BEING HER with Margarita Nazarenko - 95: From Placeholder to Muse. Stop being over looked in 14 steps.

Episode Date: January 12, 2025

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It has come to my attention, dearest, that this new year, we are starting at different. The difference we're going to do is we are going to talk about a concept of really honing in on everything that you and I have been talking about. I am recording this on the 3rd of January. I've got these clear ideas and goals of what I want to achieve. And I think you and I are going to go on a journey in 2025 in totally. and utterly honing in on what it means to be her, to become her, and do it in a way that I always envisioned it to be. The reason you keep coming on to my DMs and asking me things like, yeah, but he said this, but he wanted this, but I'm not sure what he means, is that you have

not fully understood the concept of decentering men in your life. Does not matter if you're married. That's another question you often ask, but what if I'm married? But what if I'm married, Margarita? I can't, I can't, you know, not focus on him and not give him my energy if I'm married. Why? Why? So you've signed a contract to let somebody energetically drain you forever? Is that what it is? I don't understand what it is about the fact that you in a long-term relationship or the fact that you're married that stops you from prioritizing yourself, becoming your own inner muse and putting yourself first. You can still achieve great things despite being married. because of being married. It's like, cool, we did that. We ticked that box, but that man can chase you for the rest of your life. That is why we need to sit down and talk about a framework, 10 to 15 steps of becoming a muse. A muse means an inspiration to art for yourself.

You need to become your own inner muse as opposed to a placeholder. If you are a placeholder, do you know what that means? It means that we need to shift even from the conversation of becoming that girl for him. and shift it to becoming the muse for yourself. Your life is art. This is not a rehearsal. This is the play. We are it. This is it. We're Shakespeare baby. We're doing it right now. And this is not a rehearsal. This year in 2025, I want you to understand. I implore you to understand. I need you to understand that this is it. We are doing it. I need you to understand that to be your own inner muse, to make your life circle around you as if you were the sun to the universe of your life, you need to first have

a life that is muse-like. I'm going to give you 10 to 15 steps, frameworks, rules around becoming the muse to your own life about becoming your own inspiration because if you are still framing your life around being something for him, then you have the disadvantage of either becoming that girl to him or a placeholder. But he still governs how it is you see yourself. And that is the danger. If you let him govern how you see yourself as opposed to you being your own innermuse to your life, that is where the problem begins. And I think this year in 2025, we are going to become our own barometer, our own compass, our own, you know that thing when you read a book that you're utterly obsessed about or like a movie character that you can't get enough of?

We are going to become that main character. We are going to give that energy and we are going to accordingly do that. We are not going to allow somebody to take our energetic value and devalue it or raise it up because at the end of the day, even if you've got a great man in your life, right? And he completely treats you well. If he governs how you see yourself and who you are in your life, then the power still does not lie with you. So you need to become the epicenter of your own life. And I've told you this before. I've told you in my book. I tell you in my courses. And you need to understand that the more you are about your own energy, the more you are on your own journey of becoming that inner muse for yourself, the more beautiful your life is going to be,

and the more you're going to attract men like flies, animals, children, everybody's going to want to be around you, okay? Everyone's going to think that you are energetically beautiful because we have that feminine energy that everyone craves just to be around and be fed by. Okay? I am opening, by the way, for the last time, a live round of Become Her, which is essentially an eight-week coaching program with me because I don't do one-on-one coaching anymore. If you ever wanted it, you can do that. It's a group coaching program. This is the last time I'll be opening it live. It starts in February. If you're watching this video in that month, cool, I love it. Let's talk in the group. It will be in the description box. Go in there. Find out what it's about because I think

you will love it. But for those of you who missed it, let's clarify what being your own inner muse is. Number one, you need to clarify your own energy. That is number one. Number one. Number first. what makes you you you need to highlight your strengths lean into them and forget about your weaknesses okay you need to lean into what it is makes you you've been taught in our school system to practice the things that we're bad at and forget the things that we're good at so let's say we're really good at math we forget that because we're good at math anyway and we are not very good at English so we get an English tutor speak English Okay, tutor. Wrong. You need to become the goddess of something to be immaculate in people's eyes and to be your own in a muse. What is your thing? Are you, look at characters that are wonderful. I posted something on my podcast, Instagram, follow that, by the way, because there's gems on there. Gems. I posted something about, uh, real desperate housewives. I love that show. Each person on there is very much in their essence. Gabrielle Salis, she's very much in her essence. She's very much in her essence. She's very very.

like Leo energy. She's all about how she looks and presents and she's got this fabulous energy to her. Brie van der Kamp is total Virgo energy. Okay, I'm a Virgo. It's both toxic but fabulous. I love it. Okay. You need to decide what your essence is. You need to sit down, my baby, and write down what your strengths are and stop trying to lean out of them. I went through a phase when I was younger in my early teens and 20s. Now I don't even care about this kind of stuff, but I was like, oh, I am not as organize as some people. I am not as this as some people. I am not as fabulous as some people. My mom is the queen of fabulosity, okay? The more I grow up, the more I realize my style is simple. If you're watching this, simple black dress. My hair's in a bun. I wear the same jewelry all the

time because me, I'm cerebral, right? I like to think a lot. I like to do a lot. I like to wear the same thing, fabulous thing, but the same thing because I need to get on with life, okay? You need to identify your unique energy, right? Okay? And once you identify that you, unique energy, you lean into your strengths, you understand what they are and you go, hey, I'm not very good at this. I'm going to outsource, hire someone else. If I don't have the money to outsource, I am going to not even think about those kind of things. Okay, next you need to build your signature look. Choose a personal, the style that embodies your inner muse. I've told you this before. You need to understand, is it polished? Is it French? Is it Jane Birkin? Is it casual?

is it not it's not as plain as just choosing like oh i'm a sporty girl no is it like disheveled is it a perfect red lip or is it like a blotted red lip you know what i mean you really need to get a Pinterest board and put down all the ways in which you want to embody yourself and get obsessed with it because in order to be your own in a muse you need to get inspired you need to get inspired from yourself Picasso had a muse so he painted from the idea of her Salvador Dali had a muse in his wife, believe it or not, so he painted from the versions of her that he saw, okay? Galina, I think her name was. So you need to start painting around yourself and the ideas of you and who you are and how you want to present in this world.

Pinterest is clever. It will suggest other images according to the images you collect, okay? Oh my gosh, everything's falling. Hello, hello. Stay there. Stay there. We're not finished the podcast, iPad. Stay there.

Next, to be your own in a muse and to be a woman that is muse-like, you need to master the power of silence. Lean into a pause before you speak. That will create mystery. That will allow people to divulge to you their true intentions. You will become flawlessly magnetic by understanding people more than they ever thought they could be understood because you do what you listen. Nobody listens in this world anymore, okay? mystery is about magnetism that is commanded by silence before you jump in and speak. Everyone is waiting to speak.

The world is so fast. Everyone's on social media. Everyone's got a point of view. You can stand out effortlessly by not always jumping into speak, by having the power of silence. If you have the power of silence, you see what people's intentions are. They lay it out in front of you and you can plan. You can think. You can be muse-like.

Can I tell you something? and maybe this is going to set me back in terms of like, hey girl, you know, girl boss, blah, blah, blah, but you'll know what I mean if you know what I mean. The girls that get it, get it. Sometimes the most intriguing, amuse like women are that way because they don't speak as much, okay? Because they retain something back. Me, I've got a louder personality. I like to talk a lot, but I know that I'm not as endearing, as mysterious, as sexy if I'm always chatting. especially to men. They don't love us for the chat that we've got. They might like us for that, but that is not what they fall into mysterious love with. Look, that might have set us all back, but I'm just telling you the rule book.

I'm not telling you to play by it, okay? Number four, prioritize self-care rituals, introduce rituals like skincare, hair care, exercise, meditation. Why? The reason is threefold. Number one, the more you worship at the altar that is you in your body because it got you here, I don't care how your body looks and if you hate it, you need to start loving it through physical actions.

Love is an action. The more you will start to focus your energy on yourself. You've got the power of feminine energy and the more you focus it on yourself and self-care, the more your energy will amplify. It's like feeding into the fountain, right? You've got to replenish the water all the time, even if you don't feel like it. Number next is you will create rituals that will inevitably, because through ritual you gain beauty, and routine, you will become more beautiful to yourself, those around you, and people will have an

energy toward you that is muse-like, instead of being a placeholder to somebody else, always waiting just to leap up and go into action for somebody else's routine and life. Yes, yes, I'll do everything for you, I'll do everything for you, no, you've got your rituals and your routines. And lastly, the reason number four is so important, and that is prioritised self-care rituals, is that if they're a non-negotiable to you, you build confidence because you become a non-negotiable to you, and you can have confidence in your own ability to show up for yourself, but also, if you have those rituals, people cannot have access to your time last minute all the time. They can't have access to your time. Oh, Jerry wants to see you last minute. You can't see Jerry last minute because he didn't plan it with you,

and now you've got stuff to do. You've got to paint your hamster's nails, okay? Number five, embody and posture. Like I said, different people have different energy, some people have disheveled energy, some people have cool energy, some people have ballerina poised energy, okay, the way you carry yourself and if you stand tall with confidence and grace and you have power in your body, the way you move your body, have you noticed how we kind of glorify panthers, tigers, lions, the way they prowl, that is because they have power in their movements, okay? As humans, we find that powerful the way their muscles graze over their body as they move. we find things like mice and tiny animals that scurry in a kind of hunched over position, adorable.

If you want to be adorable, scurry around like a hunched mouse. And if you want to be alluring, sexy and magnetic, you've got to embody the energy of a tiger. Okay? It's very, very simple. If you don't care about that, you don't care about that. But that is how you curate it, okay? Six. If you want to be muslike and not a placeholder, you need to curate.

an aura of mystery. Share enough to intrigue people, but not enough to have them bored. You need to feed someone enough that they loved the meal, not to the point that they want to be sick, but to the point where they're not starving, but to the point where they're satisfied, but they'd like to come back to the restaurant. If you can have that art down, the art of leaving someone slightly hungry, you will have a power that very many women do not share. People are drawn, listen to the word, drawn to things that are slightly out of their reach. If you're always in someone's face, one cannot be drawn to you. And men especially love to be drawn to something that they pursue and energetically move

forward towards because it makes them feel like they're achieving something as opposed to you always being available. Seven, speak with purpose when you do speak. Not, oh, I'm sorry, I just, thank you for waiting for me. Not I'm sorry I was late. Speak with purpose. make every word intentional and meaningful and don't feel silences. If someone's silent, you're silent. You don't have to feel something voids, voids. You're not a void filler. That makes you place hold alike.

Because if you feel voids, people feel your nervous energy. People don't want to feel your nervous energy. People want to be around somebody who's magnetic and majestic. Try it. It will feel awkward, but let people sit in their silence. They will reveal more to you. Eight, surround yourself with quality if you can buy the caviar if you can from relationships to wardrobe to your reality to everything a muse reflects the importance of her life by the things that she purchases and surrounds herself with you don't need lots of trash that is going to hoard up your wardrobes empty it have a few quality things have beauty in your life that is genuinely eye-gazingly scrumptious quality around you means that you're a quality person, it also means, and this is a lesson I'm trying to learn,

that you end up looking after those things ever so much better, okay? Nine, and I can make a whole podcast about this, or a master class about this, but master your emotional regulation. You think that it is empowering to fly off the handle and let people into your emotional equilibrium. It is not. You will stand out among where. in a way that I cannot describe to you by collecting your information first,

realizing that your emotions might not always be indicative of your true emotions and mastering your reactions and acting as opposed to reacting. Someone did something you react. That is how you act now. I know you do. I know you do, Rachel, please. As soon as someone does something, you react, that's how we kind of conduct ourselves in this world.

we have a reactive style of conducting ourselves. What if you were to act almost like a director of your life as opposed to the actor? What is she going to do now? What is the muse going to do now? What would be the most empowering thing? You know, like when you do something really reactive and then you think back and you're like, oh, I wish I'd said that. Do that in real life.

Don't react. Have poise. Have a style about you that you don't allow people to see your emotions because they are not for everybody. Number 10, learn to say no. The muse doesn't overextend herself. She protects her energy by setting boundaries unapologetically. Unapologetically is the pivotal part of it because we've talked about it a lot, yeah, without apologising and saying that you're a bad person, I have been working on this all of 2024 and I am embodying it in 2025. If I don't have the energy and it will make me an angry

little rat in the corner to over-extend myself. I'm not doing it. I don't care if you think I'm bad, naughty, evil woman. I am not doing it if it over-extends me. I have enough, okay? People who actually rely on me like my two children. For them, I will over-extend myself, but for nobody else. Number 11, to cultivate a magnetic presence, you need to have eye contact that is both intense but warm. If you're like this at somebody all the time gazing into their eyes, if you're watching this, I am staring at E-point-blank. It's too intense. If you're too warm and bubbly and you're just always, oh yeah, you know, there's not enough intention about you. If you watch people who are very, very seductive, it's the Marilyn Monroe's who smile and then they make the eye contact, and then

they look away and then they make the eye contact. There has to be a playful energy to you. Watch people who have it. Watch the people who are known for being the most seductive, beautiful, gorgeous. people in the world and you will see that they do it. Number 12, invest in your growth, monetarily, time-wise in every way. If you have a bit more money, buy time, do not buy items. Items will not satisfy you. They will not make you better. You don't need another lip glass, baby, okay? I'm here to tell you that first. Invest in learning, invest in evolution, invest in books, invest in, I told my children, you can have any, book you want at any time you want it. You need to invest in your growth, courses, books,

always expanding your horizons because that will make you priceless, okay, in terms of the world and to yourself and in making yourself interesting. You are stay-at-home, mum, maybe it doesn't matter. Oh, he'll find me boring if I don't work, they say. He'll find me boring if I don't work. Why? Because if you go and you're an accountant or if you go and you are, I don't know, a kindergarten and teacher, now he's going to find you really interesting because what you're going to tell him, what you taught the kindergartners? I really don't understand that point where when people stay at home, if they have that luxury to stay at home even, they automatically think they're boring. You're boring because you're boring. You're boring because you're boring, Sandra, not because

your lifestyle. Become unboring, okay? Invest in your growth. It should always be movement. Things that stay stale, die. That's the rule of nature. That's one of the rules of life. don't move, die, okay? And you don't want to be that thing. 13. Understand that harnessing your feminine energy will change your life. Rather than focus on doing, doing, doing, focus on being, being, the muse. Who is the muse? How does she move? What does she act like? What is she learning? What is that joyous energy of her life? It's not always about work, man. It's not always about achievement. You're just fitting into the male paradigm of what it means to achieve, what it means to do more. Wrong, it's wrong. Last. In order to seal it,

you know, like when you do a wood floor, you need to seal it in order for it to last. You need to be grateful for the things that you already have in order to get better things. If you have a car that you do not like and you constantly talk about not liking the car, you will not get a better car. If you deploy the attitude of gratitude, you will then inevitably get the things you want. If you don't believe me, try. Complain about something constantly. You won't change. The moment you express gratitude verbally, in your soul, in a journal, I've just launched my journal available on Amazon and through my website. If you have gratitude, that will mean you will get better in that frame of reference. I'd say a car, you'll get a better car.

promise you i promise you 2025 we're grabbing her by the balls and we are going to make changes i'll see you in my become her course or i will see you on instagram or i'll see you where i'll see you and thank you for listening i believe in you this year we are going to crush it okay love you lots like jady tots see you on the next one bye