Being there for your kids - Choose Natural Consequence

Episode Date: May 20, 2019

The prize vase is broken. Could the accident have been avoided? Probably. Was the vase broken on purpose? Probably not. Does your son need to learn the lesson to be more careful? Absolutely. Now, your job as parent is to construct circumstances where that lesson will be learned and appreciated. If you choose punishment as your lesson-learning tool, your child may become more careful, but out of fear of further beatings. If you choose natural consequence as your lesson-learning tool, your child will also become more careful, but out of love and healthy relationship, understanding the cost and impact of his not being careful. Use active listening to calm his emotional fever around the accident. Then ask questions that will prompt his thinking about what he needs to do to make things right again. When in doubt, always choose natural consequence over punishment.

Hi, I'm Dr. John Robinson, and this is Teachable Moments. Here's a question for you. Is natural consequence better than punishment? Mr. Adams heard a crash in the next room and got up to investigate. As he got to the door, he caught a look from his 10-year-old son, Alex. Boy, what did you do? He bellowed. It was an accident. I was going to watch TV and just touched it for a second as I came around the couch, Papa. His dad began to take his belt out of the loops in his pants, steam seemingly swirling from his ears. Alex began to back away and he started to cry, Papa, it was an accident. All accidents are preventable, son. You weren't careful. Alex got to the door to the backyard and paused. He looked back at his angry dad approaching him. Don't you run from me, boy.

You'll just get more licks if you do. Take your punishment and learn your lesson. Be more careful. Alex thought a moment and retreated back into the room, resigned to the licking. I hope that is not a scene from the story unfolding in your house. Alex's dad chose to parent by fear and power under the guise of teaching his son a lesson in being more careful. Who benefited from this

punishment? Not Alex. Oh, Alex may have chosen to be more careful in the future to avoid another beating, but that's not a teach in one moment. That's survival. A mindful parent whose focuses on relationship as well as accountability would have handled the situation differently. Mr. Adams heard a crash in the next room and got up to investigate. He found his son Alex standing over a broken vase on the floor. What happened, son? It was an accident. Dad, you didn't mean to knock the vase off the table? No, of course not. Okay, what needs to be done now? Dad then got a dust mop and broom from the closet and handed them to Alex. As Alex cleaned up the mess, Dad noted that the vase needed to be replaced and asked how that was going to happen.

He also noted that the vase was his mom's favorite in that it came from grandma's home and matched the room's decor so well. Alex and his dad agreed to dig into Alex's savings account and dad would take him to the store to find a replacement vase. When Mom got home that evening, Alex agreed to explain to her what happened, present her with the replacement vase, and apologize for his carelessness. That series of natural consequences not only captures a teachable moment between Dad and his Alex, it's also way better than punishment. I'm Dr. Jonathan C. Robinson, licensed clinical psychologist and Christian author, and this has been Teachable Moments. Teachable Moments, Building Blocks of Christian Parenting, is available online at AmazonBooks.com and in local and national. bookstores more on dr robinson at t m c pinc dot com