Being there for your kids - As parents, our words are important

Episode Date: September 24, 2018

Children notice not only what we say but also how we say it. Verbal and nonverbal go together. When they need confrontation, challenge the behavior, not the child. When they need active listening and empathy, avoid the common errors of judging, criticizing, and offering solutions. Help your child become responsible for their words and actions and help them find solutions that are workable and that work for them.

This is Teachable Moments. I'm Dr. John Robinson. You know what? What you say as a parent matters. Consider your child to be a sponge. Sponges don't soak up some things and not other things. Sponges soak up any liquid with which it comes into contact. Your words are the liquid to your child's sponge. When my daughter was six years old, she was showing attitude and I said, Rachel, don't be smart. And then I thought, hmm, do I really not want her to be smart? Thankfully, I caught my error in my words. and corrected the situation. When your child is hurting, give her words of comfort and understanding. Use active listening or empathy as the communication tool to zero in on what you think she's feeling. Active listening is the bomb

that soothes the pain of your emotionally hurting child. Don't give solutions to her problem as giving solutions conveys the message, you can't figure this out, so I'll do it for you. Such hidden messages convey both emotional distance and dependency. Don't be critical of their efforts

in a misguided mission, to give them an educational experience. If you do this, they will be less likely to come to you in the future. Finally, don't minimize your child's efforts to fix this situation. Don't make it about you. It's about her, her feelings, her efforts to come to terms with what's going on at that moment in her life. Active listening is the best communication tool to affirm, pace, and validate your child. What you say to your child matters.

Choose your words wisely. I'm Dr. John Robinson, licensed clinical psychologist and Christian parenting author, and this has been Teachable Moments. Teachable Moments, Building Blocks of Christian Parenting, is available online at Amazonbooks.com and in local and national bookstores. More on Dr. Robinson at tmc-P-I-N-C.com.