Being there for your kids - How are You Successful?

Episode Date: March 23, 2024

We all define our success in different ways. How we define it impacts how we raise our children. Success comes in moments of time, not only is reaching your goals or accomplishments. Use your relationship with your children to help ground them in the foundation for successful living, and then be their with them in their struggles to model how a successful lifestyle empowers them.

Hi, I'm Dr. John Robinson, and this is Teachable Moments. Recently, we've talked about avoiding failure as parenting. Now, let's talk about the opposite. How to define success. I'm 15 years old, having competed for and made my high school baseball team as a ninth grader. I've had a good year playing center field and leading off in the batting order. We're playing our arch rival, and there's no score two out in the last inning. The outfield is playing somewhat short.

shallow as I'm known as a singles hitter. I then hit the pitcher's fastball straight over the middle. It goes over the center fielder's head and just keeps rolling. We have no outfield fence on our high school field. I circle the bases to a wild celebration with my teammates as I touch home base and we win the game one to nothing. This is how I define my success. What? Maggie and I have been married now for 54 years. I retired eight years ago from a very accomplished career, treating patients as a licensed clinical psychologist. In our retirement, I've authored two books with the hope of their being helpful to others, passing on to others what wisdom I've gathered in life. We are traveling and enjoying our retirement. My now adult children have carved for themselves

very positive, fulfilling lives. We now have seven grandchildren and another on the way. So how does a single moment in high school baseball hold the top spot in my experiencing success? My moment in high school baseball was both very special and unique for me. My only home run in 46 years of playing baseball. I was immediately acknowledged by my teammates as we all celebrated our win. My other accomplishments in life all happen over time, all with greater impact on me and the world than my successful high school baseball game. In the end, I soaked it up as my moment.

One of my heroes in general success stories is Tom. Thomas Edison. Of course, you know that it was he who invented the electric light bulb. What you may not know is that he failed 999 times in his experiments to find a metal that would burn strong enough to emit light for long periods of time. In his 1,000th experiment, Edison succeeded with tungsten and our electric light bulb was invented. A wise man once told me that there is no such thing as failure. When someone fails, it's because what he tried didn't want. work. Rather, failure is merely the arbitrary limitation of options. That is, as long as you keep going, expanding your options, you're never failing. Success happens with commitment to the task and practice, practice, practice. Success comes from endurance, resilience, and never-ending curiosity. Success involves creatively trying things in different ways until one way works for you. Success doesn't always generate public acclaim, celebration, or fame. That may happen, but your quiet acknowledgement of a job well done matters more.

Many parents fall into the trap of believing they still have all the answers for their children. You don't. In fact, believing so may define your failures more than your successes in parenting. I hate algebra. Toby slammed his textbook closed and threw his pencil across the room. Who puts letters in math problem? Toby's dad heard his 15-year-old son grousing in his bedroom. He made his way to Toby's bedroom door, knocked and asked, Are you okay, son? No, I'm not okay, Toby spit out, and I'm never going to be okay again,

as long as I have to do these stupid algebra. At that point, Dad had some options. He could scold Toby for his attitude. He could make a joke about not getting algebra. He could simply do the algebra homework for Toby so that he would stop being so upset. All of these options, although well-intentioned, would actually make matters worse for Toby.

Instead, Dad chose a path to success. He started by comforting his son, maybe a side hug or a pat on the shoulder. Putting the algebra aside for the moment, he active listen toby's feelings, soothing the emotional fever Toby generated by his frustration. Once his son had settled down, maybe taking a break to get a snack or a drink, he asked Toby's permission to help by saying, You know, son, I have some ideas on how you could get this homework behind you. Do you want to hear them?

This permission question keeps his son involved in the solution process. It helps him own his problem, thereby making him more open to possibilities. If there is a formula or an algebraic principle that Toby is missing, Dad could reinforce that piece and then redirect Toby's working out the problems. Toby's success is not just getting the homework completed. It is more so helping him change his attitude toward the task in the first place. With Dad's help, Toby learns that he can do hard things. Positive attitude and endurance help.

He's not alone on task. He's better on task than he thought he was. These are the lessons of successful parenting. Each of our successes is personal, regardless of broader impact. Define your success by expanding your options until one works to reach your goal. Parental success always starts with being there fully for your child. Blessings, Dr. John. If my comments start questions of your own, contact me through my website at

www. Thereformykid.com or email me at John Robinson 0.0 at Bellsouth.net. I'm Dr. Jonathan C. Robinson, licensed clinical psychologist and author of Teachable Moments, Building Blocks of Christian Parenthood. And this has been, Teachable Moments. Teachable Moments, Building Blocks of Christian Parenting, is available online at AmazonBooks.com and in local and national bookstores. More on Dr. Robinson at TMC-P-I-N-C.com.