurturing energy.

If you're nurturing a friend, you might offer them a glass of water, but if you're mothering them, you will tell them you need a glass of water because I've seen you not drinking for a very long time. Black cat women don't have that mothering energy. They don't try and control you. They respect people for their autonomy and they let them be themselves, which is a huge part of everything I talk about all the time. You need to let people be themselves and not try and change them. Golden Retrievers constantly try and change people. Women, I mean, Black Cat Energy does not change people. It allows people to be who they are and reveal themselves to the Black Cat. So the Black Cat can decide whether she even wants to be with them or not. That is the key. She doesn't ask him for his feelings all the time and try and monitor his feelings because a Black Cat can. does not, and I've talked about this a lot recently, but she does not externalize in terms of the fact that she does not try and control her own happiness and her own emotions through the emotions of other people. A lot of people will, a lot of golden retriever women will try and make themselves happy. You know how a dog is really happy, a golden retriever when you are happy and you start jumping

and being happy. They start jumping and they're happy. Black cats don't react like that. They're happy when they're happy. And if you're happy together, then kumbaya, that's fantastic. but they don't try and make you happy in order to make themselves happy. Black cat women do not control the man's emotions. If you're happy, that's fine. And if you are moody, then you be moody. And she will just remove herself from your vicinity because going around asking, how do you feel like you're okay?

Do you want some food? What's wrong? Is it me? Is it me? Gosh, I bordered myself by trying to act like a golden retriever. That was, gosh, those women are boring. Anyway, I used to be like that. I get it completely boring.

But you cannot be like that. let him have his emotions, don't always try and control them. This is a golden factor of black cat women. Stop wondering if other people like you and start asking yourself if you like them. Because if he's ghosting you, he's disrespecting you, he's hardly replying to you, and you're thinking, why doesn't he like me, why isn't he replying to me, why isn't he there for me, then you're asking the wrong question. You're asking the wrong question.

The question should be why do I like someone who ghosts me, doesn't reply to me and isn't there for me? That is the black cat question. The golden retriever girl question is, why doesn't he like me? Have I not done enough? Have I not said enough? Have I not looked at am enough? Have I not done this, that and the other enough? No, stop, hammer time.

Why do you like him? Let's create a list of things that make you like him. Because if there isn't that much, that many things on that list, then why are we even concerned with this guy, my friends? We shouldn't be. We should be asking if we like people, if we want people in our lives and not the other way around. because if we go around impressing Tom Dick and Harry, then we'll end up with Tom Dick and Harry, and that's not what we want.

Black cat women have their own personalized style and don't try and impress other people. The idea of following trends and trying to impress people is so overdone and just so boring, and it's not where we are at. We need to, as feminine energy women, glow and grow into something different. Black cat women have their own personal style. If the guy likes a surfer girl and she's more like a 90, 90s sleek vibe, then she stays as a 90s sleek vibe and not as a surfer girl. And if he so happens to change the kind of girls he likes because of her, then the more the merrier. And if he sits there

with his audacity going, oh, like, surfer girls, she's like, great, go get one. There is no point in which the black cat energy girl will try and change herself for a guy. She knows her style. She wears what suits her because she knows that she's going into clown world energy if she tries and wears something for a guy. Guys like to say this kind of rubbish. like, oh, I like blondes usually and she's a brunette or vice versa, or I like girls who are sporty and you're like obviously this retro vibe girl. No, sorry, a lot of guys ask that to test you anyway. So stay in your lane, have your style, know what suits you. Black cat women, and this is a powerful one, because earlier I said they don't let people take them out of their emotions and get them

fired up and all this stuff. But this is the key that a lot of people won't tell you. Black cat women know their emotions and they feel their emotions and they know that the feminine is guided by her emotions. If a guy is always making you feel sad, a black cat will say this man is not for me. She'll be wise enough to say that this man is not for me. That is the wisdom of black cat feminine energy, but she will not scream at him and cry to him about it. She will not explain all of it and be like, but why did you do that and write paragraphs and paragraphs and try and make him change? Because remember, the black cat doesn't change men. The black cat accepts you for who you are and how you come and if you come correct or not.

So let's reiterate. She knows her feelings. She feels her feelings. It's not about being completely detached, although detachment is very useful. Check out those podcasts and videos that I did on those things. Very, very useful. She is detached in that way, but she knows her feelings. She feels them. She sees that a person always makes me sad or a person makes me upset or a person makes me feel a certain way. They know their feelings. And as a woman, you need to know in your solar plexus that the feelings you have guided. you. A blackout woman doesn't wait for a man to call to do this, to do that, to do the other. If you're going out on Friday and he hasn't told you where you're going, she's already moved on. She's not waited. If he's called her, she's not like, oh my God, I've been waiting all day.

I've been waiting all day for you to come and let me know what we're doing. What are we doing? She's already made other plans. And when he's like, oh, shit, I thought we were going out. She's like, yeah, no problem. No worries. We'll do it another time. Don't worry. Because why would we worry? Why would we worry? We're not presuming that he's, you know, not organize something because he's a bad guy. He's just a forgetful type of guy and that's fine. But that doesn't mean she needs to worry about it. Maybe he will organize something earlier next time. And if he doesn't, then he's not the man for her. And it's pretty simple. Don't let anyone take you out of your emotions. But you are never waiting. As a black cat, you are never waiting.

You've got your own things going on and you've got a very exciting life. You've got crochet lessons. Why would you be waiting for him and you've got crochet lessons? And you're painting your hamster's toenails, which leads me to the next rule, and that is you've got a lot of things going on in your life, and he's in addition to it. A black cat has a lot going on in her life. A man is a nice addition to it. If he's the center of your life, you're going to act all kinds of ways out of character and like the golden retriever, and it's going to be a mess, and that's pretty self-explanatory, I think. The next rule is perhaps the most important one and the most pivotal one, and that is when someone acts in a way

the black cat doesn't want, ghosts, signals, whatever, whatever it is that you don't like. The black cat doesn't nag, she takes away energy. Because where energy, where attention goes, energy flows. And so she knows if she nags about the thing, and she talks about the thing and da-da-da-da-da. She just tells them once, I don't like it when you do that, that doesn't make me happy. And if it repeats, she takes away energy. You take away energy. You take away attention. You take away time. You step back. And if they're like, what's wrong, what's wrong? People often ask me, like, what do I say? Like, when I've taken away energy and he's like, I can tell you different, what's wrong? Yeah, I'm different because I don't like when you did that.

And, you know, it is what it is. For now, that's me. And when I'm over it, you'll know. But right now, that's me. That's how I feel. That is how I feel. But you're not nagging, you're not berating, you're not asking him to change. And this is a really hard thing to do. It was one of the hardest things I ever did to change myself as a person, because I understood that if you keep nagging someone, they pull farther away from you. A golden retriever would nag. A black cat doesn't nag. That is a pivotal step. And as promised, the most important one is the black cat is not afraid to lose someone.

Not because they're a psychopath and they don't care about human beings, but because they entringed... Oh, the kukabar is sitting outside. How cute. And a sign that what I'm saying is right. They understand a human law of nature and life. And that is, we've got this glimmer of life, this short glimmer. glimmer of life between the time we're born till the time we pass. And it is so exciting and it's so short and there is so much going on. And if you are not willing to be a part of it and if you're not

wanting to treat her right, it's okay. And she blesses you and go forward and be happy. The black cat knows she will be okay without you because life is so short and it's so precious. Not because she doesn't want a relationship and not because she's so amazing or does this and that and the other, but because she understands the fundamental nature of life, and that is you can't control anyone, and you just have precious days in which to create the life you want. And if a man is not treating her right, that's okay. She's not mad about it.

She knows, and this is the biggest rule for life and for blackout energy in general, that we are all lucky to be here. And our life is ours to live. Someone else's life is not ours to live. And if the man's not there and he's not treating her right, that's fine. A black cat knows that she is not afraid to lose you. And that, I think, is what creates the black cat and golden retriever energy dynamic. A black cat is not afraid to lose someone in her life that is really not meant to be there.

So thanks for listening. And I'll see you on the next one. Love you lots. Leave me a review. Leave me comments and follow from all. Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.