Being there for your kids - Encourage a context for learning

Episode Date: June 21, 2020

Everything happens for a reason. If your child is not getting down to task as you directed, try to understand the context for his stalling. Such questions as, "What else is going on?" and, "Why now?" are good starters for conversation. Use your active listening to help him lower his emotional fever, and then help him problem solve before redirecting him to task. Understanding the context for his delay, and resolving his distraction, will clear the way for his focusing fully on the task at hand.

Hi, I'm Dr. John Robinson, and this is Teachable Moments. Recently, I posted my top 10 tips for homeschooling success, whether it's just helping with homework or being full-time homeschool teacher to your kids. Now I am elaborating on each item on the list. Parenting tip number seven is this. Contexts for learning. What else is going on? Why now?

Your child's completion of homework or even his homeschooling never occurs in a vacuum. There is a context for this learning. That context can either take away from his time and attention to task or promote it. Understanding the context for his task at hand is like helping him clear his desk to create the space for him to do his work. A cluttered desk is full of distractions and makes it hard to concentrate. A cluttered mind confounds productive focus of attention. Two questions address the clutter and clarify the focus. What else is going on here?

And why now? Angie had come to the door of her son's bedroom. to check on his progress with homework. She saw a 10-year-old Trey feverishly working the controls of his gaming system instead of doing his homework. Trey, she blurted out from his doorstep. Really? Trey startled for a moment before continuing his gaming as Angie entered his room. Okay, Mom, just a minute.

Trey conceded while his thumbs continued flying over the controls. Angie found the pause button on the system and pushed it. Hey, why did you do that? I was in the middle of it. Angie breathed the heavy sigh before continuing. calming herself and her voice. Son, you came up to your bedroom and gave yourself a half an hour to get your next lesson done. That was 20 minutes ago.

Have you even started the lesson? No, Trey looked down sullenly. But that's next on my list, he added hopefully. Angie pulled up a chair to sit beside Trey at his desk. Sweetheart, this isn't like you. She stroked his forearm as she spoke. What else is going on? Her persistence and active listening led to Trey finally spilling out that he had had a

falling out with his best friend at school. Angie sympathized and helped him talk through his feelings, leading to thoughts about how he could mend the friendship. As Trey's emotional fever subsided, Angie gently directed him back to task. In hindsight, Angie answered her internal, Why Now? Question. She decided that Trey shifted into gaming to delay homework because thinking about homework got him all hung up on being dissed by his best friend. Taking time to help her son clear his head led to Trey tackling his own.

his homework without further delay. My conviction is that everything happens for a reason. As parents, we need to stay on top of the reasons for our children's actions, as well as for our own, to help them stay the course. Blaming or giving out consequences doesn't address their stuckness. Active listening, problem-solving, and redirecting does. There is a context for their learning. When they are off-tasked and not abiding by mutually agreed upon guidelines, pause the process to answer these questions. What else is going on and why now? You will find both teachable moments

and an unimpeded, healthier return to task. I'm Dr. Jonathan C. Robinson, licensed clinical psychologist and author of Teachable Moments Building Blocks of Christian Parenting, and this has been Teachable Moments. Teachable Moments, Building Blocks of Christian Parenting, is available online at Amazon. Books.com and in local and national bookstores. More on Dr. Robinson at TMC-P-I-N-C.com.