BEING HER with Margarita Nazarenko - 72: Black Cat Energy: How to Have Him Chase You.

Episode Date: August 5, 2024

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The following podcast is a dear media production. You want to talk some more about black cat energy, do you? Well, you're in luck because I am here today to talk to you about black cat energy. What is black cat energy? What is black cat energy? What is black cat energy? All these questions, all these questions. It's okay, I got you.

If you want him to be chasing you, if you want to be the one in demand, if you don't want to be the one who's trying to orchestrate the relationship, because let's let's let's let's let's get this straight right now let's get this straight before we get it twisted if it's your project that the relationship is then it is you who is in the driver's seat then it is you who's always the one pushing then it is you who's always trying to create the connection then it is you who's writing to margarita asking i don't know why he doesn't buy me flowers for anniversaries then it is you contacting me contacting your friends contacting your dog contacting your cat asking why he does not care so what we're going to do is we're going to deploy a

a little bit of black cat energy. The reason it is called black cat energy, and first I found this kind of rhetoric on TikTok, is there is a black cat in a relationship, and then that is being chased, and then there is the golden retriever, the one who chases. And in the best case scenario, you want to be the black cat, why? The female, the feminine is better in the black cat role, because we enjoy being chased. we enjoy biologically being the ones who are won over. If a woman has to win over a man and he's the black cat and you are the golden retriever,

both of you are going to feel very sad indeed. Why are you going to feel sad? Why? Why? Why? Because he's going to feel like he's not winning the prize. The masculine is to drive forward and to achieve. So if he's the black cat and you're the golden retriever always winning him over,

always trying to please him, he's going to feel intrinsically not in his masculine. and he is going to not feel fulfilled. He wants to be the golden retriever. Let him chase you. And for every golden retriever, there is a black cat. So you might not be the black cat for his golden retriever, but you will be the black cat for somebody, okay? The reason I wanted to make this video is because you guys still have questions about

what it is to be the black cat and how to be and how to do it, okay? And I want to delve into those questions. I want to get connected about this whole energetic shift. And you might not call it a black cat. You might call it being her, like the podcast is called. You might call it being that girl, that bitch, whatever you want to call it. Let's talk about it. How to stay the black cat if you're married 16 years together.

The black cat doesn't stop being the black cat because the black cat is married. The black cat loves to be married. The black cat loves to be married because that golden retriever is intrinsically there to worship her and support her. The thing that kills the black cat energy the most in a relationship is, I think, what you're asking me, How do you maintain that kind of quintessential feminine chase me, look after me, serve me energy? And it is like this. We often fall into the mothering role in a relationship.

What is mothering, Margarita? Very simple. You fulfill the role of a mother for him. Did you take a tablet, sweetie? What are you going to have for lunch today? Do you remember to flush the toilet after yourself? Why can't you do this? You look after him essentially like you would a child.

this kills your feminine energy dramatically. I know it's counterintuitive to believe and say, but mothering energy is very forward-moving, very instructional in terms of looking after your child, and that can be very masculine. I know that's a counterproductive thing to kind of say, counterintuitive thing to say, sorry, that mothering is masculine.

I'm not saying mothering is a masculine role. What I'm saying is energetically, you have to think a lot in the modern world, what are we going to do, where's the cookies, are they organic, are they holistic, are we going to put them in the pack, Are we going to bring water? What are we drinking?

All that stuff is very not with the flow and masculine energy, okay? If you start treating your man like a pampered poodle as opposed to the golden retriever or the terrier or whatever dog you like that's serving you, that is going to push him into a black cat energy because now he's getting pampered. If you're mothering him, you are going to pamper him. Resist, restrain, refrain from looking after him like that. Nurturing and being an amazing wife and cooking him a meal. is not mothering.

Mothering, for example, you don't mother your friend. Your friend comes over, you do something really nice for her. I really go into it in my book, if you haven't read it or haven't listened to it on Audible, I suggest you do. There's a chapter on mothering your man. Don't do it. You can look after your friend in a really nice way. Like you can offer her a nice drink when she comes over.

You can even cook her a meal. But you don't mother her. You don't say, what time are you getting up for work? Have you set your alarm? Let the man live. He lived for 35 years before he met you. he can live for 35 years again without having you. You've been together for 16 years.

It's your role to be always developing and be an enigma. The way to be a black cat in a marriage is to not try and control your partner. Black cats don't give a flying F what you do, okay? You do you and I will sit on my black cat pedestal and judge whether you're good enough for me. Yes, even in a marriage. Even if you are going to be together forever, I'm still going to judge what you do and see if I want to be with you. Make him feel that way, that you're always seeing. always deciding. You're always choosing him. Every day you are choosing him. Okay.

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Next question. How to have black cat energy with dismissive avoidance? Well, baby. You're trying to out black cat a black cat. Dismissive avoidant people have a very black cat aloof energy in terms of the fact that they are somewhere from childhood. they decided that the way they're going to deal with this world and be in this world is by acting like that other people can't meet their needs. Some people are secure. Let's say 50% of people are secure. That means they can be attached to other people. That means they like interpersonal

relationships. That means they like to get to rely on other people and other people rely on them. And then there's the other 50% of us who are either 25%, let's just say, for argument's sake, anxiously attached. That means love me, love me. Why don't you love me? Oh, oh, you said something wrong. Did I do that thing wrong? Oh, how can I please you? How can I please you? God, a retriever. That was me. Hi, everyone. That used to be me. And then there's the avoidance, which are, well, I so didn't get my needs met when I was a child. I so much didn't get that fulfilled that I'm just going to, I've got my own back. I got me. So with avoidant men and many men are avoidant because they were taught in modern world that they can't rely on anyone or stiff up a

or you're a boy don't cry. It's hard to be a black cat with a man who's dismissive avoidant is the question because he is intrinsically dismissing you. And if you are attracted to that behavior, you are most likely anxious. Why? Because if a person is dismissive and avoidant and you're secure, after dating them a couple of times and them not replying to you, them dismissing you, the word dismissing you're going to lose interest.

A secure person loses interest from a dismissive. person because it's not interesting to you. It's not you. It's me. I'm not mad. I'm just a little bit bored, which is what I recommend to do if you've got a dismissive avoid and be bored of that behavior. Don't be triggered because they rely on the fact that you're going to be triggered by their behavior and chase them even more. They're used to the fact that they got their own back. They don't chase you so you end up chasing them to close the gap and they're like, God, everyone's just trying to engulf me. Everyone's just trying to eat up my time and space. It's like a self-fulfilling prophecy. The anxious person chases and everyone runs. And everyone runs.

away from them so they're like, God, nobody ever wants to stay and everyone's running away from me. Whilst the dismissive is like, oh God, everyone's trying to trap me, everyone's trying to engulf me. Because you're not leaning into the relationship, my friend. You're not leaning into the relationship. So, of course, it's going to look like everyone's chasing you. They're actually not, okay? They're just trying to have a relationship with you. I have how to deal with the dismissive avoidant if you sort of choose to have them as your partner on my YouTube channel.

Type my name, type avoidant, and you will find it. If you want to be a black cat with a dismissive avoidant, your only hope is to remain in the black cat energy. A black cat is very, very secure in the female sense. She doesn't try and please him, run after him, anything. Essentially, if you have an avoidant and you're going to be a black cat about it, you might not sustain the relationship with them. Because you're going to be like, I don't need this. A black cat likes to be worshipped. Why do I need this avoidant who I'm chasing?

Yuck. Does this actually work with Aussie men? They're so low effort. I feel like they wouldn't care. Does Black Cat Energy work with Aussie men? Black Cat Energy works with Aussie, American, Australian. I just said Australian. Left, right and centre.

It works with men because men like to achieve. And Black Cat doesn't mean run away. It doesn't mean dismissive. It means you do you. I'm going to do me. I know how to make myself happy. I'm the one who's choosing you. And if you don't impress me that I'm not impressed.

Like black cat energy is also not controlling energy. And modern men would eat that up. If you screw up is the question. How do you own it without losing your black cat energy and dealing with anxiety? If you screw up, this is how a black cat would screw up. A black cat is secure, okay? It means that you're really into your own journey and what you want to do. If you screw up, be an adult about it. I'm really sorry. I was really dismissive of you that time. I should have listened to you better and I'm sorry I was late for that date. How can I make it up to you? And then move on. Don't try and grovel. Don't try and, you know, all these maneuvers with the feeling sorry for yourself and feeling sorry for him. Black cat energy, if you've done something wrong, just apologize and be an adult about it. How about me is the question, black cat queen, attracting a specific man. I won't stop until it's him.

You do look like a queen. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You are very beautiful. Not that queendom equates to beauty. but if you won't stop until it's him, you're very much in the masculine driving seat, which is fine. You know, 10% of women are in their masculine. You've got to ask if this man is in his feminine and some men are the creative types, the kind of types that, you know, like to be pursued, are you happy being in the driver's seat?

Are you happy being the pursuer? So maybe if you want to be the pursuer, you are going to be the one wooing him. Are you happy with that? Is that what you want? Me, I don't want that in my life. I like to be in the feminine because it makes me feel quite, like jokes aside, it makes me feel quite secure in my life. It makes me feel like I'm in a place I want to be in. If you won't stop until it's him, then you're very much in the driver's seat. And that's okay if you're willing to chase him and him be the chase. And if he enjoys that. But if not, and you want to be in your feminine, then you can only live your life, putting your best foot forward and living your life as your best self.

And if you are his dream girl, he will chase you. And if you're not his dream girl, then it's going to be a very hard sell. How to change being a black cat if I've been the golden retriever so far in my relationship. Help. Let me see your face. You are stunning black cat, honey. You need to sit down with yourself. You need to look at my content like rebrand yourself. You need to pick a date and I love to do this kind of thing like New Year or your birthday. My birthday is coming up in September. For example, Nobody asked me, okay, thanks, Margarita for that information. Something that is going to pivotally change you. I find anchors are really useful, like dates or ideas or numbers, whatever is going to mark the change for you. Some people really do well with as of tomorrow and that's it, no ifs, and or buts. But you need to rebrand yourself. Last week's podcast or YouTube video depends where you consume the content was about rebranding. You need to actively decide to rebrand yourself and not identify.

identify with your past self. By no means do you come up to the man that you want to be your golden retriever and say, I've decided to change. I'm now black cat. You're going to chase me. That's something a golden retriever would say. It's an internal process. You're going to do it yourself for yourself. And it's an internal thing that you need to emulate and do. You need to pick a date to start it from. You need to rebrand yourself. You need to write it in your diary. And you need to act like the new you. You need to have an avatar of the new you that you are acting like. The old you is gone. now. This is the new. There's no apologies. There's no announcements. Never complain. Never explain. Please. As I said, I need to reiterate it twice because I don't think you understood you in the back.

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Next question. How do you embody being chased rather than being the chaser? Every element in your being when it's to do with someone else needs to be with I like them enough, not do they like me? That is it. That is the quintessential difference of being chased versus being the chaser. How do I, do I like them? How much do I like them? What do they represent to me as opposed to do they like me? Do they like me enough? Are they really, really into me? It shouldn't be about them. It shouldn't be about you. Next question. How do you not get bothered by other women you know he's talking to and liking? I think naturally I'm not

going to lie, you will get bothered inside your soul in the solar plexus, you know, like in your innards, you'll get bothered. But I want to implore this thing to you. Black cats, they plan, they think, they're smart, you know, a cat is smart. A golden retriever just says what they think. A cat is smart, yeah? So if you want to embody that energy of being chased and of that smart person, you need to understand that if there are other women in his life, you're just in the dating stages, I assume this is what the question is, yeah, you're in the dating stages. So this isn't like your husband liking other women in which case is ridiculous. But you're just in the dating stages. You're not official with him. He is talking to other women. Maybe he's not. The more attention you give those other women,

the more you're denoting to him that those women are important. I have seen the most mediocre women not give attention to other women that by mediocre, I don't even mean this in a condescending way. I mean, if you looked at them, you wouldn't be that kind of girl. You're like, oh my God, I want to be her. She's just a normal girl. She's you or me, yeah? She's normal. Men worship the ground that they walk on because they have a confidence of knowing that there is no one like them. So much so that you start to believe it. You're looking at this girl and you're like, oh my God. She's literally everything.

You don't know why. When you first saw her, you didn't think so. We as human beings are really attracted to self-assuredness and lack of questioning and instability because everybody in their core wants that. We want to be closer to someone who embodies that. We want to lean into them. We want to drink up that energy. So if you can sell that, even if you're not the prettiest dime in the coin draw, I don't know.

Even if you're not the ripest cherry, people will lap it up if you can sell that energy. So if you go, oh, you're talking to other girls, are you? Oh, what are they like? I don't care. Yeah, I don't care. Straight away, you're letting him know that they're a competition to you. He might even test you. He might be like, oh, yeah, I was talking to Rebecca.

And if you're like, oh, my God, I love, you know what I love? I love forest green. I was looking at forest green paint and I really prefer, or like mint. Like, what do you think? Which one's better from my office? He'd be like, what did, what just happened? I just told her about Rebecca and she didn't even hear me properly. And she's talking about what color's paying her office, like something's so benign. And then he'd be like, did you hear me? I was saying I was like talking to Rebecca, you know, like our mutual friend. And you'd be like, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, cool, yeah, that's nice. Yeah, yeah. Is she right? So don't ignore it too much, but don't acknowledge it too much. They're not a competition to you. They're nothing to you.

How you position yourself. Imagine this. Do you think the queen cares about the shenanigans going on around her? She doesn't care because she knows what she's got. She knows her worth to the endth degree. If you go around asking what he thinks about them, if they're prettier than you, if their hair is fluffier than yours or straighter than yours,

you've lost because you've said, I care about them. They're a competition to me. Next, when does leaving space turn into silent treatment over text? Leaving space is when you can energetically in a good way, leave space. As in he's not really asked anything. He's not really contributed in any kind of strong way to the conversation.

And you're with your friends or you're shopping and you're carrying bags. And right now it's just not the best time to text him. But it's all good and you're in good energy. That is leaving space. Silent treatment is, he didn't contact me. And now I'm not going to contact him. If you feel that way, then you're doing the silent treatment. if you are in a feeling of just like giving it space

because you can't be rushing to reply to everyone all the time the black cat is busy then that is a good thing however if he's hurt your feelings the black cat also understands she's not at the beck and call of people who've hurt her feelings so if he's not replied to you for five days

and now he's expecting a reply you're not replying to him because you're now not in the mood a black cat is very much I feel I do I don't feel like texting you I don't feel like texting people who don't text me go away How to know when to implement gentleness, compassion and bitchiness.

Gentleness, compassion, and bitchiness is going to definitely be the next title of my book. Gentleness, compassion, and bitchiness. I love that. That is all very black cat energy. Gentleness. Because you're gentle on yourself. You're gentle on others. People make mistakes.

You're fine with that. You make mistakes. You're compassionate. You understand people. Like, I love that about you. Love that. Love this. And you're a little bit of a bitch.

I don't want to see you now because you've hurt me. Okay, cool. Implement it all the time. How to be your feminine when you're super independent and live alone. Man, I really delve into this in my course, become her. If you're on it, hi, if you're not on it, maybe I'll run it again. I don't know, but sign up on my website for the wait list because I only run it maybe once a year or twice. It's when you have to look after yourself, you have to split yourself into two identities.

The masculine, the driving, looking after and the feminine, and you have to really feed the feminine. It's like the wolves you feed. The two wolves you feed are the ones that are going to grow. You have to feed your feminine in different ways by cultivating things you love to do by cultivating your desires, by cultivating your likes, by cultivating your sensuality all in the course and in my book and feminine energy principles all the website. Go delve into it. It's really really interesting. Oh, and I have a substack. All this stuff that you could delve into if you care enough to do so and get on this journey of feminine energy. But essentially, as a man, you only need one briefcase of tools,

the masculine to thrive in life. Because why? The masculine tools of success, independence, drive, achievement is going to both win you a career and is going to both win you a woman because women lap that shit up. As a woman, we need two briefcases in the modern world. They're masculine. That is look after myself. I'm independent if I need to be. I've got my back. I've got my job. I've got my money sorted. And briefcase number two. Feminine. Flow. Wisdom. Black cat. Miao. That one is going to win you the relationships and the feminine energy success in life. You can't have one or the other because it won't work. We have to have more tools in life than men do. How do apply black cat energy on social media and they follow us?

Black cat energy on social media means you're not posting energetically anything to try and attract his attention. That is basically what I'm going to say. You're using it how you like. You're doing what you want. You don't give a flying fluff about what he wants, a tiny rat's ass about what he wants and you're just doing what you want because you're a black cat. I have a crush who doesn't like me, but whenever he wants to have sex, I can't avoid it. What should I do? What do you mean you can't avoid it?

Do we need to call the police? What do you mean you can't avoid it? Whenever he wants to, he doesn't like you, whenever he wants to, you can't avoid it. Not you can't avoid it. You haven't got self-value. I'm sorry to say, baby, but you don't have self-value if you can't avoid it.

What does he come to your house, stand at your door, and demand it. I don't understand. So a man doesn't want you and you know it, yet you're willing to do that because you know one day a man's going to come along who does value you, but you're going to be tied up in this situation doing these things for a man who doesn't value you. It's a self-worth question, not an avoidant of him question. What do I do if two guys are talking to me and putting an effort at the same time? You get a book, you write down the qualities of each one you like, and the first one that asks you to be their girlfriend, you assess the list and you say yes or no.

No one's asked you to do anything. No one's asked you to be their partner. They're just dating you. They're wooing you. You hopefully aren't sleeping with them so you don't owe them anything, not that you'd owe them anything for sleeping with them. But you're your own person. You're doing what you want to do.

Has anyone asked you to marry them? Like, no one's asked you anything. So let them try. Let them keep trying. And you decide. I'll see you on the next one. Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.