Being there for your kids - Down Time, What A Blessing!

Episode Date: September 20, 2019

       It's true. Indispensability is a curse!! If you have to be the one to do the job and get it done right, then you are failing as a parent :(  Doing it yourself may be a short relief and save you time and steps, but it is a longer term problem. How will your kids learn sharing, helping, and personal responsibility if you are doing it all for them? If you are indispensable, then you are doing too much.  Also, you can't be your best self if you are always doing for others. Jesus called us to love one another as we love ourselves. That is, take care of your own needs and feelings before tending to others. It's like the direction that airline attendants give passengers before takeoff. In case of a problem and the air masks drop down in front of you, put your air supply on yourself first, so that you can better help others around you. Build self-care into your time management and include it in family planning and calendar events. Don't give up on yourself, caring for your family at your expense. Down time is a blessing to all of you.

Hi, I'm Dr. John Robinson, and this is Teachable Moments. Let's talk about renewing and refreshing yourself. You know, there is a common universal truth. It applies to all of us and double for parents. Here it is. Indispensibility is a curse. That's it. When you try to be all things to all people, especially to your children,

it is not only impossible. You are also depriving them of a learning opportunity to see how well they can stretch their capabilities. mom Derek hollered from the laundry room come here he demanded I can't do this he threw his school shirt back into the churning waters of the filling washing machine Allison heard the commotion way across the house as she was straightening up Emma's bedroom her five-year-old daughter played with her dollhouse close by Derek's mom sighed and whispered to herself what now she then scurried to the laundry room where Derek was near total meltdown Wanting to avoid an inevitable catastrophe, Allison gently tugged her son aside. Here, let me do that. Wow, I am worn out just writing this story.

Imagine what Allison is feeling. No one, not you, not me, certainly not Allison, can be all things to all people. You can't pour yourself out without refilling the well. Trying to be all things to all people is a quick trip to impulsive anger, high blood pressure, and an early grave. First things first. By doing for her children, Allison both overloads herself and deprives them of learning responsibility for themselves. Rather than doing his laundry for her teenager, Allison could have started with active listening to help him calm down. When he became able to listen, she would then ask his permission to show him what to do.

The lesson follows as Allison watches to be sure Derek gets it right. She then has opportunity to praise her son for a job well done. Second, even at five years old, how is Emma getting off the hook for her chores? With youngsters, explain your direction and help them get started. As she gets it, back away and let her do more of the straightening, followed by your praise both for her accepting responsibility for how her room looks and also for getting the job well done. For both children, to avoid the I forgot howls,

write down the steps in completing the chore and post it where the chore occurs, keeping a copy for yourself. Finally, what about mom? In Matthew 2239, Jesus calls us to love one another as you love yourself. I describe this as your source of self-care. If you give to others without making time for yourself, then your giving leads to conditional love. That is, I did this for you, now you owe me. If you give to others while making time for yourself, then you show agape or unconditional love.

I'm doing this because I want to. Have a nice day. Examples of renewing self-care include exercising, personal devotional time, journaling, taking coffee breaks between functional activities, and such. These self-care measures require you to set boundaries with your spouse and children, use family meetings to equitably divide household chores, and know that you are your best version of parent when you are the best version of yourself. Since indispensability is a curse,

the ability to lovingly say no to the mutual benefit of all family members, is the cure. Changing habits is always a struggle at first. Stick to your guns and share the load. What a fountain of great teachable moments for all of you. I'm Dr. Jonathan C. Robinson, licensed clinical psychologist and Christian author of Teachable Moments, Building Blocks of Christian Parenting. And this has been Teachable Moments. Teachable Moments, Building Blocks of Christian Parenting, is available online at Amazonbooks.com and in local and national bookstores. More on Dr. Robinson at Teachable. P-M-C-P-I-N-C dot com.