Being there for your kids - Budget Needs First, then Wants

Episode Date: April 19, 2020

Many of us, sadly, tend to live beyond our means. That's a problem for two reasons. First, it's an easy way to find trouble. Second, it's a poor role model for your children. If you start keeping a budget early in your marriage, then when kids come along, it's easier to keep the budget going. Kids learn to manage their money as well. To avoid living beyond your means, budget your needs first. Then, and only then, factor in your wants with the money left over. If you are living hand to mouth, practice saving, scrimping, and planning ahead. Where you come up short and wants are out the window, use a family meeting to let the kids know the circumstances, active listen their frustrations to lower their emotional fever, and then brainstorm options for living within your means.

Hi, I'm Dr. John Robinson, and this is Teachable Moments. Let's talk about family budgets. Okay, who has so much money that you just don't know what to do with it? What? No one? Okay, a few. But they're probably lying. In today's world, most, should I dare say all, parents tend to spend just shy of their income. Got a lot, spend a lot. Got little, do the best you can. Also, nowadays, most families don't use an actual written-down spreadsheet family budget. If you have a budget, or at least some sense of income and outflow, as a rule of thumb, budget first for needs. The wants get filled in from what's left over. When Maggie and I were first married, I had a little red spiral budget book that my accountant dad had given me. We logged in income, very little, and every expense.

I remember putting down 10 cents for a public phone call. Yeah, I'm that old. We also agree that if either one of us wanted to buy something, we had to talk to each other before we bought it, if the item cost more than $25. Over the 50 years that we've now been married, I think that trigger line has moved to over $500. Derek Michael was hunched over the checkbook at his desk in his study at home.

What you doing, sweetheart? His wife Crystal called in. Oh, nothing, Derek sighed, just trying to make these numbers work. Crystal ambled over to his chair and began rubbing his shoulders. Are they working? She peered over his shoulders to the checkbook.

Not really, he concluded. with the unexpected repair bills on the roof, I just don't see how we can send the kids to their summer camps. Oh, sweetie, Crystal blurted out in dismay. We have to send the kids to camp this summer. They so enjoy themselves, and we need the break as well. Can't we work it out somehow? Maybe put off the roofing bill?

The Michaels continued their discussion for a while, finding no mutually agreeable solution to their dilemma. Because income barely exceeded expenses, they had no savings to amount to. They hadn't put the summer camp expense, in their annual budget. Can you find yourselves in the Michael's predicament? We are often bombarded from our kids with police. Can we? Can we? We have to. Well-intentioned parents can let their bad parent fears take over leading to their giving in to their kids wants. The key here is to separate the parties,

have preventive agreements between the parents ahead of time, and make money decisions based on budget, not on emotional pleas. Promiseing your kids things that may not happen for yet unknown reasons. When you have made a hard decision, call a family meeting and tell your kids together supporting one another in the outcome. This will help you avoid being played against each other by the kids. When compiling household budgets, not only are you focusing on needs first, you are also modeling behavior that you want your kids to eventually adopt. What do we have to have to live day to day? What do we want to have to enjoy life? have fun and relax. The want-toes sound pretty compelling. If you don't have enough for both

half-toes and want-toes, be sure to cover the half-toes your needs first. In these COVID-19 pandemic shelter-in-place times, staycations may well be the norm over vacations this summer. Rather than join your kids in a grump fest, use a family meeting to brainstorm how you can enjoy your staycation the most. Active listen to your kids' feelings to help them lower their emotional fevers and then let them take the lead in brainstorming options. Budget for needs, then for once. Create fun family times and also stay within your budget. Lots of teachable moments in those times. I'm Dr. Jonathan C. Robinson, licensed clinical psychologist and Christian author of Teachable Moments Building Blocks of Christian Parenting, and this has been Teachable Moments.

Teachable Moments, Building Blocks of Christian Parenting is available online at AmazonBooks.com and in local and national bookstores. More on Dr. Robinson at TMC-P-I-N-C.com.