BEING HER with Margarita Nazarenko - 77: How to Become a Dream Girl Instead of a Place Holder.

Episode Date: September 9, 2024

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The following podcast is a dear media production. Hello, gorgeous. Welcome to the podcast. It is morning. The sunlight is coming through the windows. It is Australia. We have decided in Australia that we have skipped spring and we have gone straight to summer. Who needs spring?

We've gone straight to summer. It is gorgeous. It is warm. It is time to be his dream girl. Okay. It is time to embrace dream girl energy. if I could teach you, implore to you, communicate to you one thing that is your life will be easy, breezy cover girl cosmetics if you let go of struggle life. You need to let go and let God with struggle life. I know it's fun, baby. I know it's fun chasing that guy who doesn't want you because you feel maybe you won your father's love, okay? I get it. Daddy's issues. Daddy issues. I have them too. The best of us have them. You are trying to win. some kind of approval or love that you had in the past that you now feel you need to win,

but that is not the way you want to move forward. Struggle love is not for you. I see better things in your future. If you choose a man, and I've told you this on TikTok, I've told you this on Instagram, I've told you this till the cows come home, okay, how to be in your feminine energy. And part of that is choosing a man who chooses you because you don't want to struggle, okay? if it's a struggle when you're young, fruity, delicious and nutritious, then how is it going to be for you when you're going through life with him and you've got 2.4 kids and you're postpartum and you're not

your best self, okay? As in not that a mom postpartum isn't her best self. In fact, that is your best self. But you're not your best self in terms of your temperament. You want to rip his face off. It's not a vibe, okay? So I'm telling you, be his dream girl. Don't be a placeholder. What is a placeholder. A placeholder is somebody who is amazing because you are amazing and there is no there is no minus to a placeholder, okay? There is no bad feeling about a placeholder. You're a placeholder because you are incredible. You're an incredible person, okay? You've done nothing wrong. You're an incredible woman and the reason you're a placeholder is because you are amazing, right? So he's put you in place because he's not ready. That's the reason you're a placeholder. You're not

his dream girl. He's not ready. You haven't got that jeuniseauqua that he's looking for. Maybe the girl he's looking for just, I don't know, has an irrational love of Cheerios or something. It's nothing major that's going to, you know, swing his liking. You know how it is. You might like the skinny guy with tattoos, you know, and there's nothing that the Jimbrough can do to make you like him over the skinny guy with tattoos. There's something logged in your brain that's going to make a certain type of person more appealing to you, okay? You are his placeholder because you are amazing and he would rather have you for seven years and waste your fertile years. years and waste your life and waste everything than nobody he would rather share rent with you he would

rather do all those things with you than with nobody i'm gonna i'm gonna illuminate the situation and open my curtains for those of you watching let's see we're gonna see the view we're gonna see the sparkling water okay we've illuminated the situation with my electronic curtains there's nothing wrong with you but i don't want that for you i don't want you to be the placeholder i want you to be his dream girl. So how to become that, how to be a dream girl for somebody and make sure that you don't let the idea of being someone's placeholder invade your life. I don't want that for you. We're not going to have that. The importance of being authentic is number one, because how can you be someone that is pursued, someone that is chased, someone that is admired if you do not have your own identity

and your own authenticity. Everyone who is, you know, followed in the limelight, everybody who's admired, everybody who stands for something, has to stand for something. If you are just a mere shadow of him, if you just say yes to everything he wants and you just imitate his likes and interests, you are not going to be somebody who he wants to pursue because how can you pursue nothing? If you're essentially nothing because you just imitate other people, how can you be somebody worth pursuing, okay? The problem with not being authentic is the mask will drop. You will eventually

become the person that you always were. If you're going to pretend to be a cool girl, a surfer girl, or whatever chick, the mask will drop. You will eventually become who you always were. Wouldn't you rather be like a bookworm who's into Harry Potter and meet the guy who likes to, I don't know, roleplay Harry Potter fans like to do, but let's just say that's what you like to do? Wouldn't you rather do that than pretend to be the surfer girl, just to attract the guy, and then that's not the way it is. Wouldn't you rather do that? He can only be crazy about you if you are authentic. Next, you need to be independent. And by this, people always get confused. Women always get confused with independence to mean financial independence. We've really been indoctrinated so, so much,

to believe in financial independence being the be all and end all. You need to have emotional independence. We're very financially independent now, girl. We go to uni, we get our own jobs, we outperform men. Fantastic. I'm so happy for you, but we have no emotional independence. We write them long messages about, you made me feel this way, make me feel better. Be independent, babe. Be black cat energy.

Have your own independent thoughts and feelings. Don't always chase him to make you feel better about a certain thing. He cannot always make you feel better. You need to make yourself feel better. You need to have a detachment. If you don't know how, go on my website, feminine energy principles, polarity principles, all those things will teach you how to have that inner feminine independence. Please, for the sake of love and God and everything holy, don't run around saying, I'm an independent woman and clicking your fingers. That is such a show of independence.

That's like men running around going, I'm a matron man, I'm an alpha man. Stop it. Yuck. Stop performing and announcing what you want to be to the world. That means you're literally the opposite of that, okay? Have your own life. Cultivate independence in your own thoughts and goals. When he says, oh, I like that girl over there to provoke you. Don't fall for his provocation. Don't be like, but don't you like me? Why do you follow these girls online? Have your own inner like strength and independence, goddess energy. A woman who has her own passions is self-reliant on her own, on her own morals. It's about your own morals and your own ideas about life. It's not about finances. It's about your values. Okay.

That is your own thing. Next, communicate your needs and desires. Okay, I've got it written down in notes. That's why I'm flicking the phone. Discuss your needs and desires very clearly. Don't be boo-boo kitty girl in the corner. Like, I don't know what I want. I don't know what I want to eat for dinner.

A woman knows who knows what she wants is like giving a man a manual of how to make her happy. I want this, I want that. I want the other. I used to never tell my husband or partners what I want for my birthday. just wait like boo-boo-kitty girl for them to guess what I want and then I'd get upset and get all boo-boo-kitty and cry, okay? Set boundaries, expectation, communicates needs and desires. I want to get married, not to you, but to a guy. I'm going to live, you know, live, you know, with a whatever fence I want, pick a white fence, whatever the dream is, I don't know, I want dogs instead

of kids. Whatever it is you want, you say it. If he's the one who's going to make you happy, if you're his dream girl, he will make you happy. He will be like, order done. I will take on the order that you have requested, madam. If he's not, he's not the one for you. You're not going to be a placeholder. How do you fall into the position of a placeholder, baby? How do you fall into that position? Let me tell you how you fall into that position by saying yes to everything he wants and never communicating what you want. Wouldn't you rather be someone's dream girl than Bob's placeholder? You are worth more than that. Trust me, it's so much more fun to be somebody's dream girl because you're not running around chasing somebody, trying to convince them to love you for whatever.

it is. Okay, next. A dream girl is supportive, but she maintains her standards, okay? You need to emphasize the balance between being supportive and maintaining high standards. He doesn't want to work for a year. He's working on his jewelry business. Okay, you're supportive, but that doesn't mean you're paying his bills. That doesn't mean you are going 50-50. A lot of women fall into the trap of supporting their partner financially, emotionally, in every single way possible because we're women. We are predisposed to see vulnerability and things because we have the biology to be mothers. Even if you're not a mother, you have the biology to be one. So you're like, oh, poor little boy, poor little boy can't work.

Let me quickly swoop in like the eagle that I am, like the pigeon that I am and help you, help you go into your future of your jewelry making business. Stop hammer time. You might have children in the future. You might have puppies in the future. Reserve your nurturing energy for them. stop trying to support a man in ways like a mother would support him in ways that a woman would. I see you, babe, you've got this, you can do this. That is how you support a man in a feminine way.

Believe in him. Cherish him, speak light into what he's doing. Verbally, speak light into it. You're amazing. You can do this. Go, Brad, go Brad, go Brad. I'm your number one fan. Brad, Brad, you're the man.

If you can't do it, no one can. But please, don't start doing 50, 50 and splitting the bills because what he'll do is he will reserve you as the placeholder. You're putting yourself more into the position of a placeholder by making his life convenient. You are risking the fact that you've made life so convenient for him that he will not be honest with himself or you in saying that maybe you're not the one for him because you've made it super duper cozy. You understand? It's really hard to get rid of something that's super duper cozy. Next, invest in your personal growth as opposed to the relationship with him until he's made you his wife. Okay, explain how continuous personal

growth, education hobbies is more important to you than investing money and time in the relationship like buying a house together before he's even married you. Yuck. He's not married you. He's not even, he's deciding whether you're good enough for him. He's there deciding whether you are good enough for him and you're trying to buy a house with him. That is neither desired nor required. It is actually audacious and rude. Okay. So instead of when you want to invest in him, when you want to invest in your future, when you want to move countries for him, when you want to like, I don't know, do everything for him, invest in yourself. You know why? Because you're, you're going to invest in your future. You know why? Because you're going to be more and more attractive to him by investing in you. And if he chooses

turn around and be like, sorry, Beb, you were a placeholder, then you're more attractive for the next man who's going to come along and you haven't wasted your resources on Brad, okay? Because we always go, I've wasted my best years on you. I wasted my best years and you. Don't. Nobody forced you. Patricia. Nobody forced you. Okay. Next, create strong emotional connections. Talk about the importance of deep intimacy and building a strong emotional bond, which helps ensure that you can see if you are his dream girl or not. If he's evasive, if he's avoidant, you will see that you're a placeholder. If you don't have a strong emotional bond, you will see that he cannot engage in meaningful conversations with you. You will see that he's avoiding you. You will see

that very clearly. A strong emotional bond is only made with the dream girl. Okay. Next, don't settle. When you discuss ideas like living in a certain place or doing certain things and he's like no, no, no, and always bending the stick in his direction, bending the stick. Okay, let's just go with he's bending the stick into his direction. And you see that the only way the relationship works is if you constantly settle, you know, you are not his dream girl. You are the placeholder, okay? You are the placeholder because you are convenient. Try and rebuke and say no to some things that he wants because you will clearly see very, very quickly, Patricia, that you are the placeholder. show confidence in a relationship. Confidence is attractive. Don't constantly ask him if he loves you. Stop it.

Even if he did is going to put him off. Okay. Stop constantly asking for reassurance. You need to cultivate in yourself, the love that you crave from him. You need to understand that if you don't know him very well from a bar of soap, you are seeing the qualities that you have, the good qualities that you have in him. You see, it's not him. You need to be the judge of the relationship. You need to say, do I want him enough? I'm confident in the fact that I have good qualities and if you're not, you need to start coming through for yourself. Show up for yourself on time like it's an appointment you can't break. Have confidence in yourself. Be there for yourself.

Be your own best friend. Okay. Next, don't be afraid to walk away. The willingness to walk away from a relationship that isn't fulfilling or progressive is the one that's going to differentiate you from a dormant or a dream girl. How you need to have the willingness in your soul. in your spirit. He will sense that. Men are bizarre with their senses. They can sense your willingness to walk away. Be willing to walk away. Be willing in your ether, in your embers to walk away.

Have that strong feminine boundaries and spirit, okay, to be able to walk away. Don't always announce the fact that I'm going to walk away. If you sneeze at me, I'll walk away. If you walk in the wrong direction, I'll walk away. No. Just know that you can. Just know. Knowing is enough. You need to have a balance of self-respect, but you don't need to make him always, don't go on about him respecting you and you need to be an equal partner, all this stuff. Have a playful energy. Dreamgirls have a distance from the man that is chasing them, hence creating the distance from him chasing you or pursuing you and you being the dream girl. If you're always up in his George Foreman closing the space, not allowing him to pursue you, you cannot be the dream girl. The idea of dream is that they're slightly unattainable. And maybe this is not ideal for a long-term relationship for you, but I enjoy being someone's dream girl. I enjoy being slightly out of reach, sometimes in reach, sometimes out of reach. Coquette. Read Seduction by Robert Green.

The coquette is somebody who blows hot and cold, not on purpose, not in a horrible, manipulative way, but sometimes you're warm, sometimes you're cold. Give them something to be interested in. Don't always rely on modern relationship tactics like mutual respect and communication. That is great for friendship, that is great for love, but it's not necessarily great for desire. If you want to be somebody's dream girl, you have to have a question to you, a mystery to you. Okay? A mystery to you. Lastly, don't be the driver of the relationship.

This is counterintuitive to normal advice, but I would not be the driver of the relationship. To be someone's dream girl means that they are pursuing you. This might not be for you, but if you want to be the dream girl, means that they are achieving you. If you're the dream house, the dream car or the dream girl, means the participant in the dream has to be the one who's achieving. See? So if you're always like, what are we? What are we going to do? Where are we going to move?

Where are we going to go? If you're always pursuing him, that means you are not the dream. If that's the dynamic, then he's the dream guy. He is the black cat and you are the golden retriever chasing him. When you want to ask those questions, zip it, write it in a diary. Look at how many times you wanted to ask that question. Notice if he's not asking you those questions, that means he is not pursuing you. If you are happy being somebody's placeholder, then go for gold.

I'm going to be honest with you. Sometimes the experience of being the one who loves as opposed to the one who is chasing. For example, to chase is sometimes a more interesting experience, a more heightened emotional experience. That's me talking real talk, okay? I don't enjoy it. It really sends my anxiety through the roof. I want to be chased, pursued, and be the dream girl because it makes me feel cozy and warm inside. It makes me feel safe, okay?

In this unstable world, it makes me feel safe. But if you want the spiky sensation of wondering, is he going to reply to me? If you want the ups and downs of the emotional feeling of like, is he into me? If you want to be the lover as opposed to the loved, then maybe you want to be the placeholder. Maybe you want to be the one who wins his affection. It's up to you. The world, as they say, my love, is your oyster, is your cake, eat it how you will.

But if you want to be the dream girl, follow the instructions in this video slash podcast. Go on my website. I've got so many resources in there. Have you read my book? Why haven't you? Took me a year to write, okay? Everything I know in that book. Things that haven't put in that book in the courses. Participate. Let's talk. And I'll see you on the next one. Love you lots like jelly tots. Bye.

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