Being there for your kids - Compassion Anybody?

Episode Date: June 10, 2023

As parents, we all are hard-wired to fix things, problem-solve, kiss the boo-boo. That is sufficient most of the time. But what about when your child is in an emotional meltdown? That's when he needs your compassion. Help him to weather the emotional storm before trying to make things better. This way, you give him the tools to right his own ship when he's grown and you're not always there anymore. Check this out. Blessings, Jon

Hi, I'm Dr. John Robinson, and this is Teachable Moments. I have a question for you today. Compassion, anybody? Most homes and families are very functional. Who does what, where, and when. Very organized families even have a large, dry-race monthly calendar. Anytime any family member has something going on, it goes in the box for that date on the calendar. Parents divvy up, carpool, play date, and recreational activities while coming together for school performances, homework help, and the like.

All very functional and necessary. But what about the other times when things aren't going smoothly? Six-year-old Joey was supposed to be doing his homework, copying manuscript letters, 20 times each, on lined paper with his pencil. This is stupid. I hate this. Why is my teacher being so mean, he yelled as he crumpled up his homework paper and then stabbed it with his pencil? 12-year-old Jasmine is in a growth sport and has grown out of some of her favorite outfits.

Ugh, she growled. I'm so fat. No wonder nobody likes me. She tore through her closet, ripping off the hangers all of her fat clothes and crying as she threw them in a pile in the middle of her bedroom. Sixteen-year-old chipper struck out at the plate. He threw his baseball bat so hard it bounced into the stands, almost decapitating a toddler. Normally an All-Star, Chipper found himself in a proverbial slump. I quit.

I'm never playing this stupid game again, he avowed, as he stomped his way back to the dugout. These children are off the rails. As the parent or coach, you have a choice to make. Do you rail against it, the child? Maybe even threatening that child to get themselves together or else? That would be expedient, but not compassionate. Do you straighten out Joey's crumpled paper, pick up Jasmine's discarded clothes, and then ask her to help with making supper?

That might help you feel better, but it's not compassionate. Do you slip a water bottle through the fence to chipper and tell him, you'll get him next time, slugger? That may be well-intentioned, but again, not compassionate. Compassion is your go-to when things are not going smoothly. Compassion puts the child's feelings first, putting all else on hold until your child is through the emotional storm. It's more than empathy, that is, feeling for your child,

It's more than active listening where you feed back to them what you think he's feeling. Compassion is both what you say and do with your child in the moment. It's also what you don't say and do. Parents are hardwired to fix their children, minimize the intensity of affect, be critical or corrective of what they are doing. Whoa. Remember, while it's inconvenient, inappropriate, or just plain silly, your child's meltdown is not about you. Go to and be with your child. them, help them back in control in their way and in their time. Listen with all your heart. Try to creatively convey what you think they're feeling, hold and comfort them if they'll let you. When the

storm has passed, it is only then that you can help them correct the situation. Sweetheart, I'm so sorry that you're going through all of this. Now that you've calmed down, can we work on ways to avoid a blow out like this in the future? I've got some ideas. Can I share them with you? If you get their permission, go for it. If not, respect their timing, but follow up when they seem calmer. I'm here when you're ready for me. There's an old Chinese proverb that says, if you give a man a fish, you feed him for a day. If you teach them how to fish, you feed them for a lifetime. As parents, we are all about teaching our children how to fish. How can we help our children look at even the most egregious emotional meltdown and see it as a blessing in disguise? That's compassion.

comments stir questions of your own, contact me through my website at www. www. thereformykids.com or email me at John Robinson 0.0.BelSouth.net. I'm Dr. Jonathan C. Robinson, licensed clinical psychologist, and author of Teachable Moments, building blocks of Christian parenting. And this has been Teachable Moments. Teachable Moments, building blocks of Christian parenting is available online at AmazonBooks.com and in local and national bookstores. More on Dr. Robinson at TMC-P-I-N-C.com.