Being there for your kids - Getting What You Want from Parenting

Episode Date: May 16, 2019

As parents, we all are faced with a parenting choice. Do we want power over our children? Or do we want relationship with out children? Don't confuse power with authority. As mom and dad, you always have authority. The question is about how you use it. You can use power, by yelling, spanking, and exercising other forms of discipline. Power gets you compliance, but at the expense of relationship. Do you really want your child to fear you? When you choose relationship, you use active listening to understand what your child was thinking and feeling at the time of the problem. You help him understand the impact of his actions on himself and others. You may decide on a natural consequence to his inappropriate words or actions. In doing these things, you likely keep the relationship intact. When you want relationship, you get love and understanding.

Hi, this is Dr. John Robinson, and this is Teachable Moments. Is your parenting about power or relationship? God's marching orders to parents comes in Proverbs 226. There, he tells us, to raise your children in the ways of the Lord so that, when they grow old, he will not depart from them. A popular version of Scripture elsewhere cautions us not to spare the rod and spoil the child. So, my question to you is this. Is your parenting style power-oriented or relationship-oriented?

My kid toes the line, one parent told me, If he doesn't, I smack him. That's what God says to do. Well, Joe, I responded. That's one way of looking at it. But tell me, how's that working for you and your son? The rod can be a source of discipline in the home, but the outcome for your child is fear. Fear of being punished is a deterrent to being bad, but do you want your child to fear you? What about his behavior, choices, and relationship? Does your child learn from a good whipping? If you are choosing physical punishment for your child's misbehavior, never whip him while you're angry. Give both of you a time out for up to 30 minutes before the punishment so that you can calm down. Some parents say,

You know, son, this is going to hurt me more than it hurts you. While such comment might help you feel less guilty, your child still feels the sting of the whipping. When you choose power, it most likely comes at the expensive relationship. I choose relationship. Jolie, what in the world were you thinking? Go to your room and think about what you did and how you could have avoided this trouble by choosing something different. I'll be by to talk with you in 30 minutes. When you talk with him, use your active listening to understand his feelings and actions. Prompt him to discover other healthier options to his bad behavior. Find a natural consequence rather than punishment that fits the crime. Hitting your son because he hit your daughter just teaches him about payback. Having apologized

to her and do her chores for a week teaches him that actions have consequences. Instead of a whipping, where everybody feels bad, you have an opportunity for a teachable moment. Do you want power or healthy relationship in your home? I'm Dr. Jonathan C. Robinson, licensed clinical psychologist and Christian author, and this has been Teachable Moments. Teachable Moments, building blocks of Christian parenting, is available online at AmazonBooks.com

and in local and national bookstores. More on Dr. Robinson at tmcpinc.com.