BEING HER with Margarita Nazarenko - 74: Why Being A High Value Woman Might Not Be For You.

Episode Date: August 19, 2024

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The following podcast is a dear media production. Hello, my love. Today we're going to talk about slightly juicy subject. By slightly, I mean very juicy subject. It's come to my attention that a lot of content that's made is often leaning towards one direction or pointing towards one direction. And I want to just bring it into reality for you because I made a TikTok about the fact that some of this content when it comes to it being a leaning towards, you know, this whole like

be his dream girl and play hard to, not play hard to get, but if, listen, it's like this kind of rhetoric about if you're the one, then he'll choose you. If he wanted to, he would say no until you find the right person. And it's all very, very true. But there is different dynamics and relationships that people are missing. And it's very, very easy and very, very good, let me land the plane, it's very easy and very, very good to let women know, set your standards, set your goals, set your boundaries. If he doesn't meet him, throw him in the bin. If he meets them, then good, without actually giving them the guide or the playbook to the kind of life they want to lead. And the problem with telling women to always level up, work harder, do better,

become a better version of themselves, self-evolve and get to a certain standard, and then the man that wants you will find you, is that that is not the recipe for success for everybody. There are different recipes for success for different people. And in the dating marketplace, which is what it is because you go out there and love is great and I appreciate love, but you go out there and you have a certain standard for yourself or what you feel you can attract in a partner, depending on your age, depending on what you do, depending on how you feel about yourself and all these things, depending on if you want your kids and if you want to have kids and how old you are at the time, depends on what you will settle for as a woman.

And that is just the truth, okay? So I want to give you a playbook, a reality and a little look into maybe seeing it from a different angle because what you get told, is you grow yourself to a certain level. You become the woman you want to be, and then you will attract the man who's meant to be for you, and if he's not attracted to you, and if he doesn't jump through certain hoops,

then he's not the one for you. And that only works, that kind of black cat energy that we always talk about, or that kind of like just be this woman who is pursued, as you guys like to put it. I say chased, just because that's the word that comes to me. The woman that is chased

is a certain lifestyle that only fits to some women. You can afford to be the woman that is chased and pursued and takes her pick of any man she wants. If number one, you are not seriously, and I'm going to use the word desperate lightly, but if you're really not looking for a relationship, like you don't care if you have a relationship or not, then you kind of want to be single at the moment,

then you can use this tactic of being, being the black cat, doing what you want to do. And if he pursues you, then great. And if he doesn't, then great also. And it's really good for the soul. It's like really good for anyone with anxious attachment to practice this because essentially, nobody is yours to own and nobody is yours to forever. We are all born as ourselves and we all die as ourselves by ourselves. You know what I mean? It's a bit of a morbid way to see it. But it is true. You are you and you will be you and that is it. And nobody else belongs to you. And the feeling of ownership over someone else would only cause anxiety and a feeling like you can't control someone. So when someone comes into your life,

that's good. And if they can't be there forever, then that's okay. And it's just a part of living. It's like a stoicism that you need to practice. So if you want to practice that kind of hard to get black cat energy in a woman that you do your own thing, you're independent, you let him come and go as he pleases, whatever it is you want to do, that works for women who, number one, don't really care about locking down a relationship or having anything in this moment or Number two, women who have a very high dating marketplace value. Who are those women? Extremely, extremely attractive people.

Extremely, extremely charismatic, attractive, gorgeous people. You know, there's ones that you see sometimes and you're like, oh my God, are you human? Wow. I mean, they also have to have a good personality and something to go with that. But you know what I mean? I'm going to be very honest in this episode. The average majority of people and human beings are just average humans like you and I. but there is those, maybe you are one of those gorgeous humans.

I don't know, but let's just say like you and I, we're just normal people. And then there's that minority of women who are like, wow, they're a nine out of ten. There are ten out of ten on the looks front. And men are attracted to looks. Okay, hello, let's be honest. That is what they are first when they see it attracted to. And when people say, no, it's the personality. It's the soul.

Okay, it might be the soul, but it's not the soul straight away. You don't see a soul walking or a personality walking, okay? You see the looks as a man and that's what men are attracted to. They're visually inclined. They're even visually inclined to like if you want to serve them a sandwich, if you wrap it in some aesthetic paper, they get very attracted to that. I know that's a weird thing to say, but like even setting tables and, you know, lingerie, that's all very focused on men because that's how they are attracted, okay? The point of this being, if you are that attractive, you can play that long game of whoever comes to me, then they can come to me. The second type of person is the person who's really not looking for a relationship and you really got to be sure that you're really got to be sure.

that you're not looking for a relationship, that if you just let people chase you, that you're fine with that if you never get someone, okay? And number three is really young women, if you're 18, 19, 20. And that is not because I'm here to say some red pill thing, like, oh, yeah, young women are high value and women over 35 or not. No, I'm not saying that because I'm sensible and I'm talking to human beings, not numbers and numerical things. I'm talking real information, okay?

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long-term health. You can get an additional 15% off their 90-day subscription. Start a kit by going to Fatty 15. That's F-A-T-Y-T-Y-15.com slash being her and using code being her at checkout. So guys, enjoy. The reason that 18, 19, 20-year-olds can play the chase me if you want to, but I'm not bothered if you're not game, is because they have got time on their side. There's so many women I talk to who are late 20s, mid-30s, like 28 to 36 or something, that want to have children and time pressures like really knocking down their door. And if you are not there yet, and if you don't want kids and you think, oh yeah, that won't be me, that won't happen. It will happen is like

the most magic thing I see. Women go through that and they're like, oh my God, I don't have that time. And the reason it's not comparative with men is because they can have children up into their 60 if they want to. And no, it's not advisable. And no, they don't want to be an older dad and blah, blah, blah. And you're going to say all these reasons. But the reality is they can if they want to physically. We can't. We have a shorter time frame. That is why, our time is more precious. That is why I would actually suggest if you are a younger woman that you don't waste your time. But if you want to waste your time, if you're 18, you've got time on your side, okay? You've got time to do what you want to do and you've got time to plan and do whatever you want to do, okay? The point being, you are either, A, not bothered about a relationship, be extraordinarily

good looking so your marketplace value is so high that everybody would want you and also you're an amazing person and also you're skillful and amazing and wow. Or three, you're very young. So you can walk around like a black cat and have people fall at your feet and, you know, you can use that maneuver. The maneuver is essentially just being and attracting through the virtue of being. But I want to tell you that there is an other side to this whole debate of do you want to be chased or the chaser. I said on my TikTok that being chased isn't always or being pursued interchangeable, what it's cracked up to be. We want, the pivotal question, I guess, is do you want to be loved or do you want to love? And you can have both simultaneously. But in a

relationship, there is the pursuer and the pursued, and then there is the adorer and the adored. And yes, it's mutual. Like, I'm married 10 class years and we've swapped places at times even. You know what I mean? I think when we met, he was pursuing me more so than I was him. Obviously, I was also younger. I was 24, 23, 24 when we met. So I had time on my side or perceivably I had time on my side in my mind. I wasn't even looking for a relationship. So I met the criteria of two of those. And some might argue that I, some of you say I'm good looking. So you might say, oh, and you were also good looking. So maybe I had three of those on my side. I wasn't looking for a relationship. I just gotten out of one. I was young. So I wasn't desperate to settle down. I

used the word desperate lightly. And number three, I was probably, I was doing this universe at the time, the best looking optimization of what I could look like, right? So he was pursuing me and chasing me. Then when we got married and he really focused on his career and I didn't have much going on in terms of just like busyness. I was in a country that wasn't my own. I moved to Australia. I was pursuing him a lot, not by virtue of just like pursuing, but like I've got time and you don't and now you're busy and, you know, and then things change when you have children. He's pursuing me again and I'm busy again with work and all these things. So you switch.

It's interchangeable. But you cannot ever, nothing is equal in life, right? So you cannot both be pursuing each other equally. You cannot both be adoring each other equally. There is like the rock star and the fan and you change between those, okay? In our culture, we really optimize and really talk about being chased as a woman and being high standard and a high value, this high value woman and everyone's chasing you and all this stuff. But you're forgetting, it's not always the experience that you,

want women are really attracted to, what do they call, to those romance novels? And a lot of those romance novels are predicated on the fact that you are obsessed with this man. And he's amazing and he's hunky and he's all these things. I have not read the romance novels, but I think that's what the preface of them is, right? The love story, like you are enamored by him and he's like misunderstood, but then you understand him. The premise is if you want to be chased and that black cat energy woman, the one who's chased and like doesn't care, you have to like him less than he likes you. It's not debatable. You have to like the person less. And if you are willing to give up that emotional roller coaster and that experience that you would experience from being

obsessed with him and him being a little less obsessed with you and you being the chaser, then that black cat energy woman is for you. Then being chased is for you. If you want to be pursued and that gives you comfort. And I think if you've got anxious attachment, it's really comforting to be the one that's pursued and it's kind of soothing and it's not the usual norm because you're probably going to be attracted to people who you have to chase because your whole life

you've had to chase people for their attention. And that's probably what you are used to and what you want to do. But there is something soothing I've found in being the one who is chased. That's why I talk about it. And that's why I advise being the woman who is being chased because it puts you in your feminine energy.

You can relax. You can let them do the chase. and you can let them do the running, but that's not for all of you. Some of you say, I want real love. I want the romantic experience. And what you're basically saying is I want to be the chaser. I want to be the one who to find him and pursue him. But there's a way to do it. And I'll tell you about that in a minute. There's a way to do that in the feminine also, not like in a masculine way of like taking him on dates and all these ridiculous things that really don't land the plane for you. So if you want to be chased, then the formula is all these things that you'll hear about online

is that, you know, do your own thing. Don't, you know, pursue him, let him pursue you. The person who's obsessed with you is meant to be the one for you. And I love that formula because that's what soothes my soul, okay? But the other formula is, and that is if you want to have children imminently, you're in your mid-30s, for example. And again, you might be better looking than most 20-year-olds, but it's not about looks in this format that I'm talking about it in.

It's about your timeline is short. And maybe you are an average woman. Like, you're not the supermodel elite Victoria's Secret Woman of the World. You're just a normal but good looking, optimized version of yourself, woman. And number three, you actually want a relationship. So you want a relationship. You're in a short timeline and you're a normal human looking person. You need to deploy other tactics because you're not putting yourself out there

and you're not chasing might not always be the solution. And what are those tactics going to be? The tactics are going to be putting yourself in proximity to people who might be for you. So your tactics might have to be different. You might have to be a very charismatic person. You might have to, for example, the things I advise in not mothering him and not nagging him. You have to make yourself a pleasurable and incredible person to be around. You might have to read books like The Art of Seduction by Robert Green.

There are so many other ways of being irreplaceable. in a person's world, because if you want to be in that proximity and relationship with somebody, you will have to create a persona around yourself that is irresistible in many ways. And I find a lot of women work on themselves in terms of becoming this incredibly aloof, good-looking woman, but they don't work on themselves in terms of being incredible to be around. And if you want to be the pursuer in the relationship, and that means you want to feel the emotional feelings, you want to feel the romantic feelings. And I'll tell you how to know if you're the pursuer, the pursued, and the relationship. And that is, let's say that you've got plans for the weekend and then one of you kind of adjusts them or wants to hang out with friends.

The person that's disappointed or the person who's always waiting for the text messages and the replies is the person who's the pursuer. And I know I find myself in that position sometimes. it doesn't mean you're less than. It just means that that's the dynamic and the relationship at the time. If you want to have a certain type of man in your life and you want it now and you want it at a timeline and you want to have children, you've got to pivot your mind view a little bit. You can't just be like if it's meant for me, it will come to me. You've got to start working on yourself as a person as well. So if you write a list of the type of guy you want to be and I bet he's six for blue eyes, whatever it is, you know, finance, whatever. is you want to write, you've got to write a list of the type of things that he would go for in a partner. And if that means somebody, let's say you want a successful guy, that's what you want, right?

And you want to have children with him in three years. You need to then become somebody who is going to facilitate him getting to that goal. You need to be, and I'm not going to say a teammate or a builder with him or start a business with him. That's not what I mean. But you're going to need to not do his head in essentially. You're not going to, you're going to need to be on that mission and trajectory with him, okay? You're going to need to have your goals aligned. You're going to need to have control of your emotions. You're going to need to, like I say, deploy those things like giving him freedom and accepting

him for who he is. And I don't mean accepting a piece of shit who lies in the couch for who he is. But if you want a really high value man and that is what you want and you want to be the adorer and the relationship and you want to be like, wow, that's him, that's my man. And you don't want to be the black cat who's adored, okay? you're going to need to bring something to the relationship. And that doesn't mean finances and being a new masculine. That doesn't mean pursuing him and taking him on dates, God forbid, and taking him out of his masculine. That might be, you are very charismatic, you are very interesting for when he takes you to events. And also, the key,

the key to the gate is making him feel powerful and known. And essentially what men want in the world, the reason they have their toys and the reason they have their things, and the reason they want the house and this and that and the other is to feel like they want it life. They feel like they want it life because they're the boy who's got the toys, right? And if you can help him feel like he's got that status in front of other people, you would have won. Okay. So if you want it now and you're not going to lead with all these things that you might not have and it's a hard pill to swallow, okay, then you're going to need to bring other things to the relationship. And it's okay, is the message of the video, to be the one.

who is pursuing as a woman, drop the handkerchief, choose the man you want to be with, make his life very easy, make him seem and feel powerful in front of others, help in his career by streamlining his life, and you will become irreplaceable to him, understand what value you can bring, and don't consume content that's supposed to be like, no, he's supposed to chase you and that's all it's supposed to be. If you're comfortable in the role of the Golden Retriever or the one who, as they say on TikTok, golden retriever black cat, if you're comfortable being the one who's pursuing,

then offer something that makes you irreplaceable. And this all comes off the back of a comment that I got, how do I catch the black cat? And if I'm a golden retriever woman, and that is how you become irreplaceable in his life and you become somebody that knows him intricately and but this is the last thing I'm going to tell you. This is not applicable for men who are a waste of space.

You're at uni. He never contacts you. All he does is play video games. This is applicable to a man on a mission who's a really high value man. And you're wondering, how do I get in his life and how do I form a partnership? And I want kids like tomorrow. And I want to be his wife or whatever. That's who it's applicable to.

If he's not contacting you and he's not interested in you and he's not got much going on in life, That's just not the one for you. So that's not what it applies to, okay? Okay. I'll speak to you in the next one. Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.