BEING HER with Margarita Nazarenko - 78: How To Know If A Man Is Wasting Your Time Or Really Wants To Marry You.

Episode Date: September 16, 2024

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How to know if he is simply wasting your time or he sees you as marriage, long-term relationship, material, girly, lean in. This is what we're talking about today. We might say that this topic doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. Who wants to get married? Who wants to have kids these days? Who wants any of it? Forget it.

Fob it off. You're an independent queen. You are, you know, going to forge your own way in the world and you don't need anybody but your hamster. And that's fine. This one is for the girls who don't want to waste their time. This is for the people who understand the women, the women, the girls, the females who understand that we are working with a different timeline, you and I. You and I, we're working with a different timeline.

Our time is of the essence. Our time is more precious than his time. We've got Robert De Niro, dear Bobby over here, having children at 77, big age, big age of 77, okay? Congrats to him. I love that for him. Wow. Wow, how we were. But we, you and I, my girly friend, don't have that.

luxury, but it's also the fact that it's not a luxury we have the time to have all these children and all these things, but it's also, it makes us more precious. It makes us as females in our female fertility and in our timing a lot more precious than it would a man's timing. That's why they can dilly-dally through life. They can dilly-dally. They can walk around. They can look at the scenery, this one, that one, which flower shall I pick? They are like snow white, you know, in the field picking flowers with the animals gathering around them. You and I are not. You need to get serious if you want a marriage, kids-style relationships, jokes aside, with a guy. You need to get serious, okay, and stop them wasting your time. Your time is precious. You have to build your

career in your 20s. You're going to move out in your 20s. You've got to do your university, college in your 20s. You've got to do all kinds of things in your... You see, my camera fell down from the shock from the shock if you heard a thud in if you were listening on podcast that was my camera falling down because it was shooketh for you okay because i'm also filming this for youtube so if you want to see my faces i talk go on youtube and i'll see you there but the reason it's important jokes aside is because you there is many many times many coincidences not coincidences many specific incidences that i've seen and you've seen and we've all seen of a man sitting on you like the chair that you are, reserved for him from the age of 23 to the age of 36, at which point

he decides he doesn't want children and he doesn't want to marry you. What a trudge, because now you've missed out on that, and he has married Rachel after you, and he is enjoying that time with her, okay? If you invest the time, emotions, and energy into a man to build him up for those 10 years, you've helped him build his career. You're there cooking his meals, washing his socks, wiping his ass because you've got that mothering instinct pumping through you, you don't realize it, but you're mothering him instead of mothering a child or a puppy or something that actually needs mothering as opposed to his full grown man ass who's five years older than you. Okay.

You have wasted time. Is he serious? Is he not? It's very, very important for us to find out. This will help you identify. This video will help you identify. I'm going to give you like 10 points, 10 points to help you identify. You're seeing him. You're dating. Okay. Is he clear? Clear about the future. A man who's serious about

marrying you will talk openly about the future. I don't mean like, I want to marry you one day, Rebecca. But I mean just, yeah, in the future I'd like to have children or in the future when I'm married. He talks about the future without acting. And you know what men are. They're really bad at acting coherently when they're trying to trick you. Like if you're like me and you can see people's behavior, you will see he's acting all like jibba, jibba, jibba, you know, flapping around when you bring up the future because he's not sure about the future with you. He won't, like if he is sure about you, he will discuss long-term plans and how you fit into them. And I don't mean like, you're going to wear a white dress with silver earrings on our wedding. No, I mean like, yeah, when we go to Greece next year and with my family, like you're a part of his life.

you're clearly communicated in the parts of his life when he talks about his future trajectory. If you're not in them, if you're finding yourself constantly in discussions, like if he's like, oh yeah, and then one day when I moved to Nebraska and you're like, I moved to Nebraska, what about me? We live in Washington. Like, what is happening? Okay. If he frequently brings up marriage and family planning or living together in the future,

it is a positive sign. Evasive answers are a red flag when he gets all flag. and evasive, but listen, don't just go off that one modality, okay? Let's add more because maybe he's just not got future plans, okay? Because I know us girlies like to give excuses to gentlemen for why he's flustered talking about future plans. You're like, oh my God, he's flustered. It means he's buying the ring next weekend.

He is so flustered. He's buying the ring. Okay, number two. Consistency in actions. Actions speak louder than words, my friend. A man who is serious will consistently show up for you, follow through on promises and make your priority in him. his life. Yes. If you're constantly wondering why he doesn't make plans with you, where he doesn't

prioritize you, why sometimes, not sometimes, why he has time for a boy's trip, but doesn't have time for a trip with you. Why he's got time to reply to his friends in front of you and to his job, well, jobs will exclude because we want them to have jobs, that's cool. And we want them to have friends, but as in when someone replies to work but doesn't reply to you, they might just be busy at work. But if he's replying to his grandma and his friends and his phones always glued to his face, like almost to his face because he texts so much, but he can never find time to reply to you. Get the message queen. He's not that interested.

It's okay. It's okay that he's not interested. Leave him alone. Okay. Does he follow through on promises? Does he regularly include you in decision making? Like, oh, I'm buying a sofa from my apartment. Which color do you like black or white?

You're like, mm, okay. Consistent actions. He's always consistently thinking of me and priority. prioritizing me. Number next. Big one, big one, including you in his inner circle. Okay, a man who's serious about you will introduce you to his family and close friends in a meaningful way. This is Jessica, my girlfriend, not, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, once you bump into them at them all by accident, okay? He will want you to be a part of his social circle and family because men really value their family and social circle. Most times there are exclusions, okay? If he's reluctant to

introduce you and keeps you separate, you know that what he's planning for is to eventually evade you from his life, exclude you from his life, cut you off from his life. And it will be easier to have a thing on the side, which is you, a situation ship, cuts off from his innermost relationships because right now he's not sure about you. He is not sure about you. You know that sex and the city episode where Big keeps taking her to that side restaurant where like nobody ever goes and it's in the back of the restaurant and it's some kind of Chinese food joint. or something, I think, where, anyway, it's because he's trying to avoid the woman he's with actually seeing her, okay? Next, openness to discuss commitment. Amant who wants to marry you or be

with you in a long-term way is open to discuss commitment and timelines as well as when he'd like to get engaged or married. I'm not talking about on the first date. I'm not talking about on the second date or first month. But if you've been together for a while and he keeps deflecting, it means you are not his dream girl. Or like you said, he's buying a ring literally tomorrow. But if he's deflecting, deflecting, deflecting, deflecting, you need to sit with yourself and back up off that question. Like I said, till I'm blue in the face, feminine energy is what will get you your dream, man.

I promise you, and it will get you your happy life. Masculent energy will drive you into doing, doing, doing, and not being, and that will repel men, that will repel most things that come to you naturally, like flowing energy, okay? Use your masculine energy for work to get goals, men, and things like that, but you cannot catch a man despite his willingness to be caught and force him to be your partner because he will always, even if he succumbs despite wanting to, he will always be running from you and you will be messaging me asking why my boyfriend doesn't chase me and I always have to chase him. If he's already deflecting and not talking about commitment, it is a sign he is not serious. And if it is not a sign

he's not serious and he's just nervous or whatever excuse you want to give yourself, okay, back off. Back off and see what he does. Back off for a certain amount of of time and see what he does. Because attracting means being in your most optimum, most incredible self in the moment. You are optimizing yourself. You are going to attract him to you through feminine energy as opposed to chasing him through masculine energy and asking him for timelines. Next, willingness to compromise and work through issues. Marriage requires compromise and willingness to make it work if he feels you are the one for him or you are his dream girl or you're the one he's chosen, he will compromise for you. If you are not that,

he will never compromise. He will make you drive to his end of town. He will never ask you what you want to do or what you want to eat or who you are. Nothing. Okay. If he's willing to have difficult conversations and actively work on improving the relationship, he is likely serious about you and the future. Next, financial life and planning together. First of all, it would be lovely if he is just looking after you and already wanting to buy you everything because you're his princess yada yada yada but if he includes you seriously in financial planning and discusses living arrangements how it's going to be and talks about building a life together that is the sign of commitment now i'm not asking you to be as shira seven says it barbara the builder to be building

his life with him i am not one who ed hears to this but a man is serious when he is talking about scaling your future he is not serious when he's asking you how much of the rent you you can pay and trying to move you in his house. Now, a lot of girls think that a man is serious when he's trying to move in with her and split the rent. No, no, no. You are a placeholder and a way for him to split the rent with you while he looks for other options. And I don't mean other options, like actively cheating on you, but you are good enough for now. He can split the rent with you for now. And then in five years, he can find his dream girl. Yay for him, but we don't want that. Number next. He is marrying you if he is consistently built.

the relationship. A man who is serious will put effort into nurturing the relationship, making plans and showing that he cares. Now, this is a point that I wrote down here, but I have to also make you understand that we cannot find everything we need in one partner. He cannot be your sister, wife, mom, best friend, period partner like you both lie on the sofa eating ice cream, because both of you have your period. He is a man, okay? The way to make a long-time relationship last is to have togetherness and love and mystery. Okay. Mystery doesn't come from you hiding behind the sofa in a Zorro mask going,

I am mysterious. It comes from you not always being around them as hard as it is for us, girlies. Yes, I want to be super glued to my man as well and always have been. You know what I mean? That's me. I get it. Yeah, anxious attachment. Woohoo, gang.

But it comes from you experiencing your own life, doing your own thing, being the attractor to him. You're attracting him into your world into your magical feminine fairyland. okay. Consistently building the relationship is great, but a lot of men don't do it despite being serious about you because they get lazy. So you need to have your own world very much so in order for him to come into it. Okay. Next, shared goals and values. I've always said this. Me and my husband are completely polar opposites. We have different, basically we're like different mammals. I'm like fast. I have fast ideas. I act fast on things. Like if we were birds, I'd be like an eagle and he'd be an owl.

He's got to think about everything 500 times. I can't stand it. Move, move, move, move. Let's go. A man who wants to marry you, though, will align with your goals and values like I do with my husband. That's an example. Okay, we are not a perfect couple at all.

I'm not saying that you should be like me, be like whoever you want to be. But it's about values, not personality traits, okay? You have to agree with important topics. Children, lifestyle, expenses, and discuss these openly, okay? Next, trust and trust. trust trust, trust, very important in any serious or a relationship. A man who's serious about marrying you will be transparent with trust. He won't be hiding his phone.

He won't be adding codes. He won't be constantly texting Richard because actually Richard is Jessica. And that's just his code name. Okay. It's not going to happen. You're not going to feel insecure. You're going to feel a sense of calm. And that's a problem for all of you anxiously attached girlies because you're used to living

in the oceans of turbulence. being with an avoidant man who hides his phone for no damn reason just because he's so avoidant. He doesn't want to feel like you are monitoring him. Do you know avoidance do that because they feel so engulfed by everyone, so mothered by everyone and smothered that they will literally try and create boundaries by like moving their phone away and hiding it even if there's nothing going on. Okay, but we digress. That's a different video for a different time.

He'll be open with his life. He won't be taking his phone to the bathroom with him. it's like I'm saying this but I suspect you know that right you know that right next will be respect for your boundaries and your needs a man who respects your boundaries listens to your needs and is willing to meet you there considers your time space emotional well-being is is somebody who wants a long-term relationship with you now this one's a big one okay a long-term investment he's not just spending time with you but he is long-term investing in a future with you whether it be trips or talking about life goals or literally like

Let's say you've got uni debt, right? And let's say he's like nine years older than you, five years older than you, and he's already working his career. If he's like, hey, let me help you out covering those debts or let me buy you this to, you know, or let me pay for this class for you to advance yourself in a career. For example, I'm just taking that as an example. He's investing in your future. That means who does he think is going to be in that future with you?

Him. Okay. I've said this time and time again on my TikTok that if he is investing in you, It is harder for him to leave you. It's a simple paradox because he sees you as a long-term big investment. That's why men polish these ridiculous old cars and look after them so well, the more they invests the time. Look, guys, please don't come from me in the comments. I don't want it.

Not ridiculous. They're lovely cars. I love them. But the more they invest, if you look at men, on things that they love, the more they cherish them. And the more it works. like it's the same with our children like I invest so much in my kids it doesn't mean I love them because I'm invested in them but what we invest in we love right basically guys it is very important that you don't waste your time put my notes away and really lean in and tell you this it's really important

really really important society has taught you that you need to be the cool girl that you need to be easy breezy cover girl cosmetics that you you know you're the cool girl you're a pick me girl like whatever as long as yeah I don't care I don't care I don't care I just he can do what he wants I'm just chill I'm like cool but the reality is you don't have the same timeline you have a lot of value in your 20s you are young as we all do like youth cannot be bought time cannot be bought you cannot buy more time ask anyone when they're 99 years old and they have a billion dollars would they rather be 99 with a billion or 20 with zero I think you all know what their answer would be, okay?

They would rather be 20 with zero and have no money, but live life. Life is precious. And for you, you've got a lot to do in your 20s, baby. Like, the thing you don't need to be doing is looking after somebody else's son on your time, on your youth, on your time where you should either be having kids or building a career. It's not the time. So please let us exit those men's stage left and bring in the men that actually like us because it is soul destroying to date man after man after man who's not into you.

because you have not done the due diligence. That's the hardest word to say, due diligence, in sussing out whether they're actually interested in you, and you've wasted your time. Yuck, we don't want that. Love you lots like jelly tots. I'll see you on the next one.

Bye.