Being there for your kids - Got Enough Glue?

Episode Date: September 10, 2019

      All of us get out of sorts sometimes, teens in particular. You know, the go away, get out of my life, leave me alone mood?  Been there, done that. When you are confronted with that mood in your house, try not to slam him for being disrespectful. Rather, draw on your capacity for emotional intimacy, share something personal, relevant, and meaningful with him, and use your active listening when he is ready to talk about his dark mood. He will be shocked at just how much you do understand what he's going through, how much you get him. This well of emotional intimacy is the glue of all healthy relationships.

Hi, I'm Dr. John Robinson, and this is Teachable Moments. You know, let's just get to the heart of the matter. Emotional intimacy is the glue of healthy relationships. When you feel distant, disconnected from your spouse, partner or child, consider practicing emotional intimacy. It's the glue of healthy relationships. Go away, leave me alone, Brad shouted at his mom as he slammed his bedroom door. At 14, he was moody, rebellious, distant, and disconnected from the family.

mom in particular. Ellen, Brad's mom, was a great mom. She made time for her three kids. She was Little League team mom for Andy, her 10-year-old. Little Gracie, age five, was Ellen's little princess who followed her everywhere. The oldest in her growing up family, she babysat her siblings, got great grades in school, and was recruited to college on a softball scholarship. Mom made her way to Brad's door and gently wrapped on it. Sweetheart, it's your mom, she softly cooed. Duh. Who else would it be, Brad rebuked? Mom swallowed and breathed out her urge to nail her son for being disrespectful. May I please come in?

Brad's silence seemed deafening. After waiting patiently for what felt forever, Ellen exhaled with relief when she noticed the bedroom door hesitatingly open him. What? Just talk or listen. Nothing else. Ellen hesitated before being invited into her son's bedroom. Using her best active listening skills, Ellen noticed her son's emotional feelings. Ellen noticed her son's emotional fever coming down. She concluded,

Wow, that's a lot on your plate. Been there done that. Brad perked up, curious as to what his mom meant. Ellen shared with her son that people see her as the star student athlete from high school and college and the got-it-all-together mom and community activists now. What her son didn't know was just how hard middle school had been for her back in the day. Having his full attention now, Mom launched into her middle school experiences, of being bullied, having few friends, and gravitating toward the emo grunge crowd just to fit in by not fitting in. She pulled up a photo that she had transferred to her phone as a reminder, showing her with shoulder-length blue, purple, pink hair, and flashing a peace sign. Brad's jaw dropped in response. Having gotten his full attention, Ellen then suggested, I've got some thoughts about your current train wreck of a life. Want to hear them?

Ellen's share with her son describes the connect of emotional intimacy. It was deep, personal, and unexpected. I've developed a formula to describe the concept of emotional intimacy. Simply put, E.I equals R plus V over T. That is, emotional intimacy develops by taking risks and allowing yourself to be vulnerable with another over time. Following this formula allows you to be closer, more credible, and more complete and real with your spouse, partner, or child.

Where you see a disconnect in your relationships, share something relevant that you would not ordinarily share. Open up your understanding with feeling. It will bring you closer together. Emotional intimacy is the glue of healthy relationships. I'm Dr. Jonathan C. Robinson, licensed clinical psychologist and Christian author of Teachable Moments, Building Blocks of Christian Parenting, and this has been Teachable Moments. moments building blocks of Christian parenting is available online at amazonbooks.com and in local and

national bookstores more on dr robinson at t mc pinc dot com