BEING HER with Margarita Nazarenko - 83: Manipulate ANYONE using Dark Psychology with Simone Simmons

Episode Date: October 20, 2024

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On this week's podcast, ladies, we have the one and only Simone Simmons. When it comes to leveling up, dark psychology tricks, looking your best, being the hottest version of you, she is the place to go to. And I know you will love this episode. You know, in TikTok, when they're like, these are the three people that, you know, you need to listen to. It's always your face. And I feel like the space is just such an interesting vibe at the moment, because women are very much on their self-improvement journey. I wasn't always a self-development creator. I was honestly doing like silly content in a clown wig at the beginning when I was 18.

And I think my community really resonate with me because they've seen all sides of my life. And they've also watched me grown. They don't just get this one aspect where I'm this mysterious creator. They don't know anything about me. They know my background. And they can relate to that. They say if you take the advice of most people, you'll end up like most people. Such an excessive amount of content online that when we consume it, we feel like just by watching

this video, we've already started this level up journey. And before you know it, you're three months into watching these videos every day. You have not even started. You've like paralyzed yourself with this content you've been watching. If you think you're going to make a quick dollar from anything, it's all wrong. And you need to continue to persist and overcome all the obstacles. Hi, babe. Thanks for coming on. Hi, thanks for having me. I listened to this quote from you and it said, if you want to follow a career look into whether you like their lifestyle before you take their advice. That's a quote from you that I found really interesting.

What do you mean when you say that? I think there's just so many creators in this space now. There's an oversaturation. And I talked about this in my recent video saying that a lot of the creators, they're just regurgitating advice from a lot of the other top creators. Meanwhile, they don't really have credentials. They're not even talking from their own experience. And they're just sitting in like their mom's basement, honestly,

hoping to get a check from YouTube and capitalize on the self-development space that's currently trending. So I said, you can't just mindlessly take advice from everyone. You need to look at their lifestyle and what they've achieved, what they've been through in order to determine should you even listen to them. Otherwise, they can completely lead you astray. Just because someone's, you know, talking to a camera, it doesn't mean that they're qualified to even speak of this or that you should even be listening to them to begin with. Because they say, if you're you take the advice of most people, you'll end up like most people. I don't know. What do you think about you resonates with a lot of girls? I think, so I've done YouTube for a long time, and a lot of

my audience, they've been there since the beginning. I wasn't always a self-development creator. I was honestly doing like silly content in a clown wig at the beginning when I was 18. I have a psychology degree. So every now and then I would do these self-development videos. And I think my community, they really resonate with me because they've seen all sides of my life and they've also watched me grown they don't just get this one aspect where I'm this mysterious creator they don't know anything about me they know my background and they can relate to that and I also try to entirely speak from my own perspective and experience and combine that with my psychology background my spirituality whatever so I think that's what really resonates with people and I I feel like in many ways I

I can be relatable because I am a girl at the end of the day. I've gone through so many different things. And I'm not trying to ever pedestal myself as being above you, like talking down to you. I have been through what you have been through. And I'm just trying to help you through it and like not make my own mistakes. From watching you, I feel like you're that friend who is really relatable and funny, but I want to be like when I watch you. You know what I mean? But when you, when you look at you, you do have the credentials. Do you think they have? help you in creating the type of content you make and in being like a leader in the space? 100%. Yeah, I love psychology and that is my degree. And I mean, everything I speak about,

I relate it to my psychological background. I can't even speak about something without thinking about the psychological component to it. And with the dark psychology videos, do you think, how do you think they affect people? So I always disclaim at the beginning that, you know, you can take it one of two ways either you use it to manipulate people or you use it to not get manipulated. And the reason these videos do so well is because I think most people are so insecure that they want to use these videos to get power over people. So I don't know if people use it to not get manipulated or they're using it to manipulate. But I think just watching it, they do have an edge over people. So they will always be able to protect themselves through.

watching this content and you know if they choose to implement it and manipulate other people that is on them but it's not really something they should do if i title a video how to influence your partner to love you they won't watch it if i title a video how to manipulate men everybody watches it so it's clickbait but it's for a positive you know means to the end when it comes to you how did you choose your path and your education and how come you chose you it in the beginning and where do you see it going now? So it's interesting. I actually went into uni doing a film degree because I wanted to be a film director originally. Turns out I just wanted to do YouTube. But at the time, I was actually drop shipping and I had a couple of successful

stores that I sold early on. And this was before drop shipping was a big trend. And I realized quickly if I knew psychology, I will always be able to make money, like no matter what. So when I decided I didn't want to do this film degree and I had one week to quickly choose a new degree I just did psychology because yeah I literally knew it will always make me money whether that's YouTube or another business

you use it in every single aspect of your life if the younger version of you saw what you're doing now what would you think she'd not be surprised I think I always knew who I was meant to be and I always knew what direction I was going in so when I was younger I knew I wanted to do YouTube among other things.

And I always would say to myself, like, we're never going to give up. I mean, I tried to do YouTube for years and years before I blew up. I was 16, and every video, it was just failing. And I would write my diary, like, you can't give up. You're going to get that one day. And I knew what my life would look like. I knew YouTube would provide me so much freedom if I was able to make it finally. So I just continue to persist with it.

So I really, I don't think my youngest self would be surprised at all. Like, she knew that she would be here today. I think if I wasn't here, she would be more surprised, actually. Do you think there's a psychological difference between a person who, like, you, chooses what they want and just sets their mind to it and somebody who attempts a YouTube career and then stops? Yeah. I mean, first of all, it's grit and persistence and determination and having a thick skin, and I think a lot of people don't have that. They think having a social media career is something that's simple. Oh, everyone can do it. And if they don't get their quick, you know, five minutes of fame and it doesn't come fast, they give up and they move on to the next thing.

So it's something you have to really, really want. I mean, success is not overnight for YouTube or for absolutely anything in life. If you think you're going to make a quick dollar from anything, you're all wrong. You need to put in the work and you need to continue to persist and overcome all the obstacles. So yeah, that psychological difference is that some people are lazy and some people are in it for a quick buck. And that's not just YouTube, it's for anything. So if you really want something, you're not going to give up. You're going to continue until you get there. What in your childhood made you understand that? Or was it later in life? So I've talked about this a couple of times in my channel. My mom, she had a huge bookshelf full of business books, in particular, Donald Trump

books and every time I mention this, it's controversial with the current election, this is not political opinion, it's objective, his books are quite good. And my mum would give this to me at a really early age. I was 11, 12, reading these books. And that actually really wired my mindset. I will never forget this quote where he said, focus stands for, follow one course until successful. And I would write that in my journal over and over again. And I would read it. I had this journal called my success journal and I'd write all the quotes in there, all seven times stand up eight. So whenever I encountered failures, I would read it and I would stand up and I would go and do it again. When I was 15, I was heavily involved in the startup community. There was this whole

teen tech community where we're all like working on startups and different projects and I taught myself, Ui, UX design. And a couple of these projects failed and my mom would say, you need to stop. Like you need to give up, go focus on your schoolwork. And I would talk. And I would, just be like, no, I had such a thick skin. And I could tell my mom, four, seven times stand up eight, like, I'm going to keep going. And, you know, eventually there was success with that. And the skills I learned also helped me with YouTube. So everything eventually comes full circle. What made you pick up those books at a young age? Because funnily enough, I read the same books. That's so funny. I would always say that it was my mom who gave it to me. But I talked to my mom about this recently,

because I've been home. And she said, I never gave it to you. She said, you. picked it up yourself and you always were just interested in that. So I think there honestly is a genetic component where some people are more predetermined to go down a path of entrepreneurship or they naturally are inclined to be more determined or have more grit. For example, I did a DNA test and it said my discipline, it's very average, but one of my best friends, hers is incredibly high genetically and I can see it. If we go out tonight and she comes back drunk, she's going to do payroll for her dad's company still, completely drunk. Like she would pull out the laptop 4 a.m. and do it.

I'm not doing that. So I think there is a complete genetic component to that as well. It's called Circle DNA. Yes, genetic test DNA. That's incredible. That's so interesting. So when it comes to, let's say one day you potentially have a child, would there be a way that you raise them in order to have that grit

or you think it just happens? I would. You need to put your child through obstacles and tests where they can overcome it themselves. So in psychology, if you tell your child, you're so naturally gifted, you're so smart, but they actually haven't done anything to achieve that. And then they fail, for example, a test at school. If they don't actually think they worked hard in order to become smart,

they were just naturally born smart and now they fail, they're less inclined to actually get up and study harder and perform because they're going to say, oh, I'm just not smart anymore. this is not in my control. So I think if you raise your child to actually believe that they have control over their life and that they have control where they want to go, that is going to make them work hard of. I think as a child as well, my teachers and my mom, they would always naturally call me smart. So when I would fail very early in school, I actually wouldn't do better.

I was a C student during primary school. And then it wasn't until my mom, she pulled me out of enrollment for a private school and I didn't want to go to my local school, which was very terrible. I started to study so hard. And that's when I became an A student. And that's when I actually started to accomplish things very early on in my life because I realized I had control. It wasn't just about me being born a particular way. And if you, if someone's watching this and they're like, oh, it's easy for you guys to say you've got this, that and the other. and they're in a hard time in their life?

Has there been a time in your life that you've had to overcome it in order to get out the other side? That actually happened more later in my life in the recent years. There have been a lot of obstacles come up, especially like mental components. For example, my father passed this year. And, you know, dealing with that, making YouTube videos has been very difficult

having that big audience because there were people writing comments like, oh, she's such a terrible person, taking a better help sponsorship while her dad has passed away. And I'm like, actually, you know, behind the camera, I might not be doing okay, but I still come on here and help you guys. And, you know, God forbid I get paid for doing this because it is part of my livelihood. And you're out here judging me. So that's one thing.

And even moving country, this year was very difficult. I would say, though, when I was younger, I don't think I had many obstacles because I think I think I was way too tunnel vision and focus on my goals at the time. There were some things at home going on, but I, again, I completely would close up emotionally to that. And I think later on that actually caused some issues, which now I'm working through. But I have not been through many bad things at home, which I know a lot of my audience has gone through. So I always say you can't compare yourself to me or to another person because we all go through different things and we all have different types of privileges.

It's just what we do with that makes it count. We can't beat ourselves up because we didn't have something that another person has. Like you just need to do your best. And how did closing off emotionally affect you in later life? Well, I became really numb to a lot of things. Even when my father died, I was super non to that. and then every now and then it would peek through. And I was diagnosed with CPTSD for a couple of things that happened early on.

And my nervous system is in like a perpetual free state. So that's something I really need to regulate. So when I achieved my dream life, literally the life I vision board, it feels like nothing. Like the amount I travel, I feel like I'm not here because I can be in such a free state where it's closed off. So I have to actively try to. heal my nervous system and come out of this. So I would say that's actually my biggest obstacle

because I love to work. But being in a free state means you struggle to work. Like you don't want to get out of bed. You don't want to do the things that are good for you as well. Even like exercising is very hard for me because your body is trying to protect yourself and it's trying to stay stuck because it thinks you're in danger all the time. So that is currently my biggest obstacle that I'm working through. I talked to my mom this morning and she said, you wrote your book or you did this, that and the other one in the last year. And she said, how do you feel?

And I said, nothing. I don't know why. I struggle to feel that because, like, maybe not like you, but in a different way, I had a very, like, unstable childhood growing up. So I'm always in a momentum state. And same with exercising. I probably don't know if I have the same thing. We'll never know.

The thing that motivated me to start doing a lot of the things I started doing, as opposed to like you describe freezing is just having kids because now I'm like I've got to do it for them. It's not from some kind of, oh, you know what, this feels good. I'm going to work today. It's from almost like a having to do it feeling. So I think when a lot of people see people who have what they have, they don't think about the life that that person might have had and what caused them to be that way. And with the content you and I make, do you think it's possible for everybody to level up or glow up or create the life they want? Or do you think it's just content that they binge because it makes them feel good? No, I think everyone is in control of their own life. But sometimes there is such an excessive amount of content online that when we consume it, we feel like just by watching this video,

we've already started this level up journey. And before you know it, you're three months into watching these videos every day and you have not even started. You've like paralyzed yourself with this content you've been watching. And sometimes even I think when I was younger, you know, for example, that quote, follow one course until successful, the little quotes here and there. I wasn't bombarded with all the self-help content. All I had were a couple of books, and that's why it was so easy for me to implement things, because it was only a couple of little advices. While now we have so much online that it can actually overwhelm you.

This is what my therapist said, actually, that so many people don't know that they are in a free state or that they have CPTSD, and it might not manifest in such an extreme way. linked to mental illness, but, you know, just a free state in everyday life where, oh, I want to level up, but I feel overwhelmed by all this content. I don't know where to start. So then you procrastinate. So I think it's about, you know, choosing the creators you want to follow, picking like a couple of advices and then slowly implementing that. And I think, of course, everyone can level up from that. But leveling up looks really different. It's not about being rich or being gorgeous for every single person. Everyone has their own goals. How would you suggest someone picks the creators that they should

follow if they're confused, if they're lost, they're watching all this content? How do you see someone who's genuine? I think it's a vibe. I think when you watch a creator, you can tell if you connect to them on like an energetic level. And then secondly, you can go look into their background. You can see the like the lifestyle, they're living as well as that's something that you would aspire to have because I personally, if I was not a YouTuber, I would not watch someone who isn't doing anything with their life and they're just speaking all this advice because I can't trust you. Like, where is this coming from? 100%. You know the advice that they have online at the moment for women, especially when it comes to men, there's so much around that when it's like, do this and he'll

find you attractive. Don't reply to him and he'll want to message you back. Is it possible for any woman using these techniques to become attractive to the guy that she wants? Or is that just something that is used online to get women to watch? Okay, I have a couple of thoughts on this. I think if you're using these tactics, you can make anyone like you, yes, but will it last? Because you're not actually being your authentic self. You need to keep up this facade for a long time and that is exhausting. I even say my manipulation videos, you will do these tactics and it will always, always work, but it's not going to make you feel good. I personally wouldn't do such tactics because I don't want to attract that type of person

who would also fall for those tactics because it probably means they're not as secure in themselves. For example, if someone was doing a texting game with me, it's going to work. I will be by my phone because I'm on the intermittent room. enforcement schedule. They've already gone into my head, but I know what they're doing, so I'm going to walk away from that because I am more secure in myself and I'm not going to allow them to have that control over me. And when it comes to, for example, I get this a lot, it's all playing games, you're playing games when even when you say something as, not benign, but something is obvious, it's like, don't bombard someone with text messages. That's basic decorum. And people

like, no, I don't want to play games. I just want to be my authentic self. Is there like a limit in your opinion about how one should act? If you're bombarding someone and they're not replying, you're disrespecting yourself at that point. Yeah, because they clearly want nothing to do with you. And here you are blowing up their phone, like, give me attention. Why did you ghost me? You need to have that self-respect and discipline as well

to pull back a little bit and let them chase. Or if they're not going to chase you a bit, then leave. someone else who clearly sees your value. And when someone does see your value, it is so obvious. You don't need to play these games because they authentically see you for you and they see your value, they see your worth and they will treat you right. You don't need to play this texting game and whatever other games there are. You can be yourself in that situation.

And I really do think that there is a match for everyone. for example, there was a girl I knew in college. And I don't like to say this about girls often, but she was genuinely insane, like genuinely. And I used to think because she would cycle through boyfriends nonstop. I would just think, I don't know how she would have a partner if she continues to be so insane. She did.

She found her partner. He loves that she's crazy. she's just like she's so passionate he's in italian she's so passionate about life and everything and they're married now i think there really is someone for everyone oh my gosh like i saw this ticot that said you can be clingy and crazy because some men are going to like that but you can't be clingy and emotional so maybe that's her she's clingy and crazy who knows and the whole notion of if he wanted to he would is that true if he wanted to he would or is that you know i get the comments oh but he's shy oh but he's confused oh but he lost his phone oh but he forgot who

who I am somehow. Is that true if you wanted to, he would? Oddly, I've been thinking about this heavily the past few days, and I've not come to a concrete conclusion because on one hand, I completely think, yes, if he wanted to, he would, he would, okay, he's shy. If he really wants you, he needs to work to overcome that shyness, work to overcome ego, whatever. But again, I think if someone has, for example, a mental barrier, a mental block or they're mentally ill, sometimes they actually can't do it. Like they will really want to, but they will struggle to do that yet. For example, with the whole free state. I have been pondering this so much. I do think I lead more towards, yes, if you wanted to, he would versus. I've been married 10 years and I still don't know. You know

what I mean? Even in the context of a relationship, I don't know if he wanted to, he would, because there are things that I just, he just can't and won't. And I'm like, is that just not in your personality? Like, I know you and I trust you and I love you, but everyone's idea of what someone would do for you if they loved you isn't the reality for them. Yeah. You know, even in friendship, I might contact you every day because that's my love language, but you might, I don't know, buy me a gift on Christmas that's extravagant and that's how you love me. So I think it's a really confusing thing to just state as well as, and I saw you mentioned this, just leave culture. This is the one that pisses me off. Oh, he sneezed, just leave.

Oh, he texts someone, just leave. Oh, he fell asleep. Just, why are we leaving? These are human beings. You know, people have relationships of like 10 years, five years, I don't know, even three months, but you really like them. Just leave is always the solution. It's exhausting.

Yes, and I've come to the conclusion recently. I actually think we and a lot of people leave so fast because they're self-sabotaging. I think deep down, someone can be actually terrified of love, terrified that someone will accept them and care for them. So they make themselves find all these little icks in someone, find something that's wrong. And again, that can go back to your attachment style, especially avoidant attachment. They want to leave because they're so afraid of being close to you. Do you lead more avoidant or anxious?

I am disorganized. So I'm anxious avoidant. But I think, oh, I know. I think simply because of my background, though, I can regulate that and exhibit more secure traits. So if I feel like I'm being avoidant, I will fight against that and I will communicate. If someone is anxious and they're struggling because a lot of women lean that way and they have an avoidant partner, what would you suggest they do? Except for just walk away, put him in the bin. I think that's such a tough combination and it takes so much communication and emotional awareness.

And I think if your partner doesn't have that, but you have that that is not a lot of hope. because an avoidant is always going to want to run. And then the anxious, they want that. They want to talk about their emotions. The avoidant doesn't want that. So, for example, if your partner's avoidant, he needs to understand that you are this way, and he needs to, you know, step up,

have this conversation with you instead of running, knowing that's hurting you. And I think because so many men are avoidant, and they have their ego as well, they are unable to communicate, especially in my experience. And for that, I say, you need to walk away in those situations where you can't see it getting better. And if a girl is anxious, you need to have those self-regulating mechanisms for yourself.

Personally, if my partner is avoidant, that is when my anxious comes out extremely, and I'm not very avoidant. But I don't go and blow up their phone. I'm like, why are you texting me late? like why are you not talking to me? I opened my notion and I start to journal. I'm like, okay, what triggered this right now? Why do I feel this way? And then I will have a conversation with them about it later and say like,

okay, this is triggering me. Am I? Okay, you started to text me late. This makes me anxious. Are you pulling back from me or what's going on? And then you can have an honest conversation about it. But I think if you don't have these coping strategies, you will just retreat into your own shell.

or if you are the avoidant, you will probably just leave that relationship to protect yourself. And you could have lost something great. 100%. And the idea of princess treatment is that something that girls should aim for? That's also very much online. Or is that a myth made to have girls just leave perfectly good relationships? I think princess treatment looks different to everyone. But online, especially TikTok, they make it look like, oh, he has to buy you a Birkin and Cartier and 100 roses, every single week, it really can look like the smallest of things. Like actually just trying to understand you and get to know you on a deep level so they know

their little idiosyncrasies and whatnot so they're not going to hurt you. I think that is Prince's treatment as well. So many guys, they don't try to get to know you on a deep level. One of my friends, she was actually married and she recently got divorced and she afterwards she met an amazing partner who gives her this princess treatment meanwhile her ex-husband yes he would buy her such luxurious things and they would travel the world which online t-tick-tok they'd say oh that's princess treatment but she was not being treated like a princess she was neglected all the time he was an entrepreneur he'd work all the time she would be crying at home

and he would ignore it her current relationship this guy takes so much time to know every little single thing about her, so he doesn't hurt her. And he completely shows up in every single way. Before she even knows she needs something, he knows she needs it, and he provides that for her. And he is not as rich by any means, but she's infinitely happier. And she says, I feel like the luckiest woman on earth with him. I feel like a princess now. So I don't really think this is about material possessions at all.

It is about what he does for you emotionally, honestly. Is that the way you know someone's for you? You said earlier that you will know somebody likes you and that they really want to be with you. How do you know? I think it is all emotional and it's all in their actions as well. For example, I wasn't going to talk about personal examples on here, but there was a guy I recently dated. And from the beginning, I knew he wanted me so much because even his work meetings, he would move it around in order to see me because we were both leaving Dubai. He knew we didn't have a lot of time together,

so he would move these meetings around and he would organize things just to make me happy and to be able to spend more time with me. And I guess that does go back to if he wanted to, he would. But ultimately, like, I don't think this guy was for me. We didn't work out, but he did show that how much he wanted me through these actions. And he never left me guessing. I never had to open my notion and go, does he like me? Science, he doesn't like me. I didn't have any pros and cons list. 100%. Some women I feel like are addicted, though, to the pros and cons list. That when they're presented with a guy who is secure, as little as that percentage is or stable, they find it boring. How do you battle that? I think, again, it does depend on your attachment style.

Being disorganized, I should want a partner who's not stable because I would think stable is. boring, but I think I've actually trained myself to want stable partners. I am not attracted to you if you're not stable. Honestly, the more boring, the more stable you are, the more I like you. And because I know that is good for me. I know an avoidant, even if you're more mysterious and fun and we're playing this game, I know it's not good for me, so I'm not attracted to that. So I think you actually need to program yourself a little bit to change your type and to think about what is healthy for you. And I always see those memes and it's like,

I want to get married soon so I need to stop dating my type. And the type will always be some fuck boy, rebel, player type. And I don't understand that because you know that guy's not good for you. So how can you be attracted to that in the first place? Yeah, you're trying to avoid happiness and you also probably, you're denying yourself love because you probably at a very deep level believe that you are unworthy of it. And that is something I had realized in my past self. I would always sabotage connections where someone was trying to love me. Because at the time, deep down,

I was like, I don't deserve it. And it wasn't until I started to love myself. Then I started to go for very healthy partners who could love me. How do you get onto that journey of loving yourself? I'm still struggling. Help me. I think, yeah, it's such a never-ending journey. Never ending. I think it's being honest with yourself that, first of all, maybe you don't love yourself because I thought my whole life, oh, I love myself, I must love myself. And yeah, it wasn't until last year I realized, no, I had so much self-hatred, actually. And I was able to identify that through myself sabotaging behaviors. I think that's really where we can get an idea of our value, how much we value ourselves and our self-love, is.

it's how much we are self-sabotaging. Because if something is good for you and you sabotage it, you already are saying to yourself, I don't deserve this. Yeah, it's crazy because my self-sabotaging comes from not addressing my needs at all because I'm quite like I'm a gritty, robust person like you describe yourself to be. So I could just easily push through work, not. And people are like, what do you need?

I'm like, nothing. Let's keep moving. And I think if you have behaviors like that, that are obvious, you can identify a bit of like self repression in that. Yeah. What are your traits that you saw in yourself? I think the main one was, yeah, if someone was nice to me, I would actually immediately question why they were nice.

I wouldn't trust them. And it was really because I thought I was unworthy of people being nice to me. And that kind of grows back into some things in my childhood and during high school. even with YouTube, you know, having an audience so big that loves me, there's still a part of me that doesn't believe it. When I hosted my group trip in Bali, I held a workshop, and we were doing a lot of this subconscious work. And I was giving them an example saying,

even though you are all here on this trip, there were 17 girls, you came and because you want to have fun with me and you love me and whatever, I actually, I don't feel that. I still have this little thought in my head. they hate me. And that's something I have to consciously work through all the time. And it goes back so far into childhood. But that is, yeah, that's one thing I deal with. Obviously, in relationships, if someone is trying to love me, this is not anymore, but definitely before I would immediately sabotage that connection. I would do something to quickly end it. Now, if I catch myself doing it,

I actually find is because I'm protecting myself. I notice there's something in them I don't trust and I will sabotage it to protect myself because maybe I've already attached to them and I don't want to walk away. So the only way to force myself to end this connection is to sabotage it. When I look at my comments and people like, this is great, love this, da-da-da, and there's one, like what you said that they say to you about, I don't know, better help sponsor or something. they're like, oh, there's too many sponsors in this video. I see that above everything else. I see positive comments as if, I know they're not this,

but as if they're just bots who wrote something. Like it doesn't register for me. And then there's one guy, Andrew, who's not happy that I made some money on a sponsorship. I don't know why he's not happy. That always baffles me because I love it what other people are successful. And that just irks me.

I'm like, fine, I'll never, I call my management. We'll never do sponsors again. We're done. I'll just do it all for free. And that reaction of being triggered by negativity. is really comes up. How do you feel when you get those type of comments? I find that interesting what you said,

because if Andrew commented that on my video, I would actually do the opposite to you and take more sponsorships. And I will reply to these comments. I think, yeah, during the time when my dad passed and people were commenting on my sponsors, I said, like, I said, this is my YouTube channel. I will take whatever sponsor I want

because I actually worked for this channel as well. I'm helping you for free. And at the end of the day, this is my channel. This is part of my livelihood. It's my job. So I'm going to take the sponsor. I'm not trying. I'm not going to stop doing the sponsorship just to please you.

Yeah. I need to have a mini version of you in my head when that happens. I don't know why it pushes me in the other direction. Because honestly, my channel's like my house. You've come in my house telling me not to pay my bills and feed my children. Are you joking? People have ownership over creators and that's interesting. But when you were at that retreat,

what did being there with those girls in real life teach you? I think being a creator, you know that you have such a big audience, but you can't fully connect to them until you see them face to face. And then it's like, wow, you're real. You're not just a number. We know they're not a number theoretically, but it doesn't feel real until you're face to face. And truly, the group of girls was so amazing.

They were so smart, all of them. and everyone was like best friends at the end of the trip and it made me realize how loving people are actually and accepting especially towards me because I did have that little voice where I'm always like people may love me now but they're going to hate me later and it taught me like that's just not true and I know that but being there and being vulnerable even like hosting a live workshop where I'm not on camera I can't edit out my mistakes and they're still accepting of me, that taught me a lot of self-love. And also, I had to, like, do so much self-regulation during that trip, because I was in a very mentally fragile state at that time. So I didn't even want

to do that retreat when it came to it. I had to actually put in a mask and be like, okay, we need to be okay right now because all these girls are coming here. And we need to show them a good time. So it showed me more compassion towards myself. And I was like, oh, I'm very resilient. Of course, I thought that before, but I got like affirmation of that again, I suppose. Where did that fragility come from? Was it from what you described earlier? No.

So it had nothing to do with the event. I think this year was very challenging for me. Mainly, so we talked about a bit of my CPTSD in free state earlier. but I really felt like my body was crashing. And similarly, psychologically, that was then happening. So it felt like my nervous system was giving up on me. I went to New York for a month. And I think my lifestyle there was so bad that by the end of that trip,

I had this voice in me and it kept saying, you're going to die soon. You're going to die. And it felt like my body screaming for help. So when I came back to Dubai, I immediately again, I fell into like this very depressed state and I had to leave. And that's why going back to Perth is so good for me because I can connect to family and nature again. And that's something you don't have in Dubai.

Dubai is not my home yet because I keep on leaving. So I think for a while I was associating Dubai with depression. And I made it my personal help. So now that I'm going back, I have a fresh perspective. I'm staying there six months instead of leaving and I'm going to make it a home. But there are so many factors. And I think, yes, again, my father's death, that had an effect on me that I was trying to push down for so long. And my body, it really felt like it was giving up on me after New York.

So when I went to Bali, I did a meditation retreat before the girls came. And that helped me for a while to keep everything together. but still there was a persistent sadness in me throughout the whole trip. I feel like it's a lot of women's experience at the moment, even myself, a lot of people have that experience of wondering like, am I running on empty? What am I doing wrong? Like, am I connected to my body? What's going on?

That's why I ask because I think it's so, so relatable and incredibly common. Yes. And I think for us being self-help creators as well, it's even more challenging. because if I'm feeling bad and I need to make a self-development video, it feels like I'm lying when I'm talking to the camera, but I have to do it. And it's not like whatever I'm going through at the time is taking away from what I know, but it feels like that in a way. It feels like I'm being a fraud and it feels inauthentic.

And actually during my heavily depressed era earlier this year, when my father passed, I made a few depression videos. And it was, I would say 90% of the comments were positive and 10% were like, she's depressed. Why would we listen to her? And that was, that's like, okay, you, you know what I go through. If anything, it can help you more because it's not like, I'm emptily going through this. I learn from every single thing I go through.

And guess what? I don't make the mistakes again. Like once I go through it, it's done. I'm never usually depressed for the same reason as I, I usually was. It's something different. And this year has been a lot about healing my body and my nervous system getting out of this free state. And it will probably take a few years, honestly, but I'm not like depressed because of my life. It's genuinely, eventually your body, it kind of wants to give up on you if you have just been through a lot and you ignore it. If you ignore your body,

your body holds the score. I saw you talk about. face dysmorphia and body dysmorphia. I think that is so prevalent my whole life. I've had like this disconnect of what I actually look like to what I actually look like. And then I look back at a photo five years ago. And I'm like, I remember that event and that dinner or wherever feeling like the ugliest monster that whole time, like almost embarrassed of it. And then I look back and I look like a nice fine person. And I'm like, really?

Really? That's what my mind was like triggered by. and I think then it loops to then neglecting yourself and your body because there is some kind of conflict there of your reality versus, you know, what you actually like. Have you had that experience? 100% all the time. And then you look back and you actually feel guilty because you're like,

oh, I looked so good. Why was I self-critical? And then maybe you even want to go back to that past version of you that you look like because you couldn't appreciate it at the time. So I think my biggest takeaway was that you, may think you look bad right now, but you don't. My videos, there are some videos where I'm like, I look so bad right now. I watch it a year later. Oh, I look really good. In fact, maybe I want to look like that now. And then I obsess over that. It's a perpetual cycle. We are our own

biggest critic. And that's why having that compassion for ourselves right now and also just factually knowing that we probably do look good, we just like to believe we look bad right now can really help. How do you stop yourself from having that feeling in the moment? Yeah, I just tell myself, I probably look good. And Simone, you're going to watch this in three months and you're going to agree with me. It never fails. I will always think I look really bad right now. And then a couple of months later, I watched the video. What was I even tripping about? I look fine. I remember being 28 and having a panic attack about being old. And now I'm in my 30s. And I'm in my 30s. And I'm like, are you joking?

Like, what was that? Old where, old who? Like, I don't know what this. It was like this major panic attack. Apparently women have it in like men age linear and women age in like steps, right? And then I don't know if 28, I guess 28 I felt like a grown adult as opposed to a kid who can't know what they're doing because it's not cute anymore. You know, after a certain age, like you kind of have to start knowing yourself. And I was like, oh my God, full on panic attack.

But you'll never be as young and as. You might be better looking, you might get hotter depending on how you carry yourself and what you do, but you'll never be as like young and cute, you know? So enjoy it. Is like what I would say to my younger self, because a lot of people say, what would you say to younger self? When it comes to women and self-improvement and the glow up, is that real? And all these beauty hack videos, is that a reality that every woman can attain? Or should the average woman just focus on, you know, her inner strengths?

So my videos, I always combine it. I think these beauty tips video, it's not going to radically change your appearance, but it's going to make you look like the best version of yourself, which is what you should strive to do. I mean, yeah, maybe you have a style that's not suited for you. You know, your hair's dyed a particular way that doesn't look good. You can improve on those areas. You shouldn't ever try to look like someone else or to be like the beauty standard.

You just need to look. yeah like a healthy best version of you and that's when you're going to look great and you will feel great and when it comes to female beauty do you think that it's something that people can overlook in dating or is it as important as it sounds i think looking presentable is important it's not necessarily about beauty i think if a guy excessively cares about your appearance you don't want a guy like that and actually in my experience and my friends especially they're incredibly beautiful i think it doesn't actually help in dating because you attract guys who are superficial and who are so supremely focused on your appearance while if you are average looking they probably don't even think about it

they might think oh you look nice today but they're not like i'm dating this girl because she's so beautiful they can see all your other qualities sometimes beauty can blind them from everything else that you are what's next for you okay i have some projects i'm working on but i don't want to talk about it yet can't you can't but i'm launching something that i have wanted to do my whole life and my audience has been watching me for a while they know that i actually attempted to launch this in 2022 it didn't work but you know we fall seven times stand up eight so i think now's the time time I'm doing it and I have a lot of hope for this project. I think it's going to work. I think I know what it is, but I'm not going to say it. I'll tell you. Thanks for coming on the podcast. Thank you

for having me. Thank you so much for sharing everything you said and your vulnerability. You're amazing. I think you are one of the people in the space that people genuinely need to listen to. There's an authenticity to you and a coolness like you're clearly a cool person. Like I want to be like you, but I also feel like you might like me, you know. Oh, you're so sweet. Thank you for having me. It's been so lovely speaking to you. No worries. Awesome.