Being there for your kids - Angst & Attitude ---Welcome to the Teen Years

Episode Date: February 7, 2019

Angst is the sum of every bad feeling you can imagine. Attitude is, well, we parents all know attitude when we see it. Kids in general and teens in particular really don't want to share their feelings. When have you heard your teen say, "Hey, Dad. Can I share my feelings with you?" If you have, good for you. It's rare. Usually we see the attitude first. Actually, attitude is your teen reaching out to you. If you come back with power, attitude yourself, judgment, or even good solutions, you missed the mark. These responses may leave your teen feeling they are a burden to you. Use your active listening, as attitude is a hallmark of an emotional fever. Draw him out with a comment and question like, "Gosh, Son. This isn't  like you. What else is going on?" If you get a shut-down response, turn this essay question into a multiple choice question. You know your teen well enough that you will probably hit the mark. Best option for parents of teens?  Hang in there.

Hi, I'm Dr. John Robinson, licensed clinical psychologist, and this is Teachable Moments. I want to talk a little bit about angst and attitude. Welcome to the teen years. Me and roller coasters don't get along. I'm closing my eyes and white knuckling all the way. Once when our daughter was 14, we had all gone to a theme park, and I wanted us to get a charcoal caricature of our family. Rachel got an attitude and refused.

We negotiated that I would ride the Rebel Yale roller coaster with her if she would sit for the family picture. Twice, she grumbled. Overcoming my terror because of the outcome was worth it to me, I agreed. Is your son or daughter entering the teen years? Hang on. You're in for an emotional roller coaster ride. Angst and attitude are part and parcel of teen life. When it seems personal, take heart. It's not only you, but most everybody who catches teenage heat. For a response, you have several options. Hold on, Buster, this is my house and you will can that attitude. While this response is in every parent's mind, keep it there. Don't let it come out of your mouth. With such a response, you are just trying to match your teen's power play with your own. You might get compliance,

but it would be out of fear and at the expense of relationship. What? Is that attitude I hear? Where is that coming from? Is heartfelt and a step in the right direction, but at the risk of your teen feeling shamed. Don't be surprised if the response is a verbal shutdown or a flippant whatever. Wow, this isn't like you, son. What else is going? on is more on track. You're calling attention to his attitude but also recognizing his angst. He may not want to talk because of his mistrust and unspoken recognition that he crossed a line. Why are you trying to be so nice to me? Sometimes it's the response. Hang in there. He's slowly cracking the emotional door to see if he wants to let you in. When teens and children as well

are given an essay question like what else is going on here, they may not have the words or want to answer it. If you get a blank stare or leave me alone to the say question, make it a multiple choice question. You know there lies well enough to come up with three or four options as to what might be fueling his angst. When you get some acknowledgement, shift to active listening. Trying to understand his feelings is at the heart of helping him get through his angst. The good news is that from the angst and attitude of teen life comes the development of an individual identity, your goal for your teen as he prepares for adulthood. This has been Teachable Moments with Dr. John Robinson.

Teachable Moments, Building Blocks of Christian Parenting, is available online at AmazonBooks.com and in local and national bookstores. More on Dr. Robinson at TMC-P-I-N-C.com.