Being there for your kids - Don't Forget to Flip It

Episode Date: March 27, 2019

As parents, it is part of our job to direct our kids and, as needed, to confront them. Neither of these go well with yelling and frustration. If you power up, so will your child. A way to avoid such power struggle is to use active listening after directing or confronting. If your child stalls or refuses your direction, assume that there is a reason. Using active listening will help you understand where her bluster came from. The bluster is actually evidence of an emotional fever, because it's not usually like her. Active listening is your go-to when you see her emotional fever. Once her fever is calmed, you can go back to your direction or confrontation, but without the power struggle

Hi, this is Teachable Moments. I'm Dr. John Robinson. My caution today is, don't forget to flip it. Soon we'll be coming up on barbecue season, for me anyway. Although I have seen people barbecue in the snow. When grilling a burger, it's easy to burn and it won't be well cooked if you don't flip it on the grill. Flipping a burger, even several times, and adding seasoning, gives it opportunity to cook just right. I can see it on the grill and imagine its savory taste even right now. Similarly, while training your children up in the ways of the Lord so that when they grow old, he will not depart from them, and those are our marching orders from Proverbs 226. Don't forget to flip your comments back and forth. Saturday morning is cleaning time in the Bower household. Jason is buried in his iPad, lost in a gaming battle. As she opens his bedroom

door, Mom calls out, son, put the gaming up, let's get your room straight. Yeah, yeah, okay, in a minute, Jason muffles a reply. Here, Mom has a choice. She can choose power. She walks to his bedside, grabs the iPad out of his hands, clicks it off and orders, I said now, young man, Jason will nut up, mouth off, and reluctantly comply. Mom could also choose, however, relationship. Confront. Okay, son, what part of let's go did you not understand? Jason would test the limits.

I said, okay, mom, in a minute. Here is where her mom notices her son's emotional fever, and she uses her active listening. Wow, Jason, you're really locked in on that game right now. This acknowledgement lowers Jason's emotional fever to where he's more receptive. Yeah, I haven't gotten this far in the game before. They're excited to be winning, Mom observes. Having flipped to active listening to engage your son in the relationship,

mom can then make a suggestion. Tell you what, take a moment to pause the action so you can pick up right where you left off after we tackle your room. Make the direction. Flip to active listening however many times it takes to see your child's emotional fever come down. Then return to a revised direction. You retain your authority, ditch the power, and build the relationship. Don't forget to flip it.

I'm Dr. John Robinson, licensed clinical psychologist and Christian parenting author, and this has been Teachable Moments. Teachable Moments, building blocks of Christian parenting, is available online at AmazonBooks.com and in local and national bookstores. More on Dr. Robinson at TMC-P-I-N-C.com.