Being there for your kids - Heart or Head? Let it Come from your Heart

Episode Date: April 14, 2019

Active listening is your go-to communication tool when your child is having difficulty. You are sharing with her what you hear her feeling. That comes from your heart. If you try to fix her problem, judge or criticize her, or guilt her into behaving, you will be correcting her, but it comes from your head. Will she really learn anything, other than to do what she is told? If you share what you hear her feeling, she feels heard, valued, and perhaps able to try again. When her emotional fever subsides, ask her permission to help her. If what you share is not what she is feeling, your words still spur her on to identify what she is feeling. With active listening, you are right when you are right and your are right when you are wrong. Let your parenting come from your heart.

Hi, this is Teachable Moments. I'm Dr. John Robinson. When your child is having an issue and you help them, is your behavior coming from your heart, or are you just doing the mom and dad thing? When you see or hear your child have an issue and you conclude that his emotional fever is spiking, your efforts to give him active listening are coming from your heart. The beauty of active listening is that you are right when you are right and you are right when you are wrong. What? You're helping Bobby with his homework one night. He erases his answer to the same math problem for the the third time. He screams, breaking his pencil in half, and flings the pieces across the room. Most parents would be inclined to firmly respond, now Bobby, calm down. Throwing a fit isn't going to get you the answer to this math problem. You're being a concerned parent in correcting Bobby's behavior, but have you missed a teachable moment? With that response, Bobby may just turn on you or stomp out

of the room. Wow, son, you're really angry right now. No, I'm not and frustrated. How could I be so stupid, I can't get this right, might be Bobby's response just before he dissolves into tears. So, you were active listening, but you missed the mark. You suggested anger when Bobby was feeling frustration. You were wrong, but you were right because you were focusing on his feelings, led to Bobby thinking what he was feeling, and then tagging it for you. Now you can fold him into your arms and let him cry it out for a while, reassuring him that he is smart, and encouraging him to try again with your help if he wants it. Active listening promotes Bob. and encourages your child to think through and to work on solving their own issues or problems.

If you judge, criticize, or solve her problem for her, you run the risk of distancing from her and diminishing her confidence and worth. Active listening when you see your child's emotional fever spike is coming from your heart and brings you closer together and you are right when you are right and you're even right when you're wrong. I'm Dr. John Robinson, licensed clinical psychologist and Christian parenting author, and this has been Teachable Moments. Teachable Moments, building blocks of Christian parenting is available online at AmazonBooks.com and in local and national bookstores. More on Dr. Robinson at TMC-P-I-N-C.com.