Being there for your kids - Don't Let Anger Geth the Best of You

Episode Date: June 6, 2026

Did you know? While anger is probably the single most prevalent negative feeling, it is ALWAYS a secondary feeling. We can rant and bluster with the best of them, only to cover up what we are really feeling. The primary feelings are morel vulnerable and private. Yet, when they see the light of day, sharing these primary feelings can greatly increase emotional intimacy. In my new book, The Healing Journey: Overcoming Adversity on the Path to the Good Life, follow Bethany and Jake's discovery of emotional intimacy in their marital therapy. When attacked with anger, the journey starts with your response, "Wow! This isn't like you. What else is going on here? Buy your copy of The Healing Journey at amazonbooks.com. Follow this link: https://www.amazon.com/Healing-Journey.../dp/B0CY9PQXMZ Blessings, Dr. Jon

Hi, I'm Dr. John Robinson, and this is Teachable Moments. Angry? What else are you feeling? Well, we all get angry. It's probably the most universal, negative feeling we have. But you know what? Anger is always a secondary feeling. It hides the primary feeling in a situation that makes us feel more vulnerable. The only primary feeling that has anger in it is righteous indignation. When something happens that affects you, and it's just not right. All other anger is second.

to another more vulnerable feeling. For example, my wife and I just completed a historic road trip. The mileage was 2,400 miles round trip. We laughed later about how it was the second most dangerous, potentially debilitating event in our marriage. We survived this monster road trip, and in the second year of our marriage, we also spent eight hours together in a small bathroom hanging wallpaper. Now that's real fortitude. During these and other events in our lives, my temper has flared.

Of course, Maggie's innocent, L.O.L. When I go off the rails and then eventually calm down, Maggie will gently ask, John, this isn't like you. What else is going on? That question opens up a lot of baggage, but sets the stage for healing. She wants my primary feelings, the vulnerable stuff hidden behind the anger.

With her tender response to my rage, I am totally diffused. I tell her, I'm really scared. right now, or I don't know what to do, or I feel incompetent. Most people can ring up the usual feelings, the mad, glad, sad, and bad feelings. When I share with patients, I pull out a cheat sheet of over 100 feeling words and ask them to expand their feeling vocabulary if they really want their spouse to know what they're feeling. Bethany and Jake were in my office for their fourth session of marital therapy. During our last session, we explored anger issues in the marriage.

how they could get through them and back on track. So, how did your most recent blow-up turn out? Everybody's still in one piece? I got to the point with a bit of side humor. Bethany began, I got to tell you, Doc, there's magic words that got us into stuff I didn't even know existed. How so? Jake added, you know that what else is going on here? Question.

I was in mid-rant about, I don't even remember what. Bethany took a deep breath in front of me and put her hands on my shoulders. She told me to take a breath with her and calm down. I did so. Bethany picked it up. I told Jake that his rant wasn't like him, even though it used to always be like him. Then I asked quietly, what else is going on? I don't know what came over me, like a dam bursting.

I took a deep breath and started sobbing. I had never done anything like that before. Bethany added, he told me about the kids getting older, having an empty nest in a few years, and feeling lost and unprepared. Wow. Anger is always a secondary feeling. What's behind it will amaze you. For more, check out my new book, The Healing Journey, Overcoming Adversity on the Path to the Good Life. You can buy your copy at amazonbooks.com. If my comments stir questions of your own, contact me through my website at www.org, thereformykids.com, or email me at John Robinson 0.0.Belseth.com. I'm Dr. Jonathan C. Robinson, licensed clinical psychologist, and author of Teachable Moments, Building Walks of Christian,

parenting and my new book, The Healing Journey, Overcoming Adversity on the Path to to the Good Life. Blessings, Dr. John. Teachable Moments, Building Blocks of Christian Parenting is available online at Amazonbooks.com and in local and national bookstores. More on Dr. Robinson at TMC-P-I-N-C.com.