Being there for your kids - Are We There Yet?

Episode Date: February 24, 2024

Long car trips can be a bore for everybody, but especially for kids. Are we there yet? is a common refrain that can lead to turmoil if not addressed. When IPads and cell phones are not available, consider filling the time with family car games.

John Robinson, and this is Teachable Moments. Let me ask you a question. Have you ever been driving a long distance, and one of your kids says at some point, are we there yet? If you've ever been in your car with your children, ages less than 10, then you've been asked this question, maybe multiple times.

Sometimes it's repeated multiple times, just to annoy you. Other times, it's recurring occasionally as you make you way to your destination. While your child wants a reasonable time estimate, there's always an underlying situation. If your destination is a fun place or activity, are we there yet, is code for feeling eager, anxious,

or frustrated with anticipation. Going on a fun vacation to a recreation theme park, to the zoo or aquarium, would be spots where getting there would be a chore that they would want to get over with quickly. If your destination is more for you than for your kids, perhaps a trip to visit distant relatives, are we there yet as code for being bored,

feeling antsy, wanting any kind of interaction to make the time go more quickly. In either case, the question suggests that your child may have an emotional fever. That is physically all as well, but emotionally, they're out of sorts. When my kids were young and these circumstances came up, I would ask tongue and cheeks if they needed me to go to the sorts store to get them back in sorts, L.O.L. With that icebreaker, take some time to help your kids figure out what they're feeling. This is the heart of active listening. Mindy was being fidgety in the back seat. Restless, changing position, sighing soundly. I picked up on these cues to her emotional fever. Hey, baby, what's going on? I caught her eye in the rear view mirror. I'm bored. Are we there yet? Sitting there can feel like forever, huh? Why do we have

to go? Can't we go somewhere closer to home? Ah, but when we get there, think of all the fun we'll have. That's stupid. It's no fun getting there. You really are stuff. huh? His daughter got quiet. I have some thoughts about how it can pass the time. Want to hear them? After a child gets her feelings out and pauses is the time to ask permission to offer solutions. If you offer them too soon, she might not feel heard. She may take your solutions as dismissing her feelings. So, as you move forward, get her permission. Nowadays, with the ever-present iPad and personal phone, kids frequently find ways to occupy themselves on long car trips. However, if these electronics lead to commotion, or if you have a family rule of electronic free time together,

then car trip games can fill the bill. Even young children can follow and participate in the I-spy-something game. Each person in the car takes a turn identifying something in or outside the car by a feature, like a color or shape or position. The others then take turns, making guesses as to what or where the object is. Time passes quickly, and everyone is involved as having fun. For older school-age kids, Ghost passes the time quickly and also helps kids with their spelling. One family member starts a letter and others add a letter in turn until one person completes the spelling of a word. If I spell the word first, on my turn, then I get a G. Whoever spells out Ghost loses the game.

More of the thinking game that's also fun on car rides. Finally, sequential storytelling can be fun with unexpected twists and turns in the plot device. Here, one of you starts a story with once upon a time. Each of you takes the storyline as it unfolds and adds only one sentence at a time. The story can be as long as your trip is and keeps all involved since no one knows just how it turns out and how it gets there. Long ago when my oldest grandchild was only seven, she and her dad and I took a 10-mile hike up Mount LaCont in Gattenburg, Tennessee. It was a rigorous four-hour journey with each of us, having a backpack. We started a sequential story at the outset, and little Katie was so involved in the plot development that she kept pace and didn't ask once to be picked up or carried. Are we there yet? The bane of every family car's trip can be the bane of every family's car trips. Use a variety of road games to help your child pass the time around naps and other trip activities. They will help you connect with your children and add to the fun of getting there. Blessings, Dr. John.

If these comments stir questions of your own, contact me through my website at www. www.therefrommykids.com or email me at John Robinson 0.0. at bell-south. I'm Dr. Jonathan C. Robinson, licensed clinical psychologist and author of Teachable Moments Building Blocks of Christian Parenting. And this has been Teachable Moments. Teachable Moments, Building Blocks of Christian Parenting is available online at Amazonbooks.com and in local and national bookstores. on Dr. Robinson at TMC-P-I-N-C.com.