Being there for your kids - Does Kindness Live in Your Home?

Episode Date: June 29, 2023

You don't have to, but you want to. Nobody told you to. You came up with it all by yourself. This is the origin of being kind. Isn't is strange that we may give up our seat on public transit for an elderly or handicapped person, but we're not typically kind to those we love? Check out these comments to find three encouragements for becoming kinder in your family.  

Hi, I'm Dr. John Robinson, and this is Teachable Moments. I have a challenge for you. How about showing a little kindness in your home? So what's the overall character of your home? Is it a way station for weary travelers where family gathers after hard days, work, play, or school? Do each of you have your own room and your own things? Leave me alone? Do you have personal force fields, television, iPad, gaming controls that others have to. penetrate before getting to interact with you. If any of these questions represent the character of your home, guess what? Kindness does not live there. Kindness is a quality of social interaction that can be an intentional part of any relationship. It's doing for someone else without being directed or asked. It's being with someone because you cherish that time together. For parents, it fills your interaction with your child with teachable moments of direction, instruction, encouragement, and cheerleading. It eases drama, makes conflict more manageable, and takes all into account where family planning

activities are concerned. How about inviting kindness into your home and your family? Twelve-year-old Travis got home from school early. After retrieving a plate of fresh-baked chocolate chip cookies from the kitchen, he plopped in front of the television and got lost in the music video he found. He glanced out the window to see his ten-year-old sister, Heather, getting off the school bus and coming into the house. Instinctively, Travis pulled the plate of cookies closer to him. Hey, weirdo, suck, he muttered through a mouthful of cookie. Yummy, Heather eyed the cookies. Can I have one? She reached for the cookie on the plate. Travis pulled the plate closer to him and protested, hey, get your own. Travis, you have eight

cookies here. I just want one. Come on, please. Travis pulled the plate even closer. Nope, I I don't want you to spoil your appetite. Mom's bringing dinner home when she gets off work, and that'll only be in two hours, he smirked. Do you always have to be such a jerk? Heather muttered as she turned to dump her book bag in her room. Any kindness in this exchange? Not in the least.

In fact, it rather typifies the cruelty some siblings endure at home in their growing up years. There are three axioms that I want to share with you to encourage more kindness in your home. First, parents pay for their raisin. That is, our go-to, reflexive parenting tactic, is a duplicate of what was used by our parents on us when we were growing up. Sometimes that's a blessing, sometimes a curse. Talk with your spouse about your early days and identify the behavior of your parents that you want to keep, and also that which you want to scrap. Second, you can draw more flies with honey than with vinegar. Praise wins over criticism.

When helping your child to grow in quality. character, use the Oreo effect. Just like the cookie, start with a positive comment, followed by the correction or criticism, and then finish with another positive comment. Your child then makes the necessary changes within the context of praise and encouragement. Finally, what you pay attention to grows. Your children will not practice kindness unless they see it from you, both to your spouse and to them. Pay attention to the good stuff and it grows. Pay attention to the bad stuff, and sadly it grows. Our children are the emotional barometer for their parents' feelings.

They know and express what you are feeling before you even feel it. Bad stuff as well as good stuff. So show them the good stuff. Be kind to them. Find something to compliment your child on every day. Show appreciation when they are themselves kind either to you, but especially when they are kind to their siblings. Correct them when you need to, but seek context.

After stopping the behavior, say something like, Whoa, Travis, this isn't like you. What else is going on here? Acting out is a product of their stuff. Through active listening and full attention, address the stuff so that your child feels heard and the acting out will subside. Make time for family activities and even identify an electronics free zone at home, such as meal time together with everybody's devices turned off. Be kind and you will provide the soil from which kindness grows. If these comments stir questions of your own, contact me through my website at www. ThereformyKids.com or email me at John Robinson 0.0 at bell-south.net. I'm Dr. Jonathan C. Robinson, licensed clinical psychologist, and Christian

author of Teachable Moments Building Blocks of Christian Parenting. This has been Teachable Teachable Moments, Building Blocks of Christian Parenting, is available online at AmazonBooks.com and in local and national bookstores. More on Dr. Robinson at TMC-P-I-N-C.com.