Being there for your kids - Building Character by Saying No

Episode Date: July 25, 2019

No parent likes saying no to their child, but it comes with the job. Effective, healthy parenting includes strategically saying no to your child. If you always said yes, your child would end up with a sense of entitlement. That is, believing that she can have and do what ever she wants, and with no consequences. Wow! That would be a disaster waiting to happen. So, stick to your guns. Set healthy boundaries, When you get blow-back, active listen your child's feelings. When she settles down, explain your rationale if you want to. Then help her implement your decision and take responsibility for her part. In this fashion, your saying no to her is part of her building healthy, responsible character and a very teachable moment.

Hi, I'm Dr. John Robinson, and this is Teachable Moments. I have a question for you. Can you say no and mean it? Sixty-year-old Heather rushes into the kitchen one morning, harried and out of breath. Mama, can you please stop and iron my blouse? I want to wear this super cute outfit today, but I'm running out of time.

Until recently, Mom would have stopped fixing breakfast, taken the blouse from Heather, and then rushed to accommodate her frazzled daughter. Uh, why? several rationales come to mind. Let's see. It's what mothers do. I have to help her get out the door and get to school. I do a better job of ironing than she does. She'll get upset at me if I don't do it. Breakfast can be a little late today. I can make time. The list goes on. Here's the deal. None of these excuses have any merit. Being a nice and accommodating parent does not always translate into being a good parent. In fact, such a accommodation can lead to Heather's feeling entitled. That is, she might think I can do what I want without any consequences. So, instead of, sure, honey, let me get that for you, mom sighs, takes a breath and replies, you know what, Heather, that's not going to work for me right now. I'm in the

middle of putting breakfast on the table. How about you take the time yourself or maybe pick up another outfit for today? Then you can iron what you need tonight for you to wear tomorrow without any rush. Wow, can we do that as parents? In fact, yes. Actually, setting healthy boundaries for our children is an essential part of parenting. When you set boundaries, you convey self-respect, responsibility, value, and worth to your children. You also give them opportunity to take responsibility for themselves, accommodate, learn that actions have consequences, and plan ahead. So, yes, you can say no and mean it. It's free for you as a parent and is role modeling a critical quality of healthy relationships for your child. Setting healthy boundaries, active listening, they're upset and disappointment, and then helping your

child adjust accordingly is a great teachable moment for all. I'm Dr. Jonathan C. Robinson, licensed clinical psychologist and Christian author of the book Teachable Moments, Building Blocks of Christian Parenting, and this has been Teachable Moments. Teachable Moments. Building blocks of Christian Parenting is available online at AmazonBooks.com and in local and national bookstores. More on Dr. Robinson at TMC-P-I-N-C.com.