Being there for your kids - Effective Parenting is Both Listening & Confronting

Episode Date: April 22, 2019

For us involved parents, listening is the good stuff. We usually are on target. We get affirmation from our kids when the light goes on in their head. Listening sets the stage for getting permission to help them out. It's the confronting that "good guy" parents don't like doing. And yet, the two are linked, if you want to be an effective parent. If you only listen when things are going great with your child, or even when they have an emotional fever and you are helping them out, you run the risk of being a permissive parent. Permissive parents are high on self-esteem, but low on responsibility. Without confronting, when the situation calls for it, your kids can get a sense of entitlement, where they feel like they can do anything they want and with no consequences. Effective parenting is both listening and confronting.

Hi, I'm Dr. John Robinson, and this is Teachable Moments. You know, a coin has two sides, heads and tails. Neither is better than the other. They are just different. However, the coin could not be without both sides. The sides make the coin. Such is a parent's love for their child. My little Joey is such an angel when he's sleeping. Amanda sipped her coffee before continuing with her friend Rose. Don't get me long. I love my little boy so much, but whew, you know. Is he a handful sometimes? Rose commiserated with her friend. Sometimes I just have to jerk a nod at him, you know, give him consequences for his bad choices. I feel so guilty after he gives me those soulful puppy dog eyes when I put him in the corner. Rose chimed in, Amanda, don't beat yourself up. You're a great mom. You listen to Joey when he's upset and trying to get out of his punishment, but you also help him realize that he has made a bad choice, and there are consequences for his actions. I know, Amanda.

aside, but still, these moms love their children. They know that the parenting coin has two sides, both empathy and confrontation. With empathy, you teach your child that they have a right to their feelings, and you empower them to make good choices. With confrontation, you teach them that there are consequences to their choices that have impact both on them and on those around them. Both empathy and confrontation are required from us parents to prepare our children for their adult world. Many children today seem to suffer from false empowerment. That is, they have a sense of entitlement with feelings of impunity. I can do what I want with no consequences. Parents of these children tend to be permissive, wanting their children to have full and enriching experiences, with few or no

limits to their actions. Such permissive parenting can lead to selfishness, lack of empathy, insecurity, and potential bullying. In Chapter 3 of my book, Teachable Moments, Building Blocks of Christian Parenting, I offer that children will always test the limit. However, they do so to be sure that the limits are there. Being in charge is every child's worst nightmare, leading to fear and anxiety. For you, the parent, to be in charge, you need to flip a coin. Both empathy and confrontation, the two sides of your parenting coin, need to be used to help your child find their place in the world. I'm Dr. Jonathan C. Robinson, licensed clinical psychologist and Christian author, and this has been Teachable Moments.

Teachable Moments, Building Blocks of Christian. Christian Parenting is available online at AmazonBooks.com and in local and national bookstores. More on Dr. Robinson at TMC-P-I-N-C.com.