BEING HER with Margarita Nazarenko - 93: 10 Things to Stop Doing If You Want to Be THAT Girl

Episode Date: December 29, 2024

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Welcome back to this old school classic, which is my life, which is this car, my life in this car. I am a liberated woman. My daughter is now one years old. My husband's now comfortable with her staying with the nanny right in our house, you know, and my kids, my kids are home. My kids are loud. So we are in the car. This is where the good shit happens. This is where the real ideas come to life. This is where I am sitting with my phone and New Year's around the corner. I think when this is going to be posted, it is going to be, you know, like a few days before New Year. I really want you to feel empowered because I am taking 25, 2025 by its throat and it is going to be mine, as I'm sure it's going to be yours. I just feel in this new phase of life, we all go through phases of life, we all are in always continuously different phases.

But I feel right now like it's just the right time for us women to just do the thing. I feel like we're finally getting out of traps that we've been in generational traps. I feel like we are on point with our diet. I was just listening to a podcast about it in terms of going back to something that is more primal. You're not believing lies that are sold to us, like the fact that cereal, for example, is good for you to have breakfast cereal. Please get out of my face with your breakfast cereal. That's just an example, okay? But also, I just feel like we're more aligned with what it means to be a woman, what it means to be female in today's day and age.

look, we're not buying the BS about girl bossing it until we cannot girl boss anymore and we just pass out from burnout. We are not buying the BS about being the 1950s housewife either. We have this new understanding of a really empowered, powerful, feminine woman, the goddess, the woman, you know, how we used to live in essence to do with nature. Men equals productivity, women equals to do with community, communication, and oneness. We are now getting together with that. But I digress because this right here, this podcast is called 10 Things to Stop Doing if you want to become that girl, that woman in 2025, or if you're watching this years later, or if you're watching this in some kind of space station and, you know, this is 500 years later,

it still applies because these are no holds barred rules that I have learned through my years and the more I learn the more I'm going to tell you the more I'm going to impart it on you I'm going to try and share some lessons but these are ten that if you want to manifest this new version of yourself in this coming year

this one is coming for you I am sitting here and I've Uber Eatsed my cousin wow who's a cousin my son batteries because it was either sit here and talk you about how you're going to become that girl or drive and getting batteries. I'm going to do both, okay? Who beats batteries? This is wild. Number one, stop saying yes to everything. I've told you this before, but you're not listening to me, Jessica. You're not listening. You will become the woman you want to be the moment you stop feeling FOMO and you feel Fogio or whatever it's called,

fear of joining in or not even fear of joining in, joy of missing out. Joy of missing out. Jomo, I think it's called, whatever, we move. Overcommitting and spreading yourself too thin with no room for truly what matters to you is the recipe to disaster. Absolute disaster. What are you doing? You are being there here everywhere for everybody else doing everything that you think is important because it fits into some kind of idea what people think is important when you don't know what's important to you. If you don't have that space in your mind to understand what is truly important, you will not value your own. time, you will not value your space and you will not understand what to do. Here's what you need to do.

Set non-negotiable days, choose one or two days a week where you don't take extra commitments and you just do the thing that you're meant to do. For me, sometimes when it's me and my kids day, which is all the time, by the way, but if it's just dedicated to me and my kids, there is nothing else that's going to come in between that. If it's my day to record a part, I used to, listen, before I had children, I used to be like, I'm busy. babe, no offense, but what? No offense to my prior self. Now I had a meeting today. I saw the people who are doing my renovation. I ran around. I'm doing this podcast. I recorded something very exciting for somebody very, very exciting. I'll share up my Instagram. I'm sure you've seen it already. And it just there's

non-negotiables. There's going to be non-negotiable days. If one is for admin or if cleaning your house gives you that headspace, it's got to be non-negotiable because if you're not on your own time, you're on somebody else's time. And when you're on somebody else's time, you can do everything but be that girl. Use the pause rule. Before agreeing to anything, pause and ask, does this serve me? Does this drain me? And does this get me closer to the woman I want to be? That archetype of the woman that I want to be. We've discussed this, you and I, about the type of woman you want to be. So I'm not going to tell you about that again. But if you don't know about that, watch the blueprint about how to become the woman you want to be, that dream girl, okay? If it's not getting you close,

to the woman you want to be and if it's not fulfilling you because sometimes just fun stuff to do is fun you know you don't you don't always have to be like goal oriented you're not a machine you're not a workhorse you're not a dairy cow you are a wild fabulous deal if you don't know the reference you need to go on my ticot or you need to watch my courses practice saying no with grace use simple ways to say no without always excusing yourself saying thank you so much I'm really booked up with things right now I really appreciate it like a scripted one sentence version of what you're going to say. Stop apologizing constantly about having priorities in your life. Because you know what? Every time we talk about being this dream girl and this amazing girl to make him obsessed with you, the rule that you're not getting is it's not games. That's

what you're not getting, Jessica. It's not games when it's real. You don't have to act busy when you are busy. You don't have to act like you've got other things going on when you have got things going on. That is a thing you don't, Jessica, please. Number two, stop ignoring your boundaries. Why? When you let people overstep your boundaries, you signal that you as a person as an entity in the universe don't matter. If you have no boundary, if you have no form to you, imagine a bottle, it's got a form to it, a shape to it. That is what makes it a bottle. If you've got no form or shape to you, you're an amoeba, a blob. Okay?

Number one, write down your top three boundaries. Be clear about what you draw the line at and what your relationship is to yourself, what you feel about, what is. that? I'm talking to my people. Self-care and they have to be clear. They have to be clear. People cannot cross those boundaries. People cannot manipulate you. People cannot do those things to you. Use a boundary script. When someone crosses a line, say, I appreciate that or thank you for thinking of me, but I'm prioritizing my well-being. Or I'm prioritizing what I'm doing right now. People, when you wake up, don't jump on your emails. Don't always jump to react. Don't always be jumping, jumping, jumping, jumping to conclusions like a frog. You need to prioritize yourself, get what you need

done first, and then address everybody else's request. Block boundary violators. If someone repeatedly disrespects your boundaries, even people who are extremely, extremely draining in a needy way, you need to block them for the day and get your stuff done if you want to be that girl. Because if they want to drain your energy for free, they better do it at a time that is leisurely for you, not on your time when you're becoming that girl, okay? Guys, three, stop chasing validation for others, I told you, Jessica. Constantly seeking approval, weakens your confidence, and it drains your ability to decide yourself.

The reason you're not progressing is because you do not decide. To decide is to cut off in Latin all other options, okay? What to do instead? Number one, validate yourself daily. Every night write down three things that you're grateful for, and three things that you have won at, okay? And the way you can do this is in any book that you have on your phone, on notes, whatever you want, or you can get her journal in the, in the description box anywhere you want. That's the new journal. I have prompts in there. I have affirmation,

so it's all in one put together. I even have like archetypes for you to, to imagine of the type of woman you can be in order to really maximize your progressiveness. Okay. Number two, limit external validation triggers, mute social media accounts that you cannot be inspired by, but instead drain you and make you feel shitty about yourself. Why are you following that 16-year-old influencer who tells you that she has built her butt by working out? She hasn't. It's genetic, Jessica. You comparing yourself to her and it's useless. Follow people who you could be like, me, I'm a mom of two. I don't know how that's happened, but suddenly I'm a mom of two. I don't know. I feel 19, but here we are. No, actually I feel 28. 28 is how I feel.

listen, yeah, don't follow this person that you cannot have their life because that is not where we're living. We're living in reality. So only people who inspire, not people who trigger. And number three, ask yourself first, when making decisions, ask, am I doing this for me or for them? If it's for them, reconsider it if it means that you're just trying to prove yourself to them. Being kind to someone is different to chasing validation from that person, okay? Being kind, like going to the store and buying ice cream is different, because your friend wants it, is different than seeking validation from them.

Okay, it's nice to be nice. But if you're doing something and breaking yourself and then you're building resentment, which happens to women a lot because we give a lot of ourselves and then we build resentment and then we're like acting like terrible, rancid rats, right? And we're like, I do so much. I do so much. Well, stop doing so much. Shit, stop doing so much. Number four, to be that girl coming up, it's new year, it's crunch time. Stop neglecting your health.

It is the wealthiest thing. If you have everything in the world but you don't have your health, you have nothing. Every person who has not got their health and who's got a lot of money would give it all up for their health and their youth. Youth meaning lack of illnesses, right? Skipping self-care leaves you feeling drained and unbalanced. I know and you know if you have young children on those days that you don't put yourself together. you are at a deficit on the days you put yourself together even though it's hard even though it's early morning even though it's all of these things you feel like you are a warrior and you can do this

thing number one hydration we all talk about it feel a large jug of water and drink it to midday refill it and drink it before the night is done water is your friend my friend do not be dehydrated the person who works with me looks after my children is also used to do nursing She's like, listen, you don't drink water. She had to remind me and I'm reminding you, okay? Have also a non-negotiable sleep ritual. If you are lucky enough to not have anybody waking you up like I do. But I still have a sleep ritual.

I still go to bed at a certain time. Even though I want to scroll social media, even though I want to do this thing and that thing, even when I want to procrastinate, I go to sleep because it's non-negotiable. I cannot be tired. I cannot be that girl. I cannot be that woman with bags under my eyes, aging. aging. No, I can't. It accelerates everything if you do not get sleep. Set an evening wind down

routine. If you must, no screen times, dim lights, everything, things like that. Next, meal plan or have an idea of the type of way you want to eat. I'm going to talk to you in the new year about how I completely changed my life in terms of how I eat and how I look after my body from pregnancy number one to pregnancy number two. So, I mean, postpartum experiences and how I lost the weight in the second time and in the first time, it was a cluster fluff. It was wild, okay? So plan, simple things that you can eat. It doesn't have to be complicated. Social media is telling you a lie. It doesn't have to be the fruit sprinkle with the side bowl and the yada, yada, yada, it's got to be very simple. It's got to be protein. It's got to be a little bit of fiber. It's got to be high fat.

It's got to be nutrition. I will talk to you more about it. Okay, but next, number five. But basically, it's number four is look after your health. It is the most important thing. It is a non-negotiable. Five, stop comparing yourself to others. Comparison steals joy from your life. Okay, comparison steals your joy. We've talked about it. You are competing against yourself, not against other people. Those people do not live your lives. You only have one go around the sun being you. And if you truly ask yourself, there's something intoxicating and amazing about being you. Your face is the combination of your ancestors who slayed dragons, literally, famines, overlords, whatever it was, in order to bring you and your ass here right now. Okay, there's something amazing about your face and the features it contains and how your

body works everything. You are a work of art. You, because so many people strived to reproduce and not die are bloody here, okay? So appreciate that. And you comparing yourself to Rebecca on Instagram, what has she got to do with your life? Who is she? Yeah? Limit your time on socials.

That's number one. Set a daily reminder that your life is here to be lived not to peruse other people's lives. Stop perusing you, pariah. Number two, gratitude check in. Use any journal. Use mine. Three things every day that you're grateful for. Don't write the same thing every day.

I sometimes look at the faces of my children, blades of grass. I am not kidding in moments. And I'm like, what is this? What is the simulation? like what how how am i what is this number three celebrate your progress small small small changes of personal growth and fitness do not look at these big big big big big big big and goals it's got to be small tangible steps if you did it today that's fantastic do it again tomorrow that's fantastic do the next thing the next day that's fantastic that's how rome gets

built it's not by not doing it one day and then you throw out the baby with the bath water number six and this is for you stop overthinking everything overthinking leads to procrastination and that leads to missed opportunity if you don't decide if you overthink it is worse than making a decision and practicing that muscle and making a slightly wrong decision who cares you can always adjust set a decision deadline give yourself 24 hours or less to make a decision to cry over a guy to decide what to do if you have not decided it's gone on. That's it. Gonsky. Das Svidanya. Okay. Number two, adopt the fail first method. Reframe mistakes is a part of a learning process. Fail, fast, learn faster. I cannot, I do not have the time. I cannot afford the time to procrastinate on decisions. You cannot afford the time. You have to

decide fast, fail fast, move on. Move on. Oh, I don't know what to post on my channel. Oh, I don't know what to put it doesn't matter post something if it lands it lands if it doesn't delete it doesn't matter you know that's that's a that's a small thing or oh i don't know i don't know how to look after my health try something try something jessica and jessica also you know how you can't find your passion that's because you haven't delved in deeply and tried enough things that's what your 20s are for try a lot okay number three trust your gut first when faced with a choice close your eyes and ask yourself for what feels right you need to get in tune, walking past my car while I'm creating this podcast, how dare you? No, I'm kidding. Walk away, ladies, walk away. When you, you're a woman, I'm a woman, some of you are men who watch this channel, but you're probably in your feminine energy because you're interested in this content. I mean that in a really good way, right? If you're in your feminine energy, when you close your eyes, you know what feels right first, you know which path to take, you know it's, you know that you don't trust that guy. You know that the reason he's acting like he doesn't want the relationship is actually.

because he's not interested in you and not because he's so busy at work. You know, but yet you don't believe yourself. You don't trust yourself. The universe therefore doesn't trust you. Number seven, stop gossiping and engaging in drama. I love a bit of a gossip me. Not in a about my friends kind of way, but like when I find out some news, I love to run home to my husband who I don't know why out of everything he does that is totally unkind of in tune with the times and feminine. He loves the gossip, it's bizarre. Negative energy distracts you from your goals and dims your shine. It is like an energetic contract when you do that to other people. It happens to you. If someone's trying to gossip to you, flip the conversation. If gossip comes up, shift by asking what's something exciting

that happens in your life right now or how are you or what are you doing. Try and reframe it. Try and stay away from gossip because small minds gossip, big minds talk about concepts and ideas. I love talking about concepts and ideas and things that can create, you know, how to create more in my life, okay? Limit contact with drama magnets. A lot of people, right? They might not be gossips, but they're so dramatic. Oh my God, like everything in their life is dramatic.

This person did this. How dare they? And all they do is talk to a talk to a talk about how someone did this and how dare they. And literally, I tune out. I cannot listen. I'm a bad friend to those people because I cannot hear them when I know we're not progressing. it literally fries my brain. Choose to uplift people. That's number three. Over tear them down. If you have a friend and you see they're struggling, uplift people. Say the thing that's going to

motivate them. Use your energy wisely. Okay? Because it comes back. Trust me. Trust me. Number eight, stop dressing for others and dress for yourself. Create that avatar that impresses you, impresses your authenticity, makes it fun for you to traverse through this thing called life. I love looking like a character that I think I could imagine myself being. Curate your dream style, Pinterest board, outfits, and then Pinterest, the clever bastard, suggests, suggests things. Like, once you curate a few things, it suggests stuff. It's really, really clever. I love that. I don't use it much, but I love it. Ditch trendy clothes, because trendiness, I think Chanel said it. I'm not sure who said it. Anyway, trendiness is one step away from tackiness, okay? Ditch the trends. Forget it.

friend, buy timeless pieces or really cool curated pieces, invest money into items that people made from a creative aspect, not children in another country. And look, I don't know everything about this. I am not your go-to gal here, but this is my, this is what I aspire to have, right? I aspire to buy pieces that are truly incredible and to give to local people who create them or to, you know, companies as opposed to trying to buy into trends and wasting a lot of money, right? Because when it looks like it's expensive, it's not worth it and it's made, I don't know, in the US, for example, but if it's made somewhere else and you can buy hundreds of it, it looks like it's worth it. That's not right, yeah? Where what makes you feel powerful? Does this outfit make me feel like that girl? What is

that girl? Who is she? Is she gossip girl? Is she Angelina Jolie? I always use those examples, but the different is she sex in the city? Who is that girl? If you want to be her, start to optimize your off in that image and I know you don't want to dress up. I know you want to wear track suits. Ever since 2020, everyone wants to wear tracksuits. Try not to. It's hard. I know, but try not to. Number nine, stop being afraid of the spotlight or putting yourself out there, downplaying your strengths to avoid attention, holds you back. Do you think that I feel like, I actually have come to a place where I don't give a shit, but I used to post and be like, oh my God, I hope my friends don't see this, especially like people who I used to know, like,

when I was younger, you know, they'll be like, who is she? Who did? she think she is posting this? I don't care anymore. I don't care if you don't like it, don't watch, I don't care. A lot of you are holding yourselves back because you think that somebody's watching. Can I, can I tell you something super surprising, Jessica? Nobody's watching. Nobody cares about you as much as you think you do, and that should liberate you as opposed to make you feel setback. You know what I mean? We over-emphasize our importance in other people's lives. Have a daily practice called own it. Just own it. Share your wins. share your vulnerabilities, share them on Instagram, TikTok or whichever place you want because

branding is important and I'm going to start talking more in 2025 about personal branding, creating money as a woman and also being in your feminine and having children at the same time. There is a space, a huge space for that and we're sleeping on it. Okay, I'm going to teach you how everything I did. Take up more space. Take up more space. If it is online, if it is in your real life, if it is in your business, if you don't want to have an online business, take up space.

face like lean in sit at the table stop being like oh right now do you know i hear a lot of women say of every generation gen z millennial everything oh yeah but first i've got a blah blah blah first i've got to start pilates first i've got to you know get my work right before i have the kids just lean in just lean into all of it stop stopping yourself you never hear men talk like that and shine unapologetically when someone compliments you thank you i worked really hard to do that thank you thank you not sorry not my god and then just thank you and that's it that's it okay number 10 stop waiting for permission to start waiting for the perfect time I'm passionate about this one Jessica will be the downfall of everything I think the Uber eats batteries are here are they here here here they are there

the guys delivering them permission to start it will be your downfall waiting for qualifications waiting for the right person to say the right thing, waiting for everything will be your downfall. Start like a messy action challenge. Just action it. Just action it. Just see what happens. Throw it at the wall. Pick a goal and just see how far you can get in six months, in three months. Just try it. Just try it. It's never going to be perfect. Create a start now trigger. It's now or it's never. Just do it. Okay? The battery guys are looking at me. Okay. when you're thinking I'll do it tomorrow, just do it today.

When you're thinking, oh, but first I need to do it, just do it today. Every day, do an action, right? That makes you closer to your goal. Every day you've got to do an action that gets you closer every single day. Write it down that if you don't commit an action every day, it's only like even weekly. Big actions weekly, small actions every day. You will get closer to your goal. There is no way that you won't.

and if anything, if you're not sure what you want to do, the more you action something, the faster you will understand whether it's for you or not. Okay? I love you. Thank you for watching. Thank you for being here. And thank you for getting my podcast to chart 38 weeks of the year last year. Spotify notified me. Okay? That was amazing. Thank you so much. I'll see you in the new year. And we're going to kick ass. Okay. not just with relationships, but in every, every, every way possible. I love you lots, like Jenny's thoughts. Bye!