Being there for your kids - As Parent, Stay On Top of Things

Episode Date: May 26, 2019

Parenting is a lifelong job for which few of us have training. Often, we either wing it or model the parenting we grew up with. One of the great mysteries of parenting is tracking your child's behavior to help determine whether what she's going through is a mood or a symptom. Several child development theorists have chimed in on the subject from different perspectives. Do your homework. Also, use active listening to help relieve your child's emotional fever and be available whenever she wants to unload. In particular, track whether what's going on in he life is a function of her current mood? Or could it be a symptom of a mental health issue? I suggest following "the 6-8 week rule." If what you are noticing is occurring for less than 6-8 weeks before easing, then it's probably the result of a mood. If it occurs for greater than 6-8 weeks, it might be a symptom. That's when you consider the help of a professional.

Hi, I'm Dr. John Robinson, and this is Teachable Moments. You know, one of the things we have to discover as parents is whether what our child is going through is a mood or a symptom. 11-year-old Cindy lays sideways across her bed, doodling on a large blank pad. She starts with a dot in the middle of the page and then swirls outward until she's making big sweeping marker strokes. She presses so hard at the end that she rips the paper. She balls it up and throws it at her bedroom door before hauling back on her bed in a heap of tears. Shortly thereafter, her mom knocks on the bedroom door. Go away, nobody's home, she fusses at the sound.

Mama quietly opens the door and peeks in. Well, nobody's just the person I was looking for. Her attempt of humor falls on deaf ears. What do you want, Mom? I'm busy. Well, I can see that, she replies as she reaches down to retrieve the balled-up paper at her feet. She unballs it and flattens it out. Honey, what's going on? She slips onto the bed beside Cindy.

Nothing. Leave me alone. Everything. Cindy spits out in rapid fire. Mom lets the silence between them linger. Why did she have to ruin everything, Mama? Whenever Cindy called her mom Mama, she knew her heart was heavy. They stayed in the room and talked for half an hour. Mom used her best active listening, and, as she saw Cindy's emotional fever come down, she offered some adult perspective and wise counsel. At Cindy's tender age, Mom wants to consider several factors. First, where is Cindy in her dawning menstrual cycle? Moods often magnify as a woman's body. begins her monthlies. Second, where is Cindy in her development? Eric Erickson tracks psychosocial development. At age 11, Cindy should be struggling with doing well and getting things done called industry or developing a sense of not good enough called inferiority. Arnold Gazelle tracked developmental cyclical moods and found that most 11-year-olds are loving but also defiant. Third, how long has her daughter been in a funk? I follow what I call the six-week rule. If a difficult behavior occurs for less than six weeks, then it's likely just a mood. If it occurs for more than six

weeks, it might be a symptom. With her tenderness, compassion, and active listening, mom is on the right track, but she needs to monitor whether Cindy's behavior identifies a mood or a symptom. I'm Dr. Jonathan C. Robinson, licensed clinical psychologist and Christian author, and this has been Teachable Moments. Teachable Moments, Building Blocks of Christian Parenting, is available online at Amazon Books.com and in local and national bookstores. More on Dr. Robinson at TMC-P-I-N-C.com.