Being there for your kids - Children will test the limits!

Episode Date: September 17, 2018

It's not a maybe. It's not just bad kids. It's an imperative. All children will test the limits every chance they get. Why? to be sure the limit is in place. When children are in charge, that is, when there are no limits on their behavior, the result is excessive fear and anxiety. Do you want your child calm and collected? Give them limits on their behavior.

This is Teachable Moments. I'm Dr. John Robinson. You know what? Children will always test the limits. Yep, that's an absolute. Much as I loathe the absolutes, this one sticks. Why? Because testing the limits is a developmental imperative. It's part of creating an individual identity. Does it always go well with the child? Not so much. Especially with youngsters, children will test the limits to be sure that they're there. Without the capacity for abstract thinking, which the brain doesn't develop until around age 12, children are left with the With concrete yes, no, do, don't. This is comforting to youngsters. Testing their limits is preferable to being in charge. When there are no or porous limits for children, the ambiguity leaves them feeling very anxious and fearful. They don't know how to be in charge, so it's scary and worrying.

Because children are concrete thinkers, the best way to give your child assurance that you are in charge is to make it concrete. Plan ahead. Be a listmaker. Have family meetings to develop chore lists and house rules. Kids can participate in these events as they are growth enhancing, but they're not in charge. As their lives are structured, consistent, and secure, their fears and worries diminish. A firm and concrete foundation for the family helps kids have more fun playing and more opportunities to grow into their individuality with confidence.

I'm Dr. John Robinson, licensed clinical psychologist and Christian parenting author, and this has been Teachable Moments. Teachable Moments, Building Blocks of Christian Parenting, is available. online at amazon books.com and in local and national bookstores more on dr robinson at t m c pinc dot com