Being there for your kids - Be On The Same Page with your Child

Episode Date: April 4, 2019

You want a relationship with your child. Then communicate. You can't, don't, don't want to communicate? An old saying is that children should be seen but not heard. Good luck with that. Without communication, all you are left with is your power. Power does not make for a good relationship. Active listening and emotional intimacy make for good relationships. In all families, communication is relationship. In healthy families, that communication focuses on emotional intimacy, not on power. With emotional intimacy, you can use your earned authority to execute effective, and appropriate power. Communicate, both verbally and nonverbally, with your child. Be congruent with what you say and do. Use active listening to "get" your child. Be on the same page with your child.

Hi, this is Teachable Moments. I'm Dr. John Robinson. I have a news flash for you. You cannot, not communicate. In my book, Teachable Moments, Building Blocks of Christian Parenting, Chapter 1 is titled, Communication is Relationship. A corollary to this statement is my belief that you cannot not not communicate. Children, teens, parents, families are always communicating with each other. If not verbally, then non-verbally. Mike's dad asked him to help him wash the car. He was gaming on his bed in his early in the afternoon on a beautiful day. Mike looked up from his game toward his father, but with only a blank stare. Was he responding to his father's direct request? You betcha. His nonverbal communication either said, I didn't hear you or I don't want to hear you. His hope,

I'm sure, was that Dad would just go away. Bethany's mom was talking on the phone to one of her friends when she toddled over to the kitchen counter and began tugging on her mama's pant leg. Mom shook her leg free and turned in her chair as she continued on her phone call. Were mom and daughter communicating? Oh yeah. However unhelpful their non-verbals were to each other. Bethany was saying with her tug, Mama, I need some attention. Mom's response was, Go away, leave me alone. Can't you see that I'm on the phone? My conversation with my friend is more important than you are right now. When your child's nonverbal communication is vague, indirect, or confusing, help them with a prompt. Like, sweetheart, I'm confused. Can you use your

words? If the behavior is intense or suggests distress, it will trigger your emotional fever alarm and you will use your active listening skills. Wow, you really slammed that book. Are you frustrated? Once her feelings are acknowledged, she will be more receptive to your correcting her behavior. We are always communicating whether it's verbal or nonverbal or even both. Teachable moments come from tuning in, decoding, and understanding the underlying feelings. I'm Dr. John Robinson, licensed clinical psychologist and Christian parenting author, and this has been Teachable Moments. Teachable Moments, Building Blocks of Christian Parenting is available online at AmazonBooks.com and in local and national bookstores.

More on Dr. Robinson at TMC-P-I-N-C.com.