Being there for your kids - Have a Problem? Be creative.

Episode Date: January 15, 2019

As parents, we all have lots going on. When our child has a problem, it's always easier to just solve the problem for him. After all, we are bigger, smarter, more experienced in the world. Just solve it, right? If expedience is your goal, then sure. But do you want expedience with your child? Or, do you want relationship and teachable moments. When Joey shows words and actions that he has an emotional fever, use your active listening to calm his feelings. Then, tell him, "You know, Joey, I have some thoughts about what you are going through. Do you want to hear them?"  If Joey declines your offer of help, don't force your solution. Let him choose. If he wants your help, help him think through all the options, evaluate them, and plan a solution. This is relationship-oriented, healthy, creative problem-solving, and a great teachable moment.

This is Teachable Moments. I'm Dr. John Robinson. Let's talk about helping your child through a problem. The best way to do that is to be creative. Your child is looking downcast and more quiet than usual. Do you continue to focus in on the TV you're watching, hoping this phase will go away? Or do you address the problem? What to do? When my daughter was three years old, a long time ago, I was talking to a friend in the backyard. She came up to me and pulled on my pant leg. Daddy, I need some attention. Not your typical three-year-old. and not the kind of attention to getting behavior our children give us. However your child acts, pay attention to the cues. Rachel gave me a verbal cue.

Most children in her age will go with a nonverbal cue like a downcast look and a quiet funk. Hey, Punkin, what's going on in that noodle of yours? This is a good lead-in and gives your child opportunity to make her nonverbal behavior verbal. If they don't respond, accept that and offer to be available to talk when they are ready. If they do respond, hear them out. Now, use active listening and be empathetic. So, what I hear you saying is, let me get this straight. You feel, when you see their emotional fever drop, suggest,

I have some thoughts about what's up. Do you want to hear them? It's so powerful when you ask your child's permission to counsel, regardless of their age. Children feel empowered and are more likely to act on what you have to offer. If you offer wise counsel and they don't want it right then, it falls on deaf ears. Asking their permission opens up their ears to what you're. you have to say. Be creative in your problem-solving and active listening. Children love to be outside the box. The core feelings for kids are mad, bad, sad, and glad. That's all you will get and that's not much.

You feel put upon, vulnerable, excluded. Take the core feelings a little further. You sound thrilled, beside yourself, joyful. These more expressive feelings may be both on target and also will help your child be more creative in there expressing what they feel. Helping your child through a problem, pay attention, and be creative. I'm Dr. John Robinson, licensed clinical psychologist and Christian parenting author, and this has been Teachable Moments. Teachable Moments, Building Blocks of Christian Parenting, is available online at AmazonBooks.com and in local and national bookstores.

More on Dr. Robinson at TMC-P-I-N-C.com.