BEING HER with Margarita Nazarenko - 9: How To Become A High Value Woman In 7 Steps

Episode Date: May 22, 2023

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Welcome to being her, the ultimate guide to living your best life as her. Join me, Margarita, on an empowering journey to discover your feminine energy, build meaningful relationships and find your purpose. So let's dive in and explore all things womanhood together. On today's episode, my darlings, I wanted to discuss the whole idea of being a high-value woman. It's a term that's been used on social media. I came across it. And to be honest, I find terms like Lucky Girl Syndrome and manifest and all of these things.

And I make them my own. I do a little bit of research into what they mean. But essentially, I have my own philosophies in life. And sometimes they match to what it means in the general public. And sometimes it doesn't. So high value to me might not mean what it means in the manosphere. It might not mean what it means on the internet. but I am simply using the terminology to decipher to you what it means to be a woman who is enjoying her life,

who has got her life by the reins, who is happy with who she is, who can attract, in turn, a high-value man. And everything is progressing in flow with feminine energy towards a goal where she is happy and her life is unraveling, as it were, in flow. being high value doesn't mean a certain amount of money you're earning. Being high value doesn't mean any type of achievements. It is an energy and it is something that you bring to yourself and those around you. I'm going to go through several points of what makes your high value woman, maybe five, maybe seven.

We will go with the flow ladies. But the point being is that how can you be high value to yourself from where you are right now? You're sitting there. You're thinking, okay, high value, high value. or I've got to have some kind of salary. I've got to make a partner in my law firm. I don't know why Miranda just popped to my mind from Sex and the City. I've got to do this.

I've got to be published somewhere. I've got to be seen as the best mum in my PTA meeting. It's not about that. It's about having value in your own self, in your own mind, and most importantly, or maybe second importantly, to the people around you. It's really important that that is at the precipice of what we're talking about. So I suppose to start at the beginning, the first thing in being a high value woman is putting yourself first, my love.

That is the principle number one. You have to put yourself first. Oh my God, I don't want to be selfish. Oh my God. I don't want to be this. I don't want to be that. Well, you've been taught throughout your life. I know it because I was taught it too societally by our parents.

That it is nice to be nice. it is nice to put other people first. It is nice to do all those things. And in spiritual principles, that is true, that we are all one, and energy is connected, and all of those things. But it gets really skewed. And I know it gets skewed, not only from personal experience, not only from clients I work with, but the thousands and thousands of messages I get from women, which shows me how skewed

this is. People, name any women, don't know how to put themselves first. You are born as you and you were ordained to drive the ship that is your body and that is your mind and that's what you make decisions with. That is who you are the master and the keeper of, not of somebody else. And we've been taught this false fallacy that if we make other people happy, we will be valuable. We will be valuable in this world. We will be valuable to them. But the only way to be highly valuable to yourself and those around you, my love, is to first be replenished yourself, otherwise,

what are you giving the people around you? If you're in a reciprocal relationship with a man, he gives to you, you give to him, your children give you joy and love, you give them love and care, you're getting something back. There is a symbiosis happening. It's a circle of energy.

However, if you're not getting anything and you're just giving and giving and giving and you are depleted the hell out of yourself and you have become the shell of a human being and you're wondering, why doesn't he treat me nicely? Why doesn't he take me on dates? Why doesn't he do all these things for me?

I work so hard. Why doesn't he notice it? I've got two jobs. Well, darling, you've set the presidents of it that it is this way. You've set the standard of it being this way. And when people ask me, oh, but how do I, how do I tell him that I don't want it to be this way? How do I tell him to treat me better? You don't tell people, darling.

You show people. You show people how to treat you by how you treat yourself. It's very, very simple. How much time you carve out for yourself? how much nurture you give to yourself, how you put yourself first is literally what shows people how to treat you. It's not what you demand. It's not what you say. It's not what you put out there. It's not what you vibrate. It's very, very simple. You just treat yourself in accordance with how you want to be treated. If you always have a meal at five o'clock, you don't change that for people.

Sure, you can be flexible. I'm a very flexible person. Me, I have very relaxed. Routines, I can go without things, it's fine. But you have to put yourself first in order to give to people around you. If you don't put yourself first, you will literally have nothing to give. And part of the power of feminine energy, and part of the power of being in a household and being a woman and inspiring people around you, is the fact that you've got something to inspire with and something to give back and a beauty to shine with and a radiance. And if you're using yourself as a workhorse, or as this matronly cow, which just gives in gives and gives. All of that is gone. And you look at yourself in the mirror and you see this depleted, tired mammal who just can't give anymore. And you start to resent your partner,

you start to resent your children, you start to resent everyone around you. When in reality, I'm going to hold you accountable, you set the precedent of how much you need from people around you. And that, my friend, was not much. It was the bare minimum. So the first and most concrete rule of being a high-value woman is putting yourself first because from a place of plenty you've got a lot to give and from a place of nothing you're depleted you need to sit with yourself and understand what it is you need in order to be the best version of yourself to feel the basic needs met and you need to protect your aura and your temple or whatever it is that you want to refer it to. For me, it's just my space. You can't be around people who put you down, that's friends,

family members, significant others. How do you expect yourself to grow and to flourish and to have value in yourself when somebody around you is toxic and putting you down? It's not possible. It's been... If you've ever wanted to make a podcast, if you've got something to say, which I think all of you do, Spotify has a platform for you that you can do it really easily on. All in one place, it's free and you can even earn money. Spotify for podcasters lets you record and edit podcasts right from your phone or computer, which is what I do. So no matter what your setup is, it's not complicated to start creating today.

Then you can distribute it everywhere that podcasts are listened to. Then you can even monetize it. You can do a Q&A section. You can do polls and all these amazing things. Basically, it was really, really easy for me to do. For me, the obstacle was the tech aspect, and I know a lot of you wanted to hear from me. So Spotify made it possible for me to create this podcast. So I'm really grateful.

Download the Spotify for podcasters app or go to www.spotify.com forward slash podcasters to get started. I said that men get a lot of their value from external achievement, and women get their value from how, others see them. And there are parts of that that I agree with and I disagree with, but I certainly agree with the fact that if you were only praised and given value for what you achieved, earned, and succeeded in the workplace, us as women, we wouldn't feel so successful. We would feel that we still want to be loved for who we are, as opposed to what we can bring to the metaphoric table. We want to be seen for who we are and just worshipped almost for who we embody, whilst

men have a need to be seen for their accomplishments. Well, if that is true, how can we be around people who constantly put us down, make fun of us, make Snyder remarks or jabs, and feel fulfilled as a high-value human being? It's going to knock our value down. We're sensitive creatures. Human beings are, animals are, we all are, but especially as women, we really understand when someone's trying to hurt us, when someone's trying to energetically pull us down. if it's a spouse who's constantly making remarks.

If it's someone who's permanent in your life like a spouse, it just needs to be set in boundaries that cannot happen. Thank you for your opinion, but I don't want to hear it anymore. Like that, sharply, that's it. No need to explain. If it's friends, they need to be cut out of your life. You cannot be around people who are abusive to you. I made a TikTok where I said,

even if it's your in-laws or your parents, who are constantly berating you with abuse, you need to step away from them, and everyone said, oh, that's what parents get for raising you. And my God, I am somebody who doesn't have my father in my life, and not because I chose it that way. He predominantly chose it that way.

I am somebody who's had to work hard on my family relationships, and I don't throw things out. I don't throw the baby out with the bathwater, as they say. But I genuinely mean it, and I'm a parent myself. If my child grew up and said they don't want to be around me because of the way I behaved, I would understand that I made severe judgment calls and had severe issues as a parent. So if you as a child feel you need space from your parents because of the abuse that they're giving you, it doesn't matter that they fed you at some point.

You didn't ask to be born. But you are responsible for your sanity and your value as a human being in this world. And if that means stepping away from abusers, whoever they are, then that's what you have to do. A lot of women have abusive tendencies and toxic traits themselves that they ignore because society allows us to and we allow ourselves to also. Excessive control of your spouse or partner or people around you is toxic behavior. It might be comforting to you because you have an anxious attachment style, but constantly going through their phone, questioning every move, controlling their daily movements, making sure you're there at every single thing that they do, being connected at the hip, I know it feels calming and it makes you feel okay about your existence and about your relationship with that person, but truth be told, it is also toxic behavior.

So as much as I'm going to say that point number two is that you're not around abusive people who put you down, I'm going to add to that point is that you are not abusive yourself. Sometimes it's worth letting go. It's worth seeing who a person is truly. And I know that you don't control people because you feel that you want to or the fact that you are the villain. Most villains don't feel like they're the villain in the story, do they? They will have an origin story. So the reason you might be controlling or checking this phone is because you have an insecurity and it's hard for you and you genuinely struggle and I am not making light

of that in any way. But I do implore you that you let go. You jump off that cliff of emotion and you see what happens because at the end of the day, wouldn't you rather know you've got someone good by your side who's going to hold you and value you as opposed to somebody who, who's going to hurt you, and the only reason that they're not hurting you is because you've got your hawk eye on them, observing them, with intense ferocity constantly throughout their life, that they don't misstep or put a foot wrong. Yet that's the reality of your existence. It's really sad, hard, and difficult to move through life, knowing that this is your truth. That the only reason people are around you is because you micromanage their steps. Give people freedom because in giving that

freedom, you can find a true connection and true love with somebody. The third part of being a high value woman to me is understanding that you are not part of the rat race or the competition. There are so many human beings on this earth and there are so many different skill sets and so many beautiful aspects of humanity to be mentioned that I couldn't fit it into a million podcasts, right? You know that. You've got friends around you. You've got family. You've got all these people who've got so many different beautiful assets. But as time moves on, we value different things. Entrepreneurship right now is booming. Everyone wants to be an entrepreneur. And then it's wanting to be a social media star. Back then it was being a movie star. Before that, it might have been something else.

Boys wanted to be pilots. Now nobody wants to be a pilot. I mean, of course, little boys do, but the kind of Pan Am era when everybody wanted to be a pilot. We all kind of go in this little beautiful horde of societal ideas of what we want to be. And right now, there is a really big notion of just a mum. I'm just to stay at home, I'm just a mum. When, believe you me, back many years ago, it was celebrated to be a mum. And I'm not saying one is right or one is wrong. Well, I am saying it's wrong to not be celebrated for being a mum,

because it is literally the pivot. role of society. If we had no mothers, we'd have no humans or no society to call our own. So it's the pivotal role. But what I implore you to do is not to go with society when it comes to value, but go with your own value. Really sit down with who you are. And if you decide to be a mum, never say, I'm just a mum. Say it with your chest. I'm a mum. I have my own business. I work in a law firm. Whatever it is you do, put some gravity behind it, put some pride behind it, put some joy behind it. Stop apologizing for everything you choose to do. You've got one life, it's your life to live. Can you imagine you were given this character, this role of you in your life,

and this is your life to live and the role you're going to play out? You are never, even if there are other lives going to meet these people again in this role in this even if you reincarnate it's not going to be the same so this is it baby there's no dress rehearsal and you're here apologizing for being just a mom or you're here apologizing for not wanting children or you hear apologizing how about some of us are mom some of us don't want children but they've got this amazing creative career and everyone is just putting gravity behind it and some joy behind it and look at this this is what I do. This is who I am.

That's what gives you value, my darling. Not doing something and apologizing for it and hoping that people, you just kind of can slither through and sneak through life sideways, slowly, like some kind of lizard. No, walk through places, take up space. Be the best damn version of whatever it is you want to be. And I've got a beautiful friend of mine who gave me one of the best lessons ever just by observing her. And she said, you know what, I don't have extreme career goals.

And I don't really want children. But I just love life and I just want to live it. And I've known her for 10 years or so. And I watch her and this human being glows. She's incredible. She's one of the most beautiful women I know. She just kicks ass at life. It's because she doesn't pretend to be anything that she's not.

And she does work. She does a lot in life. And she is an incredible, big-hearted human being. but I wish we could all sit in that place of what is wrong with just enjoying life wow you are given this gift that many people don't have why not enjoy it why not enjoy motherhood

why not enjoy kicking your career goals why not enjoy both why apologize so that's my third point about being a high value woman really step into your role and own it with the next step I want to address the biggest elephant in the room and that is what does high value mean when it comes to finances?

It's a question asked of me a lot on my TikTok and there isn't truly a long enough video to go into it. So I hope that this will help you. When it comes to personal finances and with my point that I just made previously, value is not added to you as a human being because you make the biggest majority of money. That is just not how human value works. and not every job is paid for. The raising of a child is not paid for by the government or society. It's just something that we do in our families,

but that is the most hardest and most important job. So what is my beliefs when it comes to value in terms of being able to support yourself, when you're married, I suppose, or when you are in a relationship, should you fully rely on him? This is a two-pronged answer. Number one, I think to be high value is to not live from a place of fear. Oh, he might leave me. He might die. He might this. He might find someone younger. That's what I always hear on these social media and people who write to me, oh, what if he leaves you and find someone younger? Yeah, anything is possible, you know, but I am not going to live from a place

of fear. It's just not how I will operate. I would rather live happily for 20 years and address the dire circumstance if it ever happens. Why are you not learning to drive with your left foot in case your right one falls off or you break it? And that's a true story for me because I had a surgery I couldn't drive for six months with my right foot. Why don't you learn every language that exists because, God forbid, any country could invade at any moment and that might be useful? All of these fear-mongering things are just not something that I'm willing to live by every day. I'm not going to meditate and manifest my husband leaving, because what that will do, if anything, is stress me. And number two, cause me to act in ways which might facilitate that to happen. They will make me an unpleasant

person, they will make me a fearful person, and they will make me somebody that repels people's trust and love energetically. So that's just not going to happen. But I will say this. I think you were given this life, as I say, to manifest into it the, best of your abilities and capabilities. And I believe every human being, if they were to manifest the best of what they can do. Now, let's say you are a banker, a lawyer, anybody who just makes money regardless, you work, your husband works, that's fine. You both contribute, you have value because you can walk away at any time. That's necessarily what it gives you. It gives you the power to say, I've had enough of this, I've set my boundary, I'm gone. That makes you a high value woman.

Now, if you choose to raise your children, you should still be getting education in the meantime, because now dishwashers exist and things exist to facilitate that you don't have to walk down to the river and wash your clothes in it, and then hang it out to dry on the mountain, and then catch the goat, slaughter him, and then feed your children, and then, you know, make a coat out of his fur. No, we're not living like that. So we've got the luxury now to be able to cultivate other skills. education, something, podcast, crafts, you are a magical, wonderful being who can do so much. And so your value is not going to come from the fact that you're paying for everything,

but from the fact that you know that you're building skills and that you're not meditating on your husband leaving you for someone young. But if he does, then God bless him, there is a door and may he go peacefully. You might not have the life that you're accustomed to, but you will certainly have an amazing life and maybe even a better one because, hey, the man you meet next might be a lot better than the first one. Trust me, I've seen that again and again and again. So don't worry.

We're not going to come at it from a place of fear. But what we will do is constantly cultivate knowledge, reading, arts, something. You are good at something that you will always constantly grow. Because even back in the day when women were at home, working at home and doing things at home, you best believe they did a huge amount of work by running the household, by doing all those things. You have the time to grow yourself into an amazing being who produces something for the world. It doesn't have to be huge. It could be selling apple pies, but they're going to be the best apple pies. But you have to know that you've got something in yourself to lean on.

You have to have value behind yourself because of your whole human experience and who you are. a self-development that always needs to be flourishing. It's not about money, but it's about knowing that you've got your own back. And it's about knowing that the universe has your own back. And in that, you become constantly attractive and highly valuable to the partner that you are with because you don't lose yourself. You carve out time for yourself, for your self-development, for yourself to thrive, for who you are to come into reality, to do what you have to do. In my own relationship I've gone from, well, I immigrated into another country in my relationship and couldn't work. Then I did work in a job which I liked but didn't have a lot of money. And then I had a child

and stopped working and now I'm working a lot again to the point of working the most I ever have. But in none of those times that I ever feel like, oh no, I can't do this if he's not here. I know I can do this if he's not here. And I think it comes from the fact that my mum, raised me by herself, my grandma raised my mom by herself, my grandfather tragically died when my mom was a child and my parents divorced. It's not something that I don't see myself being capable to do. So I implore you. It's not about going out there and fearfully working in case you find someone younger. Just even that in itself is a travesty. Imagine working in a job you don't like for your whole life because he might find someone younger and he never bloody finds anyone.

younger. Oh my gosh, what has happened? Your whole role as yourself is to raise who you are into its highest potential, into the most beautiful version of who you can be. So do that instead of living from a place of fear. The next point of being high value woman, I don't even remember what number we're on now, but the next point, I think number six, is not knowing that you are not ideal and you're not perfect. Perfection doesn't exist. There's something in value. and confidence that comes from knowing that nobody's perfect will ever be perfect that filters and screens and all these things do not exist but everyone is a unique version of something so tantalizing and beautiful and that is in you also you have a certain look and you can't emulate anyone else but

you are certain and true to yourself you will never be the perfect weight perfect face perfect skin perfect height. And we all know anyone who's 28 plus knows to look back on the photos of themselves when they were 21 and go, oh my gosh, I thought I was ugly old and fat there. What is going on? Because I was young and it was almost irrelevant. When people ask me to give a comment about what I would tell myself on my 20s, I almost want to say nothing because it's just like enjoy it, kid, like live your life. And I say kid, not in terms of that's a child, but in terms of if we live 90 years, God helping, wow, that's in the first 20. There is so much youth and innocence to that that it's just like, enjoy your life. It doesn't matter. The right

outfit doesn't matter. The right makeup doesn't matter. Just enjoy the fact that you're alive and young. That's it. Be happy, play. And in being high value and knowing you are not perfect, you can finally release this tension that you walk around with and carry around of trying to be something for somebody, trying to be perfect for somebody, trying to fit into a mold, trying to achieve some exam. It doesn't even have to be physical. It could be mental. Trying to be as smart as your cousin. Whatever it is, you're never going to be perfect. And this, you get filled with this magnetic, sexy confidence when you realize you're not perfect. Oh, it is the most stunning thing you can see a person do. know it from guys. We know that guy who is not exactly perfect, who's not, you know, got his body

right and everything. But he is just magnetic because he just is comfortable with who he is. I think what amplifies your high value is your feminine energy, being in the natural state of who you are. One of those things that can help with that is rituals, rituals that amplify you, setting them in stone and following through, whether that be exercise, whether that be how you eat, being in tune with your body. If you go into my description box for this podcast, I've got 20 feminine energy principles in there that I wrote and I follow, which really help with raising your value as a woman.

It really connects you to flow what it is to be in flow as a woman and what it means. It's a masterclass. It's under two hours. And it's all 20 principles of what I believe it is to be in your feminine energy. but if I was to give you one here, it would be the idea of ritual, having those rituals that you love and enjoy, whether that's a walk, whether that's a bath, whether that's yoga. For me, it's certainly Pilates, and for me, a ritual that I really love and enjoy is a low-carb keto lifestyle of eating. We all have different types of eating that we enjoy, but that is one that suits my body the best. if you guys are interested in me going into that, do let me know in this podcast.

I will leave a question at the bottom. But apart from that, thank you so much for listening. I appreciate everyone who shares this podcast. It makes making it so joyful because otherwise people can't discover it. And I love that you love it. And it means a lot to me. Thank you for giving it five stars and thank you for liking it. And thank you most of all for subscribing because it means you can hear the next one.

and we can stay in touch. I really appreciate the audience on here, and I feel like we are very, very in tune. Thank you for listening to me this week, and I'll see you next Tuesday. Love you lots.