Being there for your kids - Families Helping Each Other in Need

Episode Date: April 15, 2023

Stuff happens. Even bad stuff can happen. How you all respond to it helps define the kind of family you are. In my response to the first letter, I help a mom sort out ways to help her younger son deal with tragedy that befell her older son. In my response to the second letter, mom is befuddled as to why her 5-year-old has migraine headaches and how to deal with them. Feeling a kindred spirit? Check them out.

Hi, I'm Dr. John Robinson, and this is Teachable Moments. I have two more letters for you today. Here's the first one. Dear Dr. Robinson, my middle son, Caleb, age 12, had a diving accident last summer. It's been non-stop caring for him. Hospitals, rehab, physical therapy, the tragedy left him a quadriplegic. The doctors tell us his condition is not life-threatening, but it's all hands on deck to attend to his bodily needs, not to mention his overall adjustment. to new normal. As much as my heart goes out to Caleb, I'm writing you about his younger brother, Colt, age eight. He's doing the best he can with our family struggles, but he's left with babysitters or family friends a lot as we go to doctors and rehab appointments. He seems to be quietly understanding, stays in his room a lot playing video games, and otherwise apologizes when he needs something or feels

in the way. How can we care for both of our children, given how much more Caleb needs from us right now? signed, troubled. Dear troubled, my heart and prayers go out to you and your family. When such a tragedy befalls a family. Given the overwhelming 24-7 labor of love you folks need to help with Caleb right now, you're a great mom for recognizing Colt's needs as well. Here's what comes to mind. With your description of how Colt seems to be handling his family trauma, he's not going to volunteer any thoughts, feelings, or needs that he has. He's just trying to melt into the shadows and is focusing on his not adding to the family focus. So, I encourage you to start by showing him your letter to me. Let him know that, of course, he will always be an important part of your family.

Ask him how he feels about Caleb's condition. If he doesn't know or is reluctant to tell you, go hypothetical, such as I was talking to another mom and she told me her son felt this. Or, if I were your age and I had to deal with all of this, I would feel this. Active listening. his responses until he seems to have gotten it all out. After Colt seems settled, ask him how he would like to be helpful to Caleb. He could feed him, push him in his wheelchair, read to him. Caleb could also help Colt with his homework. Join in the discussion your sons could have on this topic.

Include him in taking care of Caleb's needs. Finally, talk with your husband about each of you having one-on-one fun time with Colt. Play video games together. Go to the movies. Be a part of his scouting. our recreational activities. Of course, the four of you will have fun together as well, but your one-on-one time with Colt will help him adjust to his new family normal. With these thoughts, I hope you are now less troubled. Blessings, Dr. John. Here's another letter. Dear Dr. Robinson, my daughter is only five

years old and her pediatrician has diagnosed her with chronic migraines. I have them too, and he says there is a genetic link. But five years old, I am thrown for a loop. None of the migraine medicine is approved for children less than 18. She's very active and really doesn't complain about headaches much. Just go, go, go. Should I be concerned? What to do? Signed, now what? Dear, now what? Most children are spared migraines, even when genetically predisposed. Most migraines are not diagnosed until late teens, early 20s. Nonetheless, you should be concerned. Here's what to do. First, get a second opinion from a child neurologist. However well-intentioned your pediatrician is, migraine headaches are not a part of his specialty.

Second, if the diagnosis is confirmed, follow the child neurologist's recommendations about medication. Regardless, medication is not the primary treatment for patients your daughter's age. A lot of medications have sedation as a primary side effect. Be careful about that. Third, her being on the go, go, go might be part of the migraine triggers. Some well-intentioned parents these days load up young children with an abundance of after-school activities. think ballet, piano, gymnastics, robotics, scouting, sport recreation.

While none of this is bad, all of it might be a bit too much. Encourage at least one afternoon a week where she can just play in the backyard or hang out with you. Finally, teach her some calming techniques in mindfulness. Yes, five-year-olds can do these things. Help her learn deep breathing and simply being present within herself

as a means of stress management. If you don't already do this, she may also benefit from some downtime when she gets home. A half hour of cookies and milk will with you after school can soothe the troubled soul. These are options that come to mind. Good for you for being on top of this. Hopefully these thoughts will fill your now what. Blessings, Dr. John.

If these letters stir questions of your own, contact me through my website at www. thereformykids.com or email me at John Robinson Zero Zero at Bell South dot net. I'm Dr. Jonathan C. Robinson, licensed clinical psychologists, and Christian author of Teachable Moments, Building Blocks of Christian Parenting. This has been Teachable Moments. Teachable Moments, Building Blocks of Christian Parenting is available online at Amazonbooks.com and in local and national bookstores. More on Dr. Robinson at TMC-P-I-N-C.com.