BEING HER with Margarita Nazarenko - 89: How to STOP Sabotaging Your Relationships in 2025 & Become a Feminine Energy Woman.

Episode Date: December 1, 2024

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Can you hear the wind? It's a very, very windy day as I'm recording this podcast because I think change is in there how to stop sabotaging your relationships in 2025 or if you're watching this in another year and you want to just stop sabotaging your relationships using feminine energy. Marguerite is here to teach you how we need to stop ruining things for ourselves because it's not always the case that he's a bad guy. He's trying to do the wrong thing and all this stuff. Sometimes we just need to get out of our way and I'm here to let you know what those things are that you could be doing that you need to stop doing to stop sabotaging your relationship moving forward or especially for the new year if you're watching this as this podcast drops. Sometimes it's him, sometimes it's you. Let's go through the options of where it could be you and what you need to stop doing. Now, I am very, very aware that a lot of you want the content to be longer. You want the in-depth, relaxed, 30-minute style piece of content, I will try and deliver that to you. I hear you. I hear you commenting. I will try and deliver that to you. That means we're going

to get comfortable. That means we're going to get into it. That means it's not going to be fast, fast, fast, fast, bullet points. We'll see. We'll see how we flow because I always flow naturally. For context, the reason it's been a bit bullet pointy is because I want to get the goods to you. I want to teach you the information. I want to let you know what it is I am talking about. But at the same time, it is because I have a 10-month-old daughter. She's a teeny baby. So when she sleeps, I've been making podcasts. But now that she's older, now that she's sleeping more soundly and, you know, everything is more in rhythm.

Me and you, it's going to get serious. It's going to get real. Let's get into this sabotaging manifesto. I don't want you sabotaging yourself, okay? Let's count how many points I have because I make notes, okay? Ten points. If you are doing these things, we're going to stop. we're going to stop sabotaging our relationships in the year coming. Let's lean in. Let's really

make this personal. You need to stop and identify common sabotaging behaviors. And the number one is over-analyzing and over-explaining everything. I told you before, never complain and never explain. That is the slogan you need to live by if you want to move through with feminine energy. And this is going to be really hard one. That's why I put it first to really understand. But understand, first of all, the basic rules of it. Over-analyzing behavior, which means nothing, is going to cause you a lot of grief. Also, attaching meaning to behaviors that don't really have that meaning is also going to cause you a lot of grief.

Sometimes people do things, not for a reason, but just for a season. Just people do things because, I don't know, their stomach hurt that day, or they look a certain person a different way because that's just how they're feeling that day. And if you attach, if you are attached to every single thing that he does and put meaning onto it and reflect his action as what you are worth, it's going to be a problem. You need to give your own self-worth. You need to value yourself based on your own self-value, based on you are good person? Do you walk dogs for a charity? I used to do that, not to feel good about myself, but just because I had time and that's what I wanted to do.

Some people volunteer and hold babies in hospitals. Even if you can't donate money, it's the self-identity piece. How do you feel about yourself? Not how does him and how he sees you, whether he texts you, whether he replied to you, whether he is talking to you. That should not give you value constantly. You should give yourself value. Now, when you don't give yourself value, you chase other people's validation. You end up putting your whole value system into another person's hands.

therefore every single thing they do from A to B to Z changes how you feel about yourself and then you start chasing their approval and that will ruin your relationship. So how do we use feminine energy to pivot that and to change that? We deploy the art of detachment. If you've heard me talk about this, I'm sure you have. I'm sure that's probably how you found me. But the art of detachment is the whole concept of let them. Let them be who they are. He wants to go out with his friends doesn't want to spend time with you, let him. He's not sure he wants to be with you and never wants to get married, let him. He doesn't prioritize you, let him. You know why? Because chasing that type of person and trying to change that behavior is never going to change them. You will never

change another human. All you're going to do is make them run. If you give someone the freedom to be who they are, they are either going to see the value in you and the freedom you provide them, or you are going to assess them as their true nature and as they truly are and decide that they are not for you. Constantly berating, nagging and chasing someone interchanging is not going to result in what you want. You cannot bend and mold someone into your paradigm of what it is you want them to be. You have to accept people as they are and not change them. The whole important thing about this is the whole first point is you have to trust your intuition and you have to trust that you are going to be okay. By giving yourself your own self value, by doing good things in the world,

by being productive, by looking the best you can, by doing all these things we're about to discuss with other points, you give yourself value. Then you have to trust your intuition and feminine wisdom and knowledge enough using your feminine energy to know that if this person is not beneficial for you, you will leave him. You don't need to change him. I see a lot of you six month into a relationship and he is not interested in you, he's not initiating, he's not being intimate with you in any kind of way and you're still chasing him trying to bend him to your will. It's almost like a sport for women at this point. It's almost like you would rather get a guy who has zero interest in you and make him bend to your will as opposed to get a guy who's

genuinely interested in you. Let me ask your question. If he is not interested in the beginning, why would he be interested in the end when you're 45 years old, 65 years old, 80 years old, and maybe he needs to look after you as well. If you try and be the good girl, always pleasing him, always trying to be impressive to him, it will fail because your relationship's only predicated on you bending to his will and you performing, performing, performing, performing, I'm so good, I'm so good to impress him. So let go and let God, let him, let him be who he is, analyze who he is, assess who he is from your own valid standpoint. The last but not least, the first point, how I'm going to round it.

it up is to say, the more you control a person, and this is the sabotaging piece, if he is a good guy and he wants to be with you, the more you try and control him, his actions, micro things you say, I used to have this problem where I used to read into a lot of what people said, and the more you try and control even a good person, the more they will try and break free of that control that you have. If you don't let someone speak freely, joke freely, do what it is they want and appear as themselves in the world, you will end up chasing them away. You have to hold things with a loose hand like a bird, right? Hold it loosely and then it will sit happily. If you try and grip things, you will break any beauty that exists in the world or in relationships or between the two of you.

You need to have an ease to you. And I've said this time and time again across all my platforms and on my TikToks and in my book and everything, that the biggest thing that you can give a man of value is freedom, freedom to be who he is, freedom to appear. the world as he is to feel like that you have not changed him. Why, Margarita? I'll tell you why. Because he wants to feel like he has won with you, that he has won, as in W-O-N, not O-N-E, that he's won. The whole idea of a woman choosing a man is that he has impressed her somehow, taken her up for dinner, done this, done that, done the other, and then she's impressed enough to say, yes, you're the man for me, I choose you. It all breaks down when a woman gets a guy in a relationship,

and she's like, right now I can start working on him. Because the biggest thing that men think is that a woman will never change, that she'll always be happy, go lucky. And lobehold, she has kids, and now he needs to actually support her and help her out and things. And he's all shocked that she's changed because she's tired. And the biggest mistake that women make is they think a guy is actually going to change baby girl. He will never change. He is who he is. Do not try.

Buy the product as it is. And that's that. So stop trying to control outcomes and things that he does and says. Number two, you need to understand the difference between masculine and feminine energy, and if you don't, you're going to sabotage your relationship. First thing you need to understand is we both all possess masculine and feminine energy. It's not about male and female. It's masculine and feminine, yin and yang. Masculine being driving, asserting, moving forward, getting what you want doing. Doing is how I summarize it.

Feminine is being. Flow, relaxation, intuition, receiving. as opposed to giving all of those energies. Sun and Moon moving forward, feminine is very well understood by me to mean boundaries as well. That's a feminine trait. The ability to say no.

If you imagine a male bird trying to impress a female bird, he's saying, hey, let's get it together. And she's like, hmm, yes or no. That's the quintessential feminine energy. The power to choose, the power to select,

the power to know your own value. That's why the feminine really breaks down when you don't know your own value. That's why I'm here every week talking about know your value, know your value, know your value, because I'm trying to get it through your head. I'm trying to get it through your head that if you know your value, you will be in that divine goddess feminine energy. Now, how are you going to sabotage your relationship if you don't know the difference of the two? You will sabotage it if you don't understand the need

for the masculine, the man in your life, to be the doing energy for you to value and see him as that. The more you praise him, yay, for all the masculine things he does, the doing a certain, deciding, the better your relationship will be. The more you act in your masculine energy towards them, which is fine. We all have that. You don't think I run my businesses with full masculine energy? Of course I do. I have to. I have to build teams. I have to talk to people. I have to do all these things and planning. That's masculine doing energy. But where this content comes from is the being element of who I am, because it's natural to who I am. That's why it works. I have a very balanced business in that term. But who I am with my partner, husband, is very, very different. I have to

deploy my feminine energy to get what I want. If you believe that you want to be in the driver's seat, because he's just so incompetent, because he just can't do anything, you are not getting the best out of the product that you have, the product being the man. You will get the best out of him by amplifying his masculine energy and by leaning back. Be the passenger. Be the passenger. I know you want to drive. I know you want to drive. But then if you are always driving, he will will recline. He will go into his feminine. He will let you do whatever it is you want to do. And you will be emailing me, Margarita. He doesn't initiate. He doesn't do anything. He won't even do a thing, a thing, a thing. Appreciate him for the doingness that he is doing, the doing, asserting,

controlling a situation so that you can be in your receptivity and relax. You deserve to relax, babe. It's very glamorous to be in the driver's seat. Let him drive like you don't need to. You can be doing your own thing, building a business like me, looking out to your children. and growing your plants, raising a puppy, please. Drive. I don't care who pays, like, how we pay the bills and which gas company we go with. Babe, that's all you. You drive, okay?

So if you're going to be fighting for a futile position of masculinity in your relationship, you could be sabotaging a good thing. If you're fighting, like, in controlling the regular everyday things, just let him do the regular things. You are the queen, okay? The queen lets the people do the work, okay? Number three, learning to be vulnerable. is a very feminine energy trait. It's very, very confusing online right now, because everyone is

quintessentially being taught how to be avoidant in attachment. He does this, doesn't matter. He, you know, writes to you very little, you write to him less. He doesn't need you, you don't need him, but we're still staying with these same people, right? So it's basically teaching you a very avoidant style of behavior, but I want to implore to you what feminine energy truly means. You're not attached to the guy. You're attached to what he's doing for you and you're attracted to his behavior. You're not attached to this ideal, illustrious version of him because he's so cute and looking and has a little bit of muscles. It's like, what can he do for you? How useful is he to you? And not in a using sense, but in a, you're doing things for each other sense. Okay? So he's driving,

he's doing things in his masculine, you're attracted to that. The piece that I want you to understand is if you cannot be vulnerable with the masculine man or the man in your life, He will see that and he won't be as open with you. If you are playing games with him and when I say playing games, I don't mean like saying no or not reply him because he's taken too long. That's not games. That's boundaries. Games is, I mean like, you're pretending, you're dating more guys than you are because you want to seem more elusive or, you know, all these things that aren't true.

Basically lying. Lying is the devil. Don't lie, okay? So what I'm saying is vulnerability with your emotions. You can absolutely be vulnerable with a person. You can tell them you like them. but you can have strong boundaries around that too. The whole idea of being this dream girl, black cat energy woman,

or whatever it is at the time that you're watching this video, but the quintessential it girl, is you have you, you are fine without him, you give him freedom, but you're also authentic. People are scared these days to say that, you know, they want a long-time relationship. I'm not saying you go up and show up on the first date and say, I want a long-time relationship, but it's like this. Say he really hurts you and he, you know, ignores you,

doesn't want to be around you, whatever, when you needed him. What I implore you not to do is berate him, right him, soliloquies, write him messages. You can't treat me like this, da-da-da-da-da-da-talking, talking, talking. You set a boundary. You say, you're vulnerable with your emotions. You say, I really needed you. I had that crisis in my family, and you weren't around and you hurt my feelings. That really hurt.

So I'll talk to you later. I don't really want to talk to you now. You're not telling him how, why, who, you're setting a very strong boundary and an official idea of what happened, and you're being vulnerable. with your emotions. Yes, he hurt you, yes. And you guys get very confused that you should be all aloof and avoid an attachment. Like, I don't even care. I don't care what he does. I don't care. You're a vulnerable, feminine cherub. Of course you care. And he didn't show up for you and now you're hurt. When can you stop being hurt? I don't know. Whenever you feel like stopping being hurt,

don't talk to him for five weeks if you don't want to. If your heart is not into it. Be vulnerable. Be feminine. Open up about your feelings. Speak from the feeling center. The wind is blowing because I'm talking the truth. Speak from a feeling sense. center, I feel, I feel, I feel great, I feel this, I feel so happy when you buy me flowers. It also applies in a very positive way too. Tell people how you feel. Four, stop the need of trying to be right all the time. Be wise. Don't be right because sometimes when you win, you really lose. And sometimes when you lose, you really win. If you haven't seen white men can't jump, then I can't help you. If you always feel content in winning arguments,

that is not the way to win. Sometimes you need to make him feel like he's the one who had the idea, like he's the one who was number one. And you're going to say, oh my God, that's so old school. My grandma used to say that because your grandma was right, okay? If you want what you want, you need to make him feel like it was a good idea. And maybe that he was right. Practice listening and compromising and thinking about your future goal and what you want to achieve as opposed to always being in the right, for example. My husband and I are renovating, and he gets very in his head about, you know, choices. I'm much more liberal.

I'm like, yeah, choose that done. He overthinks it, right? My opinion might not be his, right? I'm very happy for him to do the choosing. He thinks he's doing the choosing and just get the project over the line. Why? Because I would rather get it done and move forward than fight with him. I've got other things to do.

Like I said, water my dog. and walk my plant. Like, I'm not arguing with a man. It's not going to happen. Leave me out of it. Okay? Number five, establish and maintain healthy boundaries. A lack of boundaries can make you make you literally, literally the difference between a Bentley and a very basic standard car. I don't even know which one. I don't want to insult one, but that, okay? Because what luxury branding has is boundaries. You can't just walk in and get a burkin. You can't just order a luxury car. They don't even advertise. Think about it like that. I know you're a human. I know, I know, I know you're a human. Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't cry. I know. You've got rights. Healthy boundaries is the

difference between him treating you in a way that doesn't make you happy and him treating you like the most prized thing that he has, which at the end of the day, as much as we are not things, we are humans, I get it. But we as women want to be cherished. And when I give you the luxury car example, you might understand. If you have healthy boundaries, sometimes people, with anxious attachment like me and you, we will feel that if we put boundaries on ourselves, like I was advising a friend of mine, she, her guy plans dates last minute. He lives out of town. He plans dates last minute. So let's say he was in on a Friday. He would ask her Friday morning if she wants to go out with him. He's flying in. She's always waiting. She's waiting. I saw a TikTok about it.

She's like, another girl. I'm dressed and I'm just waiting to see if he's going to want to do something. What? You're training yourself like a basic pedestrian car. You need to be a luxury branded vehicle or a burkin, okay? How you do that is with boundaries. People with anxious attachment, like I was saying, are scared to put boundaries because we're scared to miss out on the precious time we have with our precious person. We're scared to miss out on the precious time with the precious person. So we're always there, always there, always there, always showing up.

Desperate, desperate, desperate. And we end up pushing away the person that we want. What I'm imploring you to do is treat yourself like a luxury vehicle, despite you being a human being. We assess that already, right? and maintain healthy boundaries. If they don't arrange a time, you're now busy. You don't berate them.

Well, you didn't arrange a time now. I'm busy. You didn't arrange a time now. I'm busy. No, you do something else that's fabulous and amazing. Can you imagine you walk into a Bentley dealership and you're like, yeah, I'd like to buy a Bentley? And they're like, sure, come tomorrow. You can look at a car.

You don't come in tomorrow. Do you imagine Bentley emailing you in your inbox? Well, you didn't show up to look at our car. We were waiting for you all day. They don't care. They don't care if you show up or not, because they've got lots of people waiting. You should have the mentality of that there are lots of people waiting. If you do not believe that you're Bridget Bardo, Angelina Jolie, those are my archetypes. Then he's not going to

believe it either. You need to believe that. The more healthy boundaries you set, the more he's going to feel like he's what a prize by being with you. I'm telling you that for free. Six. Prioritized self-care over everything else. By that I don't mean a bubble bath. I mean the growth and optimization of who you are looks, body, body. growth, university, whatever it is, should come before everything else. Because, unfortunately, and fortunately, just the way the universe is, if you prioritize yourself, other people will prioritize you. If you're a run-down raggedy-cruggy person who cannot, you know, get their shit together, people will treat you as such. If you look the best you can, healthy teeth,

healthy hair, it's all about health, the most you can optimize yourself to be go Pilates, go yoga. My mom signed up to do yoga and Pilates recently and she's paying a lot for a membership. I'm like, good, good. You should be paying into your health and optimization because that is what you present in the world. When you're running around trying to cater to everybody, doing so much for everybody and you are run dry and ragged. At the end of the day, what happens is nobody wants you after that. People want to drink from a fruity, juicy fountain. And that should be you. With using a feminine energy, you need to focus on you. And it's scary. I know you're like, oh my God, everyone's going to be so unhappy that I put myself first. Tough. Tough. Tough.

Tough. Number seven, communicate with softness and kindness. This one's a hard for me. This one's really hard for me because I'm very like sharp-witted if I do say so myself. But using communication skills, like I feel and not pushing people and being soft will get you more than being harsh. I'm talking to myself as I speak on this because I'm still learning this, especially with a masculine partner, the softer you are in the communication, the more he will open up to you, and the more easier he will be to talk around. I just want you to win at life. I am trying to win in this compartment department department, department. But you know, we move. Trust me, when you say, hey, I really need you to do this for me. See, I'm struggling. Hey, I really need you to do this

for me. It works a lot more. Even women who are in their dark feminine, Angelina Jolie, you'll see how they talk to people in interviews. They use the our softness, okay? Number eight, be open to receiving as opposed to always giving. Modern school systems, modern parenting, and all these things in the ways that we were raised has really produced out of us people, women, women who are very comfortable in the role of giving. We see our mothers do a lot. The teachers we have in kindergarten are women. The teachers we have at school are women. It's all these women raising us running around, running around, running around. And now all the women are very much in their masculine, giving, giving, giving. So they're the workhorse archetype.

I talk about or the mother-made milk cow archetype and they're not the deer, they're not the deer in the forest, the elusive, amazing feminine because the deer is the archetype of divine feminine, okay? So you are not that, you are not natural, you don't have boundaries, you don't have this amazing essence around you that if somebody sees you in the wild, they all stop and hushed tones, oh my God, look, it's the deer, it's come out to walk around with this little bambi, you know, to eat little mushrooms and berries in the forest or whatever it is they do. You need to be open in understanding, this is very crucial, that when someone gives to you, they receive more than you could give them by just giving.

If you can produce genuine joy and genuine adoration for a person and affirmation of his masculinity by him giving you something, you will do far more for him than you would by being like, darling breakfast, darling laundry, darling, I've done it all, you will produce so much more with your genuine and honest. honest adoration and being open to receiving as opposed to giving. Number nine, release the need for constant reassurance. This is going to be a hard one for you guys because I know, I know you struggle. If you need constant reassurance and him letting you know all the time, all the time, all the time,

yes, you're the one for me. Yes, I like you the most. Yes, I like you more than my ex. Yes, you're so pretty. No, you don't look bad in those jeans. Yes, your ass looks good. You are literally highlighting constantly your traits that might not be so cute. For example, women who are like, I don't like my arms. I don't like my arms in this. I don't even want to say that. You see, I'm saying that and I don't want to say this. Let me blow it away. See, I'm blowing it. Go away. I didn't say that. Whatever it is the trait that you always complain about, he's going to notice it more. Stop constantly complaining about how you look bad or how you look this or how you look that to him because then he will notice it and it will be a headache. It's a headache.

Think about that friend who's always complaining about her looks and you're just trying to go. out somewhere and trying to have a good time and she's there complaining and you're reassuring her and it's just like ah it's not cute it's not fun and it creates like a downward spiral of energetic drainage especially on a masculine man because he's got to be like no babe you look amazing and then he's thinking oh my god she's complaining so much about her hair now all i see is her hair another friend of mine was complaining about her hair constantly and i'm like yeah your hair isn't all that is it before when i first saw her hair i thought she looked great when you make people focus on your bad at they will only see that. Stop it. Just be quiet. My hair just went in my mouth as I said that. Be quiet. My hair agrees. Number 10. Trust the process. Often, self-sabotage comes from fear of not being enough, of not being good, of not being the one for him, of not being wanted, of not being desired. It makes you ask all these questions. Like, are you sure you want to be with me? If I was a worm, would you still date me? That classic question that women like to ask, men joke about it all the time online. Feminine and

Energy involves trusting the process and being in your divinity and flow. What you can provide for him is instinctive, divine, feminine energy and flow. If you can't do that for him, he will seek it elsewhere. And I don't mean he's going to cheat or anything, but I just mean it needs to come from you for him to value you. You need to sometimes say, he's having a problem at work. Oh, this one said this to that. This one said this to this.

Yeah, I trust you'll work it out. And it seems avoidant and dismissive to us, but it's not for a woman. it's a bad thing to say to I'll trust you, work it out, because we want to discuss, we want to chop the shit or whatever it's called, chop the lard, chew the lard, whatever it's called, um, chew the lard about situations, but men want you from your feminine eye to say to him, you've got this, which is the answer to a lot of times when you say, oh, he's lost his job, I'm now paying everything, I don't know what to do, that's the wrong thing to do. You need to say, well, I trust you'll fix it, because that will motivate him to do that. People have done incredible things with a lot less than what he's got. Anyway, This was your blueprint for stopping sabotaging your relationships. Ten points. I hope you enjoyed it. Down there, description, or if you're listening, look at it in show notes. You will find everything you need to continue on your journey.

I'll see you next time. Love you lots like jelly tots. Bye.