BEING HER with Margarita Nazarenko - 75: How to Regain Power in a Relationship: When He Stops Making Plans & Chasing You.

Episode Date: August 26, 2024

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The following podcast is a dear media production. Hello, gorgeous. Today I'm going to be talking about regaining your power back once you've lost it in a relationship. There's a lot of talk from you about, okay, so I used to be the one being chased in the relationship. I used to be the one in control, in power, in whatever it is. I don't mind how you put it.

But I used to be the one to feel calm. I used to be the one being chased. I used to be all black cat and now I am the golden retriever. It is easy to lose your sense of a feeling like you are the one being chased as the woman, but it's okay. I got you. We're going to go through 10 to 12 points about how to get your power back and your grounding back. It's important for you to feel like you've got some sense of control. Is control a bad word? But some sense of a feeling like you are the prize. It makes us girlies happy. Okay. So let us get into it. First, you need to. There's some notes here, okay? There's some notes. First, you need to regain the power back or to regain him chasing you once you've lost that and you feel like he's just lazing around, not prioritizing you, doing what he needs to do and not doing what, you know, you want him to do, is acknowledge the current state of the relationship and don't blame yourself.

It's not always through lack of trying. It is not because you're ugly. It's not because you're not his dream girl. It is not any of those reasons. Sometimes dynamics shift. And dynamics often shift in relationships. And that has happened to you. Reflect on how that shift happened, though,

because a lot of times the shift happens from our own behaviors. We don't like to put too much blame on ourselves, but we do have to acknowledge how you took part in the shift happening. Were you trying to control him? A lot of women fall into the, bracket of trying to control the man who's in their lives because it gives them some kind of sense of peace. And I advise again and again till the cows come home that it is really, really important to give him his freedom and autonomy. And as soon as I say that, women just get really perturbed

by that, like, oh, but if I give him his freedom and then he goes out and he cheats and he goes and does what he wants, let him is the slogan, let him. If he's going to cheat, let him. If he's going to do that, let him. And by let him, I don't mean put up with subpar behavior. But by let him, I simply mean, let the person show you who they are. Let the person be who they genuinely are without you policing them. You don't need to police the person into being something that they're not. You need to accept people for who they are. When someone shows you who they are, believe them. You need to see where this came from. And often it's from mothering behavior when you're doing things for him, forcing him into healthy habits or monitoring him, policing him, controlling him, and not allowing

him to have his freedom and autonomy, men often start to pull away and you start to feel like you are losing your power. The first step is, number one, acknowledge. Number two, rebuild your self-worth because we cannot get anywhere. The mistake we make is focusing on him and how he's going to now see you and how you're going to be the baddest bitch and he's just. is going to fall head over heels for you. But what you need to do is put yourself at the center of focus again and build habits that boost your confidence, self-esteem outside of your relationship. Yes, girl, I said outside of your relationship, it all starts with you. You need to form a robust circle of self-respect and reflection on who you are. You cannot demand he respect you. In fact,

demanding a man respect you is kind of, I know this is a controversial thing to say, but demanding his respect for you and he spent time with you and he prioritized you is kind of a moot point. People who demand that you spend time with them aren't the type of people you want to spend time with. If it's gone to the point where he doesn't want to spend time with you and he doesn't prioritize you, it's because something is gone awry. You need to first start prioritizing yourself because a universal law, my friends, how you treat yourself in this universe and in this reality is how other people see your value and how they treat you. So if you're going around after him saying prioritize me, spend more time with me, you are in the role of person who is not prioritized

and spent time with. The universe will serve you more of that. If however you prioritize yourself, you build yourself esteem and self-worth, force yourself, force yourself to create things to do to rebuild yourself worth, engage in self-care routines, pursue hobbies, surround yourself with friends who are really supportive of you, to the point where you treat yourself so well, and you've put so much into yourself, and yes, I mean gym memberships, physical, things, facials, like, go all out because once you've spent so much time and effort on yourself, it's that old adage, like, I cannot cry this mascara off because it was too expensive. You become too valuable and expensive for yourself to be chasing him, okay?

Next, create emotional distance. Now you've worked on yourself. Now you create emotional distance. Pull back emotionally to regain perspective. It is not to play games. It is not to be cold. It is simply to regain perspective. This doesn't mean playing around or.

not texting him back, but rather giving yourself space to evaluate the situation. Start prioritizing your own goals and interests instead of seeking approval. A lot of times when you've lost the power in a relationship, you are seeking approval from your admired person. When you switch it up with the second step, you now start to have self-worth and you're seeking your own approval and you create emotional distance. Do not react straight away. Do not message back straight away. always consider a couple of times before you reply or answer emotional distance, not coldness, not punishment, emotional distance. I was feeling super dehydrated and just I did not know what I wanted to drink the other morning

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We get 50% off your first month at any crate line at KiwiCo.com with promo code being her. I'm really glad I can give you this one because I really really. needed this as a first time mom and I didn't have access to it. Okay, so that's 50% off your first month at kI-W-I-C-O.com promo code being her ladies and gents utilize this one. Next, set clear boundaries. Reunforce your boundaries and communicate them clearly. Our relationship should be mutually respectful and help establish that respect by, for example, if he doesn't spend time with you for two weeks, you need to establish that, hey, moving forward, I kind of want a relationship where I actually spend time with the person I'm with. If he's taking you for granted,

let him know that the behavior is not for you, and you do not demand they change. You don't demand that he changes. You cannot demand or force your own ideas of life on someone. You just say, for me, for me, that's not what I want. For me, I don't really want a relationship with someone who's going to see me once every three weeks. You do you, but you consider it. And a really smart thing to say is, don't answer me now. Just think about it. But if it continues this way for one or two more months, I am simply going to lose interest. That's what I find really works.

But you need to set that boundary. Next is stop chasing validation. Shift the focus from trying to win his interest back and validate yourself. Shift focus from trying to win his validation and stop seeking approval. Stopping seeking approval is the number one way to regain control in your relationship. Every time you want to glance up at his eyes for approval from him, don't do it. Do you like this color on me? Don't do it.

Do you think I should go there? Don't do it. Are you going to hang out with me today or can I hang out with the girls? Don't do it. Don't do any of that ish. You need to seek your own validation instead of constantly checking in with him, trying to please him, trying to see if you are adorable, amazing and cute enough, if you're demure enough, If you're mindful enough, if you get the reference, you get the reference.

Don't do that. Stop seeking for his approval like a puppy dog. Next, reconnect with social circles. We often put to the wayside our female relationships and social circles when we start to chase someone. Reengage with your friends and family. Create strong support networks. And we don't all have that.

Like I live in a country away from my family. But prioritizing them first for me would mean talking to them on the phone as opposed to him when he calls after work, for example, okay, just for the time difference, plan outings with your friends and do not cancel them when he shows up. Do you understand? Do not cancel them? In the time that you are waiting for him to switch up his attitude, uses time to invest on personal growth. Like I said, whether it's skills, career, improving your health. I am right now about to embark into my, if it doesn't improve my looks, I am not, I don't care. Why am I on that journey? Because looks and health, okay, body things.

because I have just had two children and those are my children and that is me done with the motherhood thing I think, not done as in like I still have an eight month old baby. I'm still raising these children but as in like the pregnancy and putting my body through this stuff. So like if it doesn't help my looks and body and progression and business, I don't want it and nor should you. Set really strong boundaries around your career, around your goals, around what you're doing and achieve those things. there should be no time for him. And if there is time for him, it should be pleasant. It shouldn't be because you're like this angry rat in the corner.

Like, you never spend time with me. Why don't you ever spend time with me? No, it should be because you're like, oh, finally, I've got some time to spend with you. Yes, next Wednesday is fine. Lastly, not lastly, there's three more points, but if he doesn't come around and you've taken a step back and you're reassessed whether the relationship is going anywhere and you are doing all these things, he's still not reaching out to you, you've got to understand that sometimes what you want is not meant for you. He might not be the man for you. But my hope is by prioritizing yourself and doing all these

things that I've listed before, it will become crystal clear to you and he will either come out of the stupor that he is in, or you will consider that the relationship is not serving you. If you decide to address the issues directly, do so without anger and desperation, express your feelings from the feminine because women often push men away when they're like this. Like you never. How did it? It makes them feel really cornered. And if a woman spoke to us like that, let's say we were or a man spoke to us like that in a

relationship, we would be really put off. But for some reason, we feel we need to dominate the conversation and not come to it from feminine charm. And I think it would work wonders if you did. And you were like, hey, you know, hey, you know, I really want to spend time with you in a relationship I would ideally spend this much time with a person. Would you want that or not? Okay. Next, if you have not seen my content on detachment, watch it. If you have not taken my feminine energy principles course, do it. Go on to margarita Nazareko.com, do those polarity

masterclass and detachment because it is vitally, vitally important to focus on those things. Detachment from the relationship and the outcome of it is really, really important when you understand that people are not hinged to you, attached to you, and the outcome of the relationship is not who you are. That is when you truly start to flourish and people are more and more attracted to you. Reclaim control of your life. Make decisions and prioritize your well-being as opposed to how you appear to him. Stop posting on social media, trying to look cute for him and all these things, asking him what he thinks feels and how his bowel movements are. Start making plans around yourself and your future because at the end of the day, you're probably going to forget him like

you did your other exes and you want to be ready for the next new opportunities in your life. Or if he does step up and start chasing you now, you want to be the best version of yourself, okay? So, your self-worth, your boundaries, your personal growth. It is all pivotal and important. But the main thing to remember is stop blaming other people for your reality. and if you were worth chasing, as in if he wanted you like that, and number two, if you were somebody interesting and incredible, he would.

So it's either the fact that he's not for you and he's not meant for you, or it's the fact that you've let yourself go, and I don't just mean physically, but you've closed the gap so much. There's two people in a relationship. You've moved forward so many steps and lost yourself that there's nothing to chase. You're merely a mirror or a shadow of him at this point. So I'll see you on the next one. Love you lots like jelly tots.

Bye. Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect...