Being there for your kids - Are You Using Acquired or Earned Authority?

Episode Date: December 23, 2018

       Parents often parent according to what they have been used to, when they were kids in their growing up homes. That can be bad, or good. Most parents want to be just like their parents were with them when they were kids. Some parents want to be just opposite of the kind of parents they grew up with. When you focus only on acquired parenting, you are taking the job of parenting and ruling with an iron hand. My way of the highway. No relationship there, except one based on fear. When you focus on earned parenting, you make decisions based on the needs, feelings, and best interests of all involved. With earned parenting, you are choosing relationship over power. What you say still goes, but with sensitivity to all involved. Earn your authority over your kids by promoting healthy relationships.

This is Teachable Moments. I'm Dr. John Robinson. I have a question for you. Is your parenting authority acquired or earned? You have a child or children? You're in charge. Will your children challenge your authority? You bet. In fact, one of my universal truths in teachable moments is that children will always test the limits. They test them to be sure that they're there. Children are fearful and anxious when they are in charge. Their brains have not yet developed the capacity for abstract thinking. So making abstract decisions is terrifying for them. Unconsciously, they will run wild, break things, and disobey specifically to force you to take charge of them. That's how anxious having authority is for them. How do you get your parental authority? Of course, you acquire it with the birth of your child. By definition, the parent is in charge. This kind of authority is based on power, dominance, and fear. Because I said so, young man, I am your father.

Do what I say. Your child will respond to you when you act with this acquired authority, but at what cost? You have an obedient child but no relationship. This kind of teen can't wait to move out when they graduate. This youngster accepts sleepover invitations from other friends who have the cool parents. Do you want obedience at the cost of relationship, or do you want to engage your child with relationship? With earned authority, you make effort to understand your child's feelings and needs. You focus on relationship and make decisions based on the needs, feelings, and greater good of the family.

You join your child in the endless discovery of your surroundings. You know his likes, dislikes, the meaning behind his words. You set boundaries and give consequences based on what the child is developmentally ready for and how he interacts with the world. You use your empathy and active listening to help him grow in the understanding of his feelings. Our God is loving, understanding, and compassionate. He showed us mercy by sending his son to offer salvation. We are charged to raise our kids with that same love and compassion.

passion. Is your parental authority acquired only, or is it earned as well? The choice is yours. I'm Dr. John Robinson, licensed to clinical psychologist and Christian parenting author, and this has been Teachable Moments. Teachable Moments, building blocks of Christian parenting is available online at AmazonBooks.com and in local and national bookstores. More on Dr. Robinson at TMC-P-I-N-C.com.