Being there for your kids - Goldilocks—Just Right Parenting

Episode Date: May 18, 2018

Your children benefit when you are neither too strict nor too lenient, but rather, just right in your parenting. Promoting teachable moments, along with healthy boundaries, active listening, and engaging problem-solving, will make your parenting just right.

Hi, I'm Dr. John Robinson, and this is Teachable Moments. You know that parenting has something in common with Goldilocks. I want to talk about boundaries and Goldilocks. You remember the children's story back about Goldilocks and the Three Bears. This little girl was playfully skipping through the woods when she came upon a cabin. She looked through the window, cabin, finding no one to be at home. The door was unlocked, so she went inside. It was about lunchtime, and she found bowls of porridge on the kitchen table, since no one was there to stop. her, she helped herself. Of the three bowls she tasted, one was too hot, one was too cold, and one was just right. The process of setting boundaries for your child has a bit of the Goldilocks story in it. They need to be just right in order for your child to grow in security, worth, and responsibility. Mom meant well when she dressed seven-year-old Jody to go outside and play. She layered her clothes, lathered her with sunscreen, and gave her a laundry list of what she could do and could not do in the yard with her friends. As soon as Jody wiggled free from Mama's grasp and ran outside, she jumped into a mud puddle, got wet and filthy.

And that earned her a spanking, a bath, and quiet time in her room. Mom's boundaries for Jody were too strict. At Jody's age, mom could have asked what she thought she should wear and do outside today. Take her suggestions, active listen to her feelings, and problem solved with wise counsel. Jody may have known what to do, but with her mom's over-parenting, her response was a resounding, I'll show you. Seven-year-old Tim's mom handled the same situation differently. Mom, I'm going outside to play with my friends.

Okay, son, his mom called out from her computer where she was paying bills. Just be careful and be back for dinner. Tim's mom's boundaries were too lenient, giving him too much responsibility and putting him in charge of his actions. This under-parenting is a recipe for anxiety, insecurity, and limit testing. seven-year-old Amy's mom got it just right. Mama, Jenny came over to play. Can we go outside in the backyard?

Mom turned from her bill paying, got down on Amy's level, and answered, well, honey, I don't know. What do you need to wear and do so that you and Jenny can have a great time outside? Prompting her to think through her request, active listening her responses, and asking permission to clarify and suggest, and then jointly coming up with preparations and accountability, all would make Amy's boundary setting. just right. I'm Dr. Jonathan C. Robinson, licensed clinical psychologist and Christian author, and this has been Teachable Moments.

Teachable Moments, building blocks of Christian parenting, is available online at AmazonBooks.com and in local and national bookstores. More on Dr. Robinson at TMC-P-I-N-C.com.