BEING HER with Margarita Nazarenko - 96: Daddy Issues, Motherhood and Her Controversial Marriage: Modern Womanhood with Valeria Lipovetsky

Episode Date: January 19, 2025

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I felt now like I had to step up as a human being in order to teach my daughter something whilst I didn't feel I had the ownership over a son, which is wrong. I hold mothers of girls to like on a pedestal. I really do because I think that it is so special and so difficult and not only are you trying to raise a child, but you know the kind of challenges that she's going to have to face. I think you've got this gratitude for your own. mom that I also share. You know, she always had that. That's something that I tried to learn from her.

Because I think as a product of a household of a mother that is an immigrant, like you, you become kind of an overachiever. And sometimes I find myself in a place of autopilot. You've said in the past that she's still like a mystery to you. What do you mean when you say that? Well, I just, I think she's a mystery to herself. I think that when life throws so many curveballs at you and you have to, you know, lead life from a place of survival, you don't have the luxury or the privilege to really learn who you are and what you want. As much as we like to talk in the Western world,

about 50-50, when I hear it, I'm like, is it? I think we're doing a disservice with this whole equality in general. The more we start talking about the different seasons in life, it will really help people to enjoy wherever they're at. And what a beautiful thing it would have been if someone told me about this like split of roles in the different seasons before I had kids. So I didn't go into this marriage, you know, spending, I don't know many years resenting my

husband, expecting something that just, I don't know where it came from. Like who told me that this should be the norm or this is the case? Maybe for some couples it is. I don't know. Valeria, thank you for coming on my podcast. I'm so excited to be here. Thank you for having me. I first discovered you and I was wondering, how do I see?

start this conversation, but I'll start in the way that I think I first discovered you when I saw your video about your dad on YouTube. And this story for me hits home because I also was born in Russia. I also have the same story with my dad. And I watched it in this cathartic moment where I was like, I am going to see from her dad the reaction that I've always wanted to have from my dad, some kind of catharsis, like some apology, some like, you know, journey. And it was as flat as my experience with my dad when I finally did meet him too. And the reason I wanted to start there and ask you to tell the story of that video and why it moved so many people, because I think a lot of women have that experience and they also position how they feel about men on their father's story. So can you

tell me about that video and how it got a lot of people to connect with you? Yeah, I was actually very surprised to see how many people connected to it. And I guess, you know, just confirms that we're all kind of living very similar lives, even though we often feel like it's a unique experience. Usually it's not. I find it to be quite common. I don't want to generalize, but I would say that in the Eastern European culture, these kind of stories, that's where I found it happening the most. But, yeah, the story kind of begun where just to give a little bit of back. background, my mother and I left Russia. So I was born in Russia and we left when I was two years old.

We moved to live in Israel. At that point, they were already separated. And they separated when I was two months old. So my mother was 19. My biological father was 20. And once we left Russia and moved to Israel, I've never heard of him or saw him again. At some point when I was probably around the age of 10 or 12, I found a photo that was cut in half. And I was like, oh, where's the other half? And that was a photo from their wedding day. And I never really knew how he looks like. My mother never had any photos or anything like that. So I always knew, I mean, I always at that age, I realized that there is this bio dad somewhere in the world. My mother, when I did ask questions, she did share with me kind of the stories and a little bit about him, but I grew up in a household with a father figure.

I had my stepfather, and I just never really thought about it. At the age of 26 was when my mother, at that point I was already living in Canada, I was already married, had two kids. My mother also lived in Canada, and my mom said, you know what, I really want to go back to Russia to visit grandparents' grave. And if you want, this is an opportunity for you to meet biological father. I know that he still lives in the town where you were born and where I grew up. So if you want, we should go. My first reaction was absolutely no. I don't need to. I never felt like the urge. But when I sat down and spoke with my husband, Gary, he said, listen, you've got to seize the opportunity, you'll never know if this opportunity will be there again. And just go. Just don't think

about it. And I decided to go. I decided to vlog, which was, I was still kind of in the early days of YouTube for me. I did not plan to post that vlog. It was more kind of for family archives, you know, just for me to remember and look back at because I knew that when I'm in that experience, I might not see things clearly. So I made sure to kind of have a visual diary of it all going back to Russia, visiting after leaving at the age of two, not remembering anything, and kind of reconnecting to that side of my family and meeting my biological father, which, you know, to your point was very anticlimactic.

Yeah. It was truly, it truly didn't. You know what? I didn't have expectations. but I definitely expect it a little bit more. But then I just remember this is, give me something, guy. Give me something, right. But again, I remember that this is Eastern European culture.

This is a Russian culture. Like, we don't talk about these things. These are just, you know, swept under the rug and you just move on. So it was a very interesting occurrence, a very interesting time. I asked the questions that I needed to ask. It was very kind of transactional. where, you know, do we have any family, you know, medical history I need to know of? Like anything that I'm like, I need to come back with some kind of useful information.

And other than that, that's it. It was just very like, you know. Casual, casual. I mean, how is not having him in your life shaped you, do you think, if in any way? Because I remember growing up, I also had this really casual approach. I guess it's an Eastern European thing. And I grew up in England. I grew up in London and everyone was like, oh my gosh, you don't know.

Why? Why don't you speak to your dad? And I was like, you know, it was so normal for me. But how do you think it's shaped you? Because now becoming an adult in my 30s, I think I don't want to say this, but it gives you some superpowers. Obviously, it gives you deficits too. Have you found that as well?

Yes. I mean, I feel like the first time I admitted to this feeling of abandonment was just a few years. ago, if I'm being honest, I always approached it from a place of, you know, where his loss and I had a father in my life, so I grew up and everything was great. I didn't feel like anything was missing, but once I really started asking questions and being extremely honest with myself, I realized that it definitely left these feelings of abandonment and it shaped the decision I made in my life. I also give a lot of credit to the fact that I had those feelings because it made me choose my partner, you know, with a different kind of perspective and an eye.

I really cared about someone who was solid, just a solid human being to build a life with. And I'm very grateful for that. So there's still things that are showing up. I think that it's going to be more of them coming up as I get older. But I would say kind of the biggest one was this, okay, I definitely have abandon issues and fear of it. How does it show up for you in your life? Just, you know, hyper independence, really. Just feeling like I can't really trust anyone and it all comes back to me and I'm the only person that can save myself, which is great.

but again, it becomes a little bit a little toxic at times because you do have people in your life that want to be that support system for you. And, you know, I've realized that even with my husband, I've been married for 13 years. And I was honest with him. I was like, you know, I would say that I really started to take my guard down probably like two years ago. You know, before that, we've been married. Yeah, we've been married for 11 years. And in the back of my mind, even if, you know, consciously I understand that this is, you know, someone that I love and trust and, you know, I trust him fully.

But in the back of my mind, I'm like, you can only trust yourself. And that's something that really hit me. And I've realized where I'm only now, like really releasing those emotions. and kind of limiting beliefs that stopped me from connecting deeper with my husband of 13 years. And you've never seen it modeled. I think some of the downsides of not having a father around. You don't see the feminine masculine balance. And you've said in the past in interviews that your mother exemplified masculine energy a lot.

Mums are basically identical. They're this like force of nature that is inspiring. And everyone's like, wow, when they meet them. but what that models is and isn't the ability to be in your feminine and lean back on a partner. What's your connection to your mother like? We are extremely close and yes, she has been a very strong character in my life. I've took so many gifts and so many lessons from her, but a lot of the lessons were also from her bad choices or the way she behaved that I was like,

I don't want that in my life. So that really helped me to get a visual of what I don't want to do, which is honestly to me more impactful than just modeling exactly what, you know, is right. So she gave me both. But yeah, for me, I think when I chose, you know, my husband, those were very important things for me, the ability to lean into the family. And I knew that it's going to show up. Like what I've seen at home of my mother just being a very big, you know, took a lot of space and was very masculine in order to survive.

I knew that it's going to come out later in our relationship as I got older. And it did, but I expected it. And I knew that I needed to have a partner that it's very strong and can understand where it's coming from, that it won't create this friction. So, you know, him understanding my mother and her background and her history has really helped both of us to kind of get through certain humps of that dynamic. You've said in the past that she's still like a mystery to you. What do you mean when you say that? Well, I just, I think she's a mystery to herself. I think that when life throws so many curveballs at you and you have to, you know, lead life from a place of survival, you don't.

have the luxury or the privilege to really learn who you are and what you want and how you want it. And, you know, she's 54 now. And I still think that she's just now slowly asking questions, you know, those internal questions. And it's a very interesting journey to watch because it happens simultaneously with understanding that time is of essence, right? You're not 22 anymore. So it's, it's very interesting. And those are one, also one of those things that I carry with myself. You know, I've seen her whole life not really choosing herself because, again, of necessity. So I made it my life mission to choose myself always. So it's a very it's kind of a very interesting world to navigate.

Sometimes their mistakes is the things that teach you the most. And I think you've got this gratitude for your mom that I also share because you see them raise you and it's like this intense gratitude. But at the same time I see like the young child in her because so many of these things aren't resolved, you know. And you can watch both simultaneously. It's such an interesting experience. Have you modeled your parenting style on her? or do you do it completely differently to how she parented you? No, I think we would do it completely different because it's also,

we live in different times in a different world, and we are so fortunate, you know, to have the time to really understand our own demons, where back then they just didn't. It wasn't something that was common to do. So definitely parent different. I think from her, I took a lot of this appreciation for the, family unit. She is completely just limitless when it comes to doing whatever needs to be done for the family. So that's really special. And just kind of the joy of life, you know, she always had that.

That's something that I tried to, and still do really try to learn from her. Because I think as a product of a household of a mother that is, you know, an immigrant. Like you become kind of an overachiever. And sometimes I find myself in a place of autopilot. But I also witnessed my mother truly living life. Like she was larger than life. Everyone knew her. Everyone knows her. When she goes out, she goes out. Like everybody wants to party with my mom, you know? So those are also such beautiful gifts that I am still trying to learn myself and like let those influence me. And they're, way I move in the world as a woman. So there's a lot of work to be done, dissecting where you came from and where you're going. Yes. When it comes to your career and how you said you were in your

feminine and then you knew that the masculine energy would come out. Can I ask you first what your thoughts are in masculine feminine energy because that's a big zeitgeist in what women are talking about. We're suddenly all waking up like, oh, I've got energies and I can now be in my career. and I can do what has been the experience for you? Is that something you're interested in? And do you feel it in your everyday life or not? I definitely got interested on this topic. I would say like four or five years ago when I started feeling like there's a disconnect

between how I feel and how I move, you know, starting kind of the business and being, having three boys. Like it just became masculine energy everywhere. And I couldn't find my place or where. to kind of let go and become soft. So it became less and less of an opportunity to do so. When I was pregnant, I was able to do it without even thinking it, because it's like your body just knows and kind of makes you, you know, go into that place.

But once you are mothering and once you are a parent, that is, motherhood is a very masculine thing. You know, you're constantly on like acting, protecting, you know, navigating. So, like three, four years ago, I just started feeling like there's a disconnect and I couldn't point my finger on it. And of course, I started kind of hearing about this whole masculine, feminine. And at first it was a very different definition where it was like feminine is about, you know, speaking a certain way and looking a certain way. And I just looked at it as a very like superficial way. And then when I got kind of deeper into it and I've realized that it's such a integral part of of who we are and it's the ability to recognize when it's time to lean into one or the other.

So it's just kind of like learning about your cycle and about your body, you know. It's really about that awareness that allows you to play with both of them and to feel like you are truly like in your body. So now I, it's more just like an intuition. I don't really tell myself, oh, I need to be in the feminine. It's like my body tells me, you know, and then I know that it's, okay, it's time to, you know, I've been leaning too hard into this one thing. So it's a very intuitive journey for me. How about yourself?

I'm curious. I am. It was interesting because I said in my content that mothering is a very masculine energy position to be in and everyone, like, what do you mean? A mom is a woman. but instructional forward moving and, you know, moving towards a certain goal, instructing someone how to be is a masculine energy thing. And I have two children.

And a lot of women struggle with mothering their husband as well because they just like encompass everyone in their family under the same umbrella. So they're all doing something. You're instructing them, instruct him as well because now he's getting in the way. And, you know, stepping back and becoming feminine is difficult when you're always in this driving energy. So I, for me, it's, it's a daily practice, but my marriage works 100% better when I'm in my feminine as much as that annoys me because actually masculine's easier for me to be in with how I grew up. But I have to try because it just works better. How do you and Gary navigate when you are

working, business, kids? And then you come home and you're like, right, Gary, sit down. Right. No, you know what? I became more aware of it. And Gary would, Before when I didn't understand the concept, he didn't know how to approach it because he would tell me like, it's okay. Like you can lean on me. Like you don't have to figure things out on your own. And it would very much irritate me because I'm like, what do you mean? But now I understand what he meant. He just, you know, he doesn't speak of energies, but he's very, he's a very strong, like masculine energy.

I'm also naturally lean, like to me, it's easier to be in the masculine. Exactly. just like you based on the way we grew up so you know it's rooted so deep in us but um i think for him does just those signals of just like you can you can relax like i can figure it out it also took me many years for him it's one thing when he says it but he's been doing it for so many years that i feel like now I feel safe to lean into that feminine, right? So it took me a lot of years to create that environment, but then also to really like let myself go there. So with the business and with the kids, part of to me what being feminine is very much letting go of that like control and let things

flow and I feel like with the kids especially Gary stepped in very much into the father role as they got older. My kids are now, so six, 10, and 11. He's very much, I would say, the primary kind of disciplinary, you know, and that takes a lot off of me because when they were little, it was me. And, you know, there was a bit of feeling of resentment. And I'm like, what is, you know, you know what's what's going to happen kind of expected more from you and he he always told me he's like trust me when they reach a certain age like you're going to have way more space to do whatever you need and i'm going to step in and thankfully he followed through so that really also took off a lot of that masculine energy off of me yeah and in our work we have in our work it's masculine because it's all

about like, you know, creating and putting things out there. But I do love my line of work because it forces me to get into feminine because for creativity to flow, you got to kind of surrender. You know, you've got to let it come. So, so yeah, I feel like there's, there's kind of these triggers and nodges towards one or the other in different aspects of my life. But I feel like now we're really at this place where there's a bit more of a balance for me. And it's been wonderful, honestly. It's been a long time coming. What was early motherhood like for you? You just said resentment, that word. Everybody says that. Yeah. Feeling resentment with little kids. And I just don't think, I don't know, but I've never seen it truly be equal labor with men and women when the kids are young.

as much as we like to talk in the Western world about 50-50. When I hear it, I'm like, is it? Because I see the woman resentful. So what was your experience? I think we're doing a disservice with this whole equality in general. Because I just don't think that that's possible. I don't think that's natural. I think the more we start talking about the different seasons in life and expectations,

and it will really help people to enjoy wherever they're at. So looking back now, I didn't have that understanding. So, yes, I was expecting equality. I was expecting I do this or you do the same. And it did create resentment on my end in my marriage because I was kind of disappointed. I feel like he wasn't honest with me. I'm like, well, we got married. We had our first ride away.

I literally got pregnant the day after a wedding. So I was like, you know, I was expecting that. this is going to look different. But it took a lot of trust on my end to listen to him, to hear him out, because he, from the get-go was like, listen, this is, I can't, I'm not going to compete. Like, I won't be able to bring what you want me to bring, but I'll be able to bring something else right now. And then when they're older, I'll bring whatever it is that you, they need for me then.

So I had to really, you know, trust him when he promised me that. And yeah, and now looking back, I'm like, I love it because I was able to mother and nurture my kids when they were little when they needed me the most. And now it's this, like, beautiful time of them becoming these little men and they have this amazing father figure, masculine figure, to lead the way. And they are, I see, leaning more towards him now because they're, you know, figuring out their own identities. And I am just like doing my thing, you know. So it is such a gift of freedom that I really appreciate and cherish. And what a beautiful thing it would have been if someone told me about this like split of roles in the different seasons before I had kids. So I didn't go into this marriage, you know, spending, I don't know how many years, resenting my husband, expecting something that just, I don't know where it came from.

Like, who told me that that's, that this is, should be the norm or this is the case? Maybe for some couples it is. I don't know. I don't know, any. But I think we have been sold a little bit of a lie. Even in a friendship, can you imagine if me and you are friends and we're expecting exactly the same contribution, like text for text, or then you start to measure things. It's almost like I posted once about my husband not being able to get up at night with kids. And the whole comment section was divorce him.

That's it. It's enough. And I'm like, wow, we're so conditioned as women that relationships are number one. Just, you know, throw them in the bin and, you know, get rid of them. And number two, if he is not exactly like you, then if he is not a version of a woman, then he is not good enough. And that is really hard to navigate because if I listen to that, I would have been so resentful about that. but there are things that he does that I would never want to do. So let him do that.

You know what I mean? And it's not about 1950s. No. It's not about that. But it's just about having like different segments of a company that you both look after in a way. And that's what, you know, that is the secret to me of being fulfilled in your, in your marriage and in your relationship. Because yes, from every direction that you see from the social media content that is put out there from, you know, the books that I, honestly, I pick up some kind of relationship books lately.

Have you read one? I'm just, why are we doing? Why are we sabotaging society? You know, so it's just, it just really pains me to see that we are continuing to, like, nurture this unrealistic. And honestly, not a formula that will make anyone happy. Even if this equality exists, like there's going to feel something is missing, somewhere else. So I hope that, you know, the conversation will continue going. And just like with

balance where now I see more and more women kind of debunking the whole balance idea and really more talking about work and life integration, that's, it's the same thing here, right? Just recognizing and making sure that you sit down and you are just really aligned with your partner of what to expect and what is expected of you and these things change all the time. And there is a conversation about as women age and they get into menopause, they become more masculine and men because their hormones drop become more and they're feminine. It's like an ebb and a flow. They become a little bit more, you know, receptive and things like that.

And you as a couple can grow and change. So it's really interesting. I saw your podcast episodes with Gary on them and then I read the comments and I was just, I was enjoying it because people were losing their mind. And I'm a Gary fan. Gary is a very controversial figure. What is going on? Why?

Why? To me, maybe they're missing the Eastern European sense of humor, but they're like, the way he talks to you, Valeria, run away. I'm like, oh, my gosh. Yeah. It's, can you tell us about that and what people have been saying? I find it so fascinating. It's so interesting because every time we sit down and record.

I mean, the first few times, you know, we were like, oh, this was such a great recording. I feel like people would really get value out of it. And then it's out and people are just like anti-Gerry and it caught him so up guard. He's like, oh, my God, what's going on? Said, babe, listen, you just, you trigger people. And I, you know, it was interesting to watch it from the side and just kind of see how people react. It's a combination of two things. first of all, the way he speaks and communicates, I enjoy it.

I always say how I prefer to get the problem solved and like the message clear as can be. It's more important for me than if the tone of voice hits, you know, the notes that are like, I don't care about that because I speak the same way. And I think part of the reason why we have such good communication is because of that. So that is number one triggers people because from the outside, it's really more about how it's packaged than the actual essence of the conversation and what we're actually getting to, you know? So that's number one. Number two, it's you see, you see in, you know, real life how we've brainwashed people and women to look at the. these things as like a red flag, like everything is a red flag where again, we're missing kind of the essence of it, right?

The communication. Like, he's very clear. And I think people just don't know how to approach it. I don't know. They don't know how to have fun. There was a conversation you guys were having about tickling you with a feather. And he's saying to you, I'm not tickling you with a feather. Leave me alone with your sensual BS, right?

And I thought that's hilarious. If you are my friend, cool. I'd be saying the same thing to you just as a joke because it's banter. And I think people don't have a sense of humor. They expect this kind of guy who's like, yes, honey, I will tickle you. That's great. But at the end, you might not find that man attractive. Which is a huge ick.

You know what I mean? It's so good. Yeah. To me, that's not something that is an attractive thing, you know? So again, to each their own. but to me, you know, we say, oh, we want a masculine man, we want a provider, we want this, we want that. But that is the characteristic.

So you can just want them to be, you know, masculine here, but then sitting and dissecting every emotional need and, you know, matching the tone of voice to every emotional note. Like, no, that's not how it works. And look, I'm sure if it came down to losing you or tickling you with a feather, he'd tickle you. But the point is, there's just a little bit of you. just a humor to him that I really enjoy. And I think people, like you said, the obsession with red flags is to a point of, yeah, it's. I know, I know. And you know what, it always made me make me wonder, like how many amazing relationships or marriages, friendships, friendships didn't

happen because of this obsession of red flags and everything is a negative, you know, instead of that of maybe a lot of them were opportunities for discussion, conversation, growth, you know, awareness, understanding. I don't know. Another thing I found fascinating in your conversations, honestly, personally, and I think women find it hard to navigate, is the money conversation of how you have money in a household, 50-50, what is 50-50 dating. Gary said, you know, why would anyone ever pay on a date?

And I agree, you invited her on the date. You pay for the date. like it's no-brainer. But when it comes to business and money and a family, I remember you saying something along the lines of, you still think of my money, his money, and like making money for yourself whilst he's like it's our thing. Can you talk to me about that and expand on that?

Because I find it hard to navigate myself. I still have that mentality where I'm making money. I'm like, my money. School. You know? Well, I think it's, again, from that place of hyper independence and that, you know, we have to make sure that we're, taking care of, I take care of myself.

God forbid something happens. Like, I'm the only person I can lean on. So it's coming from that place. My mother, you know, she always tells me, like, do you have a separate bank account just in case? Same with my mom. Right. So because they experienced enough disappointments in their life to know better.

So it's coming from a good place, but, you know, we're kind of going through different experiences and I again it's a lot of this like subconscious stuff that you have to work through so I always had a weird relationship with money as it is because I grew up in a household where you know there was always fights about money it was always like the most important thing but in the most negative way so I always looked at money like I don't want anything to do with it so not only that I not understand that that relationship is one of the most important relationships because money is energy, money is an amazing tool for so many wonderful things. It took me a long time to learn it, and I'm still learning that. But coming into a relationship, yeah, even when I married Gary,

he's older than me, he's 18 years older than me, and he started his businesses, he was already an entrepreneur. He came from a way more stable, like financial stable background than I did. And I was always financially independent, but I was very financially illiterate. So I didn't really had an idea where I fall in this conversation. When we got married, I was very young, and we started family right away. So I very much kind of got into the stay-at-home mom, you know, box and did my thing. But always in the back of my mind, I'm like, how am I going to make money? How am I going to make money?

Even though he never asked me, like, are you going to work? Or never, never. And I just always was like, I need to start something on my own. I need to make money. So it was definitely something that just was always a present thing in my life. And then when we started Valeria Inc. And when I started making money, again, I, that's how I speak, right? where Gary always looked at it, he's so like given himself wholeheartedly to this marriage.

And that is from his learning from his childhood because his family was completely different. And he saw his dad lives a separate life and his mom always, you know, lived a separate life that he did not want that. So he operates from that place and I operate from a place of like, I need to have my own stash. and have my own tools to survive. So we're very much kind of learning how to find our own definition and our own ways of doing this life together. But yeah, he always told me, it's like, what's mine is yours and what's yours is mine.

And there's no separate bank accounts. There's no, you pay for this and I pay for that. There's none of that. It's like it's not part of his DNA. And it's just not something that's, you know, part of our lives. and I'm still learning. I'm still learning. Like I, you know,

I'm still trying to figure out how to change my language. But I feel like the concept is like, okay, yes, we're in this together. So I'm there. I'm trying as well.

I'm trying my best. My husband has parents that are still together and no matter how much they argue, they're just together. So to him, it's like a given that people just get married

and they're together. I'm like, yeah, but if, but if we separate, he's like, what do you mean? We'll just,

but which kind of gives him an air of not taking things for granted, but he's, he just expects that, you know, people get married and they just grow old. I'm like, no, no, we need to work on this, babe. Like, we need to, you know. What's his background? Is he English?

He is half Australian. His mom's Australian and his dad is Chinese, which is the most interesting looking mix. I love a mix. I'm like, you look interesting. I choose you. So, yeah, he is not Russian. He's, which is a whole different thing. But I was going to ask you, when you started moving more

into the role of businesswoman and not a stay-at-home mom. Did you feel any kind of change in you and Gary's relationship? I know that's like a spicy question in terms of like, did you feel he was less than his masculine energy? Did you feel more like you wanted to make decisions and things like that? Or was it the same? I think there was a lot of friction because I was learning how to be in this new role in this new world. and I was very much operating from an ego place where for him he was like, let me tell you how to do

something or like what decisions to make because I've already done this a million times. Like I have years on you. I can give you the solution now. And I'm like, no, I need to learn it myself. So there was a lot of that. I think that's where the age gap kind of, you know, appeared and brought its own problems. but once I've learned that we're in this together and this is not him versus me, I was able to really like integrate our relationship into work and his wisdom into my kind

of evolution as a business person, right? I mean, he had so much more years of experience and I didn't. So at first it started kind of more of a place of, don't tell me, this is my business and I'm going to do what I need to do. And then I was like, you know what, I would love for your advice and things like that. And we've learned how to communicate in a way where, you know, he knows when it's time to be quiet and let me like lead. And I do the same. Like I know my strengths. I know my weaknesses.

And I go to him when I need that advice. but it was more of the dynamic change in a way where he realized that he needed to step back and let me go through the motions because I was younger and I was changing and it was becoming a different person. And that is just something in general. He had to do multiple times and will continue to do until I'm a fully formed woman that will probably happen when I'm like 60 or 70, I don't know. But that's, you know, that's just part of the role because he's already been through all of that.

So now he needs to, his kind of thing is you need now to have the patience. You chose to have a young wife. You now need to have a patience to step back, watch all of this play out again, and let me go through it and learn whatever I need to learn. You don't seem scared of aging. No. Oh, I'm so excited for it. I mean, I see myself and the progress I've made internally, emotionally, like all the things physically from the age of 20 to where I'm at now, 34. And it just blows my mind how much more there is to learn and to experience and the viewpoint, you know, that I'll have when I'm 40 and 50.

Like it's a whole other vantage point. And I think that's so powerful. Have you stopped doing Botox as well? I think I saw something like that on your channel. What was that decision from? Tell me. I haven't had any because I've got a baby. So I was breastfeeding her.

So I'm like, oh, maybe I won't do it. Maybe I won't do it. You know what? It was a very interesting. It's a little experiment. It's been like a year. And it came more from a place of, you know, I live in Miami. and faces in my you know Miami is known to be kind of a place of a little bit a lot of plastic.

It is definitely changing now. But when I moved here, I was like, okay, I need to Miami and nize myself. So I got the nails. And I started doing Botox. I actually started doing it here in Miami when I was 32. So I was kind of doing it. And what I've realized is, first of all, there's a lot of information and data that's coming out about the whole. Botox and in general all these injectables you know there's we learn something new every day and I'm like yeah

if I can't avoid it why not but then the second thing that became now the primary thing is I become I became so like real faces became so foreign to me because we don't see them often that I started criticizing myself and not liking certain things and noticing certain things about my face where I was like that's what am I doing? Like I had to snap myself out of it. And it's like I'm trying to prove to myself to kind of relearn to love my natural face. And it didn't even happen consciously. Like I wasn't aware how my perception of beauty changed because I was always very like,

oh, it's natural and I love wrinkles it. But then I am, all I see is the opposite. And what I look at myself, I want the opposite. So it's more. of kind of a challenge for myself to reconnect with my face and to put in the work and see what I can do naturally. And, you know, this is not to say that I'll never do it again. Yeah. But just testing the waters. I think doing something from a place of self-acceptance is different to doing it from a place of fear. And I got Botox when I was not younger, but before I had my daughter. And then it all

obviously wore off. I was pregnant. And then I took a selfie the other day. her and me and I was smiling and there was lines and I was like what's that why are the lines because I'm so not used to seeing it and I was like okay that's a problem we need to like you know address that it's it's it's an issue yeah and that's exactly like the mental detox I'm doing for myself with this experiment and then if you choose to add little things or whatever then that's different but it's not from fear I saw you talking about um the idea of burnout and um what women go through if they have no boundaries and all of these. I think Gabo Matte talks about, you know, the body keeps the score.

What's been your experience? Because I have this new experience of when I was younger, I wasn't necessarily successful. I didn't have children. I didn't have a family. Now I've got a family. I've got young children. My business is now becoming successful and or has been for a year. And now I'm like, yay, I've done it.

But I feel so, you know, depleted. And when I saw you talk about that, I thought. What has your journey been? Listen, a journey is a great word because it really is. Like, no matter the kind of advice you can get from women that have been through it, this is something that I feel like each of us need to experience in order to find her rhythm and what she needs to, you know, change and do differently that will fit your lifestyle. So for me, it was this whole concept of, again, I am extremely driven.

And to me, I'm extremely driven to succeed, but also to actualize myself. And it's not necessarily always coming from a place of like I want to make more money and I want to. No, I just really like I feel like time is running out and I just have to do everything all at once. And I've realized that my nervous system is suffering so much from that. mentality and from that pace when it's nonstop that it sucks the joy out of me. And aside from the joy, I'm right now at an age where, you know, I'm, thank God I'm healthy and I'm, you know, I work out and I try to do everything I can do. But the signs of stress and kind of the disease that stress cause will show up when I'm 50, 60,

not now, you know. So I started really thinking about it from my mind. a place of, okay, everything I'm doing now and every decisions I'm doing now, I have to think about 56-year-old Valeria, not about 35-year-old Valeria. So I really started operating from this place of asking questions. Like my mother had early menopause and she's been going through hell with it. And I know from research and from speaking to other older women that lifestyle matters. The way you attend to your nervous system matters. The choices you make now matter. So to me, that will be my definition of success. When I reach those ages and I'm sailing through,

then I can look back and be like, wow, you know, I really, I paid attention. And so I'm kind of operating from this place now where I realize that I can actualize myself and I can achieve all the things I want to achieve, but it has to be on my terms and with these boundaries so I can enjoy all the fruits of my labor when I'm older. What are the boundaries? Teach me, Valeria. What are the boundaries that you think women need as you're navigating? I think, first of all, it's that, you know, that concept of hustling and working hard and like this constantly on. on for some women, again, because it's a very individual process.

For some women, it fuels them. For me, depletes me. It leaves me, like, feeling nothing. And I always want to avoid that. And, you know, one of the, my word for this year has been joy and pleasure, because that's something that I've never prioritized in my life. I never really looked as a concept that needs to be, you know, paid attention to. So it felt very indulgent.

And this year, I was like, I want to, why can't I indulge? Why can't I enjoy something? Why can't I, you know, find pleasure in everything that I do? And that's kind of been my mission. And it's going to continue being my mission in this new year that's going to come, you know? So to me, even paying attention to dad and to change the narrative of like, I'm building, which means I have to suffer and I have to, it has to be so hard and it has to be so depleting. no, it doesn't have to. So that's already like a big shift for me that happened. And then the other thing

is really leaning on people. You know, when I, when we started hiring for our company, our media company, I had a lot of learning to do when it comes to delegating things. I was always under this, like, I can do it myself and I can do it better. And even with having employees, and paying salaries. I'm like, I'll do it because, you know, and that's something that Gary really taught me. He's like, what are you doing? There's no longevity here.

Like, okay, you do it until you burn out and then there's nothing left. So let someone else do it, train them. You know, they'll maybe do it at 80%, but then you are, you're saving yourself from stress. Like that's a worthwhile, you know, exchange. And that was also something that was big for me and support across the board, you know, at the house, at work, whenever I can receive help, I still train the muscle of like letting it come and accepting it, which is very difficult for women in general.

I, in order to run my business, I hired a nanny for my baby and I ended up doing for the first six months everything anyway and she was just there on the side and I'm like, this is great. You see, I'm telling you, we have to. We have to do it. We have to go through it to learn it. And then, you know, we use a lot this term of boundaries, but to me, no, is a beautiful word. And I welcome it a lot.

I use it a lot. And I'm okay with it. Like, I really, and that I think also came with age, you know, this joy of, like, missing out and of just knowing what's for me and what's not for me. Yeah, it's a beautiful thing. I heard it somewhere where no is a full sentence. Yes, absolutely it is. I'm learning to say it and it feels good now at my age and my 30s before.

It was like, they're not going to like me. They're going to disown me. They're going to, you know, everything's just going to dissolve into nothingness. And now I'm like, let it. I mean, if it does, it does, you know. I saw you talk to your friend on your podcast about this idea of sliding doors and that you could have had a different life and that conversation. I want a completion on that. What did you mean when you said you can imagine yourself having a different life? Did you mean in your work? Did you mean

in your relationships? What did you mean? Because it's very interesting when you come to this place where you're like, okay, I've got my business running. My children, great. What was that for you? What is that feeling? You know what? I think in all in all aspects of life, like I always had this. You know, I'm a big reader. I love to read and to take my brain somewhere else and to see different kind of realities. And I do that with my life as well. It's not coming from a place of I'm not fulfilled or happy or, you know, grateful for what I have. It's so it's this interesting little like play of what if because there were so many what

ives that could have happened, you know, if I continued with certain relationship or married, you know, that guy or chose this job or decided to continue being you know having motherhood as my full-time job like where would I be how would I see the world it's interesting to me so I don't necessarily have this one life that's like this could have been the other options it's more like there could have been so many options and in a way I feel like there's versions of me out there that are living and experiencing those realities, you know? It's kind of like a mind game, but I'm experiencing this one.

And I'm kind of very grateful and very, very aware of how lucky I got with the choices that I made based on the decisions that I made that were based on my mother's decisions. Like, there's just so much to it. So it's just like a little, you know, game I like to play. I remember you saying that if you, you had a daughter because you've got three sons, you were feeling some type of way about that possibility of that sliding door. And when I have a son and then I was going to have a daughter,

which I had, and I found out the gender, I had this unprecedented strange reaction of like, oh no, it's supposed to be a boy because boys are boys. And then that's easier because they're going to be friends together. What am I going to do with the girl? And I realized that the whole learning experience was I felt now like I had to step up as a human being in order to teach my daughter of something whilst I didn't feel I had that ownership over a son, which is wrong. But I had this crisis of like, oh shit, it's a girl. Now I've got to be somebody. What was your experience of when you were going to find out?

But you know what? I agree with you. I actually had a conversation the other day with the Daily Mail. It's exactly about this where, you know, the reporter I was talking to was asking me about me stating how I, and I talked about it on the podcast and with my friend Alex, I was saying how God gave me sons. Like I don't know if I would have been able to go through kind of my inner journey and healing if I had a daughter.

I would, it would make me really stressed because I agree with you. If I knew that I'm having a daughter, that feeling of all the, I don't know, all the like traumas and all the fears that I had growing up. Yeah, everything as a young girl in the world would have like come up. And you, to your point, you're like, I have to figure this shit out before this child is born because I don't want to inflict this on her. So I 100% feel the same way. Body image, mother connections, everything.

I thought, okay, if we have two sons, it's not on me. It's on my husband. He can do it. He can teach them how to be a man because, you know, know, I can't teach them how to be a man, so that's great. And then when it was a girl, I had this existential crisis of like, okay, I guess God or universe or whoever you believe in wants me to do this journey of, you know, of that conversation with myself.

So when you said it, I was like, I know exactly what she means. Yeah. And I hold mothers of girls to like on a pedestal. I really do because I think that it is. so special and so difficult and not only are you trying to raise, you know, a child, but you're raising a girl and you know the kind of challenges that she's going to have to face. And especially in today's time and age, it's like, it feels like everyone is after these, you know, the girls. And there are the most, like, I don't know, just.

just want to like protect i don't know yeah i'm telling you i didn't i'm like i don't know i didn't get a girl for a reason i might i might get one at some point not that i'm planning on it but i'm just i have if god decides he'll be like sorry that's your journey now yeah maybe it's just somewhere out there i don't know you know it's interesting i think a lot of people when they click on this video or listen to this podcast knowing who you are they'll want a small conversation slither about social media which you're built a prolific business in so i'm just going to ask a few questions so they don't kill me but what is your trajectory for 2025 about social media and how we should appear on it and what is the feeling you're having behind how your business is going to grow in that

area yeah i mean i have i've been having a lot of conversation about this whole ticot ban are you on ticot yeah that's where i grew that's where my main audience is so i'm like great got to But that's only in the U.S., so I don't know how it's going to. But in general, I have this thing where I'm always excited for change, even if it initially seems like a negative one. It really gets people to get creative and to find new ways to communicate and to, you know, bring, I'm hoping that it will bring that energy of TikTok, that's nonchalant and that very, like, raw into other platforms. So I think that it's going to be wonderful either way.

And that is the future in general with social media. The future of social media is not this virality and not this like mega businesses and mega. It's an opportunity to build something, but build something from a place of your own point of view, your own story. Like community is so important. It's not about audience. It's about community. and I am a big advocate for personal branding. I think that everyone needs to have a personal brand no matter what your profession is,

even if you don't want to be a content creator or an influencer, if you're a doctor, if you're a surgeon, if you're a bank, whatever it is, it will help you because today's currency is attention. And if you are able to build a community where you have their attention, that is so powerful. So I always talk about, you know, we have creator method, which is our academy and community for people that want to build a personal brand.

We also talk about the longevity game because that's what it is. Like the way it's, and the way it's going to continue, it's, again, not about these crazy ups and downs. It's just about stability and really leaning in and learning how to bring your message forward, learning how to bring your expertise forward. and bring a side of yourself where people are giving you their attention.

And it's a beautiful thing that, you know, that relationship that can happen, but it takes a long time to build. And one thing that always bothers me is when people expect this like, okay, I started posting. I'm not getting any traction. I'm like, well, you know, that's not how it works. Exactly. That's not how it works. It takes time.

Post differently. It's funny because I think the whole TikTok ban, I'm exactly like you. Things don't bother me that are out of my control. It's okay. I think what TikTok has taught creators is that people want authentic, people want real, people want connection. I open the app in like 2022 and because I was like, no one's watching me on here anyway. I just said exactly what I thought in my like pajamas and that's what resonated.

When I had an Instagram, which is like so much pressure to be polished and like, you know, everything is perfect. I never posted the real shit on there. And I think even if it gets banned, just bring the realness to the other apps. It's fine. 100%. I never, you know, on Instagram, I never actually got into this like portfolio-like feed. Because to me, my audience there, I don't have the time, but my audience there always wanted the real, you know, the real me.

So I always posted there what people are posting on TikTok. And I continue doing that. And it's wonderful, it's empowering. It's, again, to your point, you know, that ability to appear just the way you are. It's a beautiful way to build that connection. So I, you know, creator economy is continuing to grow, but also the way people show up online, just becoming more and more real. Like, it's amazing to me to see how desensitize we've becoming towards celebrities.

Have you noticed that shift? I love it. Yeah. Celebrity is not even a thing. No one cares. Yeah. They'll be like, oh, did you see, I don't know, somebody did, I'm like, who's that, I don't, I don't know who that is, I don't care, why, whatever.

Exactly. So interesting. So that's, that is really just like the proof where, you know, we are, we are exactly where we need to be and this is the future. I wanted to ask you about, because I respect your opinion on this, your kids on social media. I have both 50-50 feelings. I'm like, I just want to, you know, expose, not exposed, but put forward my genuine life because I talk about male-female relationships.

My book is on it. My business is on it. And then if my life is completely private, it feels disconnected. But then if it's completely forward-facing, then it feels too out there. How do you navigate that with your children? I mean, when they were little, because my first platform that I started on was YouTube. So when they were little, we had a lot of, you know, family vlogs. and they were a lot in,

they appeared a lot in my content. As they got older, my intuition was just like, it's time to kind of give them the space, you know, privacy and whatever that is. And I really backed away from involving them as much. Now they're at ages where my two older ones are like, we want to be like part of it.

How can we be part of it? And we are now careful. But, you know, I want to be like, no, because they don't have phones, they don't have anything, they don't have social media. So I'm just like, I want you to stay away from it where Gary's perspective is like we are in the business of it. Our kids are very involved in our business. They know all the terminology. They understand how our business works.

And why would we take away this opportunity of them to learn about themselves and their voice, how to exercise their voice and to teach them how to navigate it when they're asking to? So I'm still kind of conflicted about the two older ones. But yeah, it's very like an intuitive decision, you know. Yeah. Essentially, if it's your family business, if you guys, I don't know how to clothing business or you made shoes, you'd teach your children, right? And it's interesting with social media. You feel like you've got to protect them from it.

But at the same time, it's a tool. Everything is a tool. So again, everything is a tool. And in a way, you know, for me, my personal brand is a huge asset. for our family and it opens up a lot of doors it brings a lot of opportunities and we build a lot of other things based on that that is something that you know i can teach my kids how to navigate this world where they are at an age of 16 17 and they get phones and social media there will understand the mechanics of it and they're not going to be you know uh infatuated with kind of the fakenness of it

and they understand how they can turn it into something that is So there is a lot of power there. And I think that we will start seeing how we can integrate them. But I just never want to become this like person that he's shoving their kids in front of the camera and was like, okay, dance, monkey dance because people, you know, enjoy kids content. Like that is so creepy to me. And sometimes I look at my older content and I'm just like, I did not like that. Why did I do that? With your older content, it's your role. it was your reality it's interesting i look through my phone there's no photos of me it's all of my kids and that's not because i'm like this child centric person if me and you were having a conversation i might not even talk about my kids but you know you take photos of your kids because they're really young and small as they grow up that's not so much your reality so i think it's just a natural process that you went through don't worry you didn't have the creepy vibes it was that was cute back then it was so innocent there was no all these families that are going to jail because they're exploiting their children you know

now it became a thing so thank god yeah uh i just um love talking to you you're incredible but um can you tell my audience where to find you and what you're working on because if they fell in love with you i want them to thank you so much this was a pleasure you are a wonderful interviewer i had a great conversation uh you can find me at valeria lipoveski anywhere um and uh what are future plans oh my god i don't know i i can only i can only creator method is amazing everything is beautiful 2025 is going to be a rockster of a year but i feel like my at 6 30 p.m and my nearest future is to feed these children and put them to bed and go to bed i'm going to ego my love thank you so much thank you so much and i will see you in the dms yes

thank you