BEING HER with Margarita Nazarenko - 64: How I Wrote a Book & Why You Should Too

Episode Date: June 10, 2024

LINKS:Buy MY BOOK:https://snipfeed.co/margaritanazarenko20 feminine energy principles:https://www.margaritanazarenko.com/20femininesalesPolarity MasterClass (20 secrets to long lasting attraction & love) :https://www.margaritanazarenko.com/polarity-masterclassAmazon book list:https://www.amazon.com/shop/margaritanazarenkoBecome Magnetic (Free Ebook):https://www.margaritanazarenko.com/Email me: [e-mail]:Our Place: Go to fromourplace.com and enter my code BEINGHER at checkout to receive 10% off site wideOsea: Get 10% off your first order sitewide with code BEINGHER at OSEAMalibu.comPlease note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.Produced by Dear Media.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

The following podcast is a dear media production. Hello, gorgeous human. I wanted to come on here and chat to you and actually catch up. I feel like the last year, I've gone from six months pregnant to now having a daughter who's six months old. I've got a book that's out in stores. I went to the stores and there is a physical book in the local book shops, in Kmart's, in big ws, in all of those places.

And I have my first book launch and book signing this Thursday. So when you're watching this, this will be the week after. So I would have done it already. And I'll update you how it goes. I thought I'll sit down and I'll do this video because it's like a monumental time and I feel like everything is going really fast. And I'm just squeezing by like a little raccoon through a trash can, like just squeezing myself through life at the moment and not having moments of anchoring what's happening. And I always say to you, if you want to have more femininity in your life, more appreciation for your life, you need to have anchors. And so I've made a cup of coffee. I'm sitting

down with you. My daughter's just gone down to sleep. And I want to complain to you on a real feminine level for a second because girls will understand this. I have a book signing, okay? And a book launch. And in this video, what I'm going to do is go through the questions that I've been sent that I will be asked at the book launch. You won't be there unless you are coming and I'm so excited to see you if you are coming. Girl, my first meet up and book signing. I'm so excited to see you. Or boy. for those of you aren't there, I'm going to go through the questions now, but people who will be there would have seen it before, obviously. So I don't have help with my children very much at all, but I had some help yesterday, and I was like, what do I do in that day? Do I finalize work? Do I

do the projects I'm working on? Do I clean my house? If I showed you my house, my son just had his fourth birthday, it is, listen, I can't, like there's Pikachu balloons everywhere, there's wrapping paper. It's like a kid's store threw up on my house mixed with plates that my kids have eaten from and my coffee cups and just disheveledness. Okay. If you're watching this on YouTube, you can see the toys here in the corner that he's opened. And do you know what? When we start talking more about motherhood and identity and motherhood and all that, I'm going to really go into it. But why does every toy require a freaking battery? I spend my time changing more batteries. than people who work in a battery factory. I see more batteries than a battery factory worker.

What is going on? Is disrespectful? It's rude. Every toy has a binging buzzing. Just disrespect. Anyway, I had help yesterday. I was like, what do I do with my day? I've got so much to do. So I went and did my nails because I'm signing the book. I don't want to be signing the book. And people look at my crusty, dusty nails and be like, listen, she's signing a book on how to be her. and yet there she is with no nails, okay? So it's really hard to make a six-month-old sit-through a nail session with you. Plus, it smells of all kinds of chemicals, and I don't want that for her. So I had someone help me.

They took her outside. I did my nails. What's the first thing that happens? If you're watching this, look at this. It snaps off what I'm opening a drawer. Snaps off. So now again, I've spent an hour and a half yesterday doing this, and now my nails crusty and dusty.

So I just wanted to relate to you like that on a feminine level. and just let you know that when we talk about, you know, embrace yourself, being the feminine, blah, blah, blah, it's got nothing to do without ever getting your nails done. The process of getting my nails done is the most loathsome task because I can't even use my hands. It's disrespectful and disgraceful. Thank you for coming to my TED Talk and hearing my rant. I really appreciate it.

If you want more daily updates like this, let me know because the format of my content right now is useful to you. I think of seven habits of people with anxious attachments. if you want that video let me know. I think of how to be confident. I think of all these things that I think will be useful to you. But I want to take this episode and really anchor what I have going on. And for those of you who have clicked because of the title and that is, you know, how to write a book or I wrote a book or something, these questions that I've been sent by my publisher who's interviewing me at the book event is focused around that. And I hope that that

will be helpful for you. And for those of you who just follow my journey, then this will be helpful for you too. So number one, when did you start posting on TikTok? Takes a sip of coffee and continues. I started first posting on TikTok. The reason this is relevant to the writing of a book is because I think if you want to write a book these days, the very obvious thing to do is just approach a publisher, give them a manuscript, or go onto Amazon and self-publish. Make a percentage that way. But if you want to take the route I did, it all started with me opening a TikTok in August 2022. It started by me doing that because I, was posting fashion content, lifestyle content, like we all do in kind of my demographic. We all

started posting online. I remember the Instagram curated feeds where if you post with a color blue, you only post with a color blue, if you post red, you post red, whatever, right? And I was never very good at aesthetics. Like, I love aesthetics, home, clothing wise and all that stuff, but I was never good at curating an aesthetic because I am a spontaneous person. I'm also a cerebral person. I'm very much in my head. I think of ideas. I think of concepts. I want to talk to people. I want to connect on that level. I don't always want to plan an outfit and tell you what I wore. Like, that's just not how I relate to people. So I went on to TikTok and I thought, hey, there's this platform that I don't know. There's a platform that doesn't know me. Why don't I start posting the things that I do in my self-development

fascination? It was an utter fascination for me like biohacking self-development, feminine energy, femininity, how to create a life you want. I did life coaching diploma. I did a life coaching diploma, coached people. It was my fascination. I was like, let's put that on there. Not expecting anything to come out of it. And hey, presto, it did. Because the next question is, why did you start? I started it because I got sick of talking about things I wouldn't naturally talk about. As I said, I love aesthetics, but it's not something I would talk about. How quickly did the audience find you? I posted in the first week or two things that are TikTok-based. Like there was a sound, like there's me dancing with my this. The first sound that went viral for me, viral relatively at the time for TikTok, maybe like

50,000 or something, was not the millions that I started getting after, but it was this sound that was quite viral that said, darling, I don't have a dream job. I do not dream of labor. And I used that sound because I had these ideas around being a mom and having children and 50-50 and men and society and how we are indoctrinated as women to want to dream about a job and if that's not necessarily you, then you don't need to necessarily do it. And my book is really focused around that and finding your identity. By the way, if you want the book, it's in the description below or any store near you, the new rules by Marguerite and Azarenko, you can find it there. So if you're interested. When that video kind of got interest, I thought, wait a minute, there's a zeitgeist here.

There is an idea here underlining femininity and what it means to be a woman and how women move through the world and what it means and all of these things. I was just sitting in the kitchen with my family talking about my new obsession, which is our place. It is a brand of kitchenware and appliances, which is non-toxic, healthy, and sustainable. I am so passionate about this. I don't want to be feeding my kids these chemicals that I don't know where they are. They are forever chemicals. They are disgusting. Why would you make healthy food choices and then put them on a frying pan full of chemicals to chemically combobulate your food? Yucky. Our place is really exciting. They've got the cutest kitchenware and I'm so happy that they found me and I in turn found them.

Our Place makes the home design and everything easier for you. They are cute. They are beautiful. And most importantly, their products are made without Pfeas, which are the ones that, the things, the chemicals that are in other brands. Did you know that most cookware and appliances are made with forever chemicals? Yuck. Our Place is a mission-driven female founded brand that makes beautiful kitchen products that are healthy and sustainable. In comparison, most of today's non-stick pans, contained PIFAs, also known as Forever Chemicals, which are under increasing global scrutiny for their impact on the environment and our health. And I do not want that near my children. Our Place is leading the charge and they are creating incredible, beautiful cookware that does not add chemicals to your life. Go to From Ourplace.com and enter my code Being Her at checkout to receive

10% offsitewide. That's from ourplace.com code being her. and check out all of their amazing range. Our place offers 100 a day trial with free shipping and returns, which is important because, you know, pans are weighty. So free shipping and returns is an amazing thing. Enjoy guys. Love you. Guys, if you're having a self-care moment, there is nothing better than an everything shower.

And if you are a parent, then you know that there is truly nothing better than an an everything shower because that moment is so elusive to us parents if we're looking after our kids. At the moment, I am completing my everything shower with a mega moisture duo by Osea. These two products are superheroes for me. The Endaria algae body oil. Body oil guys, get on it if you don't know about body oil and face oil. There's nothing better as well as the collagen of body lotion. So between the oil and the collagen, there is nothing more that gives you firmness and a glow to your body. I'm loving the duo together. Osea has been established since 1996. They're clean, clinically proven, seaweed-infused skincare.

Show your skin some love with clean, vegan skin and body care from Osea. I would love you guys to try it. So I got 10% off for you sitewide with code being her on Ocea Malibu.com. You'll get free samples with every order and free shipping on orders over $60. Head to Osea. That's O'S-E-A-Malibu.com and use code being her for 10% off. Enjoy guys. Have your little skincare moment. Have your little wellness, being her, bougie woman moment, get in it. Head to Osea, the malibu.com and use code being her for 10% off. Thanks guys. And let's get back to the episode. The next question is you have a huge following across YouTube, TikTok and podcast. By the way,

I didn't write these questions. So it's not like conceded. I'm not trying to say I have a huge following and also Instagram, but those three have distinct audiences. What does the YouTube audience like to hear about? Hi, YouTube audience, if that's where you're watching. I believe that the YouTube audience is not just women and it's split to men too. I can see that in the demographics. My YouTube audience likes connection. It likes long form content. You like you, I'm talking to you, you like to self-develop, self-improve. And I think a lot of you are anxiously attached like I am slash was. Now I'm much more secure and you relate to me. You relate to my authenticity. At least I am being authentic. If you can read that, then that's good. And if you can perceive

that, then that's good. Then we're connecting. And you like that I get down to it. And we have the same interests in terms of having a long conversation about self-development, self-improvement and living a life you want to live. The next question being, what did you notice being popular on TikTok? On TikTok, I noticed the sassy, is sassy a word that I want to use? I don't know. The sassy side of my personality landing, my sense of humor landing, my kind of snappy, dark humor landing that I never used to use on social media. That's very much reserved for the people near and dear to me.

I just remembered that my nail is broken and I now need to fix it and waste more time on it. And now I feel rage. Intermittent rage with talking to you. I hate wasting time. TikTok audiences loved my humor. They loved my spontaneity, me talking about controversial subjects. And you know what really surprised me?

No matter how controversial I thought my thoughts were, they weren't that controversial in the end. A lot of you women have the same thoughts as me. So when I sat there and I was like, how is it as a single mother, you can make a salary for your 500 children and feed them and go to work and make it happen? Yet your husband who's lying on the sofa trying to make his career work, you need to help him and you need to both work 50-50 and contribute despite you being pregnant for the fifth hundred times. So I started talking about that and a lot of people are related. So that was

a surprise for me. Your podcast is different again, says the question. You talk to the audience differently on each platform, which is quite a skill. How do you think you develop the skill? My podcast audience started as a very secret, private, connected society of women that love to know about feminine energy, that love to know about masculinity, how to bring that out in a man. They want to know the decorum, etiquette, intrinsic effects that a woman can have on a man in the world around her and how to use that feminine charm. I know the girl who listens to my podcast in and out and everything. And that's why when I started posting video portions of my podcast onto my YouTube, I now try and balance both. I try and serve both that hungry self-development human being that is on

my YouTube that wants to be better. And I want to serve the podcast girlie who is just like she's my best friend, you know, like that is the girl that I would naturally hang out with. How do I develop the skill of talking differently? Because people try and repurpose content, but it doesn't work. Every medium has a different voice and every audience has the right to have their own attention and their own conversation. And I think it's better to serve a smaller audience than a bigger one. And I'm thinking of titling this podcast and video about how to write a book is because this is my path to writing the book. So if that's so, you, then I would implore you to start finding your voice, whether it be through writing,

conversation, or whatever it is. And in fact, I wrote my book through dictating the book, like talking the book, as opposed to writing the book, and then I refined it and, you know, looked through the grammar and took out paragraphs and rewrote them because talking doesn't always translate to writing. But I was relieved when my publisher approached me and said, listen, you don't have to write it with your hands on the, you know, typewriter. What typewriter? What am I talking about? On the computer? but you can talk it and then we will put it into a book. So whatever your skill set is, whatever your superpower is, and mine is, if I had one, is talking on the spot about ideas

and synthesizing them, then use that one. Create. Look for something that was hard to manage in your life. For me, it was anxious attachment. For me, it was wondering what it is to be a woman in a modern world. For me, it is currently what it is to be a mother, how to manage that and all of those things, and how to best do it. Solve that issue for yourself or think about how to solve that issue, write it down, talk about it, or create a community around it as you traverse through it. It could be how to change tires. It could be how to keep a beautiful home. Whatever it is that's going to solve a problem for people via you having solved it is the thing that you should write a book about or talk about or create content about. What do you see? What do you see?

your mission as being. Man, I don't know if I be able to answer that because I've never written down a mission statement. I don't run my business the way many people say to run a business, but my mission is to teach people my systems and ideas and ways I find comfort, confidence and progression in my life so that they don't have to butt heads with the universe like I had to, and they can quickly use my ideas and move forward. I have to crawl so you can run, you know, that concept? It always fascinated me that you can go into a library and there are millions of books in there and you can just pick any up and go into the head of a person who has created the life you want, who has learned about the ideas you want to learn about and you don't even have to do the painful work.

You can just read everything that they have done. So my mission is to find the best aspect of womanhood in every age that I am in. I intend to keep creating content and writing, and I'm deciding this on the spot as I say it. I intend to keep writing and creating content as I go forward in my life because what I am now in my 30s and a young mom, by young, I don't mean I'm a young mom, relative in age, but I'm a mom of young children, as in I'm new to motherhood relatively. it's going to be a different experience as I'm in my 40s, 50s, 60s, 70s. So I want to be able to teach you the life lessons and hopefully have you not have to learn

them through life. Why is now the right time for a book? Now is the right time for a book because I feel in the year and a half that I've created this content book and information and the way it's grown to over a million people getting on board with the idea across platforms, I believe right now is the time to solidify this and pinpoint this as a, we've been talking about this and this is the summary of everything we've said and this is what I want to say about these subjects. Because as I said, for me, it's about growth and it's about movement. And we're going to be moving on to new subjects,

new ideas. We will always be talking about the experience of womanhood. But what does that mean? As we move forward, who knows? Is that going to be going to be moving on? Is that going to be diving deeper into dating? Is that going to be diving deeper into polarity in marriage? Is it motherhood? You know, we'll see. But this book pinpoints the being her process that we have talked about for the last year and a half and it certifies it in a physical form. And I don't know about you, but I have always loved and adored having a physical book, the smell of it, the like ruffle of it. It's also an audible, by the way. I now read most of my books through audible, read. a.k.a. Listen, just because I can do that with children around. It's very useful. So be my guess as to

where you want to listen to it or read it. Given that you have those distinctive following, is how did you decide what to put in the book? I wanted the book to be a summary of something that will transcend time of the thoughts and experiences I've been having. A lot of the things in the book are to do with universal ideas that I believe you can take and cherish and move through. true life with that will improve your everyday happiness and your everyday achievement as a woman or as a man if you're in your feminine energy. You can be my guest and you can also read it and have the same improvements. So I just wanted to take everything I've taken from all the audiences, the things that really landed and say them clearer, develop them and

kind of conclude the idea solidly. The first half of the book is called Being Her, which is also the title of your podcast. I know that you really walk your talk. There is nothing in the book that you're encouraging readers to do that you're not doing yourself. But it wasn't always the case that you could be her, was it? Great question. I love these questions.

That's why I wanted to bring them here on the podcast too. I was not always her. I believe that the process of teaching somebody can only come from something. somebody who has to have learned the lessons themselves. I have met many, many, many fabulous women who have emulated and embodied and learned from, but some of them had not come from either having an anxious attachment or having issues, like, you know, there's many people who have issues with their mother's fathers growing up in many different aspects. The woman who can teach you is the one who wasn't always that way because she can see from both aspects. She can see

from not being that way and she could now transcend to being that way. And I literally sat down and I wanted to map out like Iron Man when he moves all these maps around the idea of what it means to be her. What is it? What is that woman that walks in and possesses an energy of confidence? How is she the way that you want to be? I believe if somebody was always that way inclined, they don't necessarily know how to teach the process. It's a natural confidence they have and that's great. I wish I was like that, but I'm not, which makes me have the superpower of being able to teach. And if you have that superpower, write a book. Because if you've walked the walk, you can then teach people how to do it. What do you think the big issues are for your audience?

The big issue for women at the moment is, of course, we've landed here. We can now do what we want to do almost in the Western countries. And I'm talking about the first world Western countries that we are in. We can do most of the things we want to do. We can have what we want to have. have, but now we can have everything and we're scared to ask for things, as in to delegate. We are taking on everything. We are now in our, as I say on my masterclasses online, in our horse energy, which is the worker who's trying to prove her worth by doing, doing, doing, as opposed to being. And we are in the cow energy, which we identify with motherhood and that's it.

We have very little feminine, flowing goddess energy that we are embodying. and that is difficult and we need to transcend into being proud to be in our feminine and a woman and not always try and compete with men in a masculine world in a masculine way because there is so much ancient wisdoms of being a woman that we have just disregarded because of feminism taking us to a place which is great that we're equal but we don't necessarily want to be what do you hope that readers get from the book I hope readers get from the book an empowerment of moving through the world and knowing that this universe is at your feet and you can create the life you want and I hope that when they read it,

they get what I used to get from books and that is this empowering kick up the butt of feeling like, wow, I've got this and I can change my life, which is what I got from books reading them as well. Did you enjoy the process of writing a book? Did you learn anything surprising about yourself during the writing of this book? I enjoyed the process, but I also found it difficult writing a book as a laborious task, and you hope and pray that people can understand what you are trying to say to them. And I hope that it lands. I don't know how it's landed yet, but soon I will be learning that, and I hope that it landed well.

And lastly, what surprised me is that. The tenacity that women have once they become mothers and become extremely busy because I used to create one piece of content a week before I had children and I thought it was the biggest, most difficult thing to do and work and all these things. And now I feel like I don't have a minute to even finish a hot coffee, yet I wrote a book. So if I can do it, you can do it. And what I want you to take away from this, I guess, this is the first time I looked at those questions and answer them properly, is that if you feel that you're in a certain place and you want to walk through it, document it, and there could be a book in that, because you can always teach

a person how to walk through something that you are currently experiencing, no matter what hardship you're in, no matter what you're doing, and no matter what your path is, somebody can learn from it. Okay, I'll see you on the next one. Love you lots like jelly tots. Bye. Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.