Being there for your kids - Are You a Bubble Family?

Episode Date: January 24, 2024

All kids love to blow and play with bubbles. Popping them in flight is such fun. Lifestyle bubbles, however, not so much. Here I share my thoughts about how we can help our children expand their experiences by avoiding lifestyle bubbles.

Hi, I'm Dr. John Robinson, and this is Teachable Moments. I have some thoughts for you today. Let's talk about bubbles. Do we live in a world of bubbles? I remember blowing bubbles with my preschool children to their great delight and laughter. Playful bubbles, like these, can be really fun and good. Lifestyle bubbles? Not so much.

Lifestyle bubbles tend to be exclusive, rigid, inflexible. They define the either-or polarity of our current political landscape, but they tend to expand beyond political landscape. My granddaughter, Caitlin, was about four years old, long ago, and entering a pre-K program full of then strangers. I spent time teaching her to approach another child with, Hi, I'm Caitlin. What's your name? She was reluctant at first, so we practiced with her teddy bears.

When I picked her up from her first day of pre-K, Katie was so excited. She ratted off the names of four of the children that she played with that day. That was her first lesson in being proactive rather than reactive. Another parent told me her story some time ago. Similar circumstances. When she was dropping off her daughter at preschool, another child came up to them to greet them. The mother pulled her daughter back from the meeting the other child and explained, hold on a second.

We don't know this girl yet. Let's find the mommy or the teacher. This family might be living in a bubble. Such bubbles can be protective, but may also be defensive, limiting. possible positive experiences. Bubble families believe such things that's not how we do things. That's not our belief system. We stick

to our own. Having more information will just be more confusing. Stick to what we know to be right for us. Such beliefs limit experience, facts, and resources. When families pop that perennial bubble, children are given the freedom to explore their environments,

better understand the variety of cultures, races, and circumstances in their worlds, and find comfort levels that work for them. They have more information from which to make informed decisions. Based on your child's age. From birth to age five, parents make all the decisions for their children. This is hands-on parenting. This keeps their children safe, healthy, and thriving. From ages 5 to 10, parents hear their children out, qualify circumstances, and give their children direction. This is directed parenting, born from their parents' wisdom and experience.

Children engage in and explore their worlds and friendships, but with keen parental oversight. From ages 10 to 18, children are developing the capacity for abstract thinking, being able to form their own opinions about what's important to them. Parents can buck their child's growing sense of self and risk alienation. Or they can hear them out, understand their thoughts and feelings, ask if they want their help, and if asked for, give them advice. This is advice-based parenting. Twain's and teens benefit from their relationship and emotional intimacy of their parents. Parents nurture the quality of children thinking for themselves. Beyond age 18, our young adults are living their own lives, making their own decisions,

and finding their way through a mistake-ridden landscape. Having successfully launched our children into their independent, healthy relationship, socially conscious adulthood, we help them when asked by providing expert consultation. This is consultative parenting. In business and industry, an expert consultant is first called in to give the consultation. Before his presentation, he gathers observations, policies, and practice to collect his thoughts on the matter. Then he makes his presentation and recommendations. Thereafter, he leaves before his wise counsel is implemented or not.

If I offer my opinion, before being asked for it, I'm budding in. If I disregard my child's perspective and feelings, I'm just to give. dismissing him. He might conclude that I think he's too dumb or misinformed to get it right, so I'll just do it for him. Even if the path he chooses is the opposite of your choice and full of risk and regret, the decision is his to make. Your own expert consultation in wise counsel provide a foundation for ongoing and growing emotional intimacy and healthy relationship with your now adult child. Lifestyle bubbles are created within your parenting style, since 75% of your children's personality is formed in the first five years of life, your parenting decisions will likely

stay with your child for their lifetime. No pressure, L.O.L. Help your child be proactive, explore their expanding worlds in safe ways, and find their own path to the good life. Blessings, Dr. John. If my comments stir questions of your own, contact me through my website at www.org out there for my kids.com or email me at John Robinson 0.0 at bell south.net. I'm Dr. Jonathan C. Robinson, licensed clinical psychologist and author of Teachable Moments Building Blocks of Christian Parenting. And this has been Teachable Moments. Teachable Moments, Building Blocks of Christian Parenting, is available online at AmazonBooks.com and in local and national bookstores. More on Dr. Robinson at tmc, P-I-N-C.com.