Being there for your kids - Are You a Benevolent Despot?

Episode Date: November 7, 2019

What's a benevolent despot? The two words seem to not go together. Despots are usually dictators, ruthless bad guys. When you are benevolent, you help others. You are kind and giving. How can a parent be both benevolent and despotic? Think of a king during the feudal Middle Ages. He had a castle with a big wall and moat around it. The villagers lived outside the walls of the castle. However, they were protected by the king. He showed them kindness and compassion, understood their needs and feelings. Because he was benevolent, the villagers shared their bounty with him, worked for him. As in a family, the benevolent despot parent is the final authority and has the final say. However, you take into consideration your children's needs and feelings when exerting your authority. Such families thrive and teachable moments abound.

This is Teachable Moments. I'm Dr. John Robinson. Are you a benevolent despot? What is that? As parents, we are the leaders of our homes. The dominant parent gets things done by fear, control, and manipulation. Because I said so is the only reason this parent knows. They barrel through their family getting their way and use anger to make others conform to their expectations. The submissive parent gets things done by doing it all themselves. Please like me and be my friend is their mantra. They are tidying, putting everything in his place, and asking, what can I do for you? Ad nauseum. Children end up feeling entitled without consequence. The better question is, who's in charge?

As a benevolent despot, you are both the strong leader of your family and you exercise servanthood parenting. As a despot, the buck stops with you. You make decisions, you direct, you delegate. Your leadership is welcome because of your benevolence. You listen. You understand needs and feelings. you encourage, you include. House rules and chore lists are not demanded.

That's what a dominant parent would do. You don't do at all. That's what a submissive parent would do. As a benevolent despot, you call family meetings and direct a cooperative effort. You understand and serve their needs and their feelings. Grow your children up in the ways of the Lord so that when they are old, they will not depart from him. Be a benevolent despot in your home. I'm Dr. John Robinson, licensed clinical psychologist and Christian parenting author,

and this has been Teachable Moments. Teachable Moments, building blocks of Christian parenting, is available online at AmazonBooks.com and in local and national bookstores. More on Dr. Robinson at TMP-I-N-C.com.