Being there for your kids - Christmas Questions

Episode Date: October 6, 2021

The holidays are coming up and listeners have lots of questions on their mind. Here are two holiday favorites. The first listener asks how to address her teen's thoughtful question about how Christmas came to be celebrated in December when that wasn't Jesus' birth month. I encourage the mother/son dialogue and offer some research. In the second letter, mom is frustrated with her tantrum-throwing 5 year old. Remember the rule, children will always test the limits. They test them to be sure they are there. I encourage mom to active listen her son's frustrations, set healthy boundaries, and mutually problem solve with him after his emotional fever has gone down.

I'm Dr. John Robinson, and this is Teachable Moments. I have a few more letters for you today. Here's the first one. Dear Dr. Robinson, my teenage son is fast maturing and, as all teens do, challenging convention. Recently, he asked me why we celebrate Christmas in the dead of winter since the best estimates placed Jesus' birth in early spring. He long ago challenged the existence of Santa Claus. He, of course, wants to hang with all his friends, but he also indulges us by accepting family time and traditions. What can I tell him about the timing of Christmas? Signed, Puzzled. Dear Puzzled,

you have a great son there. He sounds thoughtful, mature, considerate, and inquisitive, as well as challenging. If you aren't getting a whiff of an emotional fever, no need to active listen his queries. However, I encourage you to be prepared with a thoughtful discussion. You may start with, wow, you ask some great questions. Who are you? And what have you done with my son? L.O.L. Seriously, me do some research and get back with you. Later, with research in hand, plan a time to sit down and discuss what you know with him, beginning of course with, I have some thoughts about your questions. Can I share them with you? Remember, getting permission from your child and teen always sets the tone for them to be accepting and attentive. What I know about Christmas holiday is that the

time was actually a pagan winter holiday for which Christians gave new meaning. The date gave a wider attention to sharing the gospel, even if it may factually be inaccurate as to the chronological birth of our Savior. Then Santa came out of Norway as St. Nicholas, adding the joys of blessing and sharing and relationship to our Christian message. I pray that your son continues to foster blessing, sharing, and relationship in your family year-round with such thought-provoking questions. I hope you know that you are now puzzled no more. Blessings, Dr. John. Here's another one. Dear Dr. Robinson. So, Joey, my five-year-old, is really a handful. Always on the go. Once what he wants. God's grace is helping me keep it together, raising our son. He is so excited about Christmas this year that he wants to stay up, meet Santa, and start opening presents right away after giving Santa's milk and cookies.

When I try to tell him his plans are not possible, he ramps up and throws a fit. Help! Signed, exasperated. Do E. Okay. Deep breaths. You got. this. My first question is, who's in charge? In chapter three of my book, Teachable Moments, building blocks of Christian parenting, I note that children will always test the limits. Why? They want assurance that those limits are there. When a child has no limits, he becomes anxious and fearful, hence always on the go and wanting what he wants. Start with using active listening to help Joey understand his feelings behind his demands, telling him that it's not possible before his emotional fever is gone, is giving him an opinion and solution he's not ready to hear.

This will only ramp him up all the more. When his emotional fever is down because of your active listening, then you can offer solutions with his permission. If he seems to ramp up again, despite your best efforts, consider letting him try to stay up and wait for Santa. Give him a nice pallet by the fireplace, settle him in, make sure he knows that all the rest of you will be fast asleep. after Joey falls asleep, bring the Santa presents in, drink half the milk and take a bite out of the cookies, and then go back to bed.

When morning comes and Joey wakes up, active listen to his disappointment first, but quickly reinforce his attention on the presents and Christmas morning activities. My prayers are for you folks and your strong-willed child. Let me know how it goes. Blessings, Dr. John. If these letters stir questions of your own, contact me through my website at www. Therefor my kids to or email me at John Robinson 0.0 at Bellsouth.net. I'm Dr. Jonathan C. Robinson, licensed clinical psychologist and author of Teachable Moments, Building Blocks of Christian Parenting. And this has been Teachable Moments. Teachable Moments, Building Blocks of Christian Parenting, is available online at AmazonBooks.com and in local and national bookstores. More on Dr. Robinson at T-C-P-I-N-C.com.