Being there for your kids - Don't Take It Personally

Episode Date: March 14, 2026

Ya know, each of us has so much going on all at once that life can be overwhelming. Making sense out of it all can be really hard. Other people's words can be hurtful and explosive, especially if you don't know where they are coming from. Ya know what else, when you are stuck like this, don't take it personally. In my new book, The Healing Journey: Overcoming Adversity on the Path to the Good Life, I offer this as a rule for life. Finding out what else is going on opens the door to greater emotional intimacy. Buy your copy from amazonbooks.com at https://www.amazon.com/Healing-Journey.../dp/B0CY9PQXMZ. Blessings, Dr. Jon

Hi, I'm Dr. John Robinson, and this is Teachable Moments. Let me give you a rule for life. Don't take it personally. Do you ever find yourself in an argument before really knowing what's even going on? Healthy relationships are always about talking things out. Each of you has your own perspective and context. Words can be hurtful and explosive, especially if you don't know where they're coming from.

Words of the wise, don't take it personally. Jamie and Andrea had been married for five years. Their son, Jet, nicknamed because he's always on the go, had just turned three. He had just had his birthday party at home, and his folks both agreed that it had been a disaster, and they argued about who was to blame. Andrea started. We both planned this event. You even scheduled the clown for entertainment, and suddenly you have to go to work?

Really? Jamie sank down on his side of the sofa, saying nothing in response. It couldn't be helped. They just needed my input on a project. They needed your input. Andrew erupted. I'm corraling five wild boys, some of whom are terrified of the clown, and others are giggling and running around finding trouble.

That's when you decide your office needs your input? I got their attention and calmly asked each to take a breath. You are here because you want my input. We've got work to do. Getting them on the same side was step number one. Each was now focused on me. Let's first find context and perspective on what happened with Jets' birthday party. I directed them through mindful relaxation to help them focus on being present now in the moment.

Taking turns, they were able to each review the day's events. Okay, Andrea, let me give you some words that might just help Jamie come around. When Jamie is not emotionally where you need him to be, and he spouts off, try these words. I turned and looked directly at Jamie. Wow, Jamie, this isn't like you. What else is going on? Yeah, but Andrea paused to collect her thoughts. This is just like him. When things get complicated, he always bails on me. Agreed. I paused as well and looked back at Jamie.

He has his moments being a jerk, but it isn't how you want him to be. I let that sink in. When you lash back at him, you unwittingly reinforce his retreat from the circumstances. Asking him what else is going on here is you're challenging him to be present with you and focus on his feelings and the context. Advia agreed that she loves Jamie, even when he's being a jerk. But sometimes she doesn't like him. Jamie discovered what else was going on with him when he brought up painful childhood birthday parties, where none of his so-called friends showed up. To work through disagreements more quickly, don't take your partner's words or actions personally.

See them as signposts that something else is going on. Greater emotional intimacy heals a lot of wounds. In my new book, The Healing Journey, Overcoming Adversity on the Path of the Good Life, you can follow Jamie and Andrea's healing journey in more detail. Buy your copy at AmazonBooks.com. If my thoughts stir questions of your own, contact me through my website at www.org, therefor my kids.com, or email me at John Robinson 0.0.BelSouth.net. I'm Dr. Jonathan C. Robinson, licensed clinical psychologist,

and author of Teachable Moments Building Blocks of Christian Parenting, and my new book, The Healing Journey, Overcoming Adversity on the Path of the Good Life. Blessings, Dr. John. Teachable Moments, Building Blocks of Christian Parenting is available online at Amazonbooks.com and in local and national bookstores. More on Dr. Robinson at TMC-P-I-N-C.com.