Being there for your kids - Family Meetings ---Boring or Fun?

Episode Date: February 25, 2019

Many families talk about having meetings, but rarely do. If, as the parent, you are a tyrant or a doormat, family meetings will be boring. If you are a benevolent despot, they can be fun and engaging. As benevolent despot, you understand the needs and feelings of all members and make every effort to include everyone in the decision-making process. Family meeting work best when they are routine, relatively short, and the outcome is clear. Where decisions are made, post them for all to see on the family activity calendar in the common area of your home. If you are trying something new, give it a week to breathe and then review how it went. Make sure to include every family member in the discussion. Like a well-oiled machine, family meetings can fine tune and keep families chugging along.

This is Teachable Moments. I'm Dr. John Robinson. You know, a lot of families have meetings, especially around vacation schedules or activities or whatever. The question is, are family meetings boring or helpful? Well, the answer is they can be both, depending on how productive your leadership is. If you are the boss in your family and everybody better just get in line, then family meetings will be seen as boring. Many a smart-mouth teenager will comment, we're just going to do what you want us to do, so why bother? This teen would be calling a out his parent on the hypocrisy of a family meeting. Thankfully, it doesn't have to be that way. It's true that a family is not a democracy. If you have more than two children, imagine putting things to a democratic, simple majority vote. The kids' party will vote together every time. However, if you, as the parent, functions as a benevolent despot, then kids have a voice

while you make the choice. A benevolent despot, as a benevolent despot, you have the ultimate authority in your home in all ways. However, focus on the benevolent part. That means you know and understand each family member, search for their feelings, and want their input. They understand that you will do what's best for all family members. Active listening is the go-to communication tool in understanding your child's feelings and perspective. For family meetings to be helpful, there needs to be both consistency and structure. Perhaps for a half hour after Sunday church during family lunchtime could be a time when family meetings can take place. This can be a check-in time for everybody. body, where the past week's events can be reviewed and the coming week's events can be planned. Great way to coordinate schedules in a busy family. If one of these regularly scheduled family meetings has a specific purpose, for example, planning a summer vacation, then all family members need a heads up before the meeting. This would be setting the agenda. It also gets people thinking about what

they want to contribute. After prayer to acknowledge God's presence in the family and restating the purpose of the family meeting, I encourage parents to ask the youngest child's input, first. There will be banter and sibling rivalry. People will go out of turn. Parents gently rein in detractors. Start with brainstorming ideas without comment. This gets the creative juices going and encourages involvement. Help people stay on task. Have one person be the designated secretary and write options down. Next, talk about the good and the bad about each option. Again, use your active listening to help others get at the heart of their reasoning. Look for consensus among the options. If there's not consensus, as parents, you get to make the final choice. That's the

despot part. But with heartfelt understanding and consideration of everyone's thoughts and feelings, that's the benevolence part. With a proposed solution, get all family members involved in making it happen. Assigned tasks for everyone, even the littlest family member, if possible. This participation encourages involvement and acceptance, focusing on the positives. Finally, identify the next family meeting to review progress and stay on task. Family meetings can be, boring or they can be helpful. The more you address your children's needs and feelings, the more heard they feel, the more family meetings can be helpful. I'm Dr. John Robinson, licensed clinical psychologist and Christian author, and this has been Teachable Moments.

Teachable Moments, Building Blocks of Christian Parenting, is available online at AmazonBooks.com and in local and national bookstores. More on Dr. Robinson at TMC-P-I-N-C.com.