Being there for your kids - Cognitive Reframe: Turning Something Bad into Something Good

Episode Date: November 18, 2018

You know what? Stuff happens. The question is, what do you do with that stuff? When something bad happens, turn it into something good. The tool for that magic is cognitive reframe. When things aren't working well for your child, that's indication that he has an emotional fever. What to do to help? Use your active listening. When their fever is down, they will be better able to tackle their problem. Offer help if you can, but only with their permission and after their emotional fever subsides. That's when they will be able to listen well. When they succeed in overcoming their problem, heap praises on them for sticking to it and getting through it. Use cognitive reframing to provide them with a teachable moment. See what you can do when you stick your mind to it?

Hi, I'm Dr. John Robinson, and this is Teachable Moments. Cognitive reframe, anyone? So, fancy words for a very simple tool that needs to be in every parent's parenting toolbox. You use a cognitive reframe when you take something negative that your child says or does and flip it to draw a positive outcome from it. 15-year-old Adam takes a pillow off his bed, holds it up to his face, and lets out a muffled scream into it. Mom comes charging into his room. Adam, are you okay?

leave me alone mom he replies as he falls onto his bed and turns away from her mom moves to his side sits down next to him begins rubbing his back pre-algebra kicking your butt again she asks i don't get it and i never will adam grumbles he sits up facing his mom and continues just leave just give me the f now and be done with it mom gathers her son in her arms oh baby i'm so sorry it's going bad for you just now come sit at your desk and show me what you're stuck on. After a big, dragged out sigh, Adam joins his mom at his study desk. This could be every parent's journey with their child. Thankfully, Mom did not dismiss Adam's words and actions or scold him. Rather, she used both verbal and nonverbal active listening to help him lower his emotional

fever. After he was calmer, she offered help. With her help, Adam had a clearer path to pre-algebra success. After the crisis, Mom could then offer a cognitive refrain. I guess, some of the same, you needed to blow off steam and clear your head so you could think through that math problem. Nobody got hurt. You calmed yourself down. You got the job done. Way to go. I'm proud of you.

Another thing, you know, you can ask Mr. Stevens questions when you don't get his explanation in the class material. In the Old Testament, when Joseph confronted his brothers after they had tried to kill him, he commented that what Satan intends to evil, God can turn to good. Think about that. How can you make a problem into a blessing? Yeah, well, Adam added, Mr. Stevens is pretty satanic. They both laughed. I guess I'll get this stuff eventually. When you can restate the problem as part of the solution, you're using a cognitive reframe and creating a valuable teachable moment for your child. I'm Dr. John Robinson, licensed clinical psychologist and Christian author, and this has been Teachable Moments.

Teachable Moments, Building Blocks of Christian Parenting, is available online at Amazon Book. and in local and national bookstores. More on Dr. Robinson at TMC-P-I-N-C.com.