BEING HER with Margarita Nazarenko - 91: If I Wanted to Stop Chasing and Start Attracting: A 10-Step Blueprint

Episode Date: December 15, 2024

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In this video, we are going to talk about how to start attracting everything in life that you want, the guy, the job, the stuff, the everything, the everything, the feeling, the body, everything, as opposed to chasing it because I know you're tired of chasing. I know you're tired of writing all the messages. I know you're tired of pursuing everything and feeling like you can never get what you want. So let's dive in how you're going to become that girl and stop chasing and start attracting. What is this pink beautiful thing that you have just pulled out from behind? you. Ignore the not-for-release banner because we are getting the actual final version soon.

This is her journal, your journal, my journal. Harness your feminine energy in 90 days. Has it come for a perfect time for New Year and to really change your life? Yes, it has. Yes, it has Margarita been working overtime with her 500 children and 700 businesses to bring this to you because we've had the courses, we've had the masterclasses, we've chatted about it, you've watched the thing, you've done the listening. And now it's time to put it into practice. What do we have here? Let's discuss. Let's discuss affirmations every day. We have prompts, questions that we need to go through. It's very important. And gratitude prompts. And also a very juicy thing about this is it's got a lot of things about archetypes, the queen, the alchemist, the warrior, every single feminine vibe that you could possibly want. Go on my website. You can get it there. You can get it on Amazon. You can get the PDF download if you can't wait for the physical thing to arrive. But let's not talk too much because, you know, someone could start blowing the wind outside. My daughter could wake up.

Something could happen because we need to get clear on what we truly want if we want to become that girl. We need to stop sabotaging ourselves and become that girl moving forward. And growing up, I was always like, how do I be that girl? I don't know who that girl is for you. It could be someone from gossip girl. It could be someone from sex in the city. For me at the moment, it's like an Angelina Jolie Bridget Bardomix. I've said it before.

I'll say it again. I'm going to give you the 10 steps to becoming that girl and stopping ruining it for yourself. And I'm glad you're here. I'm glad about your feedback to. I try and implement everything you say. But one of the feedbacks is, I love how you just get into it, Margarita. So Margarita's going to get into it. Get clear on what you want. I've got it all written down here, okay? The reason you need to get clear on what you want is if we don't know who that girl is and where we are going, then we're going blind. Moses led the people through the desert because he had an idea of where he was going and this is how you must be. If you're easily swayed and easily fall for everything else that everybody tells you, you cannot truly become the best version of yourself. So step number one,

to stop chasing everything in your life and start attracting and become that girl that you've always wanted to be, you need to know what we are aiming for. For example, you want a loving supportive partner and you want that or you want to get an ideal body or you want to pass those exams okay number one write a vision statement create a detailed vision of your dream life breaking into categories love career lifestyle and self-care i often fall into the trap of forgetting one of these but i have put it into kind of three categories for me for myself body business and babies those are the three things that I'm focusing on at the moment and the three B's the alliteration helps me program it in my mind as being important. You create the vision board by prioritizing what those things are.

It could be a literal pictures, pictures on a vision board or it could be written down. For me, it's often written down because I respond to word and some people could respond to images. You could be somebody who loves to look at images. Spend five minutes daily imagining your life in these scenarios and in these categories. You can only attract through manifestation where you are going by visualizing it because the way manifestation works is by feeling the emotion that you will feel once you are there. That is the essential key to dream boards, to dream life planning, to all this stuff.

You need to feel how you're going to feel. Because when you feel that emotion, more of that emotion is attracted to you. If you're feeling that emotion of I'm lost, I don't know what to do, I don't know what my goals are. You are going to be chasing everything, everyone and everywhere. You are not going to be attracting effortlessly to you. Number three, to get clear on what you want, you need to remove everything else out of your life. Identify on what's important and cut things out. Cut out people that waste your time and energy.

I know it's hard, boo-boo-boo, I know it's really hard. Cut out clutter. This, I'm going to be vulnerable with you, is a problem for me. I work a lot. I'm in this creative mode in my life where I want to do so. much that's going to bring usefulness and joy to people. I want to spend time with my kids. I want to do productive things. But I just, my house looks like a bomb sometimes because it's like, I think I grew up with everything having to be so careful and so pristine and so, you know,

lovely and manicured and looked after that I felt stifled in that energy. Yes, everything was clean, but it wasn't free. And I've leaned a little bit into the other way where I'm, I'm like in my manifesting energy of like doing everything I want to do. I'm killing it with my projects. As in like I feel joy from doing it. I'm with my children. But I will say that mental and physical clutter will not let you align and attract things to yourself that you want. You will end up running around, chasing your own tail, doing all these things. So marry condo your life. Throw out everything you don't need. Identify what your core values are. And let's go accordingly. in that direction. Step number next. Let go of desperation. If you want to be a key, a tractor and not a

chaser when it comes to men, women and animals, if you want to be like snow white in the field and everything is coming to you, you need daily affirmations. Hello affirmation journal. Hello, her journal. What is meant for me will always find me. You are not desperate. You are not trying to control people. This is my core message to myself and we're going to get deep and stop joking around for a second, okay? The key to an abundant and happy life where you attract things and you don't chase things, not men, not anything, is knowing that what is meant for you will come to you. You need to have those affirmations, write them down, make them up yourself, look them up online by my journal, they're available everywhere. Go on Pinterest if you need your own, if you want mine,

there in my journal, but you need to know that letting go of desperate energy is the key to success. I was just talking about it on my stories on Instagram. Follow me there if you don't already because I'm there being candid and wild as for usual. It was my daughter's first birthday, by the way. Yay, well done. Pat myself in the head for raising such a cute little bear of a daughter. I didn't do much. She's amazing.

But I was talking about desperate energy and letting go of it because the universe punishes you for desperate energy. Now, this is a bit of her side tangent, but my mom back in the day got me a burkin. I know this sounds bougie, but it's not. I grew up with a single parent mom who had so many jobs that she, you know, killed herself to provide for me. And we didn't grow up very rich at all. I was like, can we have enough milk on our cereal? You know, it was one of those vibes. But she worked so hard and got herself a job in fashion and eventually started collecting amazing pieces. And one of these pieces was this big, uh, big, you know, and she worked so hard. And she worked so hard, Birkin that she had and she had it for a whole life and then she handed it down to me

and I was like oh my god this is so precious and we live in Australia and very humid here so she was told me how precious it is and how humid it is and I was so desperate to not ruin it for my mom and to not and to prove to her that I can have nice things finally and this was like six seven years ago and that I got all these dehumidifiers and I got those little crystals that dehumidify God forbid something happens to this thing what happens what happens what happens in the audience yep that's right the thing explodes all over the the bag burns it to smithereens and it is gone. I was so upset. My friend was here with me at the time,

not for the bag. I don't care about these kind of things, truly, but I care about my mom's hard work for years to collect these beautiful items that I ruined with my desperate energy. Then I got myself recently a Malachi bracelet, which was beautiful. It was gold. It was expensive to say thank you to myself. Well done, Margarita for number one writing my book, having my daughter in that year. I have hyperamuses during pregnancy, which is really, really hard. I was raising a toddler. created my business all within one year. I was like, oh my God, maybe I can have one nice thing. I always used to take it on and off because it was Malachi and they told me, you know, you can't ruin it and tarnish it in water, but I've got two babies live in Australia in the ocean.

I should have worn that damn thing and ruin that Malachi, okay? Because what happened? It's gone. It's lost because it was on and off, on and off, on and off. Because I was trying to protect it with my desperate energy. This is the thing. If you try and hold something so close, like a bird, you know, like a bird, you break its wings. So you need to let go of outcomes. You need to let go of that boyfriend who you think, if you control his actions, if you monitor everywhere he goes,

if you always watch that he's doing the right thing, like as if you monitor him strongly enough, he will always do right by you. That is not the case. That is not how life works, okay? Focus on your actions, not the outcomes. Put energy into things you can control and release attachment.

to immediate results. What does that mean? It means releasing outcomes for long-term things. It means like when I first had my son, I was obsessed, obsessed with like looking good, losing the way, being the best I could be. And lo and behold, I was 15 kilos heavier, around about 10 kilos heavier, something like that, which is a lot of pounds, look it up, okay? I did a stories on my Instagram of me post my daughter and me post my son. And I will make a whole episode on it, but essentially it is, let going letting go of outcomes and becoming focused on who you are in that moment and how you want to feel second part of it is limit overthinking set a timer for 10 minutes to think about a subject then let it go

what i like to do if something is on my brain and it is spiraling spiraling spiraling and looping like a song is i imagine i've got a box i'm like okay brain thank you we cannot decide this right now i know what you're trying to do is trying to protect me from this whole situation and you're trying to help me. I'm going to put this idea inside this box sack or whatever you want to do. Pretend, imagine that you've closed it and then put it on your bedside table or whatever, wherever it is that you're overthinking. If you're like, oh my God, why did he not reply to me? Brain, thank you. I know you're trying to protect me and have the best outcome. What I'm going to do is I'm going to put it over here and put it to the side. If we cannot fix it now, we cannot think about

it now. What is going to make me feel better in the long run? Going to the gym, making my green juice, focusing on my business, launching my journal, or thinking about him spiraling, spiraling, even if he is meant to be the one for you, he's going to like you more if you've got your own thing going on. Step number three, if you want to be a master attractor versus a chaser in life, align your energy with your desires, dress, act, speak and live like the person of your dreams. I think this is one of the most powerful things ever, ever, ever with my background in acting and acting as if you are before you become that thing, you need to act like that person, your archetype, your avatar, the one that you feel that you want to be like, the Angelina Jolie,

that all that stuff. Let's have an example, right? Bridget Bardot for me is so chic, so classy, so amazing. I'm going in soon to get my hair cut, put layers into it so that when I put my hair up, I don't put it up like a sleek rat, but I put it up with the whisks, the wisps and all of that stuff and I can embody that kind of energy. As I'm growing up, I am looking more into women, like how Bridget Bardot-Aaged or Pamela Anderson. How cool is Pamela Anderson with her? Like, she's so girly and so youthful as she grows up. I just love it. And so I'm going to act like it,

even if I don't feel like it, because I'm quite a cerebral, like, thinking person. I'm like a bit of a Leonard Cohen in the head, you know? So I'm going to emulate that. Use the vision board. Use the affirmations. playlists of the character you want to be? Is it Blair from Gossip Girl? Is it, who is it? Who is it? Become that person. I'm going to download some Ralph Lauren Jazz for my Christmas celebration because I want it to be cozy and amazing for me. Having children has really narrowed me into what I feel because I'm creating the magic for them, right? We create the magic for our children around Christmas. Create the magic for yourself. Create the scenario of how that character. lives because if you feel like that character on the everyday basis guess what you're

going to start attracting the things that that character naturally in life would have ask am I treating myself the way my future self would want me to is my future is my future is my my future self the biggest question you can ask yourself too this is a powerful one so sit back lean back relax is if I loved myself would I do this if I loved myself would I do this is the question that changed my life, ladies and gents. If I loved myself, would I write a paragraph soliloquy to that person who doesn't even want to hang out with me? No, I would not, because I would not advise my friend to do that, my pet to do that, my child to do that. No, I would not. If my pet wanted to write to another pet about why don't you want to hang out with me anymore,

anyway, I would not let them because that's not what somebody who loves themselves does. If you loved yourself, would you do that? My problem? And I want to be vulnerable with you because we've been friends for years, is I still try and attain love by performance. I still try and attain love by doing enough for somebody as if they're going to love me for it. They're not going to love you for it, baby. They're not going to love you for the fact that you buy them gifts and do things. That's my new thing.

I buy people stuff in order to get their love. It's ridiculous. But you need to be loved for being you, you know? Next, prioritize your inner world. That's step four. Write down your feelings and thoughts at the end of each day to better understand what you want to align to. Even five minutes of breath work makes a huge difference. Focus what's working in your life, no matter how small. If you prioritize your inner world, if you clean out your internal chakras, as it were, baby,

you will easier align because if you've got garbage going on inside you, you cannot operate with that trash. You need to process things. You need to. You know why? Because you're in Instagram. You're on TikTok. You're on YouTube.

You're doing all these things. You're filling up your mind with information. When do you have time to process that information? Get yourself a journal. Honestly, I'm not talking about it because I want you to buy this. Like, it would be great if you buy it. But to be honest, get your own journal. You can download the PDFs.

It's more cost effective because obviously they have to print this. So they need to make that profit. But or just make up your own prompts to process every day. Because the quicker you process things and don't distract yourself or run away from your reality, the quicker you can move through things because the way through things is literally through them. Not above them, not below them, not around them. You cannot avoid the thing that is chasing you or catch up with you. Go through it.

Prioritize your inner world if you want to cultivate a magnetic. presence if you want to have this like juicy aura. Juicy aura. That's my new nickname. Juicyora. Number five, cultivate magnetism through presence. Give people your undivided attention. If you want to build a deeper connection, you know what I've just realized? I can hear them blowing their leaves outside, but that's not going to stop us. No, because we don't have time for them to stop us, okay? Let me manifest them stopping. I feel joy from just having a conversation. with you that is quiet and serene. I'm not feeling the joy. I'm feeling frustration.

Okay, manifestation not working. Give people your undivided attention when you speak to them. Smile genuinely. Make eye contact. Prioritize being a good listener and being interested because then you will become interested. When you sit down and you have an anchor in your life, like when you have your morning coffee, have a moment of quietness where you come into yourself when you're not rushing around when you're not trying to do 100 things, answer 100 emails, make it a practice that when people talk to you to put your stuff down and give them a moment of undivided. Do you know how powerful

you're going to be in this world? If you can give people undivided attention and look at them in the eye and actually be present because people can't do that anymore. Do you know if you can provide people with a human connection, even if you're a content creator, okay, even if you want to, because we're going to pivot into this next year, okay, women in business and how are you? You. How are you? You you can both mother your babies, but also crush it. If you can be present for people, if you can be a genuine friend, if you can appear as real, you're going to crush it in this world of AI and not fakeness.

It's not fake. It's just curation, a world of curation. If you can genuinely connect to a person and see their soul, uh, girl. Number six, master the art of receiving. Instead of deflecting, oh, thank you. I appreciate that. No, you're better.

You're better than you. You look better than me. Your hair is so nicer than mine. Everything. Just genuinely, soulfully, just say thank you. Just look at a person and say thank you. When somebody does something, say thank you. Learn to ask people for things. I am so guilty of not being able to do this. Ask people for things. When someone's offering assistance accept it, it opens you in this portal of abundance somewhere in the magic universe. It opens a portal of abundance. It's like, locked because you are receptive, because you are grateful. Think about when you give someone a present, right? Think about when you give someone a present genuinely. Come here, microphone, so that you can hear me. When you give someone a present genuinely, okay? And they're like, oh, I don't need that anyway or whatever. Like, you never want to give them anything ever again. So if God a universe is giving you something and you're like, wow, I am so happy. I am so abundant. Thank you so much. That is exactly what you need to do. Write down all the things you've received, the gifts, love, everything, and come open to a

gratitude practice. My life changed when I began my gratitude practice, when I became grateful for all the things I have. If you want to have a nice car, be grateful for the car you have. If you want to have a nice house, be grateful for the house you have. If you want to have an incredible relationship, be grateful for the relationships you have. That is the way the world works. So you need to really become good at receiving and that is key to feminine energy too if you're a feminine energy woman you're like yes life wants to do stuff for me and guess what people feel joy from doing things for me they do they do feel joy from doing things for you number seven set and respect boundaries i had a real big epiphany recently i realized that i like to give people a lot of freedom

and by giving people a lot of freedom i don't like to a ask them for anything and it blocks how much I receive from people, even friends who want to do nice things for me. And number two, I don't want to set boundaries because I feel like I'm infringing on someone's freedom. But what I need to remember, and you need to remember, because if you're attracted to me, then we probably have the same thing, being an ex-anxiously attached person slash still kind of, you know, there, but mostly secure, is you need to not feel like your own boundaries. They're coming into your vicinity is going to infringe on their freedom, what happens is if you feel that by you setting boundaries and you saying, look, you can't act

this, this and this way around me, I don't stand for that. I don't really like that. If you feel that that is like infringing on someone's freedom and you don't want to be all intrusive on that, what you're doing is you're compromising yourself completely and the worst thing happens is that you then snap and you rip their face off. This happens to me and this happened to me with a friend of mine. I was preparing for my daughter's party. I have the sweetest, most amazing, lovely friend and nobody was helping me. I had the kids all night by myself. My husband's renovating at the moment, so he's never around.

And he slept in that morning, and my beautiful friend came, and him and her were chatting about stuff, lounging on the sofa, and the kids were hanging off me, and I'm trying to get these sausage rolls out of the fucking oven. And I was like, someone just help me! Because I didn't set the boundaries of, like, when she came, I didn't say, hey, I'm really overwhelmed. Like, I haven't had help for weeks,

because we're doing a lot, and it's not your fault baby, but could you help me just take this thing out, get my son off me, like, save me. But instead, I'm like, oh, don't want to infringe on people's freedom. Let them be free, let the people be free. And then I'm like, I'm going to smash these free people, because I'm not free people, okay? Like, I am doing stuff. If you set your boundaries and you tell people how to treat you, you don't have to rip their face off. Write down people, activities and habits that drain your energy and start saying no to things, start saying yes to things, start saying exactly what you need. Practice with low-stakes situations like if somebody says, or do you want this donut and you're actually trying to live your life in a healthier way?

No, thank you. Say no. When saying no, try and say that you appreciate the offer, but you can't do things right now. Don't just stuff yourself full like a Christmas turkey of things that you owe people and ideas and, and just it's too much. It's too much. Set boundaries so that you don't have to become an uglier version of yourself. Number eight, tap into gratitude.

Write down three things that you're grateful for every night. I like to do it in the night because I'm like the day has just passed. And I've also expressed gratitude to others. I'm so grateful for you. You're an amazing person. I love you so much. While walking mentally list things you're grateful for. My daughter was like hanging off me the other day, would not release me.

and I had so much to do, but we went in the shower and her little body, I was just holding her and we were cuddling in the shower and I was like, this is literally peak human experience. That lovely feeling of, there's running warm water, babe. Peasants died throughout centuries of our whole world. My ancestors, I'm pretty Nordic as far as they come, were in the north freezing. And here I am, because they decided to procreate and have children. here I am in Australia with my running hot water holding my child that is safe and happy. Thank you Lord.

What? Like, I could cry. That experience is just how you pivot it, okay? Release attachment to outcomes. Number 10. Focus on what you can do daily. Applying for a job, working out, being kind, not the end goal, not being skinny if you're trying to lose weight. Not having a big butt if you're trying to gain in the gym.

and not getting the dream job if you're just still trying to get hired because you're going to get overwhelmed. Practice detachment meditation. Look it up. It's online somewhere. If it's not, put it down there and I'll create one for you. Celebrate efforts over results. Baby, I had everything is like a map.

It will come together in the end, okay? I did acting. I did Miss Universe. That's right. It came second in the UK. Thank you. Well done. I did all these things and I did not know how they would come together.

It was a really confusing time for me until it finally did. If I did not focus on just actioning something every day so that momentum kept rolling because if something is static, it dies and it does not progress, there needs to be movement, constant flow, constant movement in order for you to progress in life. Step number 10. Surround yourself with positive energy. basically elevate your vibe.

You know when you're around those people who have a high vibrational frequency, you come out after being with them like, oh, life is wonderful. I am so free in my spirit. Declate to your home. Become aligned with high energy vibration. Watch amazing things. Stop watching the crime stuff if it makes you feel down.

Stop watching the news that you can't affect if it makes you feel down. Do one thing daily that all. elevates your vibration. If you are confused about what to do, go into my masterclasses, get my bundle, something like that. I've got so much content out there on it and curate your space. I talked about this on the Become Her course that I released and hopefully will release again. Your environment really cultivates your feminine energy and how it is that you want to appear in spaces. It's exhausting being rooted in fear and running from things, but attraction is rooted in trust and alignment to your goals.

If you have trust and you're aligned to your goals and you're grateful, you will gravitate things to you like a magnet. And it will be literally something that is like magic. Thank you for listening to this podcast and watching. If you're watching, I love you lots like jelly thoughts. I'll see you on the next one.