BEING HER with Margarita Nazarenko - 7: Never Chase A Man But Do This Instead

Episode Date: May 8, 2023

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The ultimate guide to living your best life as her. Join me, Margarita, on an empowering journey to discover your feminine energy, build meaningful relationships, and find your purpose. So let's dive in and explore all things womanhood together. On today's episode, my loves, we are going to be talking about the subject of chasing men. Should you, when should you, how to know when you should not. those of you who are familiar with my content, my TikTok content, all of my content, will know my feelings on this one. I do not believe in the chase working out when it comes to a woman doing it towards a man. Why? There are many reasons.

Some are biologicals. Some are social. Some are just how I feel that it is, but let's go through them. I think intrinsically, the whole idea of the chase works when it is from the man's side because it's biologically something that is built into us. I'll just start it there. Why is it built into us for the man to chase and not the woman? Because what we have, even though we might not have it active at the moment,

which is our ability to procreate and create children, we might be on the pill, we might be using contraception, but our body does not know that. So our thousands of years of biology and who we are meant to be and who we are made to be, even if you choose to use that or not, is that you have a lot more on the line than he does. If you were to get pregnant by any Tom Dick and Harry, you've got a lot on the line. You've got potential children that he could just leave and you'd have to take care of. You've got a pregnancy that could cause you many ailments and before doctors and medicine was available.

to everyone, and in some parts of the world it still isn't, it's just not something that is possible for you to overlook. It's a big, big, big, big, big, big sacrifice and a big responsibility in a woman's life. Hence why, by him chasing her and jumping through metaphorical hoops, slaying the dragons, impressing her family and proposing, he therefore proves that he is there for the long run and not just for a good time. You see what I'm saying? There is no reason for a woman to have to prove that to a man. And yes, maybe society has shifted and we now take the pill and all of that and now she's got to prove herself to him. But that is not what makes us happy. It's not just for any reason that men feel so good about themselves when they achieve something,

their competitive nature, when they have won. We as women don't feel great when we have won the guy over despite him not wanting to be with us. I've never heard a woman in my entire life, and I speak to thousands every month, say, oh, you know what? He really wasn't into me. But then I showed him how much money I make and what a good woman I am and he fell for me. Yes, that was me. I literally have never seen a woman take pride in that because we want to be loved for being, not for doing. And men want to be loved for doing, not for being. And there are a lot of men right now who will say, no, no, I want to be loved and appreciated for being too. I want to be loved and appreciate just for existing.

But those men are often in a loop where they don't find fulfillment in life and they don't know what their mission is. Men who are in the masculine energy very much, are very much grounded in the fact that they do certain things in order to be rewarded with people's trust, affection and love. And yes, we should love people for who they are. Both sexes should love people for who they are or both genders or both polarities. Masculine and feminine is a polarity and not a gender in the case when I'm talking about feminine energy.

Should both be loved for who we are. But we as women want to be loved and appreciated just for being and not for having to win him over. So if you found yourself in this loop of chasing him and he's running away, both of your energies are not balanced. He does not want to be chased. And when I say chaste, I don't mean that you make no effort, that you do nothing for the relationship, that you do nothing towards him, and you lay there like a starfish expecting everything. No. What I mean by chaste is he's not sure and you're trying to jump through these hoops in order to make him sure. That is his role to do that. Why is it harmful the other way around? Because often men are very honest with their intentions and their relationships and they cannot be one round. So what happens is you meet him. They will say something like, I don't have the time right now. I'm very busy at work. I've got other things going on.

I'm not looking for a serious relationship. And instead of a woman hearing that and taking it as it's a no, she hears it as, you know what? I am here to win him over. And you know why? And this is my honest belief is because a part of her ego is hurt in that point. We grow up thinking that we are. the sex that determines whether a guy gets to get with us or not.

We get to decide whether he gets in our pants or not. We get chased by men. The movies are based around that kind of paradigm. It's always about the women going, yuck, no, which is fine, but men become more robust to getting rejected by women and moving on than we do. So finally, we like a certain guy,

but he's too busy for us. We cannot compute in our brain that possibly we are not. not his dream girl. Because for his dream girl, he will make time. For his dream girl, he will pay for dates. And for his dream girl, he will do all the things. That is what people do. And especially men. So if he is not doing that and you don't know why he can't make time for you and you don't know all this, then that is the reason. Now, I know what you're saying, because I can hear you say it. Oh, but he's got a hard time at work at the moment. Or but he is doing this and that at the moment. Oh, but he's looking after his dog at the moment. That might be true, my love. Let's just say,

say it is true. Let's say he likes you at a like 90 percentile like, but he's got all these things that are preoccupying him and a priority. Then ask yourself, is it worth your time? Is it worth your time to chase this man and make yourself available to a man that's got all these things going on? Because you know what's going to happen? Say he did like you, but he could not have time for you in his life right now. You're going to bend over backwards and devalue yourself in his eyes by always being there. and almost not respecting his boundary that he's set, that he doesn't want to set dates, that he hasn't got time to talk to you,

but you're there at his beck and call. He opens the door, you're standing there. He doesn't have to hunt you. The moose is right at the door. Hey, you wanted to go hunting? Tough luck. The moose has brought itself. No fun for you.

He's not achieved anything. So because you didn't step back and you didn't take the sign, you've killed the potential that in the future when he does have time and when his mind is clear and he's got his priorities right, he cannot come back to you and pursue you because you've already ruined it with your behavior.

And I'm not from the 80s. If you've ever wanted to make a podcast, if you've got something to say, which I think all of you do, Spotify has a platform for you that you can do it really easily on. All in one place, it's free and you can even earn money. Spotify for podcasters lets you record and edit podcasts right from your phone or computer, which is what I do. So no matter what your setup is, it's not complicated. to start creating today.

Then you can distribute it everywhere that podcasts are listened to. Then you can even monetize it. You can do a Q&A section. You can do polls and all these amazing things. Basically, it was really, really easy for me to do. For me, the obstacle was the tech aspect. And I know a lot of you wanted to hear from me. So Spotify made it possible for me to create this podcast.

So I'm really grateful. Download the Spotify for podcasters app or go to www.spotify.com forward slash podcasters to get started. In hundreds, I don't buy into all that that men should and women shouldn't. You can do exactly as you want to do. I'm just talking about what's going to make you happy in the long run. And because I speak to so many women, I understand that you want to be fulfilled by being chased. One of the biggest questions I get asked is how do I make him prioritize me, chase me, look into being with me more. Well, it's by doing that from the beginning.

It's by not chasing him and making yourself convenient and being that moose on the doorstep. If he has said he's too busy, he is too busy. You are moving on. If he then makes time and impresses you enough in the future, then that will be his chance. Open the gate to the fact that that might happen in the future. What are you trying to hold on to? Is it your ego or is it his qualities? Because you've met him and now he's the apple of your eye.

He's so tall. He's so handsome. He's so brave. just because he's rugged doesn't mean he is masculine. You have not got to know him. You do not know this guy from a bar of soap, but you're equating his height and his beard having to qualities that you would like in your potential future husband

because you're blinded, you're like a horse with blinkers on, to any qualities he's had. Why have you not auditioned him first? Why have you not actually observed and seen his qualities? Why have you not seen who this person is? What qualities has he got? why are you equating his external things, his nice sneakers, good haircut and full beard, or whatever it is, people like these days, to qualities that he does not have? He's not proven himself to you.

So you've read into his qualities. When he tells you he's too busy for you, you say to yourself, oh, that's because he's making money and he's such a good catch. When he says that, you know, he's trying to find himself, you're like, wow, he's so deep and just so amazing. I've got to get in some of that deepness. Is it your ego though? Is it the fact that you're not used to taking rejection? Humble yourself a little bit. I know it's not easy to do, but when somebody says they don't have time for you and they don't want that, that's what they're saying.

And I don't want you to cut off men who do want you here but are busy because I hear that a lot, oh, he doesn't give me presence and he's busy at work a lot. That's not the same as you having to chase him. If that man is making regular commitment and he's there for you and wants to be with you and he's not playing games, then you need to take it as is. I would say the rule of knowing if someone is playing games or if someone is serious is if they are consistent. If they are giving you the same thing again and again and again, if he's saying, I do want to be with you and then he sees you twice a week, then you need to know this man is a twice a week seeing me kind of man. If I marry him, I'm not going to have much time with him, etc. You need to take people as packages that are already presented to you and not try and manipulate them in your mind into something that they are not. are you giving him attributes that he does not have in order to mould him into your life?

Is it because you are scared that there are no good men, quotation marks, out there? So you will make any man into the good man for you. And are you so scared to let him go, but you should not be scared. Why? Because you are playing a game, not of finding the right man, but increasing your value to the point where the man that you're meant to be with, meant to as in match with right, match with well, will be the one that you match with. Because if this guy, let's call him James, says he hasn't got

time for you and then you spend two years chasing him and sometimes sleeping with him and crying over him, then you wouldn't have met Mark one month later. Because you need to prove to the universe and to yourself that you've got a high value. So when someone tells you, no, I don't have time for you, take that as is. Are you seeing his reality? Because the fact that he lives on his mother's sofa and he's finding himself does not make him a poet and an artist. You are seeing him through the lens of your ego of him not wanting you and now you're saying, right, that's it. I've got to chase him down. Even, let's say he is a good man. Let's say he is. He's not on his mother's sofa. He's done nothing wrong. He's fantastic. But he does not want you. Let's say you win. Let's say you

chase him down. I get these emails. But, you know, he didn't reply to me three times. What if I send a winking emoji and a heart, would that be like playful and feminine? That wouldn't be playful and feminine or masculine. That would be deluded. If someone's ignored you, what are you trying to get yourself into? Let's say I give you the most sexy, tantalizing, bombastic things to say to him and we catch him together. Let's say we're like on this mission, catch him, right? Me and a panel of experts, we sit there and we get this guy for you. What does your future look like? Are you going to be messaging me in this panel of experts every day in order to act in a way that you are not actually, in a way that you do not appear in this world, in order to placate, please, and interest this man? Why? Why are you going to do

this? How are we going to have this one-sided relationship where you're feigning some kind of personality in order to capture his interest? When I say be busy and when I say be about yourself and be on your own mission, that is because that will genuinely be you. That is not to make him interested in you in a fake personality. It's got to be real. It's got to be authentic. Your feminine energy has got to pulsate out of you and listen to the first episode of this podcast if you want to know how to amplify your feminine energy or better still, get yourself my course. It is not expensive. It is called 20 feminine energy principles. It's the principles I live by. You will find them on www. margarita Nazarendo.com. If you can radiate that feminine energy

and a man is not into you, you will not even care when a man is. it's not into you. You will not even notice. Ever since I've started amplifying and using the feminine energy in my life, I do not care when someone's not into me. They're not for me. They're a fair and good and fantastic human being, but do you know what irony happens? Do you know what magic happens? More people are into you when you're in a feminine energy because they see that magic pulsating from you. Sometimes even a good man will not be into you when you're trying to run him down like a prey in the savannah. So let's say he is a good man and you will not relent and you're chasing him. and you get him. You will be emailing me or someone like me saying, why does my husband not find

me attractive? Why does my husband not want to spend time with me? Why does my husband this? Why does my husband that? Because you've already created that paradigm of you chasing him from the beginning. Also, you need to raise with yourself the point, did he give me attention and do all of this to get into my pants in the beginning? And when I gave in, he stopped trying. I say this often, that you should sleep with a man at the point where you're satisfied how the relationship is going. It's like sealing the deal.

It's like giving a stamp of approval of his effort. So if he's texted a couple of times, you've met up once and you've slept with him, and then he's pulled back his effort, that's fine. You can sleep with everybody you want. I do not care what you do. But if you're coming to me and you're wondering

why he was acting one way and now he's acting another way, that's because it took him such minimal effort to get close to you to your body. And if that's all you wanted, then both. Winning. Everyone's winning. Fantastic. High five to everyone. Here's a golden star. But if you wanted something more and he's not specified that he's going to give it to you and you have not had that conversation and you have not evaluated him as a person and you've slept with him and now he's

pulled back to being too busy you see you, well that's because you got played. Ouch. Not pleasant. But that is because you got played by this person who wanted a goal, achieved it, chased you to the point where he wanted, and that's that. And maybe now you're chasing him because that's hurtful, because you've slept with somebody or got close to somebody or shared some emotional information because it's not all about physical with somebody who's just bounced. That's a really horrible feeling that you got tricked. So now you're giving him all these attributes of busyness and all this stuff and chasing him because you cannot believe that your potential, quote, future husband is ignoring you. But he is not your husband. He is no.

nobody to you, we don't know him. Who is he? Who is he? Why is he taking up so much space in your head? Why is he living rent free in your head? Nobody knows because he never promised that. So now that's on you. If you are chasing a man and you're in a space in your life where you cannot see the fact that he doesn't want you and you'd rather catch someone who does not want you and convince someone who does not want you into being with you, are you ready for a man who you are compatible with? Are you telling the universe or God, whoever you believe in, or yourself even, that you are ready for that? Because if you're at the maturity level to not be able to observe people's boundaries, because when somebody says they don't have time for you and when somebody ghosts you,

and when somebody is not consistent and doesn't make plans, they're communicating to you that you are not for them. But if your maturity level is not at the stage where you can, respect that, accept that, and keep it moving, then are you right for the man that is potentially meant for you? Do you deserve him yet? Because at the moment when you can look at a human being and say, okay, I gave them too much too soon, and now they've tricked me, they've duped me and they're off, God bless you, be on your way because I'm meant for something else. That is the moment your person will walk into your life. We're not sure. Am I chasing him?

Am I not? Because I'm already in this relationship, you're thinking, where I kind of have built it like this and I am chasing it because there are some clear-cut things. Like he's not returning your calls. You're still chasing it. It's not a good look for anybody, especially towards yourself. But let's say you're just doing all the pursuing, all the things, and he's just on his back foot. How much effort should you make? What should you do? And my response is this. See and settle in your gut with what you're happening. be to do. If you're somebody who's thriving and enjoying doing the planning, doing all the things, and you feel no lack of love from it, go do you. That means that maybe you thrive in your masculine energy and maybe he's in his feminine and that's working for you and that is fantastic. We are

all different and we all enjoy different things. But if there's things you're doing and pursuing and he is not pull back, it might not turn around in the time that you're thinking, but it will eventually turn around because there's going to be a gap that's created in between you because it's always you leaning in and him sitting back and suddenly you're going to sit back and if you are worth it to him he will lean in he will pursue you, he will make something happen

and sometimes it's going to be about telling him I like it when you do this, I like it when you plan dates, I like it when this, that and the other thing. Sometimes in relationships he might be the one who pursues you but you're the one who's got to plan things because he's not good at it. I'm not talking about those kind of things. I'm talking about chasing a man and forcing him to be in a relationship. No one can force anyone truly, but thinking that you can force someone into a relationship when you can't.

Now, what to do? You've attached to this man. You think he's the one for you. He is not reciprocating. What do you do? And my true feeling is that you need to deploy the art of detachment. I will link a video in the description of this podcast that I have created. on YouTube called detachment and how it can change your life. It is the game changer. You need to detach from

your value being in the hands and eyes of this person. You are born as you and you will leave this earth as you and you are the one holds the keys to your value, not him. Because right now you've given it to him, you've attached it to him and you think in him loving you and him reciprocating there is going to be some kind of feeling in you of wholeness, goodness and happiness. You need to seek that kind of affection that you're looking for from him in you. And I'm the type of person I believe in community and communal living and family and love. So I'm not saying you should be alone forever. But you certainly shouldn't be looking for love in a man who does not see you or value you.

That should be something that you are bored with. I talk about it a lot that one should get bored, not angry or upset. this mechanism of chasing men who don't want us because somebody in our childhood acted that way and that is what we understand love to be and we want our dad to love us, our mom to love us, our grandma, whoever that was, that teacher and we want to prove it in today's scenario. That man now exemplifies the people who didn't see you or love you and if you could only get him to do so, that would heal that wound that you had. But you now need to reparent yourself. You need to sit down in your own head, come up to that child who did not

receive that love, sit down next to her, hold her in your arms, and say, I love you. And you are seen, loved, needed, wanted. And what do you need when you go into that mind space of yourself as a child, see yourself in the living room, where were you? And come in as the adult that you are and say, what do you need? A snack, some water, do you want me to listen to you and listen to your inner child, tell the story, do the thing, show the dance that your dad never watched, do it for yourself, reparent yourself. And then slowly but surely, this man's lack of affection is going to become boring to you, not enticing, not something you want to chase. Because what is fun or interesting about it? What is sexy about a man who does nothing and ignores you and is so

bland. He is bland and boring. But he's triggered in your response of, oh, sometimes I get his attention and sometimes I don't. He's triggered in you, a biological response. Nothing real. And energy and not chasing is both strong boundaries and vulnerability. If you've met someone, you need to let them know off the bat. I don't mean you met them and you tell them straight away, but you need to show yourself for who you are. You need to let them know that, you know, you're looking to settle down and you'd like a family someday. And as you get to know him, you can tell him. I hope we can keep dating because I really like you. You can tell him you like him. You can show interest. You can be flirtatious. You can say all these things and I can hear you thinking, oh my God,

I'm not supposed to do that. It's not going to be fun for him to chase me. It's not going to be this one and the other one and he could play me. Well, let me address those things. You don't want a man who just is there for the chase. You want the man who's there for the fun time and the long time. So, In you letting them know that your prerogative is family and that's the type of person you are or maybe to build a business with someone or to have this big, you know, life with someone. If that scares them, good, good. Because people who are scared easily need to be scared more often. He needs to go.

Now, if you're worried that he's going to take that information and play you, then I've got a solution for you. This is saying that if someone pretends to be someone who they're not for a long enough time, they might just become that person. So don't give away more than you're willing to to somebody who's not permanent in your life. Don't tell them stories how you got hurt in the past. Don't sleep with them in the beginning until you trust them. Don't do all these things that will hurt you if he tries to leave or play you. Give only what is appropriate to people who you don't know.

Why can't we get this through our head that it's not feminism and liberation to just be so open, both physically and emotionally, with random people? I am telling you that there is nothing feminist about it. What is feminist is doing what you want, but I'm always going to protect women and girls in saying that you don't owe anyone shit. You don't need to be with anyone physically or emotionally close to them until they have proven something in your life. And I will stand on that cliff until the cows come home.

Because you get hurt because you've given too much of yourself too early on, and that is painful. And if he's willing to act for six months and until he gets your trust that he's this good guy and listen to you and be around you, and God bless him, maybe you've changed a guy. I don't know. Rarely happens, but you might. But more likely, he'll just fall away.

You don't need to be embarrassed to be who you are. You need to be proud to be who you are. And most men want honesty. And most men love feminine flirtation. If you're like, wow, I'm really excited about this date with you. Show him that you're excited. Show him that you're interested. But don't chase him.

If he's not followed up and arranged that day, date, God bless him. Let him live his life wherever he wants. He is not yours to keep. It's fine. Let him go. Fly a little birdie. Be free. He is not yours. The art of detachment is something to practice to know that you are whole as you. So guys, thank you for listening to this episode. Do not chase them. That is not the life you want. You want the man who chases you and proves to you every day or when he can that you are the one for him. Thank you for subscribing to this podcast. It allows me to create more.

Thank you for giving me the five stars. And thank you for listening. Love you lots like jelly tots. And I'll see you on the next one. Bye.