Being there for your kids - Building Character--Who Will Your Child Become

Episode Date: March 8, 2020

As parents, our lifelong task is to help our children build character. Through good times and bad, how can we do that? Three functions contribute to this outcome. First use active listening to help convey that you understand what your child is going through. Second, consistently use the Good Kid Chart to give him target behaviors to work on and reward and consequence based on his efforts. Finally, use Restrictions That Work, a process of showing your Judgment, Compassion, and Grace based on how well he gets the impact of his actions on self and other. With your efforts to help him build good character, he will become a responsible, respected, empathetic, and compassionate adult.

Hi, I'm Dr. John Robinson, and this is Teachable Moments. Recently, I posted my top 10 tips for parenting success. Now I'm elaborating on each item on the list. Parenting tip number five is this. Building character and developing a growth rhythm sets the tone. When you think about it, being given the gift and blessing of parenting is both awesome and terrifying. Who, among parents of newborns, has not been overwhelmed by the daunting task facing them when they look through the newborn nursery at their brand new bundle of joy.

So many adventures to come. So many missteps to correct. So much wisdom to impart. So much folly to endure. It has been said, oh yeah, I said this in the intro to my book, Teachable Moments Building Blocks of Christian Parenting, that parenting is the toughest job any of us will ever have for which we have no training. Scripture in the Christian tradition gives us a hint about the relentless job of parenting.

In Proverbs 226, Solomon says, Train your child up in the ways of the Lord so that when they grow old, he will not depart from them. Essentially, training your child involves intentionally helping him build character. Just who will your child become as he grows up with your parenting? As you embed three functions into your daily parenting with your children, you will be promoting character development and developing a rhythm to their positive growth. First, whenever your child shows problems, respond with active listening.

Trying to understand and convey the feelings behind his behavior both shows respect for what he's going through and can lead to teachable moments which build character. Second, actively and consistently use the Good Kid Chart. You can find this in Appendix 4 of my book. This is a good source for behavior management. Target behaviors listed on the GKC are actually measures of helping your child build character. By definition, they are positive measures of how you want your child to behave. For example, no yelling is a negative counterpart to the more positive target behavior. Use your inside voice. Also,

use of the GKC gets your child involved in listing daily and weekly rewards as well as consequences. Such involvement helps him own the outcomes inducing character development. Finally, when you do have to exact consequences for their egregious behavior, use restrictions to at work. This is Appendix 8 in my book. For example, if your child loses use of his cell phone for a month, start with that restriction as your judgment, then monitor his compliance and the rhythm of his growth from this restriction. As he does well, use your compassion to reduce his restriction, and then your grace to give his cell phone back early because he did so well in handling his restriction. With this format, such restriction is better received and likely contributes to his

character development. From cradle to grave, consistently using these three functions in how you parent your child will greatly contribute to their positive character development and enhance their growth rhythm through both good times and bad. They may never actually say it, but your reward for your job well done will be a heartfelt thanks in who they become. I'm Dr. Jonathan C. Robinson, licensed clinical psychologist and Christian author of the book Teachable Moments Building Blocks of Christian Parenting, and this has been Teachable Moments. Teachable Moments, Building Blocks of Christian Parenting is available online at AmazonBooks.com and in local and national bookstores. More on Dr. Robinson at TMC-P-I-N-C.com.