Being there for your kids - Can you choose your child's friends?

Episode Date: August 12, 2019

         We all want our children to have friends. They are the source of fun, fellowship, and play. But can we choose our child's friends? The answer is yes, but at cost to your relationship with your child. Do you want to risk that? Rather than simply say no, use your active listening and wise counsel to help you child make good choices. Also, with younger children, their friends are usually the children of our friends. Further, putting them in places where you have confidence of good friendships, and where there is adult supervision, such as play groups, sports, and club activities, gives you influence without making the choice for him. Choosing your child's friends is a slippery slope, and your healthy parenting skills can keep you off that hill.

Hi, I'm Dr. John Robinson, and this is Teachable Moments. Let me ask you a question. Can you choose your child's friends? Robert came crashing through the kitchen door and ran to the family room where his mom was watching TV while folding laundry. Mama, can I go with Adam to the skateboard park? A bunch of us are meeting up there. Doty stopped her folding, paused, and said, nope. What? Why not? We won't be gone long. Adam's mom can take us. Please, he begged. Robert, I don't like Adam. And his mom has a sketchy past before she was married.

Find someone else to play with. Oh, man, you never let me do anything, Robert groused. Before turning on his heel and slamming the door as he stomped outside. Good parenting is about making good choices. Jody's choice was hers to make, but was it a good one? An informed one? Likely not. Had she met Adam?

Had she talked with his mom recently? Robert was basically a good kid. Good grades, no outstanding warrants, thank goodness. She then could have guided Adam through rational decision-making, where he might change his behavior or at least be more informed about the request he was making. Jody's not liking Adam at all is really not a part of the equation. Friendships are a human right, not a parental right. Choosing your child's friends can lead to emotional distance from your child and subterfuge,

where he ends up going behind your back. helping your child make wise decisions and then being there to catch him if and when he falls is effective parenting. My daughter had such a friendship dilemma when she was a teen. After our talking through her needs and feelings about this girl, I told her that she could have a positive influence over her friend, but the friend could have a negative influence over her. Rachel tested the waters, but the friendship was short-lived. Can you choose your child's friends? No, not without risk to your relationship with your child.

You can influence his choices by active listening and giving him wise counsel. The end result is a teachable moment from which you both benefit. I'm Dr. Jonathan C. Robinson, licensed clinical psychologist and Christian author of Teachable Moments, Building Blocks of Christian Parenting. And this has been Teachable Moments. Teachable Moments, Building Blocks of Christian Parenting is available online at Amazonbooks.com and in local and national bookstores. More on Dr. Robinson at TMC.

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