Being there for your kids - Embracing the New

Episode Date: October 30, 2024

Ya know? Getting unstuck is so hard to do because we are so used to being stuck. Ugh! Today I'm sharing with you my way of using mentalligent psychotherapy to help people make the shift from stuckness to healing. We are all used to the familiar, even when it is unhealthy. Embracing the new involves moving your mindset from the unhealthy, which is familiar to you, to the healthy, which is unfamiliar. With practice, then, the healthy becomes more familiar, your new normal. Check it out. If you are curious, get more from my new book, The Healing Journey: Overcoming Adversity on the Path to the Good Life. Blessings, Jon  

Hi, I'm Dr. John Robinson, and this is Teachable Moments. Let's talk about embracing the new. There's a saying that I frequently share with my patients who are stuck in a bad place. That is, we are all drawn to the familiar, even if it's unhealthy. After we identify the work on ourselves that we need to do and develop better coping strategies, then gradually we let go of the familiar that is unhealthy. Only then can we move toward the unfamiliar, which is healthy. and stay there long enough for it to become familiar.

As you begin your healing journey, embracing the new is exhausting and difficult, but worth it. Robert had started therapy with me to heal from anger issues. He had embraced the concept of man-intelligence and liked the metaphor of trading in downward spiraling into negativity and stuckness for upward spiraling and new beginnings. During his last therapy session with me, he told me how he was trying to be a better parent for his 10-year-old son, Robbie. So, Robbie came home the other day and looked really glum, he started. What was going on, I asked.

That's what I said to Robbie, he chuckled. I told him that he looked like he had something on his mind. What's going on? You wanted to active listen, help him talk out his feelings, and his day. Yep, it turns out he had forgotten about a history test, so he ended up cheating off his neighbor to get a better grade. Of course he got caught. Robert summed up with an air of disgust.

After taking a breath, Robert continued. In the past, I would have torn him up, berated him and sent him to his room without any of his electronics. That would have been very familiar for you, but also continuing to be very unhealthy, I said. And the result would have been Robbie resenting me more and learning nothing from his actions, he added. So I took a cleansing breath,

tried to stay in mine now, and asked if he was upset that he got caught or upset that he forgot about the test and had to go in unprepared. How did that go? Well, he was flustered and asked why I wasn't mad at him. I told him that I was trying to do things better. I just let him think. He then told me, I don't know. I guess both.

I told him that I was glad he got caught because the only thing a person learns from cheating is how to be a better cheater. I asked him what he thought would get him back in his teacher's good graces. He looked at me like I was nuts, so I gave him options. He chose going to the teacher with a heartfelt apology and a promise to never cheat again on a test. That's great, I marveled. Certainly a new beginning for both you and Robbie. Yeah, then I asked if he thought there might be any way he could at least dampen the impact of the F he got on the test for cheating. Again, he was flustered, so I gave him possible options.

He thought of cleaning the eraser boards in his teacher's classroom for the rest of the year. We critique that option together. I told him that if I were his teacher, I would probably agree to an option that had something to do with history and adding to his grade for the class. Robbie chose to offer a research paper on a history topic. We hugged for working it out together, and I offered to be a sounding board for his paper. Robert, I am so impressed, I bragged on him, totally out of the box for you in hanging in there with your son. truly could be a new beginning. I encouraged him to embrace the new,

even though the old will rear its ugly head occasionally. He's making a hard journey from familiar but unhealthy to unfamiliar but healthy. It will take a while for the unfamiliar to be healthy to truly become a new, healthy normal. If my comments stir questions of your own, contact me through my website at www.org ThereformyKids.com or email me at John Robinson 0.0.0. at Bellsouth.net. I'm Dr. Jonathan C. Robinson, licensed clinical psychologist, and author of Teachable Moments, Building Blocks of Christian Parenting, and my new book, The Healing, Journey, overcoming adversity on the path to the good life. And this has been Teachable Moments.

Teachable Moments, Building Blocks of Christian Parenting, is available online at AmazonBooks.com and in local and national bookstores. More on Dr. Robinson at TMC. p-in-c.com