BEING HER with Margarita Nazarenko - 99: How to Stay in Your Feminine Energy When Life Feels Hard (Softness in Survival Mode)

Episode Date: February 9, 2025

How to Stay in Your Feminine Energy When Life Feels Hard (Softness in Survival Mode)Life isn’t always soft and easy—and that’s okay. But how do you stay in your feminine energy when you’re stressed, exhausted, or in survival mode? In this episode, we’re diving into what it really means to embody softness when life feels anything but.I’ll share how to navigate hard times without losing touch with your glow, why rest is productive (not lazy), and how small rituals can bring you back to yourself—even when time, energy, or money is low. If you’ve been feeling overwhelmed, disconnected, or stuck in ‘push-through’ mode, this episode will help you reconnect to the feminine energy that makes you feel at home in yourself.Listen now to reclaim your softness, even in the storm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

We are going back to old school. We are going back to old school. I haven't been so excited for an episode. If you're watching, you will see I'm in the car because I'm about to just talk to you. My mic is not working. I've got wires upon wires. My Apple computer is dead because I haven't charged it. You might hear all kinds of noise in the background. You might hear the car. You might hear this. You might hear that, but isn't that fitting for this episode's title? Isn't that fitting? How to stay in your Femone. Femone? Femone. How to stay in your feminine energy when life gives you lemons. Just so many lemons. Listen, you can hear the cold in my voice, yeah? I never get sick. I'm hardly ever unwell. And I would turn the car off so you don't hear the buzzing, but it is 30 Celsius centigrade outside.

Okay? In hot, hot Australian summer. So that's not going to happen. But you're here for my message, not for my sound, not for my location, and not even for my face. That is why makeup is not on it. But we are here and we're actually going to talk because, look, I try and meet expectations when I know the true core audience and who you really are is exactly who I am. We have a vibe and we have a flow and that is you need to hear this message right now because I need to hear it. January has lasted for 57 days. It is now, you know, the third of February, but we had 57th of January. It was the longest month ever whole world. I don't know how that happened. But it's almost like I need some chapstick. I need, you know, some glycolic acid on my face. I need to reset everything. And I got this most beautiful, beautiful, beautiful Smithson journal, this beautiful, red, sneaky journal in order to be like, yes.

the new year is the snake and that is truly the new year for me you know this the the new year the the lunar new year chinese snake i'm doing it again at the start of february okay i'm looking at my notes as always because i've written down 10 points about all those questions that you have asked what if i'm going through a divorce what if i'm at a time in my life where i'm not feeling my best what if i'm you know mid weight loss journey or weight gain journey whatever it is your flow what if i'm in a health crisis what if this what if that and you're there jabba jabba jab jab about your feminine energy, make him treat you like this, make him treat you like that. And I'm here trying to survive, Margarita. I'm trying to survive. But guess what, ladies and

gems? I'm trying to survive. I don't know what January's been. I feel 20-25 energy is on fire. We are going to get stuff done. We are going to crush it. But we're going to crush it. But we're going to crush it chaotically, okay? Because everything is happening. I've launched become her three. It's the last time it's going to launch. I'm building a community. I'll tell you about that another time. This is not the time for it, but, you know, I will put it in the description box if you want to join. It's a community where I'm going to do Q&As and actual conversations. I'm ready. I'm ready. I'm ready for it. My baby's one year old. I'm ready. And I'm ready to have this rambling chat with you. I want to bring you the things that you love, but I also, I want to do

this for me. I heard you. I know a lot of you don't like on YouTube, the guest interviews. A lot of you do on audio, so I'm going to figure it out. Let me figure it out, okay? Samantha, please. but in the meantime, I want you to know that everybody goes through ebbs and flows when it comes to chaotic lives, yeah? I've never had such a chaotic period in my life. I'm building a house. My management wants me to go to Chimerica, to do interviews and, you know, promote what I'm doing and all this stuff.

And I'm like, listen, it's a lot. I'm launching, I'm building, the book, everything is going on. and I've got two children, and I know how you feel. And I know how you feel not only because this season's so busy for me. I know how you feel because I've been in times where my life was a cluster fluff in ways that weren't positive. I said to my friend, you know, she goes, I don't know how you do it. And I said, do what?

I do this through gratitude because I am acutely aware of how damn lucky I am. Every hardship I have at the moment is a lucky one. Oh, no. she gets to put her healthy children to bed. It's so difficult to solo parent because her husband is, you know, outbuilding their house and working. All those things are positive. They're not easy necessarily, but they're positive, yeah?

People actually go, and my car started, thank you. People are actually going through hardships, okay? Through which I have also gone through. If you've read my book, you know them. You don't know all of them, you know, some of them. Some of them I would never probably speak on because irrelevant and it involves people that probably, you know, it's in the past. But I want you to know that point number one about being in your feminine energy and in your

softness in which I am not talking at the moment. I am very, I'm talking in a very animated, energetic way because I've just been in my masculine because I've got a cold, I've got this, I've got that, I'm pushing at every cylinder. But I am going to tell this information to you as much as I am to myself. But this one, you've got to understand. Number one, acknowledge that life won't always be soft and that is okay. I know some of you write down the points down in my comments, so person that does that, go ahead. Go ahead. Number one, acknowledge that life won't always be soft and that is okay. The misconception about feminine energy is that it's always got to be soft. It's got to be, we're going to turn off the car to really home in the point. It's always going to be soft.

It's got to be flowing. It's always got to be whimsical. We're always going to be baking sourdough. We're always got to be flying with the fairies. Piss off. That's not the reality. Feminine energy is not perfect. You understand that the concept of feminine energy, feminine and masculine means being of this world. Masculine and feminine energies are of this world. Feminine energy involves hardships like being a mum or, you know, birthing your children or loss or it's all a part of it. It's not airy, fairy, Instagram, curated feed. That's not what feminine energy is, okay? It's about how you navigate through imperfection.

It is about how you carry through your life. Yes, I understand you're going through a divorce. Yes, I understand it was not fair that he isn't text you back and he's left you. I understand, but how you move through it with grace, is feminine energy. Have you ever watched that movie Chocolat with Johnny Depp? That woman, how she moves from town to town with her kid, she's full of feminine energy. There is something about her that is magnetic and dynamic and beautiful and I need to make around again because it's 30 degrees outside and we cannot live like this, but there is something that is just main

character energy about how she lives her life. It is insanely beautiful, inspiring, gorgeous, stunning, all those things. It is not about having the perfect life. There is something almost like exciting about having to build from nothingness. Sometimes when the phoenix crashes, you know that the next part is it rising and that is the essence of feminine energy. You don't have to be in a high vibe, yes queen, yes girl, go off mode constantly. No. It's about authenticity, softness, patience. I am, I put my daughter down. She was up three hours at night. I get hardly any sleep at the moment. I don't know what those raccoons are on. Like they're trying to murder me through sleeplessness, right? But the point is that when I'm putting my son to bed, it's about stopping. And in that moment,

I know he wants me to sing to him for an hour and I've got block nose and I can't breathe and I'm about suffocate through the fact that I can't breathe, but I'm singing, twinkle, twinkle, a little star. Understanding that I'm wanted by somebody. I'm needed and I'm loved and these are my children and they are amazing and that is the essence truly of of feminine energy and and and stopping in the moment okay knowing that it's sometimes it's a mess sometimes it's a mess but that's okay number two releasing the guilt of not feeling the best so many women feel like they're failing if their hair isn't done their thing isn't there she's not sleigh queen you understand an advertising is trying to sell you an image. You understand that advertising is trying to sell you an

image of how your hair should be shiny, your butt should be high, your this should be that, your delts should be, please stop, we're human. You get this one lovely, beautiful life that is just to be cherished and worshipped truly once, once, it happens once, that you're born. The chances of you being born as you are just so, it gives me the chills, like goosebumps when think about it. You have to have reverence for your existence. You know, trying to find balance and all this BS that you're fed

and, you know, do this, do that, Pilates. Stop. Feminine energy isn't about beauty and ease. It's about allowing yourself to rest, heal, and being able to be in the stillness of life and bringing peace to yourself. Because masculine is about being driven and forward. feminine is about the opposite of that.

And that is what I'm trying to remind myself, because this is truly the most exciting time of my life. I am so needed by my business, by you, by my children, by my partner, partner, yucky word. Strange word. Husband, the reason I say partner is yucky word, because, like, you have a business partner, you have a life partner, like, partner's just like a bleh word,

like, lesbian more descriptive. Number three, prioritizing micro-mements of softness. you have to, when everything feels so chaotic and so diabolical, prioritize micro moments. When life is chaotic, you don't need a full skincare routine every day, every day. You need small moments of softness. For example, drink your tea slowly, light a candle, choose one small action to nourish yourself daily.

And what I mean by that, I, my son like talks a hundred times a minute, a second, almost. I used to just rush through the day, always trying to attend to my emails, this and in the morning, I now make that effort. I know shocker to just make a cup of coffee and be like, Mommy will be there in a second, baby, and enjoy it. Anchor those small moments, those small rituals, do those acts of softness that will, I call them anchors. They will anchor you into who you are in your feminine energy, okay? next fight or flight mode you need to shift out a fight or flight and a lot of us are living there a lot of us are living there because a lot of us were told that we are equal to men yet we do a lot more than men right we're equal because now we can work where they work we can do what they do but somehow we've

ended up with doing a lot more than they do how i don't know and if you're a man in the comments and you're about to tell me no we do more i understand you do more you're working in the minds i understand, I understand. I really empathize with you, Jacob. But what I'm talking about is on the domestic everyday level for the women that are listening to this, the mental load, the amount we've taken on, and understanding that in these chaotic moments that you can, you know, you can, what is that word, delegate, delegate, but we'll talk about that later. We'll talk about first is shifting out of fight, a flight, like, it's intense, right? Stress of everyday life, of what we put ourselves under because we got told that we can do it all by ourselves with no help

creates masculine survival mode overthinking pushing through because we live where we live where ladies and jams in a masculine world built for men so we are living the male way so if we are succeeding in this world it is masculine my business despite it being about feminine energy runs in a masculine way so to reset into softness gentle movement deep breath slowed down speech and let yourself receive in small ways. If someone's offering your help to help them, sorry, if someone's offering to help you, take it. Even on two days a week,

I have somebody help me with my children so that I can make content, not children, one of my children, so I can make content and be with my other child, right? Even then, I try and help the nanny be there despite paying for her services. like we cannot delegate. Just we can't, as women, we're just always on.

And that's such a masculine thing to do. Understand that motherhood and everything that we're doing and every way that we're juggling is in a masculine mode. So if anyone ever offers you help, say yes. Number five, staying feminine when you are low on money, time or energy. This sounds tricky, but truly you don't need luxury spa days to be feminine. Like I said, feminine is an energy. It's an experience, a mortal, energetic experience, and you can still embody it if you choose. But if you want to do the glow-up habits,

there are feminine energy glow-up habits. That means just looking after yourself that don't cost anything. Hydration. Marguerite, I'm talking to you. Good posture for the prorn in the back, prorning over her laptop, you know, you are a prowling predator like cat. You are not a succubus prawn on the bottom of the floorbed of the ocean, okay? Mindful breathing, choosing softness overreactivity. If you imagine some kind of tribal woman, whichever tribe you're imagining, be it Africa, be it Scandinavia, be it Celtic, whatever tribal woman you connect with, She's sitting there. She's not clouching over like a prawn, nor does she have lots of time, money or resources

because we could die at any point, you know, in tribal living back in the day, okay? You die from a toothache. But if you imagine her, there's some prowess to her body. If you don't have time, money, or energy, practice the way you walk and in your posture embodying that feminine warrior woman. Because sometimes the feminine means being a warrior. and if you're in a divorce or if you're going through a shit time, then it's time for that warrior queen to come out.

If you've got my journal, that's one of the archetypes, is that warrior, that hunter. It's not, oh my God, braid my hair. No. No. No. It's not just softness. Being a woman, forget feminine energy. Being a woman means sometimes being very assertive.

today I had to get my son who's standing behind a gate in a certain club that he went to and there was nowhere to pick him up and he's standing outside the gate and I had to chuck my car quickly in a safe area but you're not allowed to stand there

for a long time put my car there he's about to go out of the gate and then Karen comes excuse me you're not allowed to park there I go yeah I'm just getting him literally one second I'm so sorry I'm just gonna no I'm reporting you to who

report yourself to God woman report yourself for not having a life and being here in my business anyway I get him and put him in my car the point being is that you need to stay valid to yourself okay to who you are a woman is also a mother

and you know if you mess with a mother bear you will not have a face for a very long time I'm getting my child he's standing behind the gate Karen I don't care what you're doing I don't care what you're saying I don't care who you are where I'm parking is a questionable and it's not up to you to decide

it's not dangerous maybe I can park you Have you read all the road rules? Piss off. Anyway. So it's not always about flowers in the hair. Number six, the power of leaning into intuition over control. This one's a deep one.

Control and trying to control people around you really puts you into masculine energy to pushing and driving and makes you a very ugly woman. I said it. It makes you an ugly woman. It makes you very unattractive when you try and control him. men in your life, it makes you exhausted when you try and control everyone. And I know they're going to do everything wrong, but you need to let people be wrong and live

their own lives. You are not the god of everything. When life feels out of control, leaning into feminine energy and surrendering and not forcing is the key. The whole concept of feminine energy is about surrender. And the whole reason I learned about it and leaned into it is because I come from a very anxious attachment style. I came from a very anxious attachment style and it only healed me when I decided to act secure before I became it and not only that but I learned about feminine energy and I just said let people do what they want to do I'd rather find out who you are quicker rather than later sooner rather than later I don't want to manufacture a world around me that isn't real that doesn't exist because I want to control you to the point where I don't

get hurt because I tell you exactly what to do and you go around like a dog on a leash doing what I want you to do because God forbid you're going to hurt me no you be you and will be the judge of whether I want you to be in my life or not. Surrendering to life and surrendering to the reality of people is the key to feminine energy. Burned out, not burnt out. Hardship, not, no hardship. That's the power of feminine energy. It's not about being a fairy in a garden, okay? Ask yourself, if I trusted life more instead of trying to control everything, what would my life look like? Your mantra after this video is, I trust myself to make the right decision. I trust myself. I trust myself. I trust to myself. It's a really hard curve to learn. Number seven, the art of receiving even in hard times. Sometimes when life is hard, we get, and I guess it's a self-fulfilling prophecy. Sometimes I see the people who need the most help are the most resistant to receiving it. Like I said,

with my nanny or people who help me, I will stride through and do everything myself. Many women struggle with receiving. They don't want to receive help, kindness, offers of gestures, compliments even. If you are, in that state, learn to see yourself as a creature that is wonderful and that deserves help. And if anything, seeing your inner child is really important. I go into it in my book, the new rules. When you see yourself through the lens of somebody that is your inner child and you do the exercise of returning to yourself when you were a child and becoming the adult who could help you,

it's a really endearing process. You might not like yourself as an adult, but that, inner you who's a child really deserves everything and more. Let someone hold the door for you. Accept help with no guilt and don't apologize constantly because that's killing your feminine energy. Number eight, using beauty and rituals to reconnect yourself. Rituals and routines and beauty routines aren't just used by women throughout history and time in order to beautify themselves. It is also in order to worship at the altar of feminine energy, which is you. Goddesses have rituals, they have routines, and the way to anchor yourself, anchor yourself into feminine energy is through

these rituals, things like brow wax, tinted lip balm even, or soft fabric, cozy textures, even if you're in a way, in a part of life where you don't enjoy your body. And I'll go into it more how my mindset shift has allowed me to be in a body that I am comfortable with, and for a long time I wasn't, and weight loss and muscle building and all stuff but we'll go into it. You still need to push through and to put soft fabrics on yourself, put in jewelry you like, even if you are not in the place where you look like you want to look, okay? Understand, this is number nine, that rest is productive. I'm talking to myself right now. Understand that rest is productive. No, it's not. Understand that rest is productive.

Masculine conditioning says that you are lazy if you don't produce, produce, produce. You are not lazy if you don't produce. Feminine creates. Feminine creates. it doesn't produce, okay? And if creativity doesn't flow today, then it's not flowing today, then we're not creating anything. Truly, I mean that from the bottom of my heart. The masculine paradigm,

they don't have hormonal shifts like us, they don't follow the lunar cycle, they have the same hormones every day, unless something else is going on with them, but that's not the usual. The work and world, the 9 to 5 is built for men because every day they can perform 9 to 5 and then they take a two-day break,

we can't function like that. No, we can't. No, we can't, Samantha. You are not lazy if you rest. You're in tune with your body if you rest. Feminine energy says my body and my mind thrive when I honor my cycle and when I follow my cycle. Dr. Mindy Peltz talks a lot about this. Resting when needed actually allows you to glow up.

I feel fully burnt out right now, me personally. I don't feel burnt out in life. I feel like I'm about to get on track. For me, it was the Christmas period. and having my son home who is high energy dog. You know how there's dogs that are different, like bulldogs and terriers. My son's like a high energy, high emotion terrier. So yeah, my mum was also here visiting.

Like, I'm so fulfilled when it comes to love, but also burnt out. But if I rest, I'll be fine, and I know that acutely, accurately. Number 10, self-compassion as the ultimate energy hack. So self-compassion is the ultimate energy hack. You don't have to be perfect, feminine, radiant, sexy, amazing. The more you soften towards yourself, the more you understand and revere your humanity, your beauty. Let me just talk to you for a minute.

I'm just going to even close my notes because I've had enough of you. People who are mothers who talk about, oh, I'm just a mom, I'm just a stay-at-home, mum, I'm just-how-d-how-d-d-how-d-dare you, first of all, say that. You've literally created human life. Thank you, Carpenter. I'm not going off while I say this. You've literally created human life with what is your body and you have the audacity to say things like, oh, I don't contribute 50%, oh, I don't this, I don't that. It is the most biggest travesty in the entire world that perhaps the most

important thing and that is giving someone life. If men could give people life, they would walk around like God. They would walk around like God. The closest thing to God is a woman because God and you can make life. Yeah? you need to respect it, you need to revere it, this one life you have. Stop trying to produce things, which is something taught to us by the Industrial Revolution, that every person's only useful if they produce something, production, production, it's a factory mindset. And it's good, it's good to get women working because it's good to make women work

because then it's bigger workforce and I love that, I love that. I love to work. I think about my podcast and everything I'm doing a lot, but that's a passion, it's a creativity that I have. But please do not feel that you, you are less than or you're not doing enough by not being productive every day. Rest, rituals, and self-respect, reverence. And if you're going through a hard time where you've been made to feel like you're not the best

version of yourself, like a divorce, or you, also the women who say, I've got kids, who's going to love me? Babe, he would love you, even with your husband, if your husband was still there. There is no problem with finding a man if you have babies. like those male podcasts tell you this nonsense. You have value, you are high value, you are life force itself, and you've made life already, so please do not look down on yourself, you have children when it comes to dating and how you have going to date again, ridiculous.

And I'm older, how am I going to date again? Ridiculous. There's always men are older than you, yeah? I joke, but you know what I mean. Anyway, thank you for watching. if you're listening, if the audio isn't great, tough titties, we just have to move, you know? We have to be where we are, we have to do what we do. And right now, I think what I'm going to do is have two days of journaling.

I haven't been able to write in my Red Snake journal and just breathe, you know. And children are great teachers. My son at the moment is always like, Mom, watch this, watch this, watch this. Because I think he sees how my mind is tuned out and it's got a hundred things going on. the moment and sometimes you just got a mum watch this you know what I mean I love you lots like Jody Tots see you on the next one